After she called me that day, we decided to meet once again a week prior to that time. Theresa told me that she reserved a place for us for a whole day. Despite being at first that our plan came true, I really don't know what to feel after that.
Ever since that call, I always thought that there was something wrong between us, and yet, I can't force myself to say and ask. In the first place, who am I to ask and to demand that she must tell me the truth? I'm neither her friend nor someone more than that. We're just people who felt love.
She was like that even from the moment I knew her. Theresa came from a family where there's no one willing to listen to her thoughts and feelings so it's hard to make her open up about what she truly feels.
In times when she felt depressed, she mostly tried to fix it alone. There were scenarios in which she told everything to me, but it only happened when the problems were not big enough but once large enough to handle alone, she just hid it.
I tried my best during those times to give her a hand. I even asked her that whenever she feels troubled and she can't handle it alone, I'm always there for her but despite all of that, she barely asked me for it. I can't even count how many times I felt bad since I couldn't help her.
It already happened quite a lot of times already. There was a time when her father tried to force her to go to France with him and a time when her beloved pet dog died. She didn't utter it to me even once, I just learned it when all of it was already done.
The thing that I felt when she contacted me once again wasn't too different from what I felt ages ago. If only I still had those rights to know her secrets, I could've forced her to talk it to me but that's long gone. I just hope that the thing she hides isn't that too serious and it could affect her career and life.
Before I went to see her again for my final request, I tried to open it up to Athena.
"...So, will you let me? This will be the last time, I guarantee you.", I asked.
"Are you sure that this will be the last time? To be honest, I'm fine with it as long as you're happy but something is bugging me. I can't avoid myself to think that she might take you away from me again."
"I'm fine granting you your happiness, but I'm afraid.", Athena added.
"She will never take you away from me. Even though I've already said it to you before, I will never get tired of telling you. I will never leave you. Just trust me."
"I know what you feel and I'm not invalidating all of it. Being afraid to lose me just reflects how much you love me, and it warms my heart. It's pretty normal to feel that to someone you're in love with.", I added.
"Can you promise me that? Will you promise to me that no matter what happens, you'll never leave me in the dark?", she asked.
"Promise, Athena. How could I leave you who's always there for me? I love you more than words can explain, and it won't change until my last breath. I will never let go of your hand."
With her approval, the request I asked Theresa will now finally be in motion. I went to the place where she said I must go. Out of all the places in the world where she can reserve, it surprised me that she chose that old art room in our university. A place where a lot of memories were made.
Since it's still in the vacation period, there were few people inside the campus. Only the staff and some students. She chose the location herself and I don't know what got inside her head.
The place brought back a lot of memories during our times together. Those moments where I'm trying to catch a glimpse of her doing her artwork. Those scenarios where we spent some of our time together to hide ourselves from the judging eyes of others. I didn't expect that there would be a time that I would go back there, especially with Theresa.
As soon as I arrived at the room, everything was already ready. The stand, paintings, and even the chairs for the both of us. The room was even cleaned since I realized that all the materials were fixed in the corner of the room. As for the painter, she was just there sitting and waiting for me.
"Did I make you wait?", I curiously asked.
"Not really. It is my decision to go here half an hour early. I arranged the room first so that we can do this request of yours neatly."
"Can I ask why did you chose this place? There are a lot of places we can go to but out of all the choices, you decided to do it here. Why?", I asked again.
"Isn't this the best place to cease everything between us? We made a lot of memories here and I want to experience such feelings again. Just having our existence here inside the room feels great to me.", she replied.
As we talk to each other, there's something I noticed about her. It's not bad to wear a bucket hat and it looked great in her but there's something unusual in her forehead. I can't see it clearly since it is blocked by the hat and her hair but from my perspective, it was a scar that came from a wound.
"Theresa, what happened on your forehead? Is that a wound? You didn't have that the last time we met.", I asked.
"This mark? It's just a scratch. Remember my pet cat? I think she got annoyed when I tried to pet her last time. I just touched her then she jumped out and started to scratch me. I can't believe that I bled too much from that. Hahaha.", she replied as she removed her hat and showed it to me.
"May I ask when that incident happened? From the looks of it, I think it just happened recently."
"Yes. That happened almost four days ago. It was a little painful but I'm glad it didn't create more scratches in my head. I can't afford to have my face filled with scars with cat scratches.", she said.
"So, what are we waiting for? Just sit there and post steadily while I paint you. I'm not used to painting human faces so it will need a little more time. Let's make it quick so that we can settle this all up today.", she added.
Just like what she said, we instantly started the activity as soon we were ready. Our conversation continued while she was busy painting me. Since it will probably be the last time, we will meet each other since she'll go back to France at any moment, the chat we had was never as interesting as we had that day.
We truly talked a lot about the both of us, mostly about our past. We reminisced our memories together and started talking about what we used to be. It was a little fun to discuss such things after we broke up. Unlike before, we are now free to talk about what we want without worrying the other side might get upset.
We are just making fun of each other about how absurd we were before. What can I do? It was truly funny that we didn't know how we ended up doing that kind of thing. Theresa's first cooked meal was burnt as charcoal and me trying to paint her ended up like an artwork of a middle schooler. Above all that, there are still a lot of things we did that we find now as weird. How can we not laugh about something hilarious like that?
Despite all of that happiness during our conversations about the past, I can't help but feel downhearted at the same time. It felt so nice to see her doing what she loves but to think that this will be the last chance I may see her again, there's no way I wouldn't feel any sadness even a bit.
"So, Theresa. Since we're already talking about our past lives, can I ask you something?", I genuinely asked.
"What is it?"
"During that night, what was the true reason you left me? You've kept me in the dark all of this time. You never told me anything about it and it still bugs me even to this day. Shouldn't you tell me that already?"
As I asked that kind of question, she felt shocked for a moment. She even dropped her brush since I asked out of the blue. I mean, all we talked about was just things that were quite funny in our eyes. It was kind of outside the topic but I'm dying to know what happened that time. With those moments we spent together after breaking up years ago, there's no reason for her to leave, and disappeared instantly.
"How can you kill the mood? We're talking a lot of fun and good stuff and yet, you just ruined it. This is not the time for a discussion on that kind of topic. Let's just be happy.", she uttered.
"But I badly want to know the reason. If you worry that I might get angry, that will not happen. No matter what you say, I'll accept it and move on. I have my own life now, so it doesn't make any sense if still got worked up with it."
"Even if it's because I said something wrong or I failed to know what you truly feel, I will accept it. I just want the truth.", I added.
"Still, that is a very serious one to talk to. Let's forget it first. We still have a lot of time to talk to this afternoon. I'll answer it don't worry.", Theresa replied as she rubbed her eyes as if there was something that made her uncomfortable.
"A-are you good?", I asked.
"Yeah, don't worry. A speck of dust just went straight inside my eyes. Excuse for me a minute.", she said while getting her small pouch and heading straight to the restroom.
She left me alone in the room along with her materials in the paint. Ever since we started, I never saw the painting, but I feel I should just look right after she finishes it. What's the point of looking at an incomplete art? There's nothing to be afraid of since it's Theresa. Her skills can never be compared to a normal painter, that's just how good she is. I have no reason to doubt that the portrait might look bad.
Even though she said that she would just take a few minutes in the restroom, it felt like she was there forever. She took too much time, and I got bored trying to wait for her to come back. I waited so long that I started to feel that I also needed to go to the comfort room.
Actually, there's a restroom near the room we are currently in but since I thought that Theresa might still be taking her time, I went to the other one. It was a little bit farther but that's fine with me.
While I was walking towards the other restroom, there was a lady that worked for the school that carried a familiar pouch. I think that was Theresa's pouch which she brought earlier.
"Miss, would you mind if I take that instead of taking it to the office? It's my friend's pouch.", I asked.
"Are you sure? This pouch is quite weird, to be honest. Is she sick?"
"Sick? What do you mean by that? I only know that her vision is getting blurry since she started to wear glasses all of a sudden. Aside from that, I don't know anymore.", I chattered.
"Is that so? The pouch was open when I saw it and before I picked it up, I tried to look first if someone would go back for this, but it seemed that she wasn't. It contains a lot of medicines. It's even more than the maintenance that my grandma takes every day.", the girl uttered.
I was so confused, and I didn't want to believe it at first but when I checked the things inside, the man was right. The pouch contained at least different medicines and according to the note inside, she's taking all of them once or twice every day. I truly couldn't believe what my eyes just saw that day.
After I finished thinking about it and taking my private time, I went back to the room. She was already there waiting for me.
"Did I take too long?", she asked.
"Yes, kind of. Did something happen to you on your way to the restroom?", I asked even though her pouch was still behind me.
"I lost my pouch, and I can't find it. I just left the restroom for quite a time since someone called through my phone. Let's just say I took too much time and forgot that I left it alone in the room. I just remembered it on my way back and when I came back, it's already gone.", Theresa replied.
"Was it important to you? I can help you look for it if you badly need it back. We can just pause things here just to find your missing pouch."
"N-No, just let it be. I'm just glad it doesn't contain any money or important ID inside. It's just make-up. I can buy them again, don't worry.", she uttered.
Despite I know where her pouch is, I can't let myself give it back to her. She'll just say that it's not hers and leave the topic unaccounted for before I truly know what she's experiencing right now. I think it's better to let it be for a while and research these medicines once I come back home. Even when she loses something, she's quite calm unlike other people when they lose something very important to them. Perhaps she's just an act to keep me from worrying.
We just continued the thing we were doing as if nothing happened. I could feel that the mood wasn't the same anymore since we left the room, so I tried to fake it out just to make everything around us more alive. Like we were doing earlier, I just casually asked her about the funny things and memories we had before.
Even though I was very worried about what I might know about her, I couldn't let it be too obvious that something was worrying me. I must keep it up to know what things she never told me about. I thought that maybe I should just forget that pouch for the meantime and enjoy our time together.
"By the way, I remembered that you once told me that you'll have an art exhibit soon. How is it going now?", I asked.
"Oh, about that. I still don't have the exact date since I'm still working with that. Remember the painting that I did in the inn, I plan to include it in the exhibit. I still need a few more pieces before I start to arrange it. Probably three more months is enough."
"If it will take it that long, then how about you going to France?"
"The flight will not change. I'm still going back anytime soon and probably I'll just let my manager arrange things for me here. I have a lot of contacts around this area so it will not be a problem."
"Don't worry, I'll keep in mind to send you an invitation despite I'm not present there.", she added.
"Come to think of it, I never saw that painting of yours in the inn got finished. You instantly disappeared that day. I wonder what it looked like after all of the finishing touches that you made.", I uttered.
"Since I didn't have the chance to get there back again, I just helped myself using a picture as a reference. I did ask the owner to take a picture of it for me. It's a shame that I didn't finish it there. Creating a painting right in front of the subject is still better than creating it with just a reference photo."
After almost eight hours of painting, the portrait was already finished. I didn't even notice how time passed by since both of us were very coped with chatting with each other.
We did talk a lot about each other during that time as if we managed to remember every detail of our life since we first met in the bay. Before she showed me the painting she did, Theresa asked me something.
"Yael, before we part our ways, can I ask you for something?", Theresa asked.
"Of course. You bothered yourself for my selfish request despite your schedule so I will feel bad if I didn't do it or at least hear it. What do you want?"
"Can we go to our usual place, for the last time? I want to feel the warm sunset together with you for the last time if it's okay with you."
Like what she wished, we went together to the bay for the last time. Aside from the art room which contained a lot of our memories together, that place also felt like that. It is the place where we first met each other, including the first time after we severed our connections together.
Luckily, we did manage to get there exactly on time. The university was a little far from the bay and it's already five so I thought that we might not catch a glimpse of it, but the luck was still within us at that time.
The sun was just about to set behind those large clumps of clouds and birds flying merrily in groups. The warmth from the sun still feels the same. Unlike other places, the warmth I felt there was totally different. It was nostalgic.
I went somewhere first to buy our usual meal and when I came back after buying us some food, I saw her wiping some tears on her face. I don't know why so I asked her once I reached her.
"Are you okay? I just came back from buying us food from the store nearby but here I am, seeing you wiping your tears off. Did something happen?", I asked.
"Oh. I'm alright don't worry. It's just a piece of dust that went inside my eyes.", she replied.
"Dust? I'm watching you from behind already for about four minutes and I don't recall any dusty wind. Just say already what happened.
"It's really just a dust, don't worry.", she uttered.
"Well, if you insist. Here's some food. It is our usual order of food. Do you want it or do you prefer other ones?", I asked.
"No, this is already perfect."
Even for the last time, maybe it's impossible for me to hear any truths about her right now. Even though it's too obvious, there's nothing I can do if she doesn't want to say it to me. I just thought to myself that I should just focus on the most important part, enjoying that moment since this may be the last of us.
We watched together the sun as it fell and once the moon showed up in the sky, we started to bid our farewells. Even for the last time, she never told me anything about what I wanted to ask about her. I guess some things are better left unsaid.
To be honest, if I had the chance to ask the stars above if I could slow down time for even a while, that would be one of those times that I would use it. There are still a lot of questions in my mind and knowing that I may not have the chance to know them was truly painful for my side.
"Here's the painting I made earlier. I placed it with a cover this time to avoid getting dirty. Just buy a frame for it so that you can preserve its quality. Take care of it.", Theresa uttered.
"Of course, I will. Why would I let this gift of a great painter go to waste? Don't worry, I'll buy a frame for this."
"Thank you once again since you made my last request to fruition. I truly enjoy spending time with you again, even for this last time. I know you're busy, but you still agreed to this.", I added.
"Busy or not, I'll still accept your request. You're not a stranger to me anymore and for your information, even I did enjoy this activity with you. Also, forget about the payment, your treat alone when we watched the sunset was enough to pay me."
"Are you sure? If I remember correctly, even the lowest price of your art reached half a hundred thousand dollars. It's just a small value compared to a painting from someone like you."
"Like what I've said earlier, it doesn't matter to me since you're special. Just think of it as my goodbye gift for you. From now on, you'll be free from the shackles of our past."
"Athena will now have the peace of mind that she wanted. Please send her my regards.", she chattered.
"Is this really the end?", I asked.
"What are you saying? You know more than anyone else that I hate people disregarding their own lover's feelings. You must treat her well. She's a fine woman, probably even greater than me."
"She's a great cook unlike me. Even though she's childish, she can openly say what her heart truly feels. She's hard-working and you will never worry that she might leave you, unlike me. Athena may not be perfect, but I can see that she tries her best for you. Take care of her.", she added.
"Even though you didn't utter such things, I intend to make sure she's in the right place. I wouldn't want to lose another person in my life.", I uttered.
"That's the spirit. I'll take my leave now."
"Make sure you do everything that I just said. If fate lets us meet again, let's try to watch sunsets again. I would love to do it again with you. May the light of the sun guide us forever.", Theresa added.
I know I should feel happy that everything ended like what I expected but why do I feel that something's wrong, especially with me? Instead of being delighted we parted ways way better than before, I feel the emptiness inside me. Perhaps it's just because of what I need to know more
After the car she rode in disappeared, I went to check the painting first since I was a little bit curious about what I looked like.
Once I opened it, I fantasized about what I saw.
The portrait looked amazing, and it looked perfect. Everything looked perfect, except for one thing.
Why do the colors look very different as if she can't recognize colors anymore?