"Rick?" Daryl waves his hand in front of his face, "Rick are you with us?" His mind wanders elsewhere as he stares straight ahead, unresponisve to any of us.
"Let me see the baby." Hershel calls and I pass the baby to Carl to hand her over.
"What she gonna eat?" Daryl asks pacing, "We got anything a baby can eat?"
Hershel looks over the baby girl, "Good news is she looks healthy. But she needs formula soon, or she won't survive." No fucking way. She needs to survive. We didn't just go through all of that for nothing.
"No way." Daryl slings his crossbow over his shoulder, "Not her. We ain't losing nobody else. I'm going for a run."
"I'll back you." Maggie and I say in unison. Glenn looks between us and screws his eyebrows.
"Me too." He tells us.
"Ok." Daryl nods, "Think where we're going, Beth, Charlie." Daryl takes them over to the side and whispers to them. They both nod eagerly and repeat something back. Rick stays on the floor as he stares around with not even a peep out of his mouth. I get his wife just died but he could have some sense of decency to check on his son or his newborn daughter. I look down at my red stained hands. It was just like Dale's death. Blood on my hands. My heart thumps in my chest, my hands shake as I recall the past.
Lori had the baby. She... She's gone now. The baby- the baby will never meet their mom. Lori's screams echo in my head like a nightmare rehappening. 'Look after them'. I nod. I have to look after them for Lori. A shadow covers me as I look up slowly to meet Daryl's eyes, full of emotion. "I don't think it's a good idea you come." He shakes his head at me. My mouth opens and closes as I repeatedly shake my head.
Pointing my finger at him, I shake my head, "No, no." My voice cracks. He puts his hand on my jaw forcing me to look at him.
"Kaia, just-" He says softly.
"Don't. I need, I have to go." My voice becomes hoarse, "I made her a promise. I- I need to go. Please, let me go." Tears roll down my sweaty face as I beg him. I grab his hand and squeeze it firmly, "I have to- I need to do this." Daryl's eyes soften and then he nods silently at me, squeezing my hand. He didn't need to say anything to show me he knew how I felt, his eyes told it all. A man of very few words always told stories with their eyes.
Daryl calls out orders to Maggie and Glenn as I glance over to Rick. He suddenly storms up and grabs his axe before storming into the cell block. "Rick." I call out after him but he ignores me. Carl watches his dad storm off as Hershel silently comforts him. "Come on, we're gonna lose the light." Daryl calls out to us as he speeds over to the vehicles. We all run up after him.
"There's a piggy wiggly down 85." Glenn suggests.
"It's empty." Maggie says, "I've been keeping a look out. No luck at all."
"Is there any place that hasn't been completely looted?" Daryl questions.
"You know, we saw signs for a shopping centre just north of here." Glenn tells us.
"Yeah, there's too much debris on the road." Maggie informs us, "A car will never get through there."
"I can take one of ya'" Daryl slips on his bike jacket.
"I'm going." I tell them. Maggie shakes her head.
"No, Kaia." Glenn tells me and walks up to me, "Not after everything you and Maggie have been through. I'll go." No. He doesn't understand I need to go.
"No." I tell him, "I need to go. I have to go for Lori, I have to." The couple look at eachother and they try to tell me that they will go. "I'm going. No room for discussion." I barge past them, grabbing the empty bag from Maggie. Daryl ignites his bike and I hop on the back. Glenn and Maggie stare at me as Daryl begins driving off.
–
Driving up to a small house, Daryl stops his bike and I quickly climb off. A swingset sit in the garden and I stop. This was probably once a happy family's home. I wonder where they are now. Probably dead like everyone else. "Stay close." Daryl tells me, "Company's near." Ignoring him, I shake open the metal wired fence and walk through the overgrown garden. A climbing frame comes into my view as I come closer to the house. Maybe we could haul these over to the prison one day for the kids.
Looking into the house, I smash the window with my gun before slamming my hand through it with my sleeve covering me. Daryl looks out behind me as I climb into the window. Landing inside, I look around at the toys thrown across the floor and the two cribs sat next to eachother. A collage of small hand prints were painted across the wall. This wasn't a house, it was a day care.
Spotting a cabinet, I begin rummaging through it and find bottles. I throw the bag off my back and chuck them in before shoving items I thought would help into it as well. Daryl leads out into the hall way with his torch and I follow behind him. A crash comes from a room and we both look at eachother. Daryl puts his flashlight in his mouth as we lean against either side of the door way. He slowly opens bottom half of the door and tiptoes in carefully. I move in after him.
The pantry door shakes back and forth slightly. Daryl nods at me and I swing the door open. An opossum hisses at us moments before Daryl shoots a bow into it's tiny body. "Hello, dinner." He mumbles with the torch in his mouth.
"That ain't going in my bag." I tell him as I rummage through the cupboards. Two tubs of formula sit there in front of me and a smile comes to my mouth. I shove them into my bag quickly before looking through the cupboards for more things. A few tins of baby food sit inside the cabinet and I throw them in also. She'll need these in a few months.
I swing open another cupboard and to my surprise two bottles of whiskey sit there. On the cupboard door, it shows me a recipe for a teething trick including the whiskey. Surely that wasn't safe for children to consume alcohol ever. Taking a bottle, I slip it into the bag but no way was I using this to help with teething. It was for me. I damn well deserved a drink after this shit show. "I think he have everything for now." I tell Daryl with the possum over his shoulder. I will never get used to this man carrying dead animals over his shoulder somehow it always disgusts me. Daryl nods before setting down his animal for a moment on the countertop.
Pulling me close to him, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and rests his head on the top of mine. I sling my arms around his waist as he rocks us both side to side. "Why are you being so nice?" I ask in suspicion, "You were being a prick earlier." I move my head to look up and he shifts his to look down at me.
"You needed a hug." He shrugs.
–
Rushing into the cell block, the baby wails loudly as Carl rocks her. I remove all the baby stuf out of the bag and call Beth over to help as Daryl checks on the baby. He shushes her as he takes her into his arms and she settles down a bit. Quickly putting together the bottle, I shake it a few times to make sure everything is mixed before handing it to Daryl. "Shh. Come on." He coos at her as he puts the bottle in her mouth. She latches on begins to drink up immediately. Carl watches his little sister intently and smiles. I pull him to my side and rub his shoulder.
Daryl sways with the baby as he feeds her, muttering sweet things to calm her down. Looking up, he smiles at everyone and nods happily. I never thought Daryl Dixon was someone who liked babies. I always thought he would never engage with a baby or even care much about it. "She got a name yet?" I ask Carl.
"N–not yet, but I was thinking– maybe Sophia?" He inputs, "Maybe Carol, too. And– Andrea." He huffs. Carol? Judging my the tone of his voice Carol had died from earlier and looking around it seemed T-Dog did too. 3 people gone in one day. "Amy, Jackie, Patricia." He lists off all the dead women. "Or Lori." He shakes his head, "I don't know." Carl shifts from foot to foot. My eyes water as I watch him mope around.
"You like that?" Daryl asks the baby, "Huh? Little ass-kicker? Right?" He looks up for approval from everyone and we all smile some of us even laugh. "That's a good name, right?" He smiles down at the new born. "Little ass-kicker. You like that, sweetheart?" His smile widens as he stares at the baby. My heart swells as I watch him interact with her. Daryl was an asshole msot of the time but he does have his moments that make me swoon.
"Okay, okay." I stretch my arms out, "Stop hogging my little rascal." Daryl gently transfers her to me and I cover her up with the flannel more as he does. He holds the bottle to her mouth as I adjust her in my arms then he transfers it to my hand. Rocking her gently, I admire her little face as she rapidly feeds. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She really was Lori's double, But you could tell now that she wasn't Rick's just by looking at her. My dread sets in. She'll never know her biological parents. She'll never meet Lori. My heart skips a beat as I try to push the negative thoughts out my head.
Soon after she settles down, I pass her to Beth who has been brooding to have a hold of her. Charlie admires her from afar as Beth cradles the small baby in her arms.
–
I stand over the three graves outside in the field. A cherokee rose lay beside one makeshift cross. I bend down and hold it in my hands for a few minutes before placing it back down. There was no point in even wondering who's grave this was and who put that flower there. This showed he cared a lot even though he didn't show it. He cared. Three great people died yesterday all because of that long haired, cock-juggling thundercunt. Maybe they didn't have long left but we could've had more time with them.
Carol was sweet and compassionate but she was also on her way to becoming a complete badass woman. Daryl told me back at their first camp Carol had an abusive husband who didn't let her do shit. Thankfully he was dead now so he couldn't hold her back or hurt her anymore. She was a power of nature that women. Her love for CEO boss love novels were immaculate. You'd never think this woman would love those hardcore porn books. On the surface, she looks like a lamb but she had something more violent underneath.
T-Dog was a great man. He would always be the one in the room to make people laugh. He was compassionate. He cared about us all and even in his last moments he put others first. Glenn shared a story about him when this all went to shit and I hadn't been more touched by a story in a while. At the start, he drove his church van to every near old people's home just to see if they needed a ride. More T-Dogs were to be needed in this world. The life of the party was gone.
And Lori. I couldn't say much about Lori. I never quite knew her as much as I should've. But I did know was that she cared for her kids and she did whatever she had to keep them safe. Yes Carl did get lost out of her sight quite often but that kid was like a ninja so there was no down points for that one. The way she dealt with Beth while she had a lack of hope back at the farm was how I wanted my Mother to treat me. She was everything I would've wished for in a Mom. She cared, she nurtured and loved her kids unlike what my Mother was like. She should've gotten more time with her daughter. She would've been the best Mom for her.
I sit with the graves for a while as the morning sun shines over me. I pick at the grass beside them as I watch the clouds in the sky move around. Despite everything that happens to us, the world still spins regardless of who dies and who lives. Georgian summers would be beautiful if I could actually enjoy the sun. Nothing beats a cold beer in the summer while you're sat on your lawn chair and getting silly tan marks. Miles used to love the summer. I used to set up the sprinkler to the neighbours outdoor house, unknown to them, and let him enjoy the refreshing coldness of it. This was before the neighbour realised that we were running up his water bill and had a few words with my Mother over it. But she was too high to even care what she had to say.
Wiping the beads of sweat from off my face, I pick myself off the floor and make my way inside for some breakfast. Charlie was handing out bowls to everyone filled with plain porridge. I thank him and place my bowl on the step near Daryl. Taking the baby from Beth, I rock her in my arms and adjust her small blanket. "Go on and eat." I tell her, "I can wait." Beth smiles up at me and digs into her food. Sitting down on a step a few below Daryl, I rock Rascal in my arms trying to keep her comforted so we wasn't instore for a baby meltdown. I lean back gently and rest the back of my head on his knee. He moves slightly back, adjusting his bowl onto his other knee, shoveling his porridge into his mouth. This man always acted like he had never ate in his entire life.
"Everybody OK?" Rick asks from behind the gate to the tombs. He looked a mess. You could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn't all there. It was as if a part of him had left. Everyone glances at him and Maggie replies, "Yeah. We are." But are we though, really? He slowly walks into the room.
"What about you?" Hershel asks him. But he avoids the question.
"Cleared out the boiler plot." He looks down at Carl. The sadness in his eyes grew as he looked at his son.
"How many were there?" Daryl asks, licking his spoon.
"I- I don't know. Dozen, two dozen." Rich shrugs, "I have to get back." He sighs with no expression on his face. "Just wanted to check on Carl." Rick pats Carl on the back. This was not checking on Carl. He needed his Father now more than ever and he didn't give him the check up that he so badly needed.
"Rick." Glenn stands up, concerned for Rick, "Look we can handle taking out the bodies."
"Everybody got a gun and knife." Rick paces over to us. But he didn't take notice of the baby in my arms and placed his view onto Daryl.
"Running low on ammo, though." Daryl replies.
"Maggie and me were planning on making a run this afternoon." Glenn inputs, "Found a phone book. Some places we can hit look for bullets and baby formula."
"Cleared out the generator room." Daryl explains, "Axel's there trying to fix it. Case of emergency, we'll sweep the lower levels as well." Rick nods and walks away from us, still avoiding the presence of his baby.
"Rick." I call out but he swings the gate to the tombs behind him. For fucks sake. Passing the baby to Beth, I set out after him down the tombs. I follow him to the boiler room and I knock before entering. I lean against the railing to the stairs as I look at him. He stares down at the telephone on the table. "She was sorry for everything that happened." I start, "She admitted that she wanted to talk you about it. If you need to take some time, then I can be there for the kids, you don't have to worry about that. You got us to where we are today. You never let any of us give up."
"It's not enough." He bursts out, "It's not safe enough."
"There isn't anywhere else to go, Rick." I shake my head. There was no where possibly that could be safer than we could make it here. "I know it hurts and you want to get away. But we're sick of running." Rick paces as he jitters, touching his forehead.
"I got a call." He tells me. A call? Is he crazy? Phones don't work anymore.
"What?" I blink in disbelief.
"Someone called on THIS phone." He tells me slowly to get it into my head like I was stupid. He hands the old fashioned telephone to me. There was no way this phone could permit phone calls it wasn't even hooked up to anything to power it. "It was a woman. She was young. She said they had a safe place. She said they were just dialling numbers." Looking him dead in the eye, I pick up the telephone and put it up to my ear. Tone deafening silence not even a buzz of electricity could be heard to even power it. Nothing at all. "She said they'd be calling back." He puts his hands on his hips, "If it sounds right, I want to talk them into taking us in."
Gently placing the phone back down, "This phone doesn't work." I shake my head at him trying not to laugh. He tilts his head at me and I find a way to make it believe like I believe his crazy thoughts. "Where even is it? Did she tell you that?" I ask.
"No, but it doesn't matter." Rick shakes his head. It really does matter though. What if it wasn't safe? We couldn't take risks like that. We had kids and a baby for gods sake. "If it's safe, we'll get there." He flashes his crazy eyes at me, "Don't tell the rest of the group, not yet."
"Are you gonna come meet her?" I stare at him. He avoids my eyes and looks around. "She's so beautiful, Rick. She's just like Lori." I describe the baby to him, "She wants to meet her Dad." Rick gulps as he stares at the phone in front of him.
"I'm busy." He replies, monotone. I slowly nod before beginning to retreat before stopping at the first step of the stairs.
"You can't put it off forever." I tap the bannister, "You're going to have to face her one way or another. I'll save some breakfast for you." He continues to stare at the telephone in front of him like he was expecting it to call any moment. I shake my head at him before leaving him alone with his obviously working telephone.