XOLO🫠
MAVERICK
hello
XOLO🫠
i think i might be having a stroke
did maeve tanner just message me
first
MAVERICK
looks like you're no funnier than
the last time i saw you
XOLO🫠
i'm assuming the last time you saw
me is the only reason you're messaging
MAVERICK
i mean yes
we should probably talk about it
XOLO🫠
was everything fine about it?
MAVERICK
no xolo you were absolutely terrible
2/10
XOLO🫠
that is not what i meant
also ouch
but that is not what i meant
i meant like
were you comfortable
are we completely cool
are you going to decide you hate
me again
MAVERICK
oh
well
that's surprisingly sweet
yes i was comfortable with what
happened obviously
we are cool
and i suppose i probably won't go
back to hating you
XOLO🫠
well that's probably reassuring
and definitely a good thing
i like you a lot better when you don't
hate me
MAVERICK
are you claiming you didn't like me
before
XOLO🫠
i misspoke
MAVERICK
that's what i thought
anyway
we should probably talk about
what last night meant yknow
XOLO🫠
you're right
i uh
i remember what we talked about
before
in regards to your sexuality and
everything
MAVERICK
right
XOLO🫠
so because that happened i can
probably assume you have strong
platonic feelings for me
MAVERICK
you could say that
i wouldn't
but i suppose you could
XOLO🫠
i think from there it makes sense
for us to be friends then
MAVERICK
uh
friends?
XOLO🫠
you're hilarious maeve
but seriously
now that you hating me has
been officially debunked
that means we can actually be
friends now
which is good because i really
didn't want to stop speaking to
you after filming
MAVERICK
okay
i guess you got me
definitely have strong platonic
feelings for you! so we can be
friends!
XOLO🫠
always so enthusiastic about me
i'm genuinely really happy about
this though :)
MAVERICK
i'm not
XOLO🫠
huh?
MAVERICK
means i'm stuck with you like
every day now
how terrible is that
XOLO🫠
your insults are lacking today
maverick
MAVERICK
oh don't worry i'll be back to
tormenting you relentlessly by
morning
i'm just tired
XOLO🫠
i suppose i did keep you up for
a good few hours into the night
MAVERICK
that's generous
XOLO🫠
and you're back
MAVERICK
never left
☆☆☆
OUTGOING CALL TO...
TAI🐸
"taiyo."
"maeve."
"not to enforce the patriarchal
concept of the friend zone and
all, but i just got literally friend
zoned by xolo maridueña."
"i'm sorry- are you fucking
kidding me?"
"shoot me dead for saying it
but i wish i fucking was."
"explain."
"i made the first move to talk
about what happened last night,
i thought we were on the same
page— he even brought up
what we talked about last night
with me being demi and needing
to have strong platonic feelings
for someone before anything else."
"wait, he knows about that
and he still- what?"
"so he was like 'clearly you
have strong platonic feelings
for me' all cocky, and i was
like 'you could say that' and
then he said 'in that case we
should be friends'!"
"oh my god."
"it's not even that he just
rejected me, which would
be fucking disgusting
because this is xolo
maridueña we're talking
about here. but no, he
managed to fucking friend
zone me without us being
friends? how the fuck did i
end up here?"
"i mean if its any consolation,
you were right about him
being an arrogant, cocky
dickhead."
"me being right is always
consolation."
"would me bringing you food
also be a form of consolation?"
"i want three of those mini fillet
burgers from kfc."
"i can do that."
"this is literally the worst
outcome possible how did i
end up being friends with the
guy?"
"oh yeah, not to mention you
sleeping with him or anything."
"do you reckon i can get away
with ghosting him?"
"not a chance. i give it thirty
minutes before he messages
you again, tops."
"you were wrong. he just
messaged."
"do not open that until i arrive."
"my plan is actually to open it
never."
"maeve."
"fine. hurry up."
CALL ENDED!
☆☆☆
HAVEN
HAVEN
maeve my dear?
MAEVE
haven??
HAVEN
oh i'm so glad xolo actually gave
me your number and not someone
else's
MAEVE
he's done that before?
HAVEN
one time when i was out of town
jacob got a new number and when
i asked xolo for it he sent me
ralph macchio's instead
those were some texts ralph sure
did not need to see
MAEVE
oh wow what an asshole
HAVEN
don't worry i got him back
him and jacob had to shower
at my place for weeks until
the blue food colouring drained
out of their shower head
MAEVE
and just like that you are my new
best friend
HAVEN
i'm afraid i do come bearing less
joyful news than that however
MAEVE
i promise you after the conversation
i had with xolo this morning it
probably can't get much worse
i'm assuming he told you about last
night
HAVEN
he did
me and jacob were whooping
and cheering for you of course
and then lacy text him
MAEVE
oh?
HAVEN
she asked him on a date
and he agreed
MAEVE
oh
HAVEN
i'm so sorry maeve i told him
he was a fool to throw away
whatever he had going with you
MAEVE
whaaaat i mean
me and xolo never really had
anything going
i assure you we're hardly even
friends
HAVEN
we can pretend for the moment
that i believe you
but like
i've SEEN the way you two interact
and i've always seen the way he
looks at you
MAEVE
he clearly never looked at me
any way because he's agreed to go
on this date with lacy
which is fine because ew
HAVEN
i'm sorry maeve i just wanted
you to know
i also wanted you to know he's
been made very aware that
he's a dipshit
MAEVE
i promise you haven its all
totally cool
it's just xolo
the worst thing about it all is
i've been roped into being his
friend now
HAVEN
oh man that really does suck
don't worry i'll help you
through it
i've had years of practice