Dad, Alana and Tristan await me outside of the testing facilities. Each of their faces reveal a different emotion, but my gaze remains stuck on Alana: she looks crestfallen. Her eyes barely raise from the ground as I approach. Her arms circle around her waist as though she were hugging herself. Even her dress looks depressed, sagging around her body as though forgetting the curves it previously displayed. Tristan has a reassuring hand resting upon her shoulder, but aside from that, his demeanor is angry. I recognize the crease between his brows better than most. At a glance, many might simply assume him to be deep in thought or worried. After many experiences, I have learned that crease means something is seriously wrong. My dad merely looks sad. Mom is always the one to comfort Alana and me, and I doubt he knows what to do with her current demeanor.
A crack sounds from under my footstep announcing my presence. Alana immediately wipes her eye with the back of her hand and offers me a small smile. She opens her mouth to speak, but is cut off by Tristan. "Let's head out then, yeah?"
My dad quickly follows him, but Alana pauses and brushes a piece of my hair back before we continue. As we walk, Mr. Jones' eyes burry into my back. Constance had explained that he was here both for my protection and The Paragon's. Clearly he was meant to keep me in check and ensure that I don't spill any secrets, but his job was also to ensure no one attacks me. Before they implemented this system, she explained, there were times where applicants would take out those who passed in an attempt to take their place. She had scoffed as she explained this, laughing at the idea that someone would even think such a thing. It wasn't so funny to me—not only because I would be in that situation but because I could understand why someone might stoop to that level. If I knew there was no other way to survive, would that really be so out of the question? I hope so, I just wish I knew so.
We sit around a table at our go-to diner. Alana and I have been here so many times the waiter doesn't even need to ask for our order. I wring my fingers together to distract from the awkward silence that is enveloping our table and Tristan moves his hand to my thigh to comfort me. My dad at last clears his throat and swirls the honey colored liquid around his cup before announcing, "Based on your faces I have a pretty good guess of how the tests went. Unless anyone wants to talk about it all I have to say is Alana, I'm proud of all the studying you did. Tristan, they're all idiots for not taking you. And Iliana, I'm just grateful that you will have Tristan here with you." His words grate against my heart. By now one would think I'd be used to his expectations being nothing more than expected disappointment, but it still hurts. Perhaps it hurts worse now because I did pass.
"Thanks dad," Alana nods in his direction. "And I'm proud of all of us. No matter what the outcome was I know Tristan and Iliana worked their asses off and we all have bright futures ahead of us." Something doesn't make sense. If part of why they took me was because I am a twin and biologically fraternal twins produce more children, why wouldn't they take Alana?
Tristan catches the frown on my face and squeezes my thigh gently, misunderstanding my expression. "Well-" I start to say, to correct their assumption.
"Really, I don't think there is anything more to be said about that damn test." Tristan clicks his tongue and shakes his head. "They're all idiots. Honestly, I bet they're just looking for some brainless bimbos-"
"I passed," I cut him off before he can fall into a full rant. My words silence not only the table, but those around us. Mr. Jones even raises an eyebrow from his stance at the bar. I clear my throat and repeat myself, "They told me I passed. I have twenty four hours to choose if I want to go."
I thought there would be more of a reaction, but they're all frozen. Tristan is the first to speak, "This isn't a funny joke Ily. It's fine that you didn't get in. Everyone failed. Like I said, it's probably not even real. I'm willing to be no one actually-"
"No really. I swear I did." Why don't they give you a form or something to prove it?
"Ily-"
"You got in?" Alana interrupts him this time and he glares at her. Her voice wavers as she speaks. "Ily, that's-that's amazing! I'm so proud of you." Tears still threaten to leak from the corners of her eyes, but this time I hope they're of pride.
"I mean if none of you are going then I don't plan on leaving, but, yeah, I did it." My words mumble over each other as they race out of my mouth.
"Iliana you are going." My dad's voice is quiet, but firm.
"But dad, I can't if it's just me."
"You will." I want to fight him, continue arguing, but Alana stands abruptly and excuses herself to the restroom. Tristan soon follows to console her, leaving my dad and me in silence.
"I won't go without Tristan. You said it yourself that the most proud you could be of me was for finding him."
"That was before."
"Before what? Before you knew I had value? Before I passed?" My hands ball into fists at my sides as I struggle to keep my voice down. Dad has no such issue. His voice is flat and without emotion.
"Yes. Now go check on your sister and we will prepare your things later."
I clench my teeth together and leave the table. Tristan and I had promised each other no matter what we would stay together. If I choose to stay, then what could dad do anyway? Miss holidays? Tristan is like a son to him. For the last few months that's all we've been Tristan and Iliana, Iliana and-
Something between a gasp and a scream leaves my lips. Before I see anymore I sprint back into the cafe. I briefly meet my dad's eyes to confirm that was his intention before going to Mr. Jones. Alana's shouts that beg me to wait and let her explain are barely more than muffled noises as I say, "I choose to join The Paragon."
---
Mr. Jones offers to take me home, but there are no memories I wish to keep. Just a day ago, it would have been a punishment to leave my family and boyfriend. Now, it is the greatest gift I could receive. Unfortunately, my brain has no issue with punishing me by replaying the images of Tristan and Alana. Over and over again all I see are their mouths pressed against one another, their hands entangled in each others' hair, and the familiarity between their bodies.
Maybe I should have waited to hear Alana's explanation but from the way they kissed and touched, it was not the first time. I would be shocked if it was the second or third either. I want to be angry at them, but all I feel is empty. So much for promises and commitments. Alana was the only human who had always been there for me. Aside from those nights when she-oh. Perhaps she wasn't all that faithful to anyone.
None of it makes sense.
Alana betrayed me.
Tristan betrayed me. Though technically didn't he betray both of us? How was Alana okay with both of us being betrayed? Or did she know? I can't imagine she would be okay with being 'the other woman.' So many men have pursued her, and all have failed. Now I can't help but think that it must have been someone keeping her busy and not the something that the rest of us assumed. She probably wasn't even studying for the damn test, more likely she and Tristan were studying each other. Did she ever have to deal with his rage fits? Or were those only reserved for me? I swear if she got the best side of him while he waited for me to reveal the worst...
No. Even with what she did, I can't imagine my sweet sister doing such things. In every other way she was there for me. She was a mother when ours left and took care of me. Dad on the other hand.
Mr. Jones grunts from the driver's seat. "You sure you don't want to grab anything?"
"Is there anything I need to bring?"
"I dunno. Most girls bring something to remember their old lives by. You don't got something like that?"
"I think I'd rather forget sir." I look out the window, watching as I leave the old world behind. "How much longer will it be?"
"Impatient, huh?"
I shrug in response, then remember his eyes are on the road. "Who wouldn't be?"
"Sometimes I don't think you kids really want to leave. You'd be surprised. We'll be driving for a good couple hours so if you wanna knock yourself out feel free."
Alana and I often tried to guess where The Paragon is located, but it is a closely guarded secret that no one can seem to figure out. It must not be too far from my own home considering we are opting to drive over fly, but that only makes things more confusing as I imagine where it might be on the maps I had seen throughout school.
Gradually the view transitions from city to dessert to a massive wall. I rub my eyes, having fallen half asleep. I had expected there to be some abrasive symbol of moving onto my new life, but the gate slides so silently that I never would have known if I hadn't been watching. All that awaits me now is The Paragon.