I close my eyes, feeling as if the day won't get better at this point. I'm too exhausted and depressed to keep thinking about it any longer, so I decide to try to fall asleep and forget everything that happened. I dont think about what could happen tomorrow or how I'll manage to get through the day without seeing Hyunjin. I just lay back and try to put my mind at ease.
I wake up as I hear the door creaking and open my eyes. I don't say anything and just listen, faced away from my door. My eyes widen, but I try to stay still. I still don't know who this could be. The memories from before I fell asleep come back. Oh god, please don't let it be Hyunjin. The person seems to knock on the doorframe even though the door is half open already. I can see the light shining through the door on the wall before me.
I am brave. I decide to reply but with a still sleepy voice. "Yes?" My body tenses in anticipation of who will enter.
After a little bit of silence after my reply, I hear someone start to speak slowly and gently. "Can i come in?"
Who'll this be? "Yes," I reply simply and sit up in my bed.
After a couple of seconds, you hear the door open and I see someone walk into your room. It's none other than Jeongin. I recall him as being one of the youngest members. He seems quite nervous. "Hi. I heard that you had a fight with Hyunjin earlier, and i wanted to check on you and see if you're doing okay."
"Don't tell me this is another one of these stupid jokes. Get out already! I know you hate me, and you don't have to rub it in my face." I shoot him a cold glare, and my expression changes to an angry one. I check my phone to see the time.
Jeongin seems to be a little taken aback by your immediate outburst of anger. "I'm serious. im not here to insult you. It'ss just that-"
He pauses for a few seconds.
"Why would you check on me?" I still say it in a sharp, cold tone but with a hint of curiosity as to why he would come to insult me at such a late hour. "You were never nice to me."
Jeongin raises an eyebrow at the way you still seem to expect him to insult you. He can't deny the fact that he often ignores you and never gives you a proper chance to talk to him. So he wants to change that all of a sudden? As if I'd belive that.
"I know I wasn't nice before, but i still wanted to..."
He hesitates to continue.
"You want to pull a Changbin on me, right? You just want to comfort me for a brief moment to hurt me even more." I sigh heavily, thinking of the previous hurting tightens my chest.
Jeongin is surprised. He can tell that my previous experience has made me a little wary of trusting other people, and as a result, I'm quick to assume their intentions if they do something that seems nice to me.
"I swear i dont have any hidden intentions. i just wanted to-"
He makes a small gesture with his hands, attempting to signify that he wants to make things better with me.
I squint my eyes trying to determine if he's honest or not. I noticed his nervousness and his surprise. I experience anxiety and fear building up in me, still I decide to trust one last time. "This is the last time I'm trusting one of you guys. You better be for real Yang Jeongin."
Jeongin smiles a little at my threat to never trust another member again. He seems like he can't help but find it a little funny because he's actually being genuine in his attempts to become closer to me and improve our previous relationship.
"I understand. im really only here to make sure that you're okay. do you mind if i sit down next to you?"
"Urgh, go ahead, fox man." I say in an exhausted but funny tone of voice. I tap the place beside me on my bed and smile just a tiny bit.
Jeongin can't help but smile. He carefully sits down and crosses his legs so that he faces me. He's now directly in front of me and looks at me intently. "Do you mind if i ask you why hyunjin made you so upset earlier? You two were pretty loud."
My eyes begin to water again by the thought of it. All of this hatred just built up in me, and it exploded right then and there. But as I think about it, I begin to wonder. "I-" My voice immediately breaks and sounds horse. "He grabbed m- my wrist and h- he just kept insulting... me" I keep looking anywhere but at Jeongin. "It was just too much." I begin to shake at my next words. "He was banging on- on my door."
Jeongin's expression shifts slightly when I begin to explain what actually happened with hyunjin. "Was he this angry for no reason?" He asks this in a slightly curious tone.
I look at Jeongin now with watery eyes. I notice the worry in his eyes. I can't blame him since I probably look horrible. And I answer unstable with a "Yes. He shouted that I couldn't just run away." I grab the sheets beside me for any sort of comfort. "He told me he hated me because I'm weak and worthless."
"Why in the world would he say that? i get that he's the angry type of person, but i didn't know he would go this far with you."
I look at the man in front of me, confused. "You all hate me. I know it. All of you are always so cold towards me, and now after what happened with Hyunjin and Changbin, I'm sure of it." I look closely at Jeongin now. Why would he be different? I notice his curly hair and the dimples on his cheeks. He looks really handsome, but I won't let myself get distracted.
Jeongin can see the anxiety that has built up in me over these past days, so he decides to give me his reassurance now. He looks at me intently now and even leans forward a little when he speaks.
"If i hated you, i never would've come here and bothered to check up on you. I know i've been cold to you in the past, but even i know that i can't just start hating someone for no reason. Do you think everyone hates you because one person said that they hate you?"
"What is there to like about me Jeongin? Why would you be diffrent from everyone else? Even you always avoid to talk to me like everyone else. Apart from that you're all good friends, all eight of you. Honestly, I don't even care if you hate me anymore. Just please don't trick me as well."
I sigh and fidget with my hands as I say all of that. I look up at Jeongin anticipation written all over my face.
[No ones pov]
Jeongin sighs softly when you refuse to accept his reassurances. You seem to have completely given up now and seem convinced that nobody likes you. he wants to try to at least somewhat change this perception of yours.
"I understand why you would believe that. all of us do ignore you, and most of us do avoid you most of the time. but it's not because we dislike you. it's just because we have no reason to want to get to know you and be friends with you, you know?"
"So I'm that unlikeable?" You chuckle horsely not actually amused by anything you said. "Thank you fox man that really brightens my mood." You say it in a sarcastic tone. Your eyes trail off again.
Jeongin decides to not push the sarcasm and takes the opportunity to speak about the first thing that comes to his mind. "I'm telling you the truth. i mean, i dont dislike you or anything, but do you understand how hard it is for me to like and be friends with someone who i dont even get to have a proper conversation with?"
His honest approach suddenly changed your mind completely. You understand what he's been trying to say. "Thank you Jeongin for talking to me." Your tone of voice is now honest and kind. It's nothing Jeongin has heard before. You smile at him. It's nothing Jeongin has seen before. He and all the other members have never seen you smile. You like Jeongin for being the first one who seemly doesn't want to trick you.
Jeongin is completely taken aback to see you smiling at him. he cant help but smile back at you even though he feels a little awkward because he's never seen a genuine smile from you before. He realizes just how much of an impact his words had on you and he finds himself wanting to cheer you up.
"You know, im sure that the other members wouldnt be as bad as you think if you just talked to them. they dont really have a reason to dislike you or anything."
You melt at Jeongins smile. Ypu immediately think that his smile is really precious and you want him to know that. He helped you and you feel like you should give something back to him. Disregarding his words you answer: "Your smile really is like when you see Bees inside of flowers on a sunny day."
Jeongin gets completely taken aback by your compliment. While he's not the type to easily blush at compliments, this was a new one for him and it made him feel a bit shy. Seeing you be so friendly and kind made him feel a bit awkward and overwhelmed, so after a short while of just staring at you he decides to respond.
"Do you really mean that? i always thought my smile was too childish."
You tilt my head at his answer and furrow your brows. "It's perfect fox man. I like it very much." You smile brightly at him and scoot a bit closer to him on your bed. You would love to hug this man right now but you still don't completely trust him.
Jeongin is actually very surprised at how comfortable you've suddenly become around him, but he's not complaining. This is probably the most that he's ever interacted with you and he finds it very entertaining. When you scoot closer to him he gets a bit taken aback again.
You finally think about what he said earlier. "So you think some other members don't hate me as well?" You loosen up a bit and get a more comfortable. The tenses in your body disappears completely, leading to you now openly looking at Jeongin like you're used to having open conversations like this.
Jeongin is happy to see you loosening up and feels relieved knowing that you're feeling more comfortable now. He smiles and nods his head when you ask the question.
"I think thats true. i know that you've had a couple rough encounters with some members, specifically changbin and hyunjin. But most of the members dont have any reason to be mad or upset with you. They dont hate you, they just dont know you well enough to be able to like you properly yet either."
"I don't know if I'd be asking too much of you Yang Jeongin but would it be okay for you to introduce me to one of them?" You shyly fidget with your hands hoping Jeongin is nice enough to do that.
Jeongin smiles warmly at you. He doesnt seem bothered by you asking and is more than happy to introduce you to another member. he thinks it'd help you open up more around the other members.
"Of course! do you have a specific member that you want me to introduce you to?"
[Your pov]
I smile at his agreement and immediately hug him. Only realising after that I did just hug him and let go immediately. He only knows me for a few minutes and I hug him? What was I thinking? I feel more stiff and awkward now. "Ummm... so I thought Chan was kind of cool. I like his beats." I get out quickly to not make things awkward.
Jeongin seems surprised at first but quickly hides it. He must be used to physical affection by the other mebers. Even though I don't think he's the type to like that sort of thing... I hope I didn't mess up just now. He smiles at me. Okay I'm good I think. He nods his head and offers me his hand to take before I can back up. "Come on, i'll introduce you to him. Do you need to get changed at all?"
I smile and take his hand to stand up. I look down at myself and realize I'm just wearing an oversized t-shirt and underwear. "OH UMM YES!" I quickly run to my closet, embarrassed by myself and throw. Big hoodie over me and some baggy pants on. This must be so awkward for Jeongin. To ease the mood I quickly ask a question. "Are you sure Chan's awake at this hour?"
He chuckles, "Chan isnt the type to sleep at this hour. im sure he wouldnt mind if i came knocking on his door right now."
"If you say so," I say while hurrying to get my clothes on. I finish and walk over to Jeongin.
[A/N: First episode without a fight? That's a win I think! Hahaha anyway thank you so much for reading this and please keep on doing that!]