The mid-term break is over and school is back up and running again. School started this Monday and it's the middle of the week, Wednesday. Currently, it's lunch. I'm walking away from the cafeteria with food in hand when I notice Noah in the distance. He's standing in the corner of one of the buildings like he's waiting. He's looking in my direction. I look away from him and continue walking towards where Maria and I usually sit.
When I arrived, I let my bag fall to the ground and sat beside Maria. She puts her phone back in her bag and picks up her food from home. She doesn't look at me, she knows it's me.
"Hi, Winter," She says, smiling at me.
"Hi," I exclaim. I grab my food, trying to figure out what to talk about. I wrap my hands around the hot meal since my hands are almost numb. "I'm freezing," I say when several memories of this past week appear in my head again. Dally and Noah have been staring at me all week since we returned to school.
"It is freezing out." She replies. "Feel my hand," She says as she reaches for me. I extend my hand out to touch her fingers and flinch my arm back from the icy touch.
"Ack," I yelped, not even knowing what noise had just come out of my mouth. "Why are you so cold? You feel like ice." I exclaim as I put my hand back onto the warm container.
She laughs, "I'm lifeless. Naturally cold since all my organs are dead. It gets awful like this in the wintertime." She looks up at the grey sky. "Like now." She stares up at it for a moment longer before looking back down and opening her lunch box. "I can't feel it though so it doesn't bother me."
"Okay, Elsa," I say and laugh. She gives me a confused look. "Never mind. It's from a movie about an ice princess."
"That's not that funny." She says in response. My lips close and I grab my utensil to start eating.
"I saw Noah today," I say and feel her tense up on my arm. "He was far but he and Dally have been staring at me all week."
"Grudges, probably. You did run out at that party without talking to anyone about it, which would seem wrong in their eyes." She says.
"Hopefully it's just that. I don't want to interact with them anymore, let alone even see them here." I sigh and my breath turns into steam, quickly dissipating into the cool air. My eyes sting with tears for a moment then disappear. Maria glances at me for a second, too quickly before I can look back at her. I swallow before saying, "I had a nice time during the break with you. We should catch up on our cooking lessons though, haven't done that in a while." The memories of our cooking sessions flow through my head. The hours flying by that just made it feel like minutes. I think about the time when we tried to bake a cake from scratch. I had to convince Maria not to make me turn the grain into flour and to just buy the flour bag. I was begging her in the store not to make me do that.
"What?" I exclaimed. "From the grain, are you kidding me?"
"Do I look like I'm kidding?" She asked with furrowed eyebrows, before turning back around to grab more ingredients. "Plus, that's what you get for asking if we could use mix."
"It was just a suggestion, please don't add more steps to this." I pleaded, grabbing onto her arm and putting my forehead on her shoulder. "Baking is already hard enough."
"No, it's not. You're being dramatic." Neither of us had moved from the embrace. She continued pretending to look for something on the shelf. I didn't move and only held onto her tighter.
"Can you grab that for me?" She asked, looking at the food dye for the fondant or frosting.
I let go of her and grabbed what she was pointing at. "Please Maria," I whined.
After a quiet moment and I started to dread tonight's cooking, she laughed.
"You're not doing it from the grain, we're literally in the flour section," she exclaimed through laughter.
I looked at her. "What?" I asked, sounded more like a demand. "You were joking?" I exclaimed. She continued laughing at me as I just stood there in awe.
"Remember when you convinced me you were going to make me cook the flour from the grains?" I ask her and laugh slightly, looking down.
"Yes," She says as she laughs with me, my chest flutters from the sound of her laugh. With my heart feeling like it's floating up my throat, I suck in a hard breath wrong, causing me to cough.
She puts a hand on my shoulder as I'm coughing my lungs out and she laughs harder at that. Once I finally manage to take a breath, she wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. The small amount of skin showing of her's is cold on mine. Her laughter slowly stops as I wrap my arms around her as well. I nuzzle my nose onto her collarbone. "Oh, Maria," I mumble and smile against her cold skin, as my body regulates to her cold.
We stay there for a moment longer before she says, "I've been thinking," She pauses, thinking. "Remember when you told me that you wanted to be killed before you turned thirty?"
I push out a nervous laugh. "When I told you that I wanted to be killed the very night before my birthday?" I nervously grin, "Yes, I do recall that."
"Do you," She pauses once more. "Mean it?" She asks in a low voice.
"I mean, sure. If I live alone in a house, working a nine-to-five job, sad and lonely, of course. Oh, and I'd probably have a cat or two." I say and laugh.
Her thumb strokes my arm that it's resting on. "Sad and lonely," She says, thinking about what I said.
"I wouldn't want it to be too messy either. I don't want it to be a mess that someone else has to pick up for me." I say and sigh.
"But, you'd be dead. It's not like you could pick up your blood-splattered mess." She says it like it's a question.
"I know, it's just," I pause, not sure of what to say. Not sure of what to tell her.
"Alright, if that's what you want." She says and I sit up to look at her. She's giving me a forced smile that's telling me, I disagree with your choice but I can't change it.
"But," I exclaim, "That's only if I'm sad, lonely, with no family, and no friends. I hope I don't end up like that." I say.
"You won't." She says in reassurance.
"You never know," I exclaim, trying to bring the mood back up. It seems to work because she smiles at me. This time, a genuine smile. She's looking into my eyes, switching between my left and right one. Every so often, she glances down at my lips. I continue looking into her eyes, the glow from the clouds blocking the sun putting a shimmer onto her eyes. The words come back up again, my mouth opens and I almost say them, so I shut it tightly. My heart skipped a beat.
I lean back off of her before I do or say something stupid, her eyes follow me. Putting my knees to my chest.
"You're warm." She says, looking back down at her food.
"You're cold, but it doesn't take long for your body to adjust to temperature," I say as I grab my food as well. It's not as warm as before.
"Yeah, that's another thing about being a vampire." She says, casually.
"Shh, someone could hear you." I whisper-yell, looking to my left and right for people. She pauses and looks at me.
"Winter," She smiles, pushing down a laugh. "No one gives a shit. Half of the people that go here are some sort of magical being." She smiles at me and furrows her eyebrows like I'm stupid. As if I was supposed to know that?
I push down the irritated feeling bubbling inside of me and look down at my food, starting to eat.
"Actually," She says, looking away from me. "I forgot you can't feel a magical aura. Sorry."
My shoulders relax, "It's alright." The anger slowly leaves me with every breath I release.
In the corner of my eye, I see her looking at me again. Analyzing me.
"Did that irritate you?" She asks.
I suck in a small breath. "A little bit. You gave me the are-you-stupid? look." I say, sighing.
"I figured that's what ticked you." She says. My face warms up with shame. She gently takes my hand in hers and strokes my hand with her thumb. "It's alright, Winter. It's okay to have feelings." She says in a caring tone.
My heart feels like it's just been pierced with a wooden rod. I hold her hand tighter as my eyes sting with tears. I blink them away, "Thank you, Maria." I smile. She lets go and we both finish our meals right as the bell rings.
We're walking to class when we pass a trash can. I toss my tray out into it. The cold breeze is grazing my face, making me colder. We're both silent on our walk.
"Dally and Noah have been watching me." I blurt out. My eyes widen for a second as I keep facing forward.
"You too?" She asks, sounding more like an agreement. "How do you feel about it?" She asks.
"I don't like it. I hate seeing them both almost every day." I fold my arms together, hands clenched tight on my arms. I face my head downwards. She doesn't say anything, so I go on, "I know they're both high too. It becomes obvious to me when I know how to recognize an intoxicated Dally." My eyes follow a brightly colored flower. An Annual Phlox flower. Just a gathering of them amid a bush that can barely stay alive during this time of year.
"Hm." She hums, still facing forwards. I feel guilty for some reason, so I keep my head down.
She stops walking and grabs my arm to pull me towards her. Both of her hands hold me firmly by my shoulders. She's staring at me dead in my eyes. I notice the red specks of crimson in the iris of her grey eyes as I remain holding eye contact. The warning bell rings three times before it comes to a stop, telling every student who's not in a classroom to 'get to class in under three minutes or else go to the attendance window for a tardy slip.'
"What they have chosen to do in life is not your fault, in the slightest. What truly matters is what you make of it, Winter." She blinks, eyes wide as she stares at me. "They are not your problem anymore and they never should've been. They're both in the depths now and it is not your fault." She says the last part of her speech like every word was its own sentence. "Whatever happens to them is not your fault. I'm glad you're away from them now and sober. If you ever encounter them again, just say my name," She let go of me and my shoulders slouched. "I'll be there. Whenever you need. I promise." The corners of her mouth twitch upwards. She pulls the sleeves of her shirt over her hands and caresses my face. Her icy touch barely seeps through the sleeves onto my face, but I don't flinch away. I don't mind her cold. "I care about you, Winter." She smiles, causing me to smile harder. I pull her sleeves down and put her hands back on my face. Feels like I've just put ice onto my face but it doesn't take long for her to warm up.
"Thank you," I say. "I needed to hear that. Their situation has been taking up too much of my mind right now." I look away from her for a second, then back into her eyes. "As well as That Night." I swallow down the guilty lump in my throat.
"It's okay. That night happened and look at you," She backs up and looks me up and down with a grin on my face. "You're still you and not one of them." She finishes as her eyes slowly make their way back up to my face. The look she gives me causes me to warm up. My stomach sharply flutters with butterflies, which are flapping their wings fast. Crashing against the walls of my stomach, I swear one of them would come fluttering out of my mouth if I opened it.
I giggle at her instead, "You're sweet. But we should go to class before we're late." I hold out my hand and she intertwines her fingers with mine as we begin our walk to class again.
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A few weeks have gone by and Dally and Noah have been in and out of school. I noticed since Noah has been in that exact spot at lunch, waiting. I don't linger long enough to know for what, but I just know he waits there. Looking around for someone, something. I'll normally see them walking away from school once it ends. I always end up behind them, so they have never noticed me.
Maria has been more prideful at certain moments. Almost competitive with her power stance. Suspicious.
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It's been about a month since Noah and Dally were in and out of school and now I haven't seen them at all. Not even in their usual hangout spot. Today is Friday and the school day ended.
"You really shouldn't let your curiosity get to you." I hear behind me. I turned around and there was Maria. Looking dead at me. "Why are you here?" She asks, her eyes staring hard into mine as I feel intimidated.
"I," My hands start sweating and I wipe them on my shirt. She must've noticed my nervousness since by the time I looked back at her again, her gaze softened. "I haven't seen them in a while so I was curious," I say, lowly. "I'm not going to reach out or anything but I just haven't seen them."
"You haven't?" She asks. "That's weird. Maybe they finally died and fucked off to Hell." She says with a smile.
"Maria," I exclaimed in shock. "That's mean." I smile slightly with a short laugh.
"Better than what they've said about you after you left." She mumbles, barely loud enough to hear.
"What do you mean by that?" I ask, harsher than I meant to.
"Oh, I've just overheard some things that they've said, not only about you but other people who have gotten better from the addiction Dally and now Noah can't beat. God awful things I don't think you'd enjoy to hear. About yourself or others. Just a bunch of nasty shit. It's expected to come out of their mouths though, they're a bunch of scumbags." She says, casually.
"I forget Noah is into that stuff now. He used to not be. He used to be better. I guess my leaving made him fall into that. We'd always ground each other in those situations." I say. I look down at the black combat boots I wear almost every day. I need a new pair soon.
She lifts my head back up to look at her with her index finger and her thumb like she's holding a piece of paper. "It doesn't matter. They're not your problem anymore, don't waste your time thinking about them. Forget about them." She says as I look into her eyes. Looking at her makes my shoulders relax and my jaw unclenches. She takes my hand and leads me outside of the school. "So, your house or mine for today?" She asks.