The holiday season passed by and Tay tried with all his strength to navigate through his day normally. How can he bear the heaviness of it all? He had no idea how did he went through each day without randomly crumbling down. He held himself so well. And as painful as it already is, he has to meet New later. He can never destroy such friendship just because of his feeling. His feelings should not interfere with them because it is not a part of their bond. Feelings aside, he genuinely cares for New a lot. Aside from being his bestfriend, the two of them had been through a lot.
Tay celebrated the New Year alone unlike the years that passed by. They used to hangout after 12 am. Drink the night away or just be immersed in their conversations. Jumping from one topic to another. From bringing up their silliness from the past to figuring out what the future will be like.
Tay busied himself getting ready for their hangout later. Aira won't be with them for she wanted to give them space to be with each other just like how they used to before she came into the picture. That's what Newwie said when he asked him why he won't bring her Along.
That's the horror of Aira being Newwie's lover. Tay could never hate her. She's too kind and is a notable woman. She's independent and well-mannered. She loves Newwie's friends and even treats them like her own best friends. She takes care of them like she's the mom of the group. She gets along well with them.
How can he hate her?
That's why he ignores his own feelings and supports their relationship wholeheartedly. With an aching heart-but wholeheartedly. It's amazing how can a heart take so much pain but can still give so much love. And what's more amazing is that it usually does these things to the same person that hurt it. How can a heart be so kind that it can suffer silently just so they won't hinder with the happiness of the one they love, even if it costs a piece of itself dying.
He stared at his reflection. Luckily, he looks presentable enough. The traces of his grief are still there subtly but is closer to disappearing. He still cries himself to sleep sometimes but not as much as before. And that's the part that scares Tay. It's unusual for Tay. It's like his body is just bottling up his tears then it'll randomly pick a day to burst and drown himself with it.
They met at a famous fastfood chain and sat across from each other each with their coffees.
It won't just be the two of them Off and Gun decided to tag along when Tay told his and New's plan in their group chat as he was on his way to their meeting place. Tay didn't mind. He's even thankful that it won't just be the two of them. It seems like he's still not that ready to be completely be with New for a long time.
"How's your life being single?" Newwie asked Tawan with a smug look painted on his face.
"Wow? Oh, I see. So, this is how you'll do it?" Tawan jokingly act offended and even attempted to leave.
The two of then laughed it off and tay even throw his handkerchief at New.
"But, seriously, how are you? You didn't even invite me to hangout with you during the holidays? It feels like your hiding something from me. Are you secretly dating someone?"
Newwie's eyes looked at Tay suspiciously and even moved his body closer to Tawan, slowly moving forward.
Tay rolled his eyes at New and even raised an eyebrow. "You're the one that was caught up with other commitments during the holidays. I endulged myself up with solitude and it was fun nonetheless."
"Did you drink?"
"I did. I drank a lot..." Tay remembered the bottles of alcohol littered on his living room while he was suffering.
"I'm so envious! I wanted to drink, too! But I decided not to and spent my days all sober and happy with Aira. Ah, Off and Gun said they're on their way here." Newwie said as he held his phone up indicating that the couple sent him an update of their whereabouts.
Tay nodded and sipped his coffee. This is how they usually eat when they have a lot of time in their hands. They sometimes start or end it with coffee. But on some days, they changed their usual set up and order something that they spontaneously thought of or what they're craving for.
"Tay, what are your plans after graduation? I know there's still a long way to go, but maybe you have something in mind?"
Tay thought for a moment then shrugged his shoulders, "I've got nothing in particular. Maybe I'll see when I get there."
"How about you? Anything in mind?"
A smile appeared on New's face like he's waiting for this moment all his life. It seems like he's got his plans already pictured out and he gets excited when he's finally able to share it with his friend.
"Marriage."
Although Tawan was shocked with his answer, he did his best not to make it obvious that he was hurt. He doesn't know why, but he was.
"Ohh~ Mr. Lover boy is planning to settle down, huh?" He teased New and even moved his eyebrows up and down.
Newwie laughed with his silliness and even shook his head.
"Of course, I'll get married! I want to settle down and build a family," he then looked outside with a smile on his face, "a loving one."
Tay saw how genuine and contented New was when he talked about settling down and building a family.
Of course he'll settle down soon. How come that never crossed my mind? I should've seen this coming. I don't even know why is my stomach tightening and even my heart isn't at ease.
"I'll do my best to keep my relationship with Aira concrete. I want to spend my life with her."
Tawan raised his brow, teasing New again.
"Seriously! I mean, as cheesy this may sound but I really wanna spend my life with her. I will take care of her and be with her. I know we just got together and there's still a lot of problems to face, but I'd gladly face all of those if it means I'd be with her until the end. I wanna keep her. I will marry her."
"In that case, I'll be your best man them. That's the first goal after graduation."
New's eyes lit up and nodded enthusiastically at Tay's words.
Even after suffering so much, I'm still willing to do things for you. Even willing to be at the altar with you as I'll stand beside you and wait for the love of your love.
Before New could utter a word, his attention got caught with Off and Gun entering the establishment. He slightly raised his hand when they locked eyes.
"I'm sorry we're late." Gun said he sat down beside Tay and Off settled beside New.
"Papi made me mad before we can even get out, so we have to mend things first."
Off scratched the back of his head and sighed. Tay and New just laughed at their bestfriend's behavior. They're always like that. They banter a lot over silly things but they also know have to handle those complicated fights.
"But I'm not the one who takes too long to get ready, right?" Off then playfully stuck his tongue out at Gun to which Gun responded with an eye roll.
"Let's order now, shall we? I'm starving."
Off volunteered to order for them and when he came back, he saw Gun with an unreadable expression. He was excited but also not.
"What's wrong?"
"New's planning to get married!" Gun said while massaging his forehead with his right hand.
"And what's wrong with that?" Off settled beside New who's looking amusedly at Gun being stressed out as if he's the one getting married and will plan everything alone.
"Nothing! There's nothing wrong with that. I'm just surprised that's all. But I really am happy for you, New. It seems like you finally found someone that you're certain with."
"You're acting like he's going to get married tomorrow." Off chuckled at Gun's worried face.
"Let me be, okay? I'm just happy for him. We've been together since then and I've witnessed all of you grow up. I feel like a proud mom."
The three of them just shook their head at Gun while smiling at him. The baby of the group felt like he's the mom of the group. That thought amused them.
Later on, their food arrived and they continued conversing while munching on their foods.
They spent this day just like how they used to do when they hangout. Four happy hearts but one with a lingering sadness within.
How can I move on from here? How do I start again? Is that even possible? I just to freeze time and stay here with them. Maybe then, my heart won't feel as blue when we part ways later.
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Thoughts?