Chapter 24: Disappointments.
Warning: I apologize for my grammatical errors because English is not my first language, I hope I get to deliver my story very well. This story might include bad words so if you're uncomfortable with it please do excuse yourself.
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Sarocha's Pov
I arranged my stuff so that Becca doesn't have much to clean and we would talk and bond the whole day. I even finish my whole month of schedule in just 4 days so we could go on a vacation, I'm planning to bring her to a mountain where we can go camping and relax our mind and body.
I bet she need that as much as I do.
I'm kind of nervous.
How should I invite her? Do I just directly ask her to come? What if she'll say no? Or bring out my bossy self and tell her to come with me whether she likes it or not? I mean- I don't like that though, I don't want to force her into anything.
Anyways, I'll just ask her to come and if she doesn't want to and said 'no', I'll ask her for suggestions in which places she wants to go. Anywhere with her is fine anyway.
I stare at the clock and it says 8 am, she'll be here any minute now. I don't know why my palms are sweating and my heart is beating loudly. Something is off no matter how much I push the feeling away.
I stood up and walk my way to my fridge, I need a bottle of water. I need to calm my nerves down because it's all over the place.
I was about to go back to my swivel chair when I saw her by the door, she's staring at the floor and she's not even moving.
She just stood there.
I just look at her confusingly.
"Becca? What are you standing there for? Come on in." I said, smiling, because I cannot stop myself from smiling everytime I see her silhouette.
She didn't talk, she didn't move, no- nothing.
What is wrong with her? Is her dad being aggressive with her again? I swear if he does, I'll have to teach that man a lesson. A lesson that he won't ever forget.
"Ms. Sarocha, can I talk to you?" She suddenly spoke, her voice is soft but I can sense the nervousness in them, I can even see how she swallowed that nervousness away.
Did I scare her?
What's wrong with her today? Like seriously.
"Sure, Becca. Take a seat. Are you okay? Is something wrong? Are you hurt anywhere?" I asked, I didn't even know I could talk and ask questions that fast.
She didn't answer any of them. It bothered me, really. But I didn't dare to let my outburst win, I have to know what's wrong with her without scaring her.
She walk her way in front of my desk and just stood there. She didn't sit down, she just stood there as she gather up every courage she has on her nerves.
"What's wrong?" I asked again, this time, gently.
"Please answer me honestly, Ms. Sarocha. I know this is not my business to know but I guess when you confessed to me, I should know every part of you because I know I'll love you eventually." She started off.
I don't know why I'm blushing, but you know- that last sentence.
She knew she's going to fall for me. Okay, stop beating that loud, I could barely breathe jeez.
"I don't want you to lie to me." She said again. I don't know why but her eyes is telling me something I don't like.
There's.. pain and disappointment in them that is reflecting from her tears that is threatening to fall.
I want to wipe her tears away but my body doesn't want to move, I just stare at her like an idiot who doesn't know how to talk.
"Is it true that you're Freen? The Freen whom they feared?" She asked, and my heart sank.
I couldn't open my mouth to lie and deny. I don't want to lie to her, to deny who I really am. I want her to know every part of me but how can I do that when the moment she arrived in my life I began to see how sinful I am?
"Becca..." I muttered but no sentences can be formed after saying her name. Staring at her disappointed eyes, my heart felt like I was stabbed more times that I could count.
"Answer me, Ms. Sarocha. It's just a yes or no question." She said, more like begging.
After a minute of contemplating, I took a deep sigh and smile bitterly.
"Yes, Becca. I am Freen." I said. An out of my will confession.
In the first place, how did she know that?
One person who has the guts to tell her that.
Saint.
Just thinking of his name, I could feel my anger building up.
"The Freen that kills people? The same Freen who bombed a certain building because a group of men didn't acknowledge your deal? The Freen whom they call, 'devil'?" She asked and every word she lets out is accompanied by sobs and everytime I hear her sobs, my heart shatters into pieces.
I guess she knew that from the news and articles, I just know I couldn't deny because there's literally evidence everywhere.
This hurts. Fuck.
Lord, have mercy on me.
My heart hurts.
With a forced smile and a reminder who I really am, I admit all her descriptions of me.
"Yes, I am THAT Freen, Becca."
She didn't utter any word after. She just cried and cried. I can't hug her, I feel like if I do I'll stain her with all the blood and flesh I hold.
This same hands who I used to kill.
This same hands who threatened the not-so-innocent.
This same hands- that craved for her warmth.
I want to hug her and kiss her.
But she doesn't deserve a blood stained hands, does she? I know that much.
"You were the best person I knew, Ms. Sarocha. Are you lying to me this whole time? Is your feelings real? Can you even love a person?" She asked. One question after the other. I didn't reply, I feel like if I talk more than one sentence I'll burst into tears and cry like a madman.
Her words hurt, it's like she began to think that none of it is real when everything I've done for her is the only truth I show to anyone.
The way she looks at me hurts more, it's like she's in denial with everything. It's like she's begging me to tell her that none of what she said is true.
But it is the truth and eventually, it'll come around.
Specially when Saint is in the picture.
And I know damn well how to get rid of a certain rat in my life.
After a moment of silence, she spoke again.
"Ms. Sarocha, I do love you but I can't love a criminal. You knew that, specially when you sign me up to be a lawyer." She said, I just gave her a smile and shrug.
Criminal. I've been called worse than that but when it came straight from her mouth, it broke me.
I took a deep sigh to restrain the pain in my heart, I have to talk without crying. I have to.
"I know but it's your dream to be one and I want to help you with that despite the obvious outcome that we'll be enemies in the name of the law." I said and smile.
"I love you, Becca. That's the truth, along with my not-so-good identity." I said and smile as I grab my keys and a hand held case that I pull out of my drawer.
"Let's call it a day. I have an appointment today, I'll be away for who knows how long." I said and grab my things, I just know I'm on the verge of killing anyone I see and before that happens, I have to get out of here.
"I love you, Becca." I said and shut the door.
I can't help but tell her that, I feel like I have to- who am I kidding? I just know that I want to tell her that, every seconds, minutes, hours
Without hesitation.
Now, I have to find a certain rat to torture to get this anger out of me.
Where the hell is Saint?
[End of Chapter 24]
Author's Note:
Hello everyone! Belated happy new year! How are you guys doing? It's been awhile :)
I have the energy to publish a chapter. I've been accepting donations for my medications but I can't rely on that alone despite it being a very big help for me, so I guess soon I have to sell my phone. I'll have to find another device where I can write my chapters and it's gonna take a while.
Just know that I love you all!
xoxo