When Shawn had left to the States again, I felt weird - confused and sad and - like something was missing.
I didn't expect to get used so fast to him being around. But I already missed his smile in the morning and the way he'd pull a coffee from his strange old-fashioned coffee-pot over the plate to me.
I already missed the way he looked at me when he thought I didn't recognize it, with a smile in the corner of his mouth.
I already miss us sharing pizza over watching several episodes of the new Harry Potter series. (Yeah, it's ... - I don't want to spoil you guys, so pshhht.)
And even though I am flying over to Canada in less than a week, too, for the Christmas vacations, it all feels .... different now.
Shawn and I want to meet up in Toronto, so that we can do more stuff together - get to know each other (even though we've already have the feeling to know each other for years), to make some music -maybe even jam in the studio. He'd say that, sounding very excited, and my heart made some excited bumpers as well - thinking of all the fun it would be, making music with Shawn - and learning a lot from his songwriting. Despite him repeating all over again and again that my songwriting was because I catched his eye in the first place. "It was just so good. - It still is! Really - so good and so inspiring!"
I am still nervous as well.
I mean it's clearly not labeled what we have, and I guess at some point, little something in me is still tryin' to figure out wether this is all going to be over when I'm arriving in Canada. That this is all turning out as a joke - a prank or something. Cause little me does still not believe, how things between Shawn and I suddenly turned out. - Even though I really like how things turned out.
... So I am now sitting here in the subway, writing stuff in my songbook, when a message reaches me.