Since Minho is still recovering, Thomas runs the maze alone today. I haven't had the chance to see him before he left. The runners often return after lunch, so in a few hours he'll be back.
Yesterday he kissed me two times before we went into our own hammocks. The first time he wanted to give me a good night kiss, but then he kissed me again more passionate.
The first kiss already gave me butterflies, so after the second I nearly faded.
I don't know if I'll ever get used to this.
Now I'm cleaning a cut on Winstons arm. He's the keeper of the slicers, which is why I don't see him so often. He smells like blood. And that reminds me of my wrist.
I don't like thinking about it. Sometimes it triggers something inside me and I feel the need to hurt myself, even if I don't feel bad at the moment.
When Thomas comes back, I'm gonna tell him what I told Newt. About my feelings. Newt handled it pretty well. But that was maybe because of his own experience with... I don't even know.
I had breakfast already. Newt and Minho took care of it.
Today there are more people in the medhut. Winston and the boy who wanted to dance with me at the bonfire so urgently. I told Jeff, I wanted to patch up Winston. He didn't ask me about it, but he looked at me knowingly.
I don't think the people around here like the boy, James I think, very much. He must be some kind of trouble maker.
"You're ready to go." I send Winston a small smile which he returns, before he leaves.
I ignore James and sit down on a chair with my blog and start drawing something.
I walk through the hut to show Jeff my results. James is on his way to the door. When he walks past me, he quickly lays one hand on my waist before walking away and acting like nothing happened.
I shiver at the unwanted touch and stand still for a moment. Jeff is busy with cleaning up. He didn't see it. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it.
I've been here for two weeks and other than a few comments and weird looks, nobody tried anything.
I'm gonna just forget about it. It was nothing.
"Are you okay, Ruby?" Jeff looks at me with a small frown.
"Oh yeah, everythings fine. I wanted to show you my drawing, look." I give him the drawing and he smiles.
"I bet before the maze you were famous because of your talent."
"Hm of course." I respond smiling. Jeff always says things like that. He's probably one of the kindest people I know.
"How are you? Not right now but in general." he then asks me.
"I'm fine I think. I wasn't when Newt and I fought, but since then I'm doing okay. How are you?" I know it's not the same with him but it feels weird to not ask him back about how he is.
"I'm fine too. Just know that you can talk to me about anything. I'm a good listener."
I smile "I know Jeff, thank you."
"You're welcome." his expression changes into a more amused one "By the way where were you the evening Minho was here? Because I didn't see you or Thomas until yesterday morning."
If he already asks like this I know he has a suspicion. Thomas and I didn't tell the others yet and I have no idea how to do it.
"I uh I was with Thomas. In the deadheads. We were in the map room, because he still had to map the maze you know." We both know I'm lying but whatever.
"But you are not allowed in the map room?"
"And that's why I waited outside the map room." Oh god.
"Sure." he doesn't even try to hide his grin.
"Let's get lunch, I'm hungry." I try to change the topic.
"You're hungry?" he looks at me disbelieving.
"Yes." Actually I'm not.
"That's good to hear." his smile is genuine.
-
On our way to get lunch, Minho and Newt join us. Together we walk towards our table and wait for Fry to finish making lunch.
"Bon appetite. Hey Ruby." Fry puts a few trays of food on our table and greets me nicely when he sees me.
"Hi Fry, thanks."
"Everything for you, Girly." Fry winks at me jokingly.
"Luckily Thomas isn't here." Minho snickers at Newt who smiles.
I ignore his comment and eat my lunch.
-
The day passes by way slower when I have to wait for Thomas to come back from running. I decide to accept Minhos offer for jogging together.
"You're better at this then I thought, Princess."
"Thanks I guess."
Minho and I are running our fourth round around the glade. I'm a bit out of breath but I can keep up with Minho.
Running helps with clearing my thoughts and it makes the time go by faster.
I find myself thinking about James again. It was nothing, but it really affected me somehow. It feels like now it's going to be normal for him to do that, because I didn't do anything against it.
I'm afraid of what he's going to do next. I don't know why he waited for two weeks to do something like that. Maybe he didn't get the chance to before. I am often with others.
But I'm not safe in the medhut. James didn't care about Jeff.
"What are you thinking about? Let me guess! It starts with T and ends with homas, am I right?" Minho interrupts my thoughts. For once he isn't right.
"No actually I was thinking about hitting you." I say with a stone expression.
"Hitting me or hitting on me?" he says with a grin.
I groan and speed up my pace. (Wow that sounds so wrong)
-
"Loverboy really takes his time."
"He's gonna be back." Newt answers Minho.
I don't say anything.
"He has to. Otherwise Rumas won't happen. And I can't let that happen you know." Minho sends me a smile.
"What the hell is Rumas?" Newt looks at Minho irritated.
"Loverboy and Ruby."
"Ah." Newt just answers. I sigh and roll my eyes at Minho.
If he's already like this when he doesn't even know that Thomas and I are together, I don't wanna know what weird stuff he's going to say when we tell him.
And if Thomas doesn't come back, I'll have to- No, he'll make it. I know it.
I see a movement in the maze and quickly advert my gaze from the two boys.
"There he is!" Newt must have noticed him too.
I feel relieved. I knew he would make it but I was still worried as hell.
When Thomas arrives in the glade, I run over to him, wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I'm so glad he's back that I forget the others.
Thomas catches me in his arms and kisses me back passionately. His hands are in my hair and he's playing with a few strands.
When we part we both have a smile plastered on our face. He then motions at something behind me with his eyes. What's-Oh.
Minho, Newt and Jeff are standing there, staring at us. Minho grins at us, Newts mouth is open and Jeff has his eyebrows raised.
I quickly turn back to Thomas and try to hide my face in his chest.
He chuckles at my reaction.
"Woah, what did I miss when I was unconscious?" I hear Minho saying.
"Finally." I hear Jeff mumble to Newt.
Thomas takes my shoulders and turns me around so that we both face the three boys.
I have to say something "We forgot to tell you."
"Sorry." Thomas adds, not really looking sorry.
Newt sends me a warm smile "See I told you he likes you."
I smile back at him.
"Can we please get something to eat now." Thomas says in a pleading tone from behind me.
"Of course, you must be exhausted." I say and take his hand, now that the others know anyway.
"Aw." Minho comments.
Newt frowns at him. I roll my eyes and walk towards Fry, with Thomas. The others follow us.
During dinner Thomas lays his hand on my thigh under the table and draws circles with his thumb. I get goosebumps and can no longer concentrate on what Newt and Jeff are asking me.
Butterflies explode in my stomach. I can't prevent myself from blushing. It's crazy what his touch does to me.
"Tommy, quit touching your bloody girlfriend. Do it when you're alone." an annoyed Newt looks at us.
"Trust me I will." Thomas responds, a playful grin on his face.
Oh my god. He didn't just say that. I never was this close to fading I swear.
"I didn't want to know that!" Newt groans annoyed.
Jeff is laughing at him and Minho grins too.
-
The next day I don't feel so great. I feel sick and my stomach hurts. When I go to the toilet, there's blood in my pants. At first I'm scared I hurt myself but then I remember periods.
I haven't had mine yet and I've been her almost three weeks.
I know it's not a bad thing, every girl gets them. But in a place full of boys I don't enjoy the slightest.
I remember girls getting mood swings because of their periods. I hope that stuff doesn't happen to me.
I don't know if the boys know what periods are. Thomas maybe doesn't. I better don't tell anyone for now.
I take toilet paper and put it into my pants so that I won't bleed through them. Then I wash my hands and go back to Jeff.
On the days Thomas isn't in the maze I often don't go to the medhut and spend my day with him instead.
Today like I said I don't feel great. I don't wanna be around other people so much. Jeff and I both do our own things in our free time. I draw and he writes.
Hopefully James won't visit us today. I don't know if I could bear it.
"Jeff?"
"Yes?"
"Do you know what periods are?" If someone knows about them it's Jeff.
"Yes I know what periods are. Why? Are you on your period?"
He knows, that's great.
"Yes I got them this morning, but I didn't know if you guys remember they exist."
"Well I don't know if the others know, but probably. Are you not feeling well?"
"I feel a bit sick. No mood swings so far."
"You can rest in the room with the bed if you want to." That's the room where Minho was during his unconsciousness.
I accept his offer and lay down onto the bed. I never slept in a bed before. Not that I can remember. Only this one time when Thomas and Newt found me in the deadheads.
It's comfortable and soon I fall into a deep sleep.
-
"Ruby." someone whispers close to me. The person caresses my cheek softly. "It's lunch time, wake up."
I recognise Thomas voice and slowly open my eyes.
I'm laying on my side and he's smiling at me from beside the bed softly.
"Hey, sleeping beauty."
"Hey prince." Is there even a prince in the story. I don't know.
His smile widens "I'm not a prince."
"To me you are." I say to which he grins.
"Are you in pain? Jeff told me you're on your period."
"You know what periods are?"
"Sure, who doesn't?"
"I don't know." I smile. I'm glad Thomas knows.
"And yes, my stomach hurts a bit but besides that I feel okay."
Thomas helps me stand up even though I could have done it on my own. Instead of getting lunch with the others we take our trays and sit down against a tree.
Somehow we ended up with me sitting btween Thomas legs, leaning against his chest with my back while his arms are wrapped around my waist.
"Are you ready to tell me about your wrist and everything else, darling?" he carefully asks me.
I know I have to tell him anyway so why not now?
"Okay."
When he doesn't say anything else I begin "So I have these moments when I can only see the bad things in my life. I get very sad and upset and I feel like I'm a bad person. Like I don't deserve to live."
I think about what I say next. "In these moments I can't remember happiness anymore and it feels like everyone hates me. Including myself."
"I think it started on my the second day here, when I was alone. The first time I bit myself was the day you were all looking for me because I was on the tree house. I just did it without thinking and it felt kind of good."
"Since then I always did it when I felt bad. That's also why I was always hiding. I didn't want to see anyone. Sometimes I even thought about dying"
"The moments where I felt happy were when I was with you, Newt, Minho or Jeff. But don't worry about me, I feel better now. Maybe because of you."
Thomas grip around my waist tightens. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that all alone. Or did you tell anyone?"
"I told Newt because he saw my bite marks."
"That's good, he understands. Just please know that I love you and that I never lie to you. So trust me when I tell you that you're a good person. Nobody could hate you."
"Thanks Thomas. I believe you."
The boy draws small circles on my waist. Either to calm me down or to calm him down. He then kisses me on the head.
"You know what, we're gonna get out of here. I know that. And when we are in the real world we can build ourselves a house and live a happy life. Without grievers or giant mazes." he tells me in a calm voice.
"That sounds nice." I say silently, my eyes are closed.
"Yeah."
A/n:
Next chapter will happen more!!
:))
(Btw I really didn't know what to name this chapterr)
Hope you enjoyed x