‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ ✯ ‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒
‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ ✯ ‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒
PRESENT
- FOUR MONTHS LATER -
HAVING ESCAPED death (for the millionth time) was sure as hell not going to save Iris from the world's demands. Barely two days having returned from Shiganshina they had her present herself to base, and she could've sworn Commander Magath was about to pluck out her eyes with his pen from how hard he was holding it as he wrote down the report of their failed mission.
And if Magath and the other Marleyan officials were giving her enough reasons to grab a gun and see what happens, Zeke is the one handing her the gun himself to speed things up.
He's been incredibly and ridiculously demanding of her service, sending in envelopes with new targets whenever he wanted. It was as if he was in a rush or in some sort of delay in his unknown plans. In a span of four months , she had already hunted down multiple men, had grasped her hands in precious cargo and valuable secrets, and risked her life for him.
Small favors, he'd call it.
However, Iris wasn't interested in his doings. Her job was only to get her hands dirty for him in exchange of her uncle's safety and to keep her heart from bursting out of her chest. To hold herself steady by a thread. She had promised herself that she wouldn't try to get involved Zeke's games, that she would only do what she needs to do.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
She closes the door behind her as she walks in the infirmary. She stood in the waiting room, which had two rows of wooden chairs a long the walls and across the door was a small hallway. Thankfully, there were no patients at this hour.
At the sound of the door's bell, Simon Caldwell, the town's young doctor appears from the hallway. He was wearing black trousers and a white long-sleeve underneath a navy sweater vest. His brown hair was slicked back with a few front pieces resting on his forehead, and his glasses on top of his head.
She was taken back by how much more attractive he looked without them. What a bad day to sixteen.
Simon greets her with a smile, and Iris notices small dents on his cheeks. Dimples.
"Miss Elvira," he greets, walking up to her for a handshake, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"
She accepts the gesture with a smile. "Dr. Caldwell. I hope I'm not bothering you."
As they let go, he shakes his head. "Not at all. Any friend of Braun is a friend of mine. And I must say, it is quite the relief seeing you alive and well after... recent events."
Though their first meeting was messy and hostile of her part, having just learned of the news that broke her for the rest of her life, Iris soon realized Simon was a very well-mannered and friendly person. He was always at her disposal for anything and ready to greet her with kindness.
Iris sighs. "Thank you. These past days have been rough... I would be lying if I didn't say it'll be hard to adjust to life here."
"Time. It is the hardest but most effective medicine for our pain. Some believe it's laughter, but I believe that with time, we can heal," Simon gives her a comforting smile, but then his eyebrows furrow. "So sorry. In my head, it sounded better... and not at all corny."
Iris giggles. "Don't be. I liked it."
He chuckles in relief. "Well, then. Is there anything I can help you with, Miss Elvira?"
"Those sedatives you mentioned last time. I need them."
"Oh." His eyes widen slightly, caught off guard by her sudden statement. "Well, of course, but... you must understand that it's more... complicated than that... Please don't feel offended by my bluntness, Iris, but I'm afraid I can't just give you sedatives without anything in return... I'm sure you know hard it is to survive in this broken system."
"Of course, I understand you, Dr. Caldwell-"
"Simon. Feel free to call me Simon."
"Simon," she corrects herself. "You were visited by a colleague of mine a few days ago. A deal was mentioned. You were promised a generous reward in exchange of your cooperation in the clinic. Is that right?"
His eyes widen. "How did you-"
She notices the confusion and fear in his face, so she softens her gaze. "Simon, there is no need for you to worry. I won't say anything that puts you or anyone close to you in danger. I hope you'll do the same for me."
"I... This is not my place to ask, but... how did you..."
Iris knew what he meant. Who he was talking about. Zeke Yeager.
She wasn't the only one he had blackmailed into doing things for him. He had told her the medicine he had promised for her would be now delivered by Simon, and not the previous person she had been seeing for four months.
It made her wonder how did he managed to get dragged into this mess as well.
"I had to. It was either that or my failing heart taking me to my grave. I did it to protect myself and my family. We all do anything in our power to survive. I know a lot about that."
Simon sighs. "I had no choice, too. I have things to protect... people to protect. I've made promises."
Promises. What an odd thing, aren't they?
Iris steps closer, gently squeezing his shoulder with her hand. "I know what you're feeling. Trust me, and trust I'll keep your secret safe."
"Thank you," he says, and she could see the genuine sincerity in his eyes. "Come with me. I don't think this should happen in the eyes of everyone else."
She looks over her shoulder. Through the infirmary's windows, she could see Liberio's streets full with people. Anyone paying close attention to them could put them in danger.
Iris turns to him again. "Right. Of course."
Simon heads into the hallway and makes a left turn, leading Iris into a small room. There was a desk to her right, covered with papers and small glass bottles of which she assumed were medicine. To the desk's sides, running along the walls, were these tall wooden cabinet closets with glass doors, giving her a view of the contents inside them. Herbs, glass bottles, syringes, bandages; everything one finds in a doctor's office.
He walks into the right closet, opening it and grabbing a metal box and a small bottle. Then, he goes back to her.
Iris looks down at his hands, watching as he takes the small bottle filled with white cylinder pills and raises it to her eye level.
"Take this pills twice every twelve hours everyday. They'll help keep your heart's irregularity steady throughout the day," he says, handing her the pills and moving on to the metal box. "Now, this. Use these only, and only, if your heart loses control all the way. If the episodes are far too extreme and severe, use one of this sedatives and inject it into your arm or your thigh, all right? Be careful and wise with them."
Iris grabs both items and puts them since her bag. It was a crossbody messenger, its color a washed out brown with black buttons. She remembers her mother gifting her it on her very first day of the Warrior Program. She hasn't stopped using it ever since.
"I know this doesn't come entirely from your part, but thank you, Simon. Really."
"I wish there'd be more for me to do for you."
"No, no, don't say that. You've done more than enough for me." She smiles softly.
He returns the gesture. "Well, know that if there's anything else you need help with, you can find me here. Get back home safe and say hi to Reiner for me, all right?"
"I will, and thank you again," she nods as they walk back to the entrance.
Just as her hand twists the doorknob, an idea pops in her head. Iris looks at Simon.
"Actually... um, I was wondering if maybe sometime you could visit me and my uncle. He hurt his leg pretty badly a few years ago and is too stubborn to have it checked. Could you do us the favor, please?"
Simon chuckles. "Of course. I'll be there by this Wednesday, is that okay?"
Her eyes light up. "Yes! That's wonderful, Simon! Thank you- Oh! And don't eat before that."
"Uh... sure," he says hesitantly, "but can I know why?"
"Stay over for dinner. I'll cook some stew, if that's all right. It'll be my way of repaying you."
"You don't have to, Iris-"
"But I want to, Simon," she mocks jokingly.
Simon fails to hold back his laughter. "All right then. See you Wednesday, okay?"
"See ya," she waves and walks out.
‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ ✯ ‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒
"I was thinking of going to the market on Wednesday," Aaron says as he savored the last bites of his meal. "Want me to get you anything?"
Iris sat across him, drinking from her cup. She sets it down at the table and says, "Yeah, nice try, but you are not getting out your check up."
Aaron groans. "Come on, Iris! I said I'm fine. My leg is fine. Stop bothering Dr. Caldwell with an old man's health."
She crosses her arms, giving him an annoyed look. "You're forty-three, not eighty. Stop exaggerating."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he rolls his eyes. "I tried."
Iris chuckles at his defeat. She notices his plate was empty so she takes it and hers and heads to the kitchen sink, placing them down at the bottom. As her hand turns on the faucet, her eyes fall upon something next to the sink.
It was a single red rose on small pot. Curiously, her fingers reach up to touch its soft petals. She turns to her uncle.
"Tío."
He was now reading the newspaper, therefore too busy to look back at her. "Yeah?"
She grabs the small pot. "Where did you get this rose from?"
His shoulder tense a little, but Aaron keeps his cool, setting down the paper to face her. "You know that lady from upstairs, Marlene? Short, redhead and looks my age? Well, yesterday, we ran into each other in the hallway and she was carrying roses. After a small conversation, she gave me one."
"Oh, is that so?" Iris says, acting surprised. "Was she also the one to give you that sweet bread the other day?"
"Yes, but it's not that you think," he says. "I wouldn't say we're close, but she has showed me kindness in many occasions. It's rare to see that in people nowadays."
Iris is taken back. She puts down
the rose and listens attentively. "Really? How so?"
Aaron exhales deeply. "Well, after what happened with... your mother and your brothers... I felt incredibly alone and lost. You were away on the island and I had no way of knowing when you were coming back... if you were even alive... I had no one. I could barely find the strength to get up from bed, and when I did, I can remember hearing a knock on the door. It was Marlene."
Her heart slowly breaks apart as he goes on, as though someone were stabbing her with a knife. She could tell how hard he was fighting the small tears in his eyes.
"She was surprised to see the state I was in, it was like she had just seen a body rise up from the dead. Still, she greeted me with warmth and expressed her sincerest condolences. I thought she was going to yell at me for crying out loud all those nights, but she... she hugged me. She hugged me, as if she knew it was the thing I needed the most in that moment... I'll never forget that. Her kindness."
With a heavy heart, Iris leaves the sink and sits across him, reaching for his hands and gently squeezing them.
"I... I never knew," she whispers with guilt. "When you told me, I felt like... the whole world was crumbling in front of me... that I no longer had any purpose or will to live... I still do, most of the time. I've been so caught up with trying to push away any memories of them, trying so damn hard to not give in to my emotions... that I never realized you were going through the same thing... I'm so sorry."
Aaron sniffles quietly. "It's not your fault, mi niña. I understand how hard it is to grieve over the people you loved the most. It's been two years for me, and I still grieve... just in a different way now."
Iris swallows to fight the lump in her throat. "It's so hard... There was so many things I wanted to say... I'd do anything to look into their eyes and tell them how much I love them... I miss h-her... I miss my mom... so m-much... I don't think I could live without her... I don't want to."
Aaron slips one of his hands to caress her head. "I know, sweetheart... I know... and I also know that slowly, with time, it'll be easier."
"Will it?" she couldn't help but blurt out. "Because if I'm honest here, I don't believe that... and I don't have much time either."
Knowing he couldn't protest against that, Aaron simply sighs and takes her hand again. "I had a lover once. I never told you because I couldn't face the pain, but I did... Her name was Cecilia."
Iris's eyes widen slightly.
"I was twenty-two. I was walking back home, exhausted from working in the warehouses, and passed by a small sweets shop. I could see a girl cleaning tables. She had the windows open, where I saw a butterfly fly in and land on her hand. She was surprised but was quick to put on a big smile, the kind that makes you smile as well for no reason. I watched as she played with the butterfly... thinking of how I had never someone as beautiful as her... She had short blonde hair, golden like the sun, and tied with this white ribbon. I remember her dress; long and soft blue... matching her gentle sapphire eyes. I couldn't take my mind off of how happy and beautiful she looked with the butterfly so... I did something."
Iris inches closer on the table. "What did you do?"
Aaron puts on a nostalgic smile on his face. "Well, I was feeling spontaneous and had suddenly remembered I was carrying my journal so I ripped off a page and crafted a replica of the butterfly by folding it and left it quietly on the window balcony. Then, I knocked on the window, loud enough for her to hear, and hid behind a tree near by... Seconds later she approaches the window and sees it, and her eyes softened. There was something about her genuine smile that touched my heart... almost like it had come alive for the first time."
"Did she see you?" she asks.
"Not at the beginning, or I thought otherwise," Aaron tells her. "I found myself taking that path every day after work, wanting to catch a glimpse of her and leaving a new paper butterfly on her window. Just seeing the smile on her face made all my problems fade away... Then one day, as I turned away after leaving the butterfly, I hear her call out for me, but I... I was too afraid to face her... I didn't want her to see me... see what I am and be repulsed by me. She called me again, asking me if I was the one leaving the butterflies every day. I couldn't move so I simply nodded, but that only made her more curious, and before I knew it, she was standing in front of me."
Iris couldn't believe what she was hearing. All her life, she never imagined of the life her uncle and her mother lived before her. She never thought of the people they were, of their dreams and hardships they had because they made sure to never mention them, so she didn't feel the need of questioning them.
But now, listening to her uncle tell the story of a woman he loved with so much emotion in his eyes, Iris feels a heavy weight on her heart.
"When our eyes met, I realized she was even more beautiful up close. She proceeded to tell me that she always knew it was me and that she was thankful for the butterflies... that she'd liked us to be friends... but I couldn't let that happen. For all I knew, I could get hanged for simply standing outside her window."
"Why not?"
Aaron bites his bottom lip, fidgeting with Iris' fingers. "Because... I was an Eldian, a devil-blooded, and she... she was Marleyan... Our worlds could never collide. It's just the way it was."
Iris' hold on his hands become loose, and suddenly, it all seemed too familiar to her. Jean. Why was she thinking of that day on the lake?
"Her eyes had fallen on my armband, and I thought that was it. I thought the was the last time I was going to see her, and she proved me wrong by offering me a handshake and a smile," Aaron says. "She said she didn't care what I was born to, that my blood didn't define who I was... and I was lost for words."
"What happened after that?" Iris asks. "Did you see each other again?"
"Well, we both knew we couldn't be seen together so explicitly so she offered a solution. The butterflies."
She blinks. "What?"
Aaron chuckles. "She suggested we used to the butterflies to write to each other, that way we could be friends and not get caught. I'd write her notes and fold into butterflies, and she'd leave out sweets on the window with a little note. I wanted to know her name that day but she told me to save it for the butterfly... Months went by, the notes turned into letters and our friendship had blossomed. I soon started taking a liking in calling her Lia,
"We talked about everything in those letters; the stuff we liked, our dreams, our families, what we want do in the future and of course... how much we wanted to be next to each other. Then... we agreed to meet in the pine forest, away from the world's eyes and the patrol officers."
"The same forest we...?"
He nods. "Yes. The same forest you and Luis used to play in... We met there and I remember how fast we ran to each other's arms at first sight. Her hair was so soft against my skin and she smelled like roses. I never felt happier. When we pulled away, I caressed her cheek, her blue eyes on me, and I kissed her... long enough to make me realize how much I loved her."
A warm feeling embraces her. She smiles at him. "It sounds you really loved her."
Aaron smiles back. "I did... I still do, and I always will... She was my best friend... the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and love unconditionally... until..."
"Until... what?" she asks hesitantly as that warmth fades away.
He keeps quiet for a moment, as though he were looking for the strength to keep going. When he finds it, there's small tears forming in the corner of his eyes.
"Until she was taken away from me."
Iris goes still. Utterly. Incredibly. Still. Her stomach feels like it has just been punched.
Aaron lets out a long and deep sigh. "My time with Cecilia was the most precious and happiest time of my life. We managed to keep our love secret for seven wonderful months, far more than I had ever thought we could. It was perfect. It seemed almost too good to be true... and then, it was... We were found in the forest, where I had promised her a home... away from all the torment and dead... I promised her a family and us growing older together... Most importantly, I had promised myself to her. That no matter what, I'll always be by her side loving her, caring for her... protecting her,
"Then, they... they attacked me... I threw myself at Lia, trying to protect her but one of them grabbed me by my hair and dragged his knife down my face... I can still hear Lia's desperate cries,
begging them to stop."
Iris gasps quietly. Her eyes filled with horror. "Your scar... It was because of them-"
His jaw twitches as he nods. Instinctively, her hand reaches his the side of his face, tracing her thumb along the faint reddish line starting from the inner corner of his eyes, going across and finishing just below his cheek bone. Her heart breaks as a tear drops down.
"I was blinded by my own blood, stupidly oblivious to the soldier's gun aimed at me... I saw his finger curling around the trigger and I just knew... that I wouldn't be able to keep my promise to her... I had broke all my promises," Aaron swallows back his sobs between words, his hand over Iris' that still held his face and squeezing it gently. "I couldn't s-stop it... I couldn't stop her... The gun fired but... I didn't feel anything... because she h-had protected me... She saved m-me... and I... I couldn't do the same."
Iris didn't know where to begin. Her lungs had just lost the capacity to breathe.
"Those bastards silenced me... It was me who they were supposed to kill, and when that didn't happen, they threatened to kill Alma if I ever spoke a word... They scattered snd I was left with her lifeless body in my arms... her blood all over me."
"Tío... I-"
She notices a sudden change in his eyes.
"Tu madre la adoraba, ¿sabías?... Ambas se trataban cómo si fueran la hermana que nunca tuvieron. A veces, llevaba a Alma conmigo a los pinos, y cuando se encontraba con Lia, las dos se olvidaban de mi... Alma estaba sobre la luna cuando le mostré el anillo de matrimonio que le había conseguido a Lia..." He laughs softly with tears in his eyes. "Lloro como una bebé cuando le dije... hasta con mocos saliendo de su nariz."
Iris' fingers crawl up to the pendant hanging from her neck, fidgeting with the small pine cone. She sighs.
"Eso si suena cómo ella."
"Estoy seguro que las dos cuidan de la otra allá arriba... y también estoy seguro que Lia te hubiera amado."
"You really think so?"
He nods, wiping his tear marks. "You remind me of her... Strong.
Thoughtful... Warm... but most of all... you two would never hesitate to put the ones you care about first... I see her in you. I see her in the forest and in the butterflies that fly past my window... and I... I feel loved. Wanna know why?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because I know that even though I can't see her face, I feel her all around me, in my heart. She's always with me, just like your mother is and just as she is with you. Remember that."
She was expecting that.
A reminder that her mother's presence is there with her. It was hard for her to focus on that when all she can think of when her name is mentioned is the image of her mother being murdered in cold blood by a monster.
Nearly five months have passed since she killed her father. It wasn't that that bothered her. She couldn't care less about him, instead, it has been the long and agonizing month of nightmares. The same dream tormenting her every night she closed her eyes.
Running after Luis in the forest with his laughter in the air. Watching her younger self with tears embrace her mother, wishing it was her in her warmth.
The Liberio bunker. The image of her father's burned corpse standing in front of her, covered in blood and the three stab wounds in his chest. A gun in her hand. A masked man kneeling before her.
Jean.
Her same eyes staring back at her, dark and petrifying. Her blood stained face. A sick smile. She tells they're the same, born to be killers. Two sides of the same coin.
Tears falling down her face as her hand aims the gun. Jean's begging her to stop it. A gun shot, and then his lifeless eyes carve into hers.
That's usually when she wakes up. Sometimes, she's lucky enough to escape the gun shot, and others, she is forced to look at his dead body.
She jolts up. Screaming. She can't breathe. Cold sweat. Her face on fire and her heart hammering against her chest. It has become a routine, an endless cycle of torture where sedatives seem to be the only thing that can stop the pain.
Iris knows this worries her uncle. She can see the way he looks at her when he bursts into her room late at night, the way his eyes fill with terror as he wraps his arms around her. He's scared of what it's doing to her.
It scares her, too. Which is why she has decided to do anything in her power to protect herself from that nightmare; staying up all night, trying not to give in to the voices in her head. It took a few days to adapt, but she knew it was the only way she could be safe.
Perhaps sleeping is a bit overrated.
The next morning, as she's eating her breakfast, her uncle walks in and greets her with a kiss on top of her head.
Then, he frowns as he looks down at her, noticing the traces of exhaustion in the dark shadows under her eyes. "Mi niña, no dormiste nada, ¿verdad? Te ves terrible."
She scoffs softly, chewing on her bread. "Good morning to you, too, I guess."
Aaron realizes. "I'm sorry. Good morning, sweetheart."
Iris hums at that. She takes an empty cup and fills it up with warm coffee, mixing in two spoons of sugar.
"No, but really," he says, taking a seat across her, "did you stay up all night again? I haven't heard any screaming or crying lately so I figured... I don't know, the nightmares went away for good, or something. I didn't know you were staying up all night."
She shrugs, placing the cup right before him, coming off a little harsher than she intended. "Yeah, well, it's easier to avoid them this way. I don't have to see their faces anymore."
His eyes soften. "Iris-"
"No, no, I know that you're going to say." She gets up, raising her hands in the air defensively, as she leaves her plate on the kitchen sink. "But I believe there's nothing else I can do. I mean, you've seen me. I wake up screaming in the middle of night and use strong sedatives to calm down because I'm having a heart attack. Trust me, it's no fun, and the massive headaches I have in the morning aren't either."
"I'm just worried about you, mi niña," Aaron says in a soft voice. "I don't want to see you hurting yourself."
"I know you are, but there's no need to, really. If you look at it on the bright side, you can sleep in peace now. No more waking up to my screaming. Doesn't that sound nice?"
Aaron couldn't help but smile. "Though it does sounds nice, I would never mind waking up and hugging you until you feel safe."
Iris smiles as well. She turns around, facing the sink and window, and starts washing dishes. Her uncle sips on his coffee and begins his daily dosis of the newspaper.
"You know what I've been thinking?"
"What?" she asks him, turning around.
Aaron sets down the paper for a moment. "I think we should make empanadas, you know, like we used to before. It'll be fun. Besides, I'd like to repay Marlene's kindness."
"Careful. She might get the idea you're asking her out."
He scoffs. "Yeah, right. There's only one woman in my life, and that is Cecilia. Period. Have some respect for your aunt, you brat."
Iris laughs. "My bad. It's just that Marlene's head over heels for you."
A proud smirk starts to form in his face. "I still got it, eh?"
"Please," she says, rolling her eyes playfully, "humble yourself. Didn't you just say there's only one woman in your life? I'd come down and slap some sense into you if I was my Aunt Cecilia."
"There is only one woman! Y esa eres tu, mi amor!" Aaron defends, raising his finger up to his love in the sky. He turns to her, glaring. "Stop saying nonsense. She'll hear you."
Iris smiles widely at him. All these years and his love for her is still strong. She wondered if someday it could be the same for her.
"As I was saying, the empanadas. What do you think?"
She nods. "Sure, why not? I'll pass by the market when I come back."
"All right, and- wait a minute," he says, narrowing his eyes in confusion. "When I come back? What are you talking about? Didn't they give you a free week?"
She goes still. For a moment, they remain in silence, a silence so deep that only the faint sounds of Liberio's streets could be heard. Iris lets it flow past her ears, washing dishes as if nothing happened.
"Well, sales in the market haven't been that great lately so I'll check next week after work. How does that sound?"
Aaron wasn't fully convinced. "Okay, but why are you even dressed up? It's seven in the morning."
Iris looks down at her clothes. A white uniform with black suspenders and belt, and her combat boots. This was her combat uniform, the one she has been sent to war in all her life. He just didn't realize it.
"What wrong with it? This is what I usually wear at home."
He scoffs, "Please. You look like a bird's nest at home. You can't fool me. They're making you go to work on your break, aren't they?"
"No," she says.
It was a lie.
His eyebrows furrowed at the way she avoided facing him and the tension in her shoulders, but didn't push it. He continues reading the news.
On the other hand, Iris lets out a relieved sigh, quiet enough for him
not to hear. She could feel herself getting nervous, and she knew why. Sooner or later she was going to spill the news she's been keeping in all week, and it is going to be ugly,
"How's Reiner doing, by the way?"
"Reiner?" she frowns. "Why'd you ask?"
"I haven't seen the boy in a while. I've been wondering how he's doing."
Iris turns the faucet off and grabs a dry cloth for her wet hands before going back to her seat.
"He's good. I think," she says. "He's still a bit shaken like the rest of us, but he's holding on... Losing Bertholdt and being thrown back into this shirty place hasn't been easy for neither for us. I sometimes worry about him."
Aaron sighs, shaking his head. "Poor kid. I can't imagine what's going through his head."
Iris looks down at her hands, suddenly recalling the horrifying sensation of someone else's blood in them.
"Yeah... me neither."
"Tell him to stop by our place some day. I'd love to have dinner with him like we used to. We sure haven't done that in a while. Besides, we agreed to go for drinks."
"Really? You did?" she asks in surprise. "When?"
"Few weeks ago," he says, sipping on the last of his coffee. "I told him that he'll need someone to teach him how to drink and that I'd gladly be the one... The boy has never had his father beside him, Iris... Someone has got to teach him this stuff, don't you think?... I've known him since you two were just two little rascals, dressed in uniform too big for you to fit in to... Now, you two are Warriors, and I couldn't be any more proud."
Iris gasps softly. "Wow... I never knew you and Reiner were this close. I just figured you liked him enough because he was my friend. I don't think even Pieck can come this close."
Aaron smiles. "He's a good kid, Iris. He's always been. An amazing friend to you. Pieck, too."
"Yeah, they are," she whispers, a small smile on her lips.
"Not to scare you, but your mother always hoped you'd marry Reiner."
"W-What?" she exclaims in a high pitched voice, surprising herself.
He laughs at her panicked reaction. "Relax! She just thought you two were cute together and Reiner would be so obvious sometimes. It was pretty funny watching her tear up at the thought. I always told her-"
The words were fading away slowly. Iris couldn't believe what she just heard.
Her, married? Not only that, but to Reiner? She couldn't deny that didn't freak her out, but she didn't understand why.
Marriage has never really crossed her mind before, perhaps because she didn't allow it to, but Iris knew the kind of life that was ahead of her. She has never had time to put her dreams as a priority. Her family's safety came before everything else.
But was marriage really ever something she dreamed of? She didn't have the answer to that.
In that very moment, as her eyes space out, Iris imagines a different life. No wars. No violence. No Warriors. Just peace.
She's in this same apartment, seating in this exact table, making dolls out of pine cones like the ones from her childhood. The sun's warm light beams through the window and the trees outside shake their green leaves with the wind.
A hand touches her back; it's Reiner. Her husband.
He kisses her cheek lovingly and she smiles at him. He sits across her, right where her uncle was supposed to be, and she asks him how was work. Reiner tells her it went well, then she goes back to her pine cones. A child-like voice echoes in the apartment, and her ears perk up at it.
A toddler comes running from one of the rooms, a big toothy smile on his face as he extends his arms out for Reiner. A pair of long arms pick him up and plants soft kisses all around the boy's face as he laughs.
Iris' gaze lingers on the boy. He had dark hair, like hers, but short and spiky. His skin was fair, with small freckles across his round cheeks. His eyes were sharp, almond-shaped, and tinted with a an intense brown color. She notices the tiny mole on his eyelid.
There was only one person with a mark like that. It was then when her eyes drifted to who the child was hugging. Spiky ash-brown hair, similar to the boy's. Light brown eyes. A familiar olive shirt. A faint scar in the bridge of his nose.
She blinks several times to make sure she was seeing correctly, and there, was Jean. Smiling at her.
Jean, as in her-best-friend-who-she-betrayed-and-shouldn't-cross-her-mind Jean.
Jean, who torments her every night in her dreams.
Jean, who no matter how hard her heart fights it, it still remembers his name.
Everything suddenly fell into place in her imagination. There wasn't anything odd about it, instead, it felt right. She didn't feel the need to question why Reiner was no longer in the picture. Jean was there, snd that was enough for her.
Her heart fills full. She feels safe. Loved- No. Wait. That's not right.
Why is she thinking of that? Of him?
What kind of sick games is her mind trying to play by making her imagine a life where she's married to Jean?
The sudden realization made her stomach sink. She couldn't get the image out of her head. It replayed itself endlessly, spreading like venom.
What is happening to her?
Then, Jean appears again. His hand is reaching for her cheeks. His touch is soft, like the warmth of his embrace. He's leaning in. Hot, heavy breaths clashing. He makes a quiet, desperate sound, and his lips. His lips inch closer.
Closer.
And then-
"NO!" Iris screams in horror.
Aaron nearly falls off his chair at her sudden outburst. He watches as her eyes blink rapidly, trying to return to her senses. She's panting, hard. Sweat is dripping down her face. She's shaken. Really shaken.
He runs to her immediately, grabbing her trembling shoulders. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? Iris, look at me. It's okay."
"W-What," she whispers. Her eyes find his. "Tío... I-"
Aaron nods. "Yes, I'm here. What happened? Are you okay?"
Iris groans, ruffling her hair in frustration. She flops back into her chair. Aaron kneels in front of her, taking her hands in his.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just... spacing out and got too ahead of myself. It's nothing, really."
"Nothing? Iris, you were shaking, for heaven's sake. That didn't look like nothing to me. What's wrong?"
"It is nothing! I'm fine. I promise."
"Iris-"
"But, oh! Would you look at that? It's already eight. I need to go," she exclaims, pointing at the clock hanging from the wall behind him, and sneaking right out of his hold.
Aaron stands up. Outright dumbfounded. "What? Where are you even going? It's Monday, and- Iris!"
She had left him hanging in the kitchen, storming off to her room and soon coming out with a bag. It wasn't her usual messenger bag she used every day, but full on baggage. She heads for the front door, rushed, mumbling incoherent things to herself.
"Iris!" Aaron raises his voice. "Where the fuck are you going? What's with the bag? Stop lying to me and tell me what is going on."
She looks back. hesitant. Her shoulders drop. Her lips tremble.
"Mi niña, if there's something you want tell me, do it," Aaron sighs. "Whatever it is, know that you can trust me and I'll be okay. Now, please, put the bag down and we'll talk-"
"I can't."
"What?... Why not?" he asks, starting to feel uneasy. "Please, Iris, tell me. You're scaring me."
Iris lets out a long sigh. She knew there was no playing around with it anymore. She had to tell him, or she's sure she will regret it.
"Remember, a few days ago, you heard some people talking about a supposed attack on the coast and I... I told you that everything was fine and that you must've heard wrong?"
Aaron nods slowly. "Yes... what about it?"
"Well...," she gulps, "I lied to you."
"I-I don't understand... Where are you trying to get with this-"
"We're at war."
There. She expected a huge weight to drop off her tense shoulders, but it did the complete opposite actually. Her uncle's eyes widen in raw confusion.
"War?... What are you talking about?"
"The Paradis Operation failed. We've lost two Titans. Marley has never been as vulnerable as it is now... and it seems the rest of the world took that to their advantage... The Mid-East Allied Forces have declared war on Marley... You'd expect the government to take this with precaution, but they won't... They're sending their troops to the front lines today... and the Warriors with them," Iris explains, watching her uncle's face turn into pure terror.
‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ ✯ ‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒
"So how did he take it?"
Iris groans, pouring her face into her palms in frustration. "Awful. Terrible. I wanted to kill myself," she says, but it came out so muffled.
Reiner's gaze softens.
The two Warriors sat across from each other in a table booth, sitting at the far end of the cubicle. Their superiors sat together on the other booths, discussing strategies for their response. Zeke amongst them.
An hour had passed since their train departed from Liberio, and now they're making their journey back to their deaths. At least, Marley had enough generosity to place them in the same cubicle as their commanding officers.
Being in the same space as the other groups was not fun at all. It's always too crowded, reeked of sweat and men who are ignorant of the term 'respect'.
Iris would always find herself being stared at like a prey by men thrice her age. She didn't want to imagine what they're capable of now that she's older.
A sigh escapes her lips. "You should've seen the look on his face, Reiner... Saying he was devastated is way too much of an understatement. He was crying, begging me not go... It broke me to leave him like that."
Someone takes a seat next to her. Porco. He greets both of them with a quick nod of his head. Then, he crosses his arms and rests them on the table.
"Who? Your uncle?" he asks, joining the conversation.
"Yeah," Iris says. "I sort of told him I was leaving for the war just now... like minutes before leaving Liberio."
Porco's lips hang apart in shock. "Well, shit, Iris. Are you trying to send the poor man to an early grave or what?"
She groans again, ruffling her hair in shame. "I know..."
"I don't understand. Why didn't you just tell him before?" Reiner asks.
"He was so happy when I told him they were giving us a small break and that we could spend more time together, then they announce this and I... I couldn't find the courage to break his heart so I kept it a secret, deciding that I would just sneak out when the time comes. I figured it'd be easier. I wouldn't have to say goodbye again and not know if I meant it."
"So what did you do, then?"
Iris sighs. "Well, I stayed up all night yesterday, practicing how I would tell him, and then, the morning came. We ate breakfast, everything was okay, so I figured it'd be the right the time... until he asked about you, Reiner, and he..."
"And he... what?"
"He, um, he said something that really freaked me out and... Anyway. I couldn't focus anymore. I was on the edge and had suddenly blurt out that I was leaving. He was shocked, at first, Then, he was angry. Not at me, I supposed, but at them," she says, secretly pointing at the Marleyan officials with her eyes.
Porco follows her gaze. "Angry? How so?"
Iris gives him a look. "How would you feel if the only family you have left on a suicide mission for the benefit of your shitty ass government, then showed up after five years of no contact, not even knowing if they were even alive, and now, four months later, just as you think nothing can separate you again, you suddenly wake up one day and those some bastards throw them back into war, like some pawn whose life is to be played with?... I think I'd pretty angry, too."
Porco's face goes sour. His eyes narrow warily at her as he grits through his teeth, "Well, my family didn't exactly come back, remember?"
She widens her eyes, realizing her stupidity. "Shit, Porco, I'm sorry. I didn't meant to- I wasn't thinking."
"Whatever," he mumbles. "It's fine."
Iris glances at Reiner. He looks uncomfortable at the unspoken reference to Marcel, Porco's brother, but knew not to say anything. He was just starting to get on Porco's good graces, enough for him to tolerate being around him, and Reiner wasn't planning on messing that up.
The air around them had grown tense. Porco notices the awkward and nervous stances Reiner and Iris were in, so he decides to break the barrier.
"If you two are gonna act like oblivious idiots, I'm gonna leave," he says, acting irritated so they'd lighten up, but it didn't come off as planned. Reiner only cleared his throat, and Iris muttered a quick sorry. Porco huffs in defeat. He turns to Iris, as a second attempt to shift the conversation.
"So what did your uncle say about Reiner?"
"Huh?"
"Your uncle," he reminds in an annoyed tone. "You said he said something about him and you got all freaked out. What was it?"
Reiner's eyes fall on her, and she gulps.
"O-Oh, that... It was nothing. Forget about it."
"Nuh-uh, Elvira," Porco shakes his head. "You ain't getting out this one. After your precious, little speech back there? Hell nah, you owe me. Now spill."
Iris frowns. "Why do I owe you-"
"Spill."
Reiner's intense gaze was making her nervous. How was she supposed to say it without making things awkward? She didn't know how he was going to react, but clearly, Porco wasn't going to leave her alone until she speaks.
"He said that-"
"Galliard!" Zeke calls from a far.
Porco groans, annoyed. He curses under his breath and points his finger at Iris. "This isn't over. You better tell me when I get back."
With that, he walks away. Iris exhales in relief. She didn't even notice she was holding her breath.
"I hope your uncle didn't reveal my secret and scared you," Reiner says.
"What secret?" she asks, praying it wasn't going to be any more of her mother's wishes where she's married.
"That I'm actually a really ugly goblin disguised as human that feeds off the souls of girls with long, black hair."
Iris laughs, feeling her nerves wash away instantly. "Oh, really?"
Reiner fought the smile climbing up his lips and nods, furrowing his eyebrows to give himself an intimidating look. "Yeah. I was actually hoping I'd sacrifice you tonight, but I guess that won't happen now that my secret was revealed... Man, this sucks."
She covers her mouth to silence her giggles. Reiner gives in as well, proud of his success to make her laugh. He smiles, too.
After a few deep breaths, Iris regains composure. She gives him a small grin.
"Thanks."
His heart warms up at the sound of her sweet voice. He returns the gesture. "No problem."
Then, he notices her eyes look at something behind him and then return to him. When she gets some reassurance, she leans in, whispering, "Promise me you won't freak out too if I tell you?"
Reiner mimics her, nodding. "I promise."
Iris takes one last deep breath.
"My uncle told me that when we were kids, my mom thought that we'd grow up and marry each other. He said that was her wish..."
"What?" He couldn't hide his surprise. His lips hanged apart, but no words seemed to come out.
Him, marrying Iris?
Now that's something he'll never be able to wipe from his mind.
Iris sees his reaction and becomes hesitant, but goes on. "I know... I'm not the only one that finds it... strange, right?"
"Huh? What is?"
"Well, us... you know, getting married," she says. "I mean, we've known each other since we were kids. I just... wonder why my mom wanted us to get married...."
Reiner swallows, feeling heat rise up his neck. His collar suddenly feels too tight, and this room too hot. He was grateful Iris' eyes were on the table and not on him.
"Then... I started thinking if I ever saw myself getting married. I had never really thought about it before my uncle mentioned it, and I think... that the realization of not knowing what I want was what really freaked me out... I-It's silly, I know-"
"No, Iris... trust me, it's not silly... and it's okay if you don't know right now. There's time."
Iris chuckles sarcastically. "Please, Reiner, of all people, you would know that for us, there's no such thing as time. Before we know it, we'll be chained up and served to the next holders. Time is running for us."
He wishes he could prove her otherwise, but she was right. They don't get normal lives like the rest of the world does. The harsh reminder of it made Reiner sigh.
Iris' eyes wander off to the window to her left. The sun poured its light gracefully into the broad horizon, the rocky mountains standing tall and the green meadow dancing along with the wind. For the first time, she saw beauty hiding beneath the cruel world she was born into.
It was comforting, to know there's still light in the darkness.
"Do you think we'll survive this?"
She glances at Reiner for a moment. He, much like her, admired the view outside the train's window, but there was something different about his eyes. They were duller than their usual golden color. Emptier. It was hard to describe, but it was like Reiner had given up on something.
Perhaps, on his will to live.
"We've survived everything up until now, haven't we?" Iris remarks. "No matter the odds, we're always there for each other. This shouldn't be any different... It's just like you told me once; we keep moving forward."
"Right."
It was almost as if he wasn't sure he could trust her words, making her sigh. Out of the sudden, her uncle's words flash through her mind.
"Few weeks ago," he had said as they had breakfast. "I told him that he'll need someone to teach him how to drink and that I'd gladly be the one..."
A thought crosses her.
"I have an idea..."
He looks at her. Curious.
"Once we get back, and all of this is over, I say you and I... go out for a drink," she proposes. "Think about it. We'd talk and laugh until the sun rises. Drink till we can't remember our own names... It'd be one night for us to forget about our burdens... One night only... to feel alive."
Reiner exhales softly at the thought.
"I... I'd love to."
Iris smiles warmly. "All right, then. We'll survive this, and have a drink. That's a promise. You can't back out, you know."
Reiner chuckles, making her smile grow bigger. He nods with sincerity. "I won't. I promise."
"Good."
With that, she turns to the golden horizon once again, and in a whisper, Reiner says, "It'll be our promise."
Our promise.
She liked the sound of that.
‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ ✯ ‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒
8.4k words
NOTE:
THANK YOU GUYS FOR 10K READSSSS, IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME SO THANK YOU SO MUCHHHH 🤍🤍🤍
i actually started this story out of PURE boredom, like one day i just randomly asked myself "what if i write a jean fic just for funsies??" and here we are 💀
what can i say? i'm just a teenage girl 💔
once again, thank you so much for your love and support, i hope you enjoyed this chapter and continue to enjoy it 🤞🤞🤞
let me know your thoughts <333