You sit in a conference room with Himiko, Uncle Jin, Atsuhiro and Spinner, minding your own business, drawing quietly in your sketchbook with a pencil while swinging your legs under the table.
You hadn't really been talking much today at all. You'd woken up with that empty, heavy feeling weighing down on your chest, and it made you not really want to talk to anyone.
The others had given up trying to get you to be your usual chirpy self, just letting you continue to draw your pictures as long as you seem content doing so. They were being their usual selves, Jin and Himiko being all cuddly and giggly and playing around with each other while Spinner throws the occasional comment in, and Atsuhiro brings them back down to earth when they all start getting a little too rowdy.
They did keep checking in on you occasionally though, Himiko would always be sure to coo over your drawing and rub her cheek against yours, Uncle Jin would just randomly pet your hair while he was talking to the others, Atsuhiro would say: 'are you okay, little lady?' here and there, and Spinner would give quiet words of praise and reassurance that your drawing was really good.
You weren't sure why you were feeling so weird today. You don't think you were getting sick, it was too similar to the way you had felt a little while ago now, when Dabi had reassured you that whatever it was wasn't going to last forever, but while it was there, he would look after you.
But he wasn't right now, because he had to work, and Tomura was still away.
You missed Tomura a lot. You missed having him around as a relatively calming presence. You missed him teaching you math instead of Uncle Jin, because Jin was a little confusing at the best of times, and Atsuhiro explained things in a way that was too complicated for you.
You missed playing shrines with him a lot, too. You missed being close to him while you were playing, because it was the only time you felt like he was completely relaxed with you pressed against him. You even miss seeing him and Dabi share brief kisses, which is something you thought you'd never say or think. There was something reassuring in seeing them doing it, like if they still loved each other, things were okay and you were still a family.
You missed mom, too. It was getting close to Christmas. You could hear other people talking about it when you wandered around Dabi's workplace, the coworkers that you didn't really have much to do with asking the others if they were going to be seeing their families and if they had any plans. And although you never really had Christmas with your mom, you liked watching the movies while she slept on the couch. When Grandma was around, sometimes she would come to your house and argue with your mom a little while she made special food for you both. You never got any presents really, the present was the special food and having Grandma to talk to and play with for a little while, your mom usually sleeping the day away as usual. It wasn't the same kind of Christmas that you'd see in the movies, but it was your version of Christmas, and the idea of not having that made the weight on your chest ache even more.
Because you had a new family now, and you loved them, but they hadn't spoken about Christmas, and you hadn't heard any of the music or watched any of the movies yet. So you wondered if you'd even have a Christmas at all.
You're completely lost in thought as you continue to shade in the scar on the portrait of Tomura you're doing, as part of your job you needed to do while he was away, but it seems to attract Himiko's attention.
"What're you thinking about, Star?" She asks curiously, her own yellow eyes thoughtful as she scans your face. She grins at you soon after. "You look so cute right now!"
She rubs her cheek against yours affectionately again, gently wrapping her arms around your shoulders so as to not jog you. She'd done that earlier and you'd accidentally snapped at her, and Atsuhiro had to calm the situation down. You felt a little bad about it, but you wanted the drawing to be perfect for when you saw Tomura again.
"Christmas." You reply quietly, continuing to draw even with Himiko pressed against you like you're one of your teddies.
"Oooh! I love Christmas!" Himiko replies excitedly. "Have you written a letter to Santa yet?"
"A letter?" You ask, pausing the scraping of your pencil against the paper.
"Yeah! You gotta write him a letter, otherwise how will he know what to bring you on Christmas?" Himiko replies.
"But only good kids get Christmas presents from Santa..." You reply, a little confused.
"You're good." Himiko nods to herself, and the others all hum agreements.
"But I broke a window." You remind her. You weren't stupid, you know that breaking things is bad, even if Dabi was nice about it.
"That was an accident!" Jin exclaims defensively. "Can't kid me, kid. Saw murder in your eyes that day."
"You're silly, Uncle Jin." You reply absentmindedly, returning back to shading your drawing of your missing pa.
"Write letters with me!" Himiko exclaims, squeezing you a little tighter. "I want new needles, and a new cat plushie, and I want a cute coat and maybe a skirt..."
You're uncertain, despite the immediate pausing of your drawing. She takes this as a sign to go ahead, though, and gently pries the pencil from your hands, taking a pen from Spinner and thanking Atsuhiro cheerfully when there's a puff of blue and suddenly there's a notepad in front of her.
You allow her to push your sketchbook away into the center of the table so she can rip a piece of paper and put it in front of you instead, placing the pen Spinner had given her next to it and skilfully grabbing another pen when Uncle Jin pretends to stab her with it.
"May I look through this, little Star?" Atsuhiro asks, moving the sketchbook closer to himself.
"Okay..." You agree reluctantly, looking over at Himiko's piece of paper to see how you should start the letter.
She sees this, and begins explaining what to do, telling you it's polite to wish him a merry Christmas, and then ask for what you want, and then you have to end the letter politely telling him that you hope he gets lots of rest after delivering presents to everyone.
You stick your tongue out in your focus while writing your letter, something Spinner chuckles at, and Himiko whispers 'cute' about lovingly.
When you're done, Himiko asks to read yours so she can make sure it's right for Santa. You shyly slide the scrap paper to her, and she sways happily before leaning forward slightly to read it.
'Santa,
I hope you have a merry christmas with your wife and the elves. Can you give Rudolph a pet from me?
This christmas I'd really like my pa to come and see me, and to play shrines with him and maybe see Uncle Giran and Hakuchō too. Can you maybe leave some yummy food, too?
Make sure you get lots of rest, thank you for always making good peoples christmases nice.'
You wait anxiously for Himiko to okay the letter, but instead she just peers at you from the corners of her eyes before sliding it to Uncle Jin before you can stop her. Spinner and Atsuhiro are busy flicking through the sketchbook together, pointing at the odd drawing here and there, and not paying any attention to you all.
"Aw, ya missing Shigaraki, Star?" Jin asks, gently pulling you onto his lap. "You can't ask Santa for people, it's gotta be things like toys, or snacks like you got down there. Ain't gonna get into the kidnappin' business kid, that'd be messy."
"Oh." You murmur. You can't really think of something else you want.
"Why don'tcha put down that you want that console Shigaraki's always playin' on, and the game?" Jin tries to encourage as Himiko pulls out another page from the notebook so you can try again.
"I don't know what it's called." You reply quietly.
"It's a Switch." Spinner informs you from across the table, his eyes still on the sketchbook Atsuhiro's analytically going through. "And I think the game will be one of the Legend of Zelda games."
"I think I've heard 'Mura say that before." You say, turning to look at Jin, who nods and squeezes you gently.
"Let's try again then. Used to help my little girl with these all the time. It's like Christmas came early!"
So with Jin and Himiko working together, and with a few suggestions from both Atsuhiro and Spinner, you rewrite your letter.
'Dear Santa,
I hope you're not working too hard, and have time left over this Christmas to spend time with your wife and the elves. Can you give Rudolph and the other reindeer pets for me?
I've tried to be good this year, and would really like a Nintendo Switch with Legend of Zelda so I can play it while my pa's away. I would also like some more sketchbooks and drawing pencils, because everyone says I'm good and should keep practicing. Can you also bring us tasty food? Anything that isn't fish, please, because my pawpaw doesn't like that.
Thank you for always working hard on Christmas to bring presents for all the good people in the world!
Star.'
"Much better!" Himiko praises. "Have you had Christmases before?"
"Kind of." You reply, re-reading your letter.
Uncle Jin mimes cutting his throat at Himiko for some reason, and you lean back against him, looking up at him.
"I wanna show Dabi."
"Sure thing, hon." Jin agrees, letting you go so you can slide off of his lap.
"I'll come too!" Himiko says, grabbing your hand, but leaving her own letter behind.
"I'll keep hold of this, little Star." Compress says, marbelising your sketchbook and sliding it into his inner coat pocket, patting it afterwards. "Safe and sound."
"Thank you, Atsuhiro." You say, kissing his mask briefly as though you were kissing his cheek as you pass.
Himiko excitedly talks to you about all the Christmases she's had before as you walk through the building towards Dabi's little office, telling you about all the cute clothes she got from Santa before her quirk manifested, and then telling you about all the food her parents used to make, too. You ask her why Santa stopped bringing her presents when her quirk manifested, but she skirts around the subject, just talking louder about what you could all do for Christmas, and telling you that she really really hopes that Santa gives you what you asked for, because you've been really good this year, especially when you helped save everyone from the heroes when they stormed the bar.
You'd been so focused on the fact you'd done bad things like accidentally making Hakuchō sick, telling Dabi you hated him and smashing up your room when Imasuji appeared in the bar, and when you'd accidentally broken the window, that you'd completely forgotten about that. That was a good thing, because Dabi was hurt, and the others could have been hurt too if you hadn't used your quirk. That must have counted as a really good thing, right?
When you get to Dabi's office, it's just him and another person in there. Geten, the hooded man that wore a mask just like Atsuhiro did, but you'd never ever seen him without it. Geten and Dabi didn't really get on very well from what you'd seen, so you're a little curious as to what they were talking about when Himiko storms in with you.
"What're you doing, Toga?" Dabi asks tiredly.
"Me and Star wrote letters to Santa!" She announces happily. "Star hasn't written one before, so she wanted to show you."
You let go of Himiko's hand to approach Dabi, saying a quiet and shy hello to Geten, who simply bows his head slightly to you.
Dabi moves your hair out of your face gently, his eyes sliding to Geten who's sitting opposite.
"Come back in five."
"Are you for real?" Geten asks, almost in humorous disbelief.
"Did I fu- did I stutter? Scram." Dabi spits, but allows you to climb onto his lap.
You give him the piece of notepad paper, watching as Geten gets up in a huff, his chair scraping against the floor loudly and the door slamming behind him. Dabi just completely ignores him, too busy reading your letter to Santa.
"That's a good letter, Starshine. Don'tcha want more than that, though?" He asks, passing you back the letter and looking at you.
"I asked for Tomura first but Uncle Jin said Santa doesn't kidnap people." You explain. "Yummy snacks, things for drawing and a Switch is good."
Dabi looks at you thoughtfully before kissing your temple gently. "M' sure Santa can do that for you, cuddle bug."
"Santa won't bring you presents if you keep being mean to Geten and Hakuchō." You remind him.
"Santa ain't gonna bring me anything anyway. I ain't good, and I ain't a kid." Dabi rolls his eyes.
Himiko squeals in excitement and points at him, clasping her hand over her mouth at the same time Dabi's eyes widen.
"What?" You ask curiously, looking between them both.
"Nothin' darlin'." Dabi soothes. "Toga's just excited the lyin' quirk is gone."
"It's been gone for ages. Silly." You murmur, leaning against him more. "Can I stay here and have a hug?"
Dabi squeezes you gently. "Can have hugs later, doll. Somethin' wrong?"
"I have that hungry in the heart feeling again." You murmur quietly to him.
"Oh, honey." He sighs, brushing your hair back and kissing your temple again. "It'll go away, I promise. We'll hug later, 'kay?"
"Okay." You sigh, wrapping your arms around him for a little longer, trying to treasure him while you have him.
At least you had your first visit from Santa to look forward to.
*•*
You'd been taken home by Atsuhiro after Dabi's meetings overran, and you'd had to take yourself to bed for the first time in a long while.
It didn't help the deep emptiness that felt like it was soaking into your bones, but sleep came quick enough for you to not have to dwell too much on it.
Your sleep was peaceful too, you were dreaming of snow, reindeer and your family eating steaming hot meals and opening presents together, and not your mom for once.
You come around slowly when you feel warm arms curling around you and squeezing you gently, bringing you back against a firm body that you can feel the ridged scars and metal staples on.
"Pawpaw?" You ask sleepily.
"Sleep, hon." Is the hushed response.
"What're you doing?" You continue to ask, yawning.
"Holdin' you like I promised." Dabi replies, nuzzling his face against the top of your head in the way that you know means your hair will get caught in his metal sutures.
"Oh." You murmur, readjusting your face on the pillow.
You lay there quietly, Dabi curled around you and provided the presence you needed earlier to make the empty feeling feel a little more bearable.
The heat that radiates off him lulls you back off to sleep pretty quickly, the darkness slowly pulling you back in.
You think you're just about to fully drop off when you hear Dabi murmur something.
You hum curiously, too sleepy to do anything else.
"Just sayin' I'd kill anyone that touches you, Star." He says firmly. "You're my darlin' girl. Ain't no-one ever gonna wrong you or make you sad on my watch."
"You're scary sometimes, pawpaw." You reply, your voice thick and drowsy. "Love you."
"Love ya too, Starshine. Sleep now."
You wonder what set him off, but are too weighed down with tiredness and cozy to wonder too much about it before you fall straight back to sleep, safe and surrounded by love.