the next week, i met jackie at our normal time, during both our free periods, in the extra room.
she looked utterly defeated.
"whats going on?" i asked sincerely, feeling excited to finally get one on one time with her again. no walter boy or drama over head.
the rumors were right, cole and erin were done. erin kept her head down in the hallways, and cole tried to act normal. but he'd sneak a few glances every now and then.
and, slyly asking jackie about the tense conversation we watched from above, my suspicions were right. cole had been helping parker prepare for her game, and after promising to be there for support, never showed. just like what he did to jackie.
for what, was still unknown.
was he with erin? were they in the middle of a break up fight? or was he with another girl?
i turned my focus back towards jackie, who still hadnt answered my question, in hopes to stop the useless thoughts and questions within my head right now.
she sighed heavily, "its not been my day."
my eyebrows shrunk, "why?"
"its lucy's birthday today," she looked down at the pen in her hands, the one that was usually scribbling down notes and to do lists, "my sister." i nodded along with her words, "and we used to do this thing," she stumbled a few times, "like, um, give each other tea pots for our birthdays and then use them together." i nodded again, "but then, the walter kitchen is so chaotic, it ended up getting broken this morning." she held the tears from slipping out of her eyes with the back of a finger, and pushed a stray piece of hair back in her tight ponytail.
"thats a lot of emotions, jackie." i let my clipboard lay flat on my lap, "whats the most prominent one?"
jackie thought for a moment, "longing. i just miss them, i miss birthdays. i miss having tea parties with her. and, after what happened in the bathroom-" jackie stopped herself, catching her breath but also clamping her jaw closed.
"what happened in the bathroom?"
"just paige and the other girls." she forced out with an eyeroll, "talking about me and my family." she let a few tears out at that, "i just really wish they were here to make me feel better."
wanting to press more about what the girls had said, and how she felt about it, jackie realized she needed to run to her car for something before next period.
"ok, but jackie," i called out, making her hesitate at the door before stepping out, "just make sure that today is still a good day." she tilted her head at me, "let it be her birthday, dont ignore that." i urged, "but also, do something for you. do something thatll make you happy." jackie smiled a little, for the first time today, and nodded.
i did too, and finished my lunch by myself, adding some updates to my GoPP log and notes.
the rest of the day went by smoothly. class after class, the day dragged, but finally i was at my car and driving home, with the windows down and music blasting.
two hours after dinner, and into my calc assignment, a phone number i didnt have logged in my phone called me.
caller id, however, had a guess at maybe who it could be.
maybe: cole walter.
the letters scrolled by underneath the number, and i crinkled up my face in confusion. shaking my head, thinking there would be no way cole walter would be calling me at 10:30 on a school night, i declined the call.
before i could even put my phone back down, though, the same number appeared. and the same possible guess as to who it was. maybe cole walter.
i picked it up, and decided not to say anything.
i swear, if this is a prank call.
"harper?" a desperate voice answered the phone in a gasp, and i cleared my throat before talking.
"yes?"
a huge sigh of what i guess was relief came through the phone, "um, we're in a bit of a pickle here."
"how did you even get my number?" i said, swinging my legs to the side of the bed and sitting up.
"questions for another day." he said quickly, "im serious, we need your help. im with jackie."
"okay..." i said slowly, feeling a weird sense of doom enter my chest, "what ever for?"
"its jackie." he huffed again, "she's drunk."
"she's what!?" i yelled, and then bit my tongue. it was too late for such things, but also, much too late for getting drunk.
"i know, i know," i could sense his shame through the phone, "i got her to go to this party, and she got drunk, and like, threw up all over me," the boys brain was obviously scattered, he was speaking a mile a minute, "and i just dont know what to do. and youre like her... mentor. or something, right-"
"advisor." i interrupted him.
"harper gray. same thing." he begged through the phone, but obviously feeling better enough to resort to nicknames, "can you come help me get her in the house... um, quietly?" i heard some loud racket in the background, and another sigh come from the boy on the phone.
i dug the tips of my fingers into my temples. now this was the stuff i hadnt signed up for. this was the exact thing therapists and counselors say no to. draw the line, established boundaries.
but i just bit my lip, "i'll be there in twenty."
upon arriving to the walters house, i found a very much so drunken girl, sprawled out in coles back seat, and a stressed cole walter.
"one of the boys couldnt help you?" i huffed, peering at jackie from the backseat window of cole's truck. i shivered in the now close to midnight air.
"i didnt know who was going to be up," cole spun to look at jackie too, "and i dont know. a girl should probably be handling her. she passed out during the rest of the drive back," he sent his look over towards me, "so lets just hope that she doesnt wake up."
hope's were not fulfilled that night, though.
just lifting jackie's torso was enough to make her eyes shoot open, and words fall from her mouth like a waterfall. no effort or signs of life showed behind her eyes.
"harps, what-urrr you doin here?" she slurred, and giggled to herself as she spoke.
"getting you to bed." i said in my best mother voice, helping her eyes meet my own by gripping her jaw, "and in the house without getting grounded." i heard cole snickering behind us, and i yanked jackie out of the car.
"this is way above my pay grade, by the way." i spat at the boy, as i threw jackies belongings into his chest, and let about 80% of jackie's body weight fall on my shoulders.
"you are much, much, much appreciated." even though he was snickering priorly, i did see sincerity in cole's eyes. and he also rushed to get the door for me, so at least he was trying to make this as quick and simple as needed.
"guys, im not drunk." jackie stated matter-of-factly as we neared the steps, "we're not gonna get in trouble." her voice was like that of a giggly toddler, and she tripped up the first step.
"even if she wasnt," cole talked to me instead, "my parents have a strict curfew." his words put a rot in my stomach as i helped, basically lifted, jackie up the last step, "if mama walter finds out, we're all dead."
"hey, dont for one second include me in this." i pointed to jackie slumped against me, waiting for him to unlock the door, "this is for GoPP. and GoPP only."
cole sent me a knowing smirk, "okay, harper gray. okay."
the boy clicked the door unlocked slowly, and opened it even slower.
it was then jackie must've found a second wind, because she perked up in a gasp, "home!!" she giggled, and launched herself for the door.
i tried to hold her back, but her arms slipped right out of mine, and cole rushed to grab her after me.
"shh!" cole hushed, and i stopped the door from crashing closed as cole completely abandoned it, wide open.
however, that meant the door quickly slamming against my back, making me hit cole's, and all three teens turned thier heads to a lamp that was on in the kitchen.
illuminating mrs walter's face.
"where have you been?" she stood up, glaring at all of us.
when no one answered, and jackie just giggled, her next question was "are you drunk?"
"no!" the two sober ones yelled.
jackie snorted at all of us, "yeah."
i just closed my eyes.
"and that's a look." mrs walter nodded at cole, who i had just realized had nothing on under his football jacket, "i'd love to hear this explanation."
"first of all," cole cleared his throat, putting his hands out in front of him, "harper had nothing to do with this. i called her for help."
i didn't really have anything to say for myself, so i just nodded, forcing myself to meet the woman's gaze.
"help with what?"
"we went to a party." jackie blurted out with a drunk smile.
"which i practically forced her to go to." cole said quickly.
"so." he added awkwardly, handing his mother the keys to the truck, who just nodded.
"goodnight." she looked at her two children, then at me, "harper you're welcome to spend the night. thank you for dealing with my boys drama so late in the day." she turned back toward her boys, "she's jackie's advisor, cole. not her dd."
i wanted to let out a sigh of relief that she wasnt pissed at me, but it became even more awkward that i was there, now that she had scolded the boy about it.
again, finding myself speechless, i just nodded at the mothers invitation. i was too shocked and embarrassed already to formulate the right words to leave, so i felt forced to accept it.
following cole up the stairs, and keeping a firm hand on jackie's back, i felt the resentment toward this very boy build up inside me. he had forced me into my nightmare, and i just about let him do it.
i was helping jackie into bed, taking off her shoes and socks and filling up the cup on her bedside table, when a gentle knock came from the door.
"hey," cole's head peeked in, "she all set?"
"yep." i said, tucking her in and taking out my blow up mattress from the box, making an effort not to look the boy in the eyes.
i had had enough walter for one day. all of it combined, for the rest of my life.
"i got this." he said, taking quick steps to take the box out of my hands, "go get ready and changed." when i didn't give it up so easily, he said it again, "i got this."
i just sighed, and looked down at the box in my hands. two others were touching the other side of it, now.
"hey." he said gently, stepping forward, closing the already small space between us.
i finally looked up at him, and he was already looking at me. his eyes were kind, sincere, again.
"thank you. for coming." i let the box go, only because the tips of his fingers touched mine, and i stepped back again.
"i mean it." they were extra words, he didnt have to say, but had stopped me from what i was about to do. from walking away.
i just stared. the anger inside me faded when i looked into his eyes, and i saw the boy i had seen yesterday.
sad, alone, and looking defeated down in the gravel. that was a much different cole than i was used to seeing.
he was sorry. and much more real.
and, now single. not so perfect. and inches away from my face. i swore i felt his breath on my nose, but something startled both of us away from each other.
"are ya'll gonna kiss?" a half asleep jackie whined, her eyes barely open and her words still drunken, and i looked over at her with wild eyes.
and then, i let myself do what i had wanted to seconds ago. suddenly, that cole was gone. and the same one who had just gotten me here stood in front of me again.
scoffing, i rolled my eyes, and walked out of the room.
all too quickly, i had gotten myself neck deep into walter drama. wasted teens. late at night. missing curfew. and punishments to be had in the morning, no doubt.
and worse of all, feeling the cole effect.
is this what it was like? beginning to feel your rationality slip away? just looking into his eyes leading you to see him as someone to pity?
minutes ago, i was mad at him. and only seconds ago, i was feeling sorry for the boy, convincing myself he was different now. my mouth inches away from his.
my stomach rotted with so many emotions, i felt like i was going to vomit.
and worse, worse, worse of all. when i thought about tonight, or how i had gotten here, or how i had begun to lose my grip on everything i stood for - i could only think of cole to blame, for it all.