Zoe
Today I want to die. Not because of anything in particular or specific, but just because the utter thought of ceasing to exist sounds devastatingly euphoric. To make the noise stop. To stop this stabbing pain in the lowest pit of my stomach that's causing a burning sensation that crawls all over my skin, making me want to peel it off. To stop the guilt that festers every time I take a breath-- an oxygen thief. To stop the constant urge to detonate over anything and everything that dares to love me because in all-- I could never deserve such an honor. Today I want to die.
For the longest time, I thought I was just unlucky. That sometimes life doesn't work out for everyone, and for people like me; things just never get better. I had settled into the life of being unlucky, reveled in it, and found comfort in knowing that no matter what; I would just be categorically unlucky.
That was until I realized luck had nothing to do with it. It's karma. It's the idea of what goes around comes around, and what goes up must come down. Didn't some philosopher speak to that once? However, it isn't my karma. Well it wasn't at first-- somewhere down the line after all my wrongdoing I'm sure it has switched to mine. But I am the poor soul stuck with my father's karmic retaliation. The karma that he deserves has been thrown against me as some sort of sick cosmic joke-- I'm sure he'd actually celebrate and feast on the fact that once again, he still gets to hurt me even from his grave.
Too bad I killed him before he had the chance to see.