[KULANI]
I woke up in his bed and I found a text from Mabontle, judging and laughing at me. This is my husband. I don’t need her permission to allow him inside me. I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I send her a sassy GIF. She tells me that I will find her gone and that she’s already at the airport. I feel a little guilty for being here all lovey-dovey with Kurhula while she is going through the most. We also need to go back home. This wasn’t exactly an intentional vacation, I just needed to clear my head. I watch him sleep on his stomach. He’s exhausted after all the workout we got up to last night. His hand is even hanging to the floor. I don’t have any clothes here but I need to freshen up, I will use his toiletries. When I’m done, I find him still lights out. I want to go take my stuff so we can leave together. As I’m about to walk out, I get an idea when I catch a glimpse of his wallet. I close the door and walk towards the pedestal by his side.
There’s a card in here that he doesn’t just use. Kurhula is not a penny pincher but he despises reckless spending. So why not hit him where it hurts the most? The only time I was allowed to touch it was when mine was giving me issues and I had to go to the bank to have it fixed. Today he’s gonna know that I graduated from Aunt Lydia’s Academy and I got a distinction in the module of Managing Finances in Heterosexual Relationships. I take my slides off and start walking out barefoot because I cannot risk him waking up. I request on my way out of the hotel then get to my place to change. A pair of jeans and a tank top will do. I don’t plan on staying long but I do plan on causing a huge dent and doing some damage here.
‘Girly?’ Aunty Lydia answers my video call.
‘The shopper that you deceived me with yesterday. Does she actually exist?’
She clears her throat. I need someone who knows what they’re doing here because shopping was the last thing on my mind.
‘If you asking if I do have a shopper, yes ma’am’
‘Can she meet me at the V&A waterfront? It’s an emergency?’
‘You sound sneaky. What are you up to?’
I scoff. ‘Let’s just say, your son is in deep trouble’
‘I had hope. You didn’t fix things last night?’
‘Oh that we did’
Almost broke the bed while at it but I am not going to tell her this.
‘Look at you being an overachiever of a disciple. I am proud of whatever it is you plan to do. Let me dial Onicca and see if she’s available’
I wait for her to come back to me.
…
[NARRATED]
‘Charles? Have you seen what time it is?’ Kurhula answers the phone from his private banker.
‘It’s ten in the morning and my concerns are growing because it sounds like you were sleeping’
‘Ten?? I very much am. What do you want dude?’
‘I see large amounts of money getting spent at a very suspicious speed here’
He sits up on the bed and grabs his wallet to check if all his cards are there. He finds one missing.
‘Where is all of this happening?’
‘Cape Town. Are you there? Should I block the card?’
Kurhula starts putting two and two together when he realizes that Kuli is not in the room with him.
‘Give me one second. Let me confirm something real quick’
He cuts the call and dials his wife.
‘Hi hubby’ she casually answers.
‘Baby. Where are you?’
‘The mall. Why?’
‘Do you maybe have something that belongs to me there with you?’
‘Something like what?
‘I don’t know,a bank card maybe?’
‘Oh that. Yeah, maybe I do. You were sleeping so I didn’t want to disturb you’
‘Are you seriously scamming me, Kuli?’
‘I wouldn’t call it that. You said you’d do anything to earn my forgiveness, right?’ she speaks in a sulky tone. He sighs with frustration.
‘Not like this. I don’t even want to see how much you’ve spent because I know you. Charles wouldn’t have called if it was nothing to worry about’ he complains and she laughs.
‘Relax. I’ll be done soon. Love you, bye’
‘KULANI?’
She cuts the call before he could get through to her. Charles calls him again.
‘Are we blocking it or not? What’s going on? Are you being scammed?’
‘Yes I am but it’s personal. Don’t block the card otherwise you’ll be throwing me back into trouble. Thanks for the call’
‘You have to give me a more sound explanation’
Kurhula pinches his nose bridge and rests his head against the headboard.
‘Women. I am paying for my sins here’
Charles laughs. ‘Ohhh. You’re not the first, nor the last. Happens all the time. Strongs, buddy’
‘Nxn. Thanks man…’
The next call he receives is from Fikani.
‘What do you want bro?’
‘Taking out your marital frustrations on me? Ungan’ toloveli meh boet’
This forces Kurhula to breathe.
‘Kuli is going to be the death of me’
Fikani laughs. ‘What happened? Did you manage to resolve whatever it is driving the both of you crazy?’
‘Even in your sleep, fear women. They’re straight from hell’
‘You still haven’t answered my question’
‘If my heart stops and you see her crying at my funeral, please ask her to leave and go back to her father’s house’ he continues to complain in a vague manner.
‘Mfo, I am gonna cut this call because I cannot keep asking you what’s wrong like a broken record’
‘She’s busy scamming me as we speak and I don’t know how much she’s prepared to spend. Voetsek, don’t laugh…’
Fikani fails to contain himself.
‘Whatever you did to her is surely unforgivable because that doesn’t sound like Kuli at all’
‘We’ll speak later. Lady Bester is here’ he says when he sees her walking in with her paperbags and luggage case.
…
[KULANI]
The look he is giving me tells me he’s about to tell me where to get off.
‘Hi baby’ I try to pull off my cutest smile, it works because I see him fighting his. The ramifications won’t be that bad.
‘Who sent you? The devil himself?’
I laugh. I deserved this. He must get off my case.
‘We just figured I needed a few essential pieces’
‘Who is we? You and your other high maintenance personalities? You and your demons? Ancestors? Imaginary friends?’
‘You said anything for your princess while you were deep inside me last night. Remember?’
His breathing is full of exhaustion. I have him exactly where I want him.
‘I am not disputing that. I’m just reminding you that we work with a budget in this house but fine. Anyway, show me what you got. What did you get at Maxhosa?’
I squeal in excitement.
‘A dress and a skirt’
‘Go on. After every item I want you to mention the price’
He’s bursting my bubble.
‘Is it necessary?’
‘Very. So?’
‘The two cost you a mere R40K and some change’
He laughs, incredulously.
‘Okay. Next?’
I got the Shake platform sandal from LV, in the colour Amarante. I’ve been contemplating getting this shoe for some time but I just wasn’t convinced but seeing it in person and hearing Onicca vouch for it like that, I just had to have it. I show it to him and hide behind the paper bag.
‘How much?’ he asks. He still has that smile I don’t understand on his face.
‘A lousy 18 000’
He nods a couple of times and it’s definitely not to show approval.
‘Finish me off. What’s the next item?’
I am excited about these. The La Medusa ‘95 slingback satin pumps. I put them on because I know how crazy he gets over my legs in heels.
‘What do you think?’
He clears his throat.
‘St…’he tightens his jaw and struggles to finish the sentence. ‘You look stunning’
Onicca was suggesting a lot of Gucci items but I have never liked that brand. There’s only a few items I’d get from there but I feel like it’s too loud and everywhere. Now for the star of the show…
‘Do you like it?’ I ask while holding up the Valentino Garavani VSLING bag. Is he seeing this beauty? I already have an outfit in mind for the ceremony and this bag is the main character of that look. He carries his arms over his head.
‘Are you done?’
‘No. I still need to order hair, make-up, jewellery…’
‘Your plan is to kill me, right?
‘Just a little bit. I came here to drop these then I’m off to meet Onicca at the third location’
‘Don’t you want to take a nap maybe? Rest for a bit? Are your feet not sore? I’ll order room service’
‘I am perfectly fine. Thank you for your concern’
‘Can I have my card back?’ he sulks.
‘I have my dad on speed dial’ I casually mention while dangling my phone around, in case he forgot. He bites his upper lip and swallows a rock.
…
[MABONTLE]
Tony wheels my bag inside the house when I arrive home. I am silent while searching for this man all over this house. I find Mhan’ Lulama on the corridor, calmly hushing Tlhari to sleep. I greet her and check our baby boy. She’s making progress, he’s almost out. I missed him so much. She asks me where her employer is and I assure that she’ll be home soon. I came all the way here in slippers because my feet would fit in my other shoes.
‘What do you use for your skin? I can’t help but admire it every time I see you. So smooth and flawless’
I smile at the compliment. It’s just genes but I’ll answer anyway.
‘Eucerin, thank you so much. Have you seen my husband anywhere?’
‘He was outside the last time I saw him’
After the conversation with the world’s best aunty, I swore to myself to always remain calm. I am tired of him pushing my limits. I go into the kitchen to go get myself a bottle of water. I am so tired. After this, I’m off to the spa. They work on appointments, but they always allow me to just walk in,comes with the status I guess. I have an assignment to submit for one of my design modules and I don’t see myself finishing it in this state.
I feel his arms wrap around me as I drink my water. He covers my tummy and rubs it lovingly.
‘Why didn’t you say that you’re on your way back? I would’ve fetched you from the airport’
‘Didn’t want to bother you. How have you been?’
‘Told you I wasn’t coping’
I laugh. ‘Because I wasn’t around?’
He nods over my shoulder.
‘But… isn’t that the other lady’s job though, the trending one? To fill in the gaps where I can’t?’
He stands upright.
‘I was hoping you wouldn’t see that mess’
‘Are you the reason they took it down?’
I know this because I went to that page wanting to see more of the comments and I found the post gone. I was hoping she would’ve said something so I can get the confirmation I need.
‘Is it true?’
‘What is?’
‘Is she your mistress? Were you with her while I was gone?’ I try to ask as calmly as I can manage.
‘No. I haven’t even met Nqobile yet. Don’t even have her numbers in my phone. Don’t allow this to get you worked up’
The rage is rising. What does he mean by “Yet”? I turn to face him.
‘You even know her second name?’
He heaves a sigh and looks away.
‘What’s your end goal here? Do you want to marry her?’
‘I am not marrying anyone here’
I move away when he attempts to touch me.
‘First it was Khensani, now this?’
‘I told you nothing happened between Khensani and I. There is no possibility of us being together’
‘Because she’s not your type?’
‘Exactly’
‘But Nqobile is’
I was hoping for a no but instead, he just looks at me and asks me to calm down. Calm down??? I open the drawer next to me.
‘Don’t you fvcking dare’
I stop and just stand still with the knife in my hand when I remember Larona’s words. What the hell am I doing?
‘I am not afraid of you Bontle, nor am I afraid of death. It’s been prophesied that you might attempt to stab me and that it wouldn’t be your fault so put that knife down before you do something you will regret later. You know damn well you won’t survive in prison’
‘Prophesied?’
‘I want my wife back. Do you remember these words?’
I nod. He’s said them a couple of times.
‘I need to take you to Xirimane so something can be done about these outbursts. This? All this violence? This not you’
‘You are taking me nowhere’
‘There can only be one bull in this kraal and the sooner you understand that it will never be you, the better. I won’t dance to your tune especially if that tune is complete madness’
‘Or else what? Is that what you mean by me knowing why you always choose calm over chaos? You want to beat me up?’
‘Imagine me beating you up and tell me if that makes sense to you? If it does then the smarts I was attracted to probably don’t exist’
‘Then what did you mean?’
‘The fact that I am madly in love does not mean I am incapable of divorcing your gorgeous a**’
That hurts.
‘Why do you insist on hurting me?’ I ask. I hate how my voice is shaking right now.
‘Give me the knife’ he holds out his hand and I do as he says.
‘Thank you. You were saying?’
I even lost my train of thought. He puts my head against his chest and hugs me.
‘I swear. I haven’t met this woman. I don’t know who told these people about her. I am not cheating on you. When I keep on saying I want my wife back, I am referring to the soft and feminine Mabontle I fell in love with. The one who feels like home. I want you to have a smooth-sailing pregnancy. I want you to enjoy nurturing this seed of mine and this isn’t it. If I wanted to square up against another man in my own house, don’t you think I’d be gay?’
I didn’t mean to laugh. I don’t want to laugh. In fact, I need to leave.