HLANGA.
My aunt left with Isabella, she said she’ll keep her for a few days while I try to sort things out. I can’t burden my aunt with my child so I’m going to need a nanny and preferably someone who also speaks Spanish. I’m left all alone in this damn house and it feels cold and empty. I never thought at my age, during this time of my life, my life would be this messed up because of the decisions I made.
I take my phone and call uncle Qiniso. After 2 hours of being on the call with him, I’m left feeling more like shit. My uncle has never been so disappointed in me and I am so ashamed but I’m glad he gave me his ear and listened to what I have to say. I hope what I’m planning won’t backfire on me but I am hopeful. Tomorrow I have to go and talk to my aunt Nonhle and uBab' Motha because I need them, I can’t do this alone.
I know she said I should stay away from her but I need her to apologise to her again. I know won’t pick up my calls so I sent her a message instead.
“ Cheating on you was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life and locking you up was the worst. I’m nothing without you and I don’t want to face the future without you also. You took with you the warmth and everything that makes this house a home. It’s cold and I’m left all alone. I’m going to make things right, I promise you. Please don’t give up on me, I love you"
I hold my breath then hit send. I wait to see if she hasn’t blocked my number so when it says delivered, I’m relieved. I grab my bottle of whiskey, go upstairs to our bedroom and then head to the closet. I grab one of her t-shirts that she loves, hold it to my face then inhale it. It still has her scent and it makes my heart ache more. I sit on the bed then drink myself to sleep.
It’s the next day and I woke up with a serious hangover but I’m not complaining because I wouldn’t have slept in our bed if I was sober. Waking up without her next to me was the hardest thing to feel. I’m driving to her house to pick Aya up for school. The neighbourhood is beautiful, looks safe but it needs to be safer. I hope she will allow Linda to come and put the camera’s inside the yard so she can always feel safe, especially since I won’t be with her. I park in front of the gate then call Aya’s phone.
“ Morning Baba"
He sounds off. “ Hey buddy, did you sleep well?”
“ I did, I’m not going to school today”
“ Why? Are you sick, is your mother okay?”
“ Mom is fine, I’m not writing today. You don’t have to pick me up tomorrow. I’ll ask uncle Vino to pick me up"
“ Aya, I know you’re upset with me but please, let us talk?”
“ Why aren’t you here with us, what’s going on dad?”
I sigh. “ Can you come outside so we could talk and I’ll explain everything to you. I don’t want you to be mad at me"
“ Ever since you came back, mom has been crying more. Dad, did you hurt my mom?”
I rub my temples because I’m having a serious headache right now. “ Aya, please come out so we can talk”
“ Just answer me dad"
“ Whatever that is happening between your mother and I, is between us but you deserve to know what is going on and I will tell you everything you want to know. I just need you to focus on your exams first then as soon as you’re done. We will talk, I promise”
“ You know dad, I’m no longer a child and I can handle whatever you want to tell me. I just don’t like it when you and mom think that I’m still a child. You’re not my favourite person right now because you’re making my mom cry.”
“ I’m sorry son, I’m sorry your mother is hurting because of me. I will fix things, I promise you…”
His voice shakes “ So you did hurt my mom! Dad, she’s pregnant!. She’s carrying my little brother or sister and you….” He shouts at me.
“ Ayabonga…” I hear his mother’s voice calling his name then the line goes dead. Fxck me. I hit the steering wheel hard and take out my frustrations on it. I call his number again but it sends me straight to voicemail. I wait for a few minutes debating if I should call his mother’s number but decide to respect her wishes and leave.
I start the engine then reverse the car and drive away straight home to the Motha residence. It takes me an hour and by the time I arrive, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I punch in the code then drive in and park the car behind my aunt's car. I step out, take a deep breath and head to the front door. Before I could knock, the door opens and my aunts stand there shocked to see me.
“ Hlanga, are you okay?”
I take a deep breath cause I feel like a huge lump is stuck in my throat. I clear my throat
“ I’m sorry I came here, I don’t know what I was thinking….”
“Don’t be ridiculous, this is your home and you have every right to be here. Come in" she takes my hand and pulls me inside the house.
“ Is ubaba home?”
“ He was just about to go out. Baba, Hlanga,l is here. You don’t look okay. Sit ”
I wipe my treacherous eyes that are tearing up. I heavily sit down because I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. “ I messed up and now I have lost my family. I hurt Emy and now my son hates me…”
“ Son, are you okay?”
“ I messed up baba…I….”
“ It’s okay, we’ll figure it out. We’ll help you with anything you need.”
“ I need to tell you what happened first.”
“ Your aunt told us when she came here for help about your situation. We are sorry we got involved without you knowing about it. We thought we were helping you son" ubaba says.
“ I don’t care about that bxcth that left because if she hadn’t, I was going to kill her myself. What did auntie Nomusa tell you exactly?”
“ She said this woman was causing trouble for you and Emihle and she’s not a good person because one of the guards told her they thought she was making her child sick. If she could make her own child sick Hlanga then what would she do to your son, the woman you love?. We couldn’t let anything happen to Aya or Emy because you love them and Emy is an amazing mother. I should have seen that from the beginning. I was wrong and I hope you will forgive me" Ma says.
“ I hope you will forgive me too mama nobaba for how I handled the situation with Emy. I was angry….”
“ No Hlanga. I was very wrong and you had every right to react the way you did. You did nothing wrong. We missed you and I’m happy you’re home and I hope Emihle too would join us someday for lunch or dinner"
“ Ngiyakuzwa ma, but you still have to apologise to her and then maybe” I rub my temple again.
“ I apologised to her while you were gone. It was hard to get to her but finally I managed to see her and she gave me a chance to apologise. I promise you that I will never treat her the way I did before. She’s Aya’s mother, the woman you love and that alone deserves so much respect”
“ Thank you ma and I know she forgives you, I wish I could say the same thing for myself too”
“ The distance made things difficult for your relationship?” Baba asks.
“ I messed up baba and ended up hurting the woman I love…”
“ Hlanga, what did you do?”
I start from the beginning of me leaving the country without explaining anything to Emy, how she ended up at the hospital and me locking her in our bedroom. The disappointment in my parents' faces has me feeling like I'm the scum of the world. My mom even claps her hands.
“ Your mother would be so disappointed in you Hlanga. You locked a pregnant woman in your bedroom just after she was discharged from the hospital? Hlangalezwe?! I could slap you so hard right now”
“ I'm sorry ma, I panicked and…”
“ Panicked yamasimba! You had many opportunities to tell her everything especially when you came back from the country. You were supposed to go to her first and let her know what was happening. Hlanga, do you realise that Emy could have miscarried your child? My God!”
“ Ma, hhay! Yoh Motha talk to your son and if I were in Emy's shoes. I would have done exactly what she did.” She gets up and walks out.
“ Baba, I need your help”
“ I'm disappointed in you Hlanga, this is not how we raised you. You made things worse by locking her up and now, she's not going to believe you even if you show her the letter that girl left. You really messed up but I'm glad you saw your mistakes and you want to fix things and apologise to her properly”
“ Will you help me baba?”
“ Tell me what you need and I will do absolutely everything in my power to make it happen.”
“ Uncle Qiniso will be landing this afternoon. I told him what I did and also that I need you to accompany me to Emy's family to apologise for what I did. I'm going to come clean with everything”
“ You do know that Zola is going to kill you when he finds out what you did to his daughter right?”
“ I know baba”
“ And you also know that they might make sure that you never get close to Emy again?”
“ I also know that but they can't keep me away from her, it will be her decision at the end”
“ And if she still means it then you have no choice but to respect it, Hlanga. As hard and hurtful as it is, you are going to have to learn to live without her again.”
“ I can't ma, I love her too much to let her go and watch her love another man again. That will kill me, I won't survive. I will prove to her that I am the man she needs. The only man she has always loved and always will”
“ We have to get ready for anything when we arrive there because there might be a fight. You need to respect how Zola is going to react and you will not do anything about it. You will listen and keep your mouth shut after you have said what you wanted them to know. Your uncle and I will do all the talking.”
“ Do you remember what her brothers did to Andile that day at the anniversary?”
“ I still remember. They beat him up, I did too”
“ So wena my boy, except the worst”
I know and I am ready for whatever they throw at me. “ Yebo baba”
“ It's going to be hard and they might turn us away but we will not give up.”
“ Thank you baba”
“ It's going to be okay son, it might not seem that way now but it will be okay one day” I nod.
“ Let us go and see our granddaughter. She was asleep and we could really hold her.”
“ She's beautiful, she has my mom's eyes. I need to get a nanny for her…”
“ You won't be doing that while I'm here.”
“ Ma, she speaks Spanish and a little bit of English. I need to find someone who will then help you with her and translate.”
“ Ohk, I understand but she will also learn isiZulu. Aya is going to be excited when he finds out about her. I'm so excited to know that Emy is pregnant and carrying her first child. The first few months of the pregnancy are really important in the growth of the child. I feel so guilty, you know, she was alone while we could have been there for her.”
“ I know ma.”
“ I hope she will let us be part of her pregnancy and the baby's life. I was wrong about her and I hope she will give me a chance to love her the same way your mother would have. I can't wait to spoil her child, your child and love them unconditionally.”
“ I hope so too, ma. I'm going to nap, wake me up when uncle arrives.”
“ Your room is always ready and you know, no one sleeps in it except you”
“ Thank you ma, I missed you, you know. Our lunches, talks and having dinner with all of you. I hope one day Emy will also join us”
“ We hope soon too” I kiss her cheek then go upstairs. I need to sleep and be fresh for what is about to happen.
THREE HOURS LATER.
They let us pass through the gate and we drove in. My hands are clammy, my forehead is sweaty and my whole body is literally shaking. I'm going to the lion's den and I might not come back alive.
“ Aw, Bo Mdakane,
Langatshe,
Mshiza,
Gumbi….
My uncle Qiniso calls their clan names and they step out. I'm surprised to see all her uncles here with her father too. My men said her father and grandfather are the only ones here. They must have arrived last night.
“ Bo Gwabini, Hamashe, Bo Manzini. Ingabe senzeni ukuhlaselwa yini namhlanje ekuseni?.
Mvulane, Kathie, siyanamukela, You're welcomed”
To what do we owe this pleasure for your visit?. The Patriarch of the family asks.
“ Forgive us for just showing up without informing the family first and for not going all the way to Joburg where your granddaughter was raised. We figured since the whole family is here, we might as well come here.” my uncle Qiniso explains.
“ Ngiyakuzwa Gwabini. I see you have bought three goats and five cows. My granddaughter didn’t let us know that we should expect visitors but nevertheless, let us go inside to talk.”
Here it goes, what happens inside is out of my control. I will accept whatever they throw at me. We follow them inside, we sit down and then her grandfather looks at us. I'm seated between my two aunts, then my uncle's wife, Linda and then bab Motha and uncle Qiniso who brought another male member of the family.
Last night I hardly slept because they kept asking me questions. They wanted the whole truth because they didn't want any surprises when they got here because Emy might have told them what happened.
“ What brings you here Bo Gwabini, Motha, what did your son do since he brought three goats and five cows?”
“ We are here on behalf of our son to ask for forgiveness for what has happened since he left and when he came back” uncle Qiniso says.
“ Emy needs to be here because we don't know what happened or what is happening” her father says.
“ If I may speak, my elders. I would prefer if she wasn't called to be here. I don't want her to be stressed and hurt all over again by what I did”
“ Yewena mfana, what did you do to my daughter?”
“ Zola, let's listen to the boy first then we will react after. Go ahead Gwabini, talk” her grandfather says. I'm dead. Today is my last day on this earth and I do hope my family knows how much I love him.
“ I left last year on the……”
I told them the whole truth from the beginning of me receiving that call until what happened last yesterday when Aya hung up on me. When I'm done the whole house is absolutely quiet. Her grandmother is looking at me with so much disappointment.
“ I beg for your forgiveness. That's why I came here today without her knowledge to beg for your forgiveness first for hurting your daughter. I am so ashamed of my actions and I regret every one of them. I don't expect you to forgive me now but I hope someday you will forgive me. I truly love your daughter and…”
“ Don't you dare say it. You love my child then you do this to her? Lock her up like some animal while she's carrying my grandchild, your child?!. What is wrong with you boy?”
“ I panicked baba, I didn't know what to do….”
“ The whole mighty Hlangalezwe Makhoba panicked or you hated not being in control of the situation. She didn't react the way you expected and you thought, let me lock her up to make sure she doesn't leave me. That's how you raised this boy? To do this to my daughter after everything she has been through, you Hlanga decides to do the worst of them all”
“ I'm sorry baba. I know crimes and I'm not perfect. Emy knows too that I'm not perfect. I…”
Her father stands up. “ Aya was happy that finally, he's living with his parents under the same roof. He couldn't stop talking about how you're going to marry his mother then he and his mother are going to have the same two surnames. Mdakane-Makhoba. Now tell me this Hlanga, why the hell would I want someone like you in my child's life huh?”
“ I love her baba and I'm willing to do anything to get her to trust me again and forgive me.”
“ The only thing you can do right now, is stay away from my daughter and grandchildren. They will be fine without you”
“ Baba, I can't…please”
“ Oh you will, boy or I swear to God, I will kill you. Now take your stupid goats and cows and leave my father's land.”
“ Zola, calm down. The boy made mistakes but he's here to ask for forgiveness from her parents first. How many people do that in this day and age?” The Matriarch of the family asks.
“ Ma, he hurt my daughter. Emy couldn't even come to us because she's in pain”
“ Emy didn't tell us because she didn't want us to know her business. Maybe she would have or wouldn't, we don't know. Maybe she didn't come to us because she doesn't trust us after keeping secrets from her for years. She might be more upset at Gwabini now because he has brought it into the family.”
“ They should leave and never set their feet here.” Her father is angry and I totally understand.
“ Gwabini, you are not Emy's husband but just a boyfriend who took our daughter and cohabitated with her. She's raising your son, then you got her pregnant. Are the three goats for cleansing the family name and also her too?”
I look at my uncle. “ The first goat is for cleansing the family name because of the shame our son brought. The second one is for cleansing what he did to Emy and the third one is for asking for forgiveness. The first cow, the white one, is asking for forgiveness when our son took away the pride and joy of your daughter…” I look down because Emy's mom is in shock.
“ The second one is for cohabiting with her, the third one is for her mother because Emy is now about to be a mother. The fourth one and fifth one is for her father and the Patriarch of the family. We are asking for peace and forgiveness because we would love to come back and ask for your daughter's hand in marriage.” My uncle explained
“ Over my dead body will that happen boy. You are never going to get anywhere close to my daughter again. Do you hear me?!”
“ Zola, calm down….”
“ Do not tell me to calm down! It wasn't enough that his brother hurt my child and now he did too? No! I want him to stay away from her and I will make sure that it happens.”
He gets up, walks up to me and he is livid. I wipe my forehead then stand up then bow my head and show respect to him. He's the grandfather of my children and I need to show him respect.
“ Look at me, I want you to look at me when I blow your brains off!” I feel the cold metal on my forehead and for the first time since we arrived, I look at his eyes and I see a killer. A hitman and I know, no one is going to stop him from what he's about to do.
“ Say goodbye…”
“ Zola, stop!. You can't kill him. No matter how much you hate him, you can't kill him because if you do, Emy will never forgive you and Aya will hate you for the rest of his life for killing his father.” her grandmother reprimands him.
“ She's better without him! She should have never gone back to him!”
“ But I did and I have never regretted it. Let Emy make that decision for herself. I know Hlanga loves our daughter very much and he will respect any decision she makes. That's why he came here, to apologise to her parents, the whole family. Is this not what you also did at my parent's house?”
“ That was different, you can't compare two things that are not the same.”
“ Oh please Zola, this boy is just like you, no wonder Emy fell for him because she reminds him of you. You have so much in common with Hlanga it's actually scary. Now put the gun down and…”
I feel a punch on my face that makes me stagger. I try to get up but I feel kicks and punches on my whole body. I don't fight back, instead I just lay there and take it. I don't know if it's only her dad who's kicking me or it's more people. I can hear my aunties begging them to stop and their cries but the last thing I hear is a loud cry as bullets hit my chest. I try to talk or open my eyes but I can't because darkness closes around me.