siennas pov:
it was a typical early week day morning, kind of.
all normal except my mind was still scrambled from last night, still infact wondering what olivia had done to trent. must've been so bad, since his first instinct was to call me.
it always had been.
he has always described me to everyone he meets as , the one person who fully knows who trent john alexander-arnold is, and it always made my heart melt to be that person to him.
and when we split, i thought we'd lost that, that maybe i wasn't that person for him anymore. but him calling me last night, made me pause and think, maybe we never actually lost that. me and trent will always get eachother, we know eachother all too well.
i know the sound he makes when he's having a panic or anxiety attack, all too well. he knows the face i pull when i feel uncomfortable all too well. i know when he's upset after a match, and know how to comfort him all too well. he knows what will cheer me up when im having an off day, all too well.
and i could seriously go on for ages about how well we know eachother, and how we'll forever be intertwined together by some invisible string, no matter how far we both try running from each-other.
back to this morning, i push two slices of white bread into the toaster whilst sitting myself up on the marble counter top, waiting patiently for my toast to be toasted to perfection, a light brown colour.
when im satisfied with the time ive waited, i popped the two slices out and slid them onto my plate, buttering them with a knife and making sure to spread the butter out evenly.
breakfast was officially demolished by moi, and i decided to give myself a cute little rest day on my sofa by my fake electric fire place.
slowly, i scrolled through netflix, struggling clearly to pick something to watch. im very picky at choosing things, very indecisive. so usually id always get someone else to make my decisions for me, but for now it was just me myself and i so.
hesitantly i settled for sam and cat, my literal childhood. plus im obsessed with ariana grande so she drew me towards picking it.
i sunk deeply into the dephs of my couch, happily watching the tv, whilst feeling my eyelids begin to close. i could have a brilliant sleep and still feel the need to sleep, im always sleeping.
infact, i was so tired that i was only a few seconds away from being fully drawn into the slumber i dreamt of when my phone began vibrating harshly next to me. hesitantly, not wanting to move i sat myself up right and looked down to my phone screen.
📞 hendo is calling
oh god, was all i thought. why would jordan hendorson, the captain of liverpool football club be calling me at this time in the morning, early training hours.
"hey hendo," i gleamed down my speaker, however confusion and wonder laced through my face.
"uhm- hey sienna i know it's really short notice but i think trents having a panic attack and he's asked for you, he's saying he can't breathe," jordan stuttered from the other side and immediately i sprung from my couch, my body full of concern.
"okay, im coming," i ended the call at that, not bothering to check how i looked in the mirror, grabbing my keys and dashing out the door.
thankfully my home wasn't too far from the AXA training facility, so i should arrive in the next five minutes.
this will be my second time seeing trent since the split, and i really wish it wasn't like this. him having a panic attack. ive always hated seeing him like that, it shattered my heart into a million pieces. even last night, just hearing his heavy breathing down the line was enough to make me start balling my eyes out.
along with all my worry and fear of the state trent will be in when i arrive, i couldn't help but feel warm inside that he had again asked for me. he didn't ask for his mum, his brother, his dad, definitely not his abusive girlfriend, but me.
i had to flush my joy away, as i swung my steering wheel and flung myself round a sharp corner, quickly parking in the training grounds.
i selfishly touched up my hair, grabbed my handbag and began a stressful run into the grounds.
"oh hello doll," vanessa, the desk lady smiled at me. i used to see her all the time when i came to watch trent, so it was good to see her again.
"hi v!" i smiled back, although swiftly jogging through the halls of this big ass training centre, desperately trying to make it to the canteen.
it was a little further than the front door, so i had a good bit of running to do. but finally i made it, speedily whipping into the cafeteria, and it was a miserable sight.
robbo, hendo and virgil were all crouched down on their knees infront of a sad, anxious and uncomfortable trent, who looked morbidly depressed.
i awkwardly creeped into the canteen making the three boys on the ground turn their head round, leaving trents side, except hendo he stayed, to come say hello to me.
"hey virg it's been a while" i smiled into his neck, "yeah, missed you sienna,"
"how is he?" were the first words i whispered to virgil when i pulled away from his hug and he shook his head "i don't know but it looked pretty scary,"
"you boys go back to training okay, ill deal with him," i patted andys back, and flashed him a sympathetic and thankful smile, then making my way over to hendorson, and kneeling down in front of trent.
trent didn't dare look away from his shaky hands the quivered at any sensation, his body looked instantly tense and you could tell he'd been crying panic, as his face was still wet and his eyes were deeply blood shot.
"t," i tried, but got no movement from the boy infront, i hung my head down then went to face jordan, nodding my head towards the door signaling for him to leave. maybe if trents not with his boys, he'll feel more free to talk.
he's always been that way. even though the boys are a few of his best mates, he refuses to breakdown his walls around them.
hendo ruffled my hair, and with a slumped posture, exited the cafeteria, leaving just me and trent alone in the oddly quiet hall.
the silence was so loud, deathening. he refused to talk and i had no clue what to say, what to ask. and the thing is, i should. i should know. i mean me and trent know each other pretty well, right?
"t, it's just me si, you can talk to me," I assured him, plastering on a smile although with his eyes fixed to the ground im unsure if he could see it.
still the boy felt no desire to talk, and instead let tears fall from his cheeks , finally budging his face and fixing it to look at mine.
a large lump formed in my throat, the sight of him up close making me feel violently ill. we've not been this close since we were last together, and it's really tough seeing him up close again, like this.
i watched as his breathing began deepening once again, and more tears freely flowed from his now boiling hot cheeks.
"trent, it's just me," i repeat, somehow getting it
out through the ball in my throat, reaching out to caress his trembling hands, "im still here trent" sobs quietly exited my mouth.
a big huge defeated sigh upsetting left his mouth, his leg began pouncing. "it won't work," he whispered to me at a low volume, my eye brows furrowed. "what? what won't work?"
he clutched his chest again, struggling to breath. "hey hey t, t listen to me," another attack simmered within him, my words not registering with him at all.
i knew at this moment in time he couldn't hear me, and he was trapped in his own mind, so reluctantly i done the next best thing, pulled him into a hug and softly ran my hands down his back delicately in desperation of calming the poor soul down.
"you're okay, you're okay," i whsipered into him in a panic as i brought him back down to earth, his breathing still lingering heavy, and his hands still shaking with anxiety.
i reluctantly pulled myself away from his warm body, allowing him space and his own time to calm down. he tiredly watched his trembling hands, begging them to stop. i watched as he slid his fingers through his hair and wiped away a few tears, though still panting aloud. "you okay?" i smiled sympathetically towards him, "sorry," he muttered under a loud and yet another defeated sigh.
"don't be sorry," i started, "trent you have nothing to be sorry for okay. you've done nothing wrong you can't control your anxiety t, we both know who's to blame for this,"
"it's- she's not why this happened." he stuttered through his words his eyes meeting mine. i shook my head befuddled, "what do you mean shes not?"
"im always the problem si, im so fucking sensitive to every little thing it's fucking embarrassing," he flung his shirt across the room before continuing, "god i can't even be asked about her without freaking out and losing my shit. why am i so fucking weak," he whined, staring at the floor and semi shouting. my heart felt as though it was being ran over.
"hey trent stop that. you're not weak or embarrassing. you are one of the bravest and most admirable boy ive ever came across. you don't understand how god damn strong you are t, the things you went through, and yet you're still here thriving. it's not your fault she's completely traumatised you for life, but you have to talk to someone about it, let everything out before it begins to build up again and eventually falter" I told him to his face and gently running along his cheek as tears fell from it.
"she still does it sienna. she got me again." he sobbed on his words, and his head came crashing down onto my shoulder, i felt his watery eyes bury into my chest as he continued to cry.
"let it out," i rubbed the poor boy back, sobbing along with him whilst he was having a full on breakdown. and he cried and cried, letting everything he held in out and using all his energy up, from his panic attacks and now this, i knew he'd be well and truly knackered.
he eventually cut it short, and pulled away weakly, clearing his eyes and gently wiping beneath them. "im sorry,"
"don't be sorry t i told you that," I giggled wiping some of my tears the managed to escape. "no but your shirts soaking," he laughed through his hurt.
"well it's okay" i teased.
"i am a mess though," he stumbled through the words, "fully panicked infront of the boys it was so embarrassing si."
"it's not like it was the first time trent, they've seen you have a panic attack before, never feel embarrassed about your emotions," i rubbed his thigh trying to soothe any pain he was feeling.
"thanks sienna, for today and last night," he sniffed, standing up and bringing me into his warm embrace that i knew all too well.
"anytime t, anytime."
sorry for the short chapter but wanted to get something out before xmasss
also probs won't post again until the new years so hope you all have a wonderful xmas and new year and ill see you next year in january❤️❤️
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pls don't be silent readers i love reading your guys comments and it gives me motivation x