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chapter eleven. the existentialist
❝ been thinking about the future ❞
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SITTING IN THE OFFICE of the career counselor in the middle of their meeting Natalie stared around the room in boredom as the older man scanned through her academic profile. Playing a game of I spy by herself in an attempt to avoid having to address potential careers she drifted from the worry the longer this progressed. She found a portrait of a wife and children, a taxidermy monarch butterfly pinned in a case, a shelf full of old English novels. "What are your hobbies, Ms. Stone?"
"Sorry?" He repeated the question for her to mouth an Oh and attempt to catch herself back into reality. "I travel, read, write. I'm a member of the student paper but only on the side. Don't put my name on there either, couldn't stand that.
"With your short stories, is that correct?" She nodded as he fumbled through the drawers of the desk in front of him. Handing her the pamphlets to the creative writing program for her master's she tried to hold in her laughter as she looked this over. "This is in Newcastle."
The counselor continued to beam despite her having faked her enthusiasm. "Commute isn't too bad. Could be something to think about."
She waved her head side to side to visually show this before shutting the pamphlet in her hands. "Don't know if I really want to go through another program anymore."
"Sure, sure." Natalie went back to her game as he went back to his computer, only lasting a brief moment before he spoke to her again. "Any particular reason? I mean your grades are good and—"
"Thought about taking a break actually, going traveling," She mentioned and laughed to herself over the suggestion, "School can always come around, don't you agree?"
The counselor didn't say anything and laughed along with her but only briefly before pointing to the pamphlet again. "If you do decide to join studies again, applications open next month. Think it over." Leaving the office she looked down to the brochure in her hands to contemplate it to herself.
Having the idea of going to a master's program did in fact cross her mind. It was the matter of how much more time she would be in school and what it exactly it was all for that it left her uninterested by the idea. She missed having her straight forward answers and knowing exactly what was ahead of her. Traveling with the Doctor was its own kind of fun, but that did not necessarily mean she hadn't changed significantly because of it.
The idea of entering into a functional life felt more daunting now than it ever did before. Natalie continued to be haunted by this through her classes that day up to sitting inside the TARDIS with the man in question. "Stone?" She jumped in her seat to notice the him in front of her now. He knit what eyebrows he could to her concerned as she fixed her seat. "Weren't even asleep you were lost there."
"Been thinking about the future."
"Ah, the future, we've done that already."
"No, my future," Natalie specified as she stood up to address him. Seeing him take the pamphlet from the top of her books to read through it she watched him with interest. "Why do you love saving people?"
The Doctor couldn't help but laugh at this despite her meaning it with the utmost sincerity. "I don't save people?"
"But you do? All the time? You go and you save people and you do it all the time?" Natalie shook her head over this as he moved back up to the front of the class to collect his own things. "Was is it you think you're doing?"
Suddenly the TARDIS shuddered for the Doctor to groan, grabbing his coat and rushing down to assess the situations. Coming up from her seat to follow after him, he waved a hand out to her for her to go back. "We'll continue this later then." Hearing him grabbing tools haphazardly she sigh, grabbing her things to leave him alone.
The box holding the TARDIS key sat in front of her as a means of taunting her. Natalie had the means to find an answer knowing very well her friend wouldn't trust her thereafter. Fact realizing that was an option deterred her from her pursuit and instead fell into her studies. Falling asleep this way with her head in a copy of an assigned reading she woke up to the sunlight slipping through the blinds and stretched herself awake.
Checking to see it was still the early morning hours she got herself with making a cup of coffee before noticing the slip of paper on the floor. Assuming who it was immediately she couldn't help to smile to herself. "So old fashioned of him writing letters. Could just send a text." Her name was written on the front clearly in the Doctor's handwriting to haver her take a seat at the counter as she opened the envelope to reveal the note inside.
N. STONE,
i don't see myself as a hero. i don't think you do either necessarily. humans are extraordinary in their own right and there are vast majority of people and things all over this universe, as you are aware, that have their own specific things they are good with. the actions i take shouldn't be a judge of my character. you would be giving me too much credit than i deserve by doing that.
you are a honey-heart that is incredibly perceptive. i know it's scary to be faced with the reality of things but do not shy from the one thing that should always matter: do you like who you are? suppose you should think that over for yourself.
- your friend, the doctor
She smiled over the letter and the term, tutting under her breath. "This didn't even answer my question," Natalie said, still carefully placing the letter into the envelope in content.
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SITUATED IN THE CONSOLE ROOM the Doctor was leaned over the screen in focus. Reading the monitor over with his specs he was taken by surprise by his friend now entering to find him this way. Looking him over confused Natalie shut the doors behind her as he tucked the glasses away. "You've got the show-off specs."
"I actually do need them," He defended.
"Nah, you just want to look smart." Without leaving room for another conversation the Doctor pulled the screen aside and grabbed hold of a lever to start their next pursuit. "Can I ask you something?"
"You always do," The Doctor returned as he grinned over to her amused by the response.
"Funny." Noticing the concern he straightened out, stopping what he was doing to give her his attention fully. "Do you like who are? I mean, are you happy with the person you are?"
Smiling for a moment he continued on the controls, doing so for enough she considered that he wasn't going to address the question. That is until he came over and pointed to her knowingly. "Do you?"
"You can't always..." Natalie trailed off seeing he was awaiting this before giving a response of her own and shrugged. "I think so." The longer answer was that she never felt happier. In the TARDIS, she liked who she was. She liked the adventure and the trouble and the constant pursuit of knowledge. Life with the Doctor made her happy.
"Suppose I do too then," He returned, taking her hand to kiss it as he held it, "C'mon, you wanted to go to the future right."
Laughing as he led the way she shook her head at him. "Thought you'd said been there, done that."
Standing at the doors the Doctor shrugged his shoulders confidently. "Always could do things differently." Natalie found the smile contagious and returned the expression, going over to intertwine her hand in his onto the next adventure that was to come.