My babes. I'm sorry! Things were harder to wrap up than expected. I just have a hard time letting this go 😂
I made a little "Things you probably didn't notice while reading this story" on Insta and I was wondering if you want a few fun facts as well?
Anyway, I wish everyone who's celebrating wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. May you new year start the way it did for Anya in this book 😌😂
I love you and thank you endlessly for your support 🖤
~*~
Epilogue
"Sweetie?"
The soft brush of fingertips across her cheek wakes Anya. She didn't mean to fall asleep again, but she got overwhelmed by her tiredness, as happens so often lately.
When she opens her weary eyes, she needs a moment to get used to the dim light of the room and to see Magnus' gorgeous face.
"Hey!"
He smiles and sits on the bed next to her. Anya needs a long moment to understand, to realize, to wake up. Magnus waits patiently for her to move her heavy bones. All of this used to be a lot easier when she was young and agile.
"Hey..." she finally says and her lips curl into a smile without the slightest bit of effort, so used to the movement.
Magnus wraps his hands, which haven't aged a single day since she met him, around her wrinkled one.
"Looking good today, ol' gal!" He smirks and Anya wants to return it, but it dies down at the sight of the pale face of her beloved friend.
"Wish I could say the same about you..."
There's a beat of silence until Magnus' cat eyes light up and his thumb glides over her hand.
"I'm so sorry it took me so long to visit you," he whispers, his voice low and raspy.
Anya shakes her head and squeezes his hand. "Please, Magnus, don't apologize! You needed to grieve properly. If anyone understands it's me!"
Losing Alec simply because he was old hit Magnus hard. Anya knows that even though the warlock barely talks about it. She's known him long enough to see the deep, bleeding gash in his soul.
"Where have you been?"
At her words, Magnus' eyes fall on the nightstand next to her bed and a low, almost soundless chuckle escapes him.
Even without following his gaze Anya knows he spotted the peach. The peach she puts on her bedside table every night. A stupid, wasteful habit. But there's something inside of her that was never fully able to let go, that always had hope.
"Everywhere...and nowhere..." he says, his eyes fixed on the fruit as if he's recalling all the precious memories he shared with his demonic friend. "I've been thinking a lot..." He looks at Anya's hands, his brows pulled down flat. "Losing Alec was the worst experience of my life. I've loved before but he was the first human I loved, the first I lost to death. I miss him with every fucking breath I take, with every beat of my broken heart. But Alec and I were just...in love. I can't imagine what it must be like for you..." Their eyes meet. "Living all these years, all your life with...a missing piece of your soul... I can't... can't even—"
"Magnus!" With all the strength left in her old body, she sits up and caresses her friend's cheek as the warlock chokes back his tears. "Don't do that. You're heartbroken enough! You know I'm fine! Some wounds just never heal, and that's okay!"
Carefully she dries the warlock's tears before leaning back into the cushions, exhausted from the effort this simple movement took. Every day it's getting harder and harder for Anya to remember that this body was the same one she performed two-hour shows with. There's nothing of her strength, her flexibility left. But that's a part of getting older. Unfortunately.
"I traveled a lot in the past months..." Magnus says eventually. "And I found something in an old record store in Germany. Wanna see?"
Before Anya can answer the question, he pulls a small plastic square out of the pocket of his coat and places it on her lap. Seh chuckles. It's been a while since she's last seen this.
"It's even a signed copy!" Magnus says, pride in his voice at finding such an ancient relic. She lets her hands glide over the album cover.
Her album cover.
"The album that made you the queen of Pop, remember?"
"How could I forget?"
After that night on the crossroad, Anya drowned in work, drowned in this urge to put all her feelings to paper, and created an album that helped her heal. For the first time, she didn't produce an album thinking about what fans might like, or what people want to hear. She only thought about herself—and Kyun. She was determined to leave a legacy for him. And just like that Anya released an album that was even bigger, even more successful than Dancing With The Devil.
Crossroads.
The place she saw Kyun for the first and the last time.
Critics praised her, the press adored her, and her fans became even more obsessed. They showered her with Grammys, music awards, medals.
But those days are long gone. If she'd known her body would give up so fast, that she'd never dance the way she used to with her bones old and rusty, she would've enjoyed it a little more. Appreciated it a little more than she already did.
"I thought a lot about you after finding this. About how you handled your grief. How you managed to turn your loss and what Kyun wanted from you into something so magical..."
Magnus is right. When Anya finally owned the throne she realized that none of this actually matters. No fame in this world could replace the void inside of her, the emptiness. Nothing could take away the insufferable pain in her. She still played according to their rules. But it was the night she won her 6th Grammy and it didn't feel as fulfilling as it was supposed to be when she decided things needed to change.
That was the moment she started pissing people off.
Her shows became more controversial, sexier, even wilder. She stopped playing the good girl next door and behaved the way she always wanted to behave.
She didn't keep her mouth shut anymore, stood up for herself and other women in the industry. Haters only made her stronger, more aware of the fact that nothing could really shake her, not after everything she'd been through. Anya did what Kyun wanted her to and turned her loss into a chance for a new life. A new purpose.
And she loved it. More than anything.
"It was a wild ride, I can't deny that!"
He chuckles. "Yeah, you were truly wild! It also made me think about all the things we did after Kyun's passing... My head is filled with so many precious memories of the three people I love the most in this world..."
After Kyun passed, there were days Anya couldn't get out of bed, days when she couldn't even breathe under the weight of living without him. But even after he was gone, he didn't stop making her happy. With Magus and Alec, she visited Seoul, the place Kyun called his home. They got to know Korea's culture, its history, met people and learned about their traditions and religions. She traveled to San Francisco on her own simply because, went sightseeing and watched the sunset at the pier as she did with Kyun that day before his birthday. And she flew to Paris. Kyun was right; Paris is damn overrated! But she had a cupcake in his favorite patisserie and for a moment it was almost like she could feel his presence.
Magnus has barely left her side her whole life. Anya loves having him around because his presence always reminds her that Kyun was real. That the love they shared was real. That the pain she still feels is real.
Even the aftermath of that year Anya spent collecting souls brought some joy back into her life. Hyungwon was the first she apologized to for her behavior after their night together. Since they met a lot after their one-night stand, he was the easiest to convince how sorry she was. He danced for her for another year until she helped him jumpstart his own career, and she was always thankful to have such a good friend in the industry.
Then Anya visited her hometown. And Kihyun. They talked a lot about their past and she apologized for hating him unfairly. This honest conversation made them into close friends; he even invited her to his wedding a few years later.
She met Min many times at after-parties and played his wingwoman to get more celebs on his list. Hanging out with him helped her see a side of him that was way deeper than she thought.
She surprised Shownu's sister with a private concert on her birthday. That man was so grateful to her for making his sister so happy that he sent her flowers and cute cards for every holiday.
And she had a wild affair with Wonho over a couple of months. He understood her, knew her and what she needed. Anya trusted him. But then he told her he met someone and she hated this. She hated losing him because she wasn't able to love him the way he deserved to be loved. But she had to let him go; she couldn't repeat what she did to Joo.
And speaking of Joo: In an interview with a very rude guy who commented on Anya's reckless behavior, she snapped. And she dropped the words she never wanted the public to hear.
"If you'd lost the love of your life to death, you would act the same!"
For days the press was teeming with speculation about who that guy could've been. Everyone agreed quickly that it had to be Kyun. The only man Anya had ever been seen with in the past. These days were a nightmare for Anya because they ripped open wounds that hadn't even begun to heal.
But that was also the moment Joo reached out to her. Of all people, he knew best how much she loved Kyun. Even though he's the one who suffered the most because of her love for the demon, he came to visit her to tell her how sorry he was. And while she knew she didn't deserve his kindness, that was perhaps the thing that helped her most to heal. Anya's regrets were heavy, but not heavy enough to stomp out friendship and goodness and trust.
So even though her loss never healed completely, most of the time Anya was happy, grateful to be alive, and that someone loved her this hard. It made her braver, stronger. And it kept her from ever touching that potion Kyun gave her. Anya would rather go through the pain that eventually shaped her over and over again than forget even one moment with him. In the end, these moments were what kept her alive.
"I miss both of them so much..." Anya sobs the memories she just recalled slowly fading and looks at Magnus. The warlock hugs her tightly.
"Me too..."
She tried hard. So hard to get her love life under control the way she controlled her daily life. She tried to become happy in the arms of someone else. She had people that made her feel special. For one night, sometimes for longer. Guys that made her their world—knowing her world was someone else.
Anya never dared fall in love again. Both of the guys she loved in her life were dead because of her. She couldn't risk that another time.
Kyun was her soulmate and she knew that any other connection to someone would never be as deep and wide as the one she had with Kyun was. So why even bother?
With shaky hands, she dries her tears. She's so damn sick and tired of crying.
"Noah and Sam visited me yesterday!" she says to change the subject. At least she assumes it was yesterday. It's hard to keep track of time when every day looks the same.
A couple of years ago, when Anya got too old and sick to take care of herself, she decided to hire someone. Getting older and not being able to do the things she used to love was the hardest thing to accept. She didn't want to put anyone out or make them feel obligated to take care of her. Rosie does a fantastic job but it's nothing compared to when her nieces and nephews' kids visit her. This is definitely not a matter of course that they come to visit her so often considering she's actually such a distant family member.
Anya was never lonely, even if it seemed like that to many people. She was surrounded by her family who supported her more than anything. All the love she would've given the children she'd have had with Kyun in a perfect world, she gave to her nieces and nephews instead. To her friends' babies. To her family. And Anya had a lot of love to give.
Magnus smiles. "Really? How are they?"
"They're great! They had another baby. She's so precious!"
They talk for a while. Magnus' visits are never exhausting, never too much. He makes Anya happy, makes her laugh in ways only Kyun was able to. So she can't hide her disappointment when he prepares to leave, especially since she never knows when he'll visit her next time.
"Let me fix that pillow for you before I leave, sweetie..."
Magnus takes her hands and helps her sit up before fluffing up the pillow. The way he takes care of her means so much to her. Getting old is scary as fuck. But having people around you can rely on makes it bearable.
"Babygirl!"
Anya's head snaps to the window and a loud gasp escapes her throat.
"What's wrong?" Magnus asks, his eyes wide with shock. "Are you okay?"
She remains silent, her heart hammering in her chest, as she tries to process, to understand.
Was that—?
She shakes her head. This must've been the wind or something.
"It was nothing, sorry!" she mutters. Swallowing thickly she leans back again and looks up at the warlock. He still eyes her, confused.
"I'm fine, I promise! Please come back soon!"
His confused gaze remains, but he leans down and kisses her forehead softly. "See you soon, sweetie! Call me if you need me!"
As the door falls shut behind Magnus, Anya turns her head to the window again. For a long moment, she lies in the dim light of her bedside lamp and tries to figure out if that was real or a hallucination. It's been so long since she's heard Kyun's voice so clearly. It's making her so aware of how much she still misses him.
Even though she was happy, led a great, wonderful life, not a single day passed without her thinking of Kyun at least once. Every night before she went to bed, her thoughts lingered on him. Sometimes only for a second, sometimes for hours. Not knowing if her plan worked ate her up from the inside. Not knowing if he made it to heaven or is even now getting tortured in hell in a way she can't even grasp made her almost lose her sanity. And it still does.
Watching all her beloved people pass simply because their time had come has gotten even harder now that she cannot wait for her own time to come.
At least she knows she fulfilled her promise to live. She did everything Kyun asked her to. But now she's too tired to keep on. So tired...
Anya's eyes snap open as a voice rips her out of her sleep. She forces her old, weary body to sit up. Her breath hitches and she clutches the necklace around her neck to calm her breathing. Her dreams have become intense lately. She hears Kyun's voice calling her so often. Only to wake up and realize that none of this is real. She's reached a point where she's so desperate to meet Kyun again that it doesn't matter if it's in heaven or hell. She can't go on without him. Still breathing heavily, she tries to check the time but freezes when suddenly...
Wide-eyed, she takes the peach from the nightstand. A huge chunk of the fuzzy skin is missing, revealing its yellow juicy flesh. Anya would never have thought she could recognize someone's bite mark, but the deep gouges made by those canine teeth...
"Babygirl!"
A sharp squeal escapes her throat, followed by the thud of the fruit hitting the floor. She holds her breath.
Can it be?
"K-Kyun?" she whispers, her voice shaky. It's been so long since she called his name out loud. But just as expected, he doesn't show.
She's just about to lay back down when a presence sends a shiver down her spine. An uncontrollable gush of tears fills her eyes. Her heart is swelling to bursting with a feeling she can't define—hope? Fear? Grief? Love?
"Kyun!" she whimpers.
Suddenly a silhouette appears on the other side of the room in the deep darkness. Her heart almost explodes in her ribcage. This can only be a dream. She must be dreaming—there's no rational explanation for this. How could he be here? How could he get here from Heaven or Hell to find her?
"Come here, babygirl!"
Noises of effort escape her throat as she slips out of bed and slowly walks up to that silhouette with Kyun's voice.
A ray of moonlight falls through the window and in that ray, a hand reaches out to her.
It's Kyun's!
She'd recognize anywhere the elegant fingers that used to trace the contours of her body. Filled with longing, she lays her shaky hand in his. Anya can't help but smile at how perfectly her old, wrinkled hand still fits into his. His grip is warm and strong, and it feels so strange yet so familiar to hold it again. He pulls her close and his shiny eyes light down on her.
"Hey, beautiful!" he whispers, his voice deep and raspy. "Wanna come with me?"
Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Anya falls into Kyun's embrace, accepting her fate blindly. As they vanish into nothingness, she's still not sure if Heaven or Hell awaits her. But when she looks into her mate's eyes that are no longer crimson but brown and human and their bond colorizes their surroundings in screaming colors Anya finds absolute and utter peace in the unknown...
~*~