"Move it!!"
"Ma'am calm down, we got it from here-"
"No, you don't! I'm a resident doctor here, so stop wasting my time and go page the cardiologist-on-call!"
The intern –a gawky first year who joined only two weeks ago– gasped.
"NOW!" Khushi yelled, running into Abhaya Hospital as the paramedics pushed the trolley carrying her father ahead of her.
They ushered Alok into the emergency ward, which was oddly empty tonight. There was a flurry of nurses as they transferred Alok onto a bed, secured an oxygen mask over his barely breathing mouth and started an IV line with various doses of medications, all of course under Khushi's orders.
Her mind, strangely, was very calm. When Arnav had been admitted into the hospital, not too long ago, she had driven herself crazy in panic, not being able to contain her pounding heart at the possibility that he might be seriously injured. And yet, she felt none of that as she watched her father being stabilized. She wished she knew why.
"What's going on here?"
Khushi looked up to see Ved hurrying into the room, pulling out his stethoscope.
"I told the interns to get Dr. Matthews," she said, slightly annoyed at not being taken seriously.
"She is on her way," he answered. "Where did you find him? Today is your day off, right?"
"He is my father."
Ved stopped short. "He is your father?"
"I went to see him tonight," Khushi pressed on, seeing little use in futile conversations. "And we were... talking when he suddenly collapsed. His pulse was very weak, and breathing was evidently slowed. He has a history of high blood pressure and has been on medications, so it didn't take me long to figure out what happened. I called the ambulance and brought him here right away."
Ved nodded, listening intently to Alok's heart.
"Do you need me to leave?" Khushi asked. Hospital policy mandated that family members should not be anywhere near the patient during treatment.
"No, of course not. It's just... are you alright?"
"Yes – why?"
"Well, for starters he is your father. I would have expected you to have burst into tears or something... but here you are, giving the nurses instructions as if he was any other patient."
"And what kind of a doctor would I be if I panicked in emergency situations?"
Ved wasn't convinced. "Where is Arnav?"
"He's busy," she said with a shrug. "I will wait outside. Let me know when you have the results."
She calmly walked out of the ward and sat down on a bench nearby, wishing Vihaan was here. Having left her phone back in the penthouse, she had no way of updating him about Alok's heart attack. Perhaps it was for the best, her brother was not particularly good at handling bad news.
After what felt like ages, Ved finally arrived, holding out a report for her to read.
"Here," was all he said.
"Just tell me what's wrong Ved," she said, ignoring the file and meeting his eyes, utterly exhausted.
"Heart attack, which I'm sure you have diagnosed by now. He needs an angiogram, and then a stent depending on how many coronary arteries are blocked."
It was quite a harmless procedure all things considered; there was at least one good news. "Ok, do it then. I will fill out the paperwork."
"Yeah, they are taking him to the operating room right now."
Khushi nodded.
Ved, however, sat down beside her. "What's going on?" he asked her seriously.
"What do you mean?"
"You are not panicking about your father, you are lying about Arnav–"
"I'm not lying–"
"Oh please, anyone who met Arnav would know that he would be here with you right now. Which only makes me think, he doesn't even know where you are... What happened? Did you guys have a fight or something?"
"You're a good friend Ved," Khushi said with a forced smile. "And I really do appreciate you trying to be here for me. But what I really need from you is to be in that O.R. and make sure my father's procedure is successful. Can you do that for me?"
Ved understood her dismissal.
But she could see in his eyes that he was struggling to decide whether to agree or argue. Thankfully, he decided on the former. Patting her shoulder in sympathy, he left with a quiet sigh.
Khushi continued waiting in the empty hallway, her mind refusing to process what was happening. She vaguely wondered how long her father's heart had been bothering him, for a blocked coronary artery did not happen overnight. And more importantly, how come he never told anyone about it.
But who would he have told?
Vihaan had left, taking with him the last piece of normalcy Alok probably had. Khushi's contempt for him had always been an open secret. And Garima was dead in every sense of the word. So, who was left?
It was submerged in these thoughts when she heard him.
"Khushi! I was so worried! You left your phone at home–"
Arnav came skidding to a halt in front of her. Judging from the tone of his voice, she knew that his eyes would be strained and his forehead, crumpled.
He was worried. For her.
Normally she would have found his concern touching, but at that moment, in wake of everything she had witnessed, it only made her mad. He had no business worrying about her. Keeping her eyes strictly on the floor in front of her, she refused to listen.
"How is he doing?" Arnav continued, dropping down on the bench beside her, clearly not seeing anything amiss. "Ved was saying that he needs a stent put in... is that true?"
Damn Ved. He knew her too well.
"Khushi?"
It was getting harder and harder to ignore him.
He gently nudged her shoulder. "What's wrong? Are... are you worried about your father?"
Khushi didn't look.
Panic was beginning to set in Arnav's voice. "Can you hear me? Khushi?"
She took a deep breath, realizing with a heavy heart that talking to him was unavoidable.
"Ok, say something or I'm gonna call for help–"
"What would you like me to say?" she finally said, her voice surprisingly even.
Arnav let out a sigh of relief. "Are you in shock or something? Do you want some water?"
"I'm not in shock."
"Then... then why are you so...?" He trailed off, trying to find words. Then changing gears, he asked instead, "Why didn't you call me? Do you have any idea how many people I have called in the past hour trying to figure out where you skipped off to? I was inches away from a heart attack, seriously Dr. Gupta, aren't doctors supposed to be compassionate?"
She heard his sly, but desperate attempt to bring some normalcy back into their conversation. He was an expert at handling her now, knowing exactly what buttons to push to get her to forget a bad day.
Usually, it would work. But not today.
Today, no matter what he said, she couldn't shake away the image of Myra walking into the penthouse like she owned it.
"Earth to Dr. Gupta," Arnav said, waving his hand in front of her unseeing eyes.
Khushi blinked but kept her focus stubbornly on the floor.
Arnav sighed and reached out to hold her hand, sitting limply in her lap. She flinched away from his touch. And that was enough for him to understand that this was not something that would go away with some lighthearted banter.
"Khushi," he said in earnest. "If you don't tell me what's wrong, how can I fix it? I meant it last night when I said this was a two-way street."
A pang clutched Khushi's heart. Their night together which brought nothing but happiness to her that morning, now pricked her beyond reason.
And perhaps that's what snapped the restraints holding her back.
"What is it that you want to fix?" she asked, finally turning to face him.
Oh, the pain!
It hurt just to look at him, to see his perfect face and realize that he was never going to hers.
"Or rather," she rephrased. "Is there anything worth fixing between us?"
Arnav was stumped, not at all following her words. "What are you talking about?"
Khushi snorted inaudibly, looking past him to the end of the empty hallway they were seated in. "I spent all evening trying to figure out how I ended up here... I kept asking myself over and over and over again, how did I land myself in the exact same situation I spent my whole life trying to escape?"
Arnav shook his head. "I still don't understand what you are saying."
"Of course you don't," she answered coldly, meeting his eyes once again. "Because just like my father, you never wanted me."
Her words hung heavily in the air.
All the demons she had spent years bottling up were desperate to escape, and for the first time in her life, she wanted to set them free.
She had kept quiet for long enough. Not anymore.
"No one ever seems to want me," she continued in an emotionless voice. "Because there is always a Vihaan or Myra out there who are much, much better than me..."
"Khushi–"
She wasn't listening. "It's not your fault, it was never your fault... I should have known that girls like me, girls who don't fit into anything, not my father's definition of a well-bred, blue-blooded girl nor your opinion of a good-looking, respectable wife... we don't make good daughters, or lovers or wives."
Arnav was flabbergasted. "You know that's not true!"
She stared at him with hollow eyes. "But it is... I was good enough to be your father's choice, but not yours. I was good enough to be your friend, but not the love of your life. I was good enough to be your wife in front of the press, but not enough for you to tell me that Myra was pregnant with your baby."
His face fell. "You heard...?"
"Yes," she accepted without remorse. "I did... because I didn't know whether I should wait for you. But when I saw Myra barge inside like she owned the place, when she said without hesitation that I was just a rebound, when you accepted all that and didn't speak anything in my defence... I knew there was no point.
Because I was always a second choice. An afterthought. And I felt entirely stupid to forget that... You can kiss me, flirt with me, distract me with promises, but the fact is I will never be good enough for you. Hell, if I wasn't good enough for my father –who is supposed to love me no matter what– then what chance did I have with you?"
Arnav opened his mouth, his eyes frantic, but she didn't really want to hear his consolations. There was probably nothing that could make her un-hear everything Myra had said.
Thankfully, as if on cue, Ved arrived with news about her father. "The procedure is done," he said, awkwardly shuffling his feet.
Khushi stood up immediately. "Any complications?"
Ved shook his head. "No, everything went well. He's actually asking–"
Khushi sped off at once, not hearing the rest. She was desperate to get away, although she knew in the corner of her heart, there was no place left for her to go.
Neither Arnav nor Ved followed her, perhaps finally realizing that her pain was beyond healing.
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