[KULANI]
Cuteness in excess. AK keeps asking me endless questions about Vutlhari and I find some of them hilarious. He’s still quiet and studying his little brother while I give him his bottle. I’m on the couch in the study and AK is standing on his two feet. Mhan’ Singi prefers it when I’m locked up in the room because apparently that’s what all new mothers have to do. I suffocate when I’m in there. I cannot do it. The only place I do not frequent is downstairs because anyone might walk in and want to hold my baby.
‘Why is his lip peeling?’ he asks the hundredth question.
‘It’s because he’s a baby, nana’
‘Why do babies peel?’
I laugh.
‘Because…’ I don’t have an answer. ‘I guess their skin is still sensitive? I don’t know’
‘But you’re his mom. You’re supposed to know’
‘I think it’s because they’ve been inside the tummy for too long and now they have to adjust to the air and everything their skin is exposed to’
‘He went into your tummy after the airplane dropped him off?’
I forgot that I spun him the airplane story because he’s asking too many questions. I cannot stop laughing. I’ve realised that this child behaves more like Fikani than he does his father. They’re capable of saying the most hilarious of things and not laugh.
‘Yes. It did’ I just answer and hope for the best. The best in this case would be him concluding this topic. ‘Would you like some popcorn?’ I try to digress.
‘Why?’
‘Why what AK?’
‘Why did you eat him?’
Jehovah? You need to come back and save me because this child you’ve given me is quarter to giving me a headache.
‘I did not eat—’ I laugh, defeatedly. My cheeks hurt. ‘I did not eat him. I just… let’s just say I swallowed him because he was so small’
‘How small?’
‘Uhm… the size of a bead?’
‘And then he grew inside you until he was this big?’
I nod.
‘Then… how did he come out?’
‘Uhm…’ the cat has got my tongue. ‘The doctors took him out’
I take the bottle out of Vutlhari’s mouth when he falls asleep.
‘Took him out how?’
‘They cut me open on the tummy’
‘With scissors?’
I nod.
‘Is that why he’s red in the forehead? They hurt him?’ he points at Vutlhari’s vascular birthmark. He looks worried.
‘No. This is natural. He was born with it and it will go away’
‘When?’
‘I don’t know. As he grows’
‘And then what happened after they cut you open? Can you put him back there if you want?’
I am trying so hard not to laugh.
‘No. Once the baby is out, they sew the opening. He can’t go back into mommy’s tummy’
‘Then… then… then…’ he loses his train of thought. I watch him, waiting in unpleasant anticipation.
‘Do you like Cocomelon? Go fetch daddy’s Ipad in the drawer’
He nods eagerly and runs to go get it, thank God. He comes back with it and hands it to me.
‘Then what was he eating when he was growing inside you?’
Just when I thought I had won.
‘He was eating the same food I eat’. This damn thing is also taking its sweet time.
‘Like rice, meat and strawberries?’
I nod.
‘But you said milk is the only thing he drinks?’
I was lying. AK is exactly like his father. This cross-questioning? Someone needs to save me, right now!
‘Yes because he’s no longer in the tummy. He has to eat what babies eat’
‘But why did he start with big food first? Why didn’t you feed him milk when he was in the tummy?’
It finally connects. He hears the soundtrack and his eyes light up. He climbs on the couch and I give him the screen so he can hold it himself. He has completely forgotten about baby talk. Fikani walks in and AK runs to him.
‘Daddy!’ he screams.
‘Hey little man’ he greets him back and immediately picks him up. I don’t think AK can see that this isn’t Kurhula. Fikani was not here the whole day yesterday so they never got to meet.
‘Where is it?’ AK asks.
‘Where is what?’
‘Lunch bar. You said you’ll bring it’
‘We can go get it now?’
AK starts crying. Oh oh…
‘Hey hey…’ Fikani softly coaxes. ‘It’s okay. We can go get it together. I’ll teach you how to drive. How about that?’
The idea must be enticing to him because he’s growing calmer. The tantrum is losing its vim. Kurhula walks in shortly after his brother. He didn’t expect it to be a full house in here, from how he’s looking at all of us. He’s on the phone. AK looks at him, back at Fikani, then at Kurhula again. He slowly wiggles his way out of Fikani’s hands, who just smiles and watches the little man walking back to me. Kurhula’s call ends and they stand side by side – looking at AK and almost failing to conceal their smiles. They must not stress my baby. He is visibly freaked out.
‘Who are you?’ he directs this to Kurhula.
‘I’m your dad, AK. The fvck do you mean who am I?’ he laughs.
‘Mind your language!’ I scold. Next thing AK is going to be speaking to us in fvcks and shxts like it’s a normal thing to do.
AK’s eyes keep moving from one brother to another. Fikani squats and asks him to come closer. Akani goes but in a very slow pace.
‘My name is Fikani. I am your father’s twin brother. Do you know what a twin is?’
AK shakes his head.
‘It means we were born at the same time neh? We share both a mother and a father’
‘Did they cut granny’s tummy to take you two out? At the same time?’
‘Huh?’ they both go – sounding confused. I desperately indicate with my eyes that they shouldn’t entertain this otherwise it won’t end. Vutlhari wakes up.
‘Yes’ Kurhula answers, still looking confused. He stretches out his hands so AK can come to him. He manages to pick him and AK looks at Fikani, who also offers him his hands. He turns on Kurhula and allows Fikani to take him.
‘Traitor’ Kurhula complains and I laugh. Fikani walks out with him as they continue with their conversation. He will regret taking him with. I’m giving him only fifteen minutes. Kurhula comes to me and kisses me before taking his baby. I need to go handwash Vutlhari’s laundry.
‘How have my two favourite people been?’
‘I’m okay. Sleepy head as well’
‘I will sue you for calling my son names, Kuli’ he says and continues kissing Tlhari.
I laugh out loud. He’s mad, together with his son.
‘AK was asking me questions about how the baby got in my tummy and how he got out’
He laughs.
‘And what did you say?’
‘I told him the usual airplane story’
‘You should’ve told him the truth about the birds and the bees. He’ll find out eventually’ he says and takes a seat next to me.
‘What truth? What did you want me to say?’ Kurhula is not normal.
‘The truth and nothing but the truth’ he leans closer and pouts, wanting me to kiss him. I do exactly that.
‘You’re not answering my questioning though. What would you have said?’
‘I am going to tell him straight that the ding-a-ling he has is capable of manufacturing a whole human if he puts it inside a honeypot and that he shouldn’t make me a grandfather before time unless if he wants to wake up in ICU with a few broken ribs’
I cannot control my laughter. Something is seriously wrong with this man and to think I’m stuck with him for life?
Mhan’ Singi knocks and we let her in. She’s here to see the baby and she’s going to scold me for leaving the room with him. I was in the kitchen with him and she didn’t notice because she was so enraged with Mabontle. I can’t lie. She has been massive help with Vutlhari otherwise I would’ve lost my mind. She began spending a lot of time in this house ever since he arrived and I’ve learnt a whole lot about babies in such a short space of time. Including the fact that I should believe in Stuipdruppels more than I believe in myself. I’ve handed over the duty of bathing Tlhari to her because I feel like I’m going to drown him or something. We always fight about it because she says I should be willing to learn. I’d very much rather watch. After a mini conversation with his mother, Kurhula asks her to excuse us for a second. She tells me I’ll find her in the nursery. He clears his throat and looks at me. What he’s about to say must be serious.
‘I’m thinking of spending some time with Larona today’ he says. Vutlhari is still in his arms.
Still a bitter pill to swallow but I’m gonna swallow it, nonetheless. I pull in some air and sit back.
‘Are you two making progress?’
‘She’s still a bit stubborn but it’s nothing I can’t handle’
Thoughts of him ‘handling’ her always haunt me.
‘Okay baby. Have fun’
‘Are you okay?’ he asks and I nod. I will be, eventually. He leans in again for a kiss and I do the same. He sighs and hands Tlhari to me, then stands up.
‘Are you planning on sleeping over?’ I had to ask.
‘No. I’ll be back before the sun sets’
‘Okay wait. Let’s clear this out first. Once this whole thing gets serious, how are you going to divide your time, Mlambya?’
He never gave it a thought. He’s only thinking about it now.
‘Sunday to Wednesday will be yours? We’ll see baby’ he kisses me again and brushes my hair back.
‘Later?’
‘Later’ I respond. I genuinely love this guy…
…
[LARONA]
It’s a Saturday morning and I am looking forward to a bottle of wine and making myself a simple meal while at it. I’m done brushing my teeth and freshening up in my own bathroom. It feels good. The space isn’t cramped and it’s well ventilated. Kurhula had a bed, a coffee table and a couch delivered without speaking to me first. I just texted him ‘Thanks’ because arguing with him is pointless. The place does look better but it doesn’t scream my space. I’ll personalize it bit by bit.
I’ve already opened all my windows. It’s the first thing I do because morning breeze just hits different man. It gives me the same effect as ice cold water after a long walk in the scorching sun. I want to stay in bed and rest but my body always says no. I cannot sleep past 7 AM and this is all Makgabe’s fault. I have research to do for Kurhula. He has a case he needs to attend to at Pretoria on Monday. I started working on it last night and I’m almost done. When I unlock my phone, I find a message from him. It’s just five digits and nothing else. Probably a pocket dial or something. I try not to think too much about it. I haven’t been able to get him out of my head since yesterday.
I get a call from security and they tell me I have a delivery I need to fetch at the gate. My Takealot order for stationery is only going to arrive on Wednesday. I don’t remember ordering anything else from anywhere. I’m sure of this because I’m in my frugal era. I cannot afford to waste money. I only buy what is necessary for my survival.
‘Ma’am, can you hear me?’ the security guard asks. I was still trying to remember.
‘Sorry. I’m on my way. Please give me two minutes’
I grab my gown so I can cover up and slide into my slippers. My pyjama shorts live a little too much up to their name. I reinforce the front knot on my doek because I feel like it might fall off.
I know this car. The drivers from the royal house travels in a black Lexus. It can’t be a coincidence. What is Kurhula up to now? He exits the car and comes to me.
‘Good morning princess. I hope I did not catch you at bad time. I’ve been sent here to give you this’
He hands me a bank card. I receive it but I’m confused.
‘Did he say why?’
‘He just said I should wait for you and take you anywhere you’d like to shop’
‘Please give me one second’
‘At your service’
This guy is so formal even in the way he talks. The drivers at home wear whatever they want to wear. I take out my phone so I can call this man.
‘Hi Pearl’ he answers, too cheerful for my liking. And why is he calling me by my middle name?
‘What’s going on?’
‘With what? The weather?’
‘You know exactly what I’m talking about’
‘Take the card, go get bedding and whatever else you might need’
‘You need to stop this’
It’s getting out of hand now.
‘It’s a loan. Stop being prideful. It won’t help you with anything’
I breathe out.
‘How much?’
‘The budget is the amount you need. Only you know how much you’ll be able to pay back’
Is he trying to trick me or is he being genuinely sincere?
‘Come on. Take the damn card. Your kitchenware goes in singles. You have one plate, one bowl, one spoon, one—’
‘Oh shut up!’ I explode in laughter. ‘And I have two. I have two spoons. Don’t disrespect me like that’
I drop the call and tell Tony I’ll be back. Kurhula offered when I never asked. I’m not one to waste opportunities.
I decide on an orange knee-length summer dress and brown slides. I don’t want to waste the driver’s time and it’s not like I’m going anywhere fancy. The mall is just around the corner. I don’t even know the size of this bed but it looks like a queen. I find the dimensions and take a picture. I almost walked out of this house with my raggedy headwrap. I’ve owned it since I was fourteen and I’m not willing to let go of it. It’s the perfect square.
I throw the card into my side bag, along with some wipes and a lip-gloss. I think I look decent.
‘I’m sorry to keep you waiting’ I apologize after getting into the backseat of the car.
‘It is really not a problem ma’am’ he says with a smile.
‘So, how long have you been working for the royal house?’ I ask. I hate awkward silences.
‘It’s been eleven years now’
‘That’s nice. You seem like you’re enjoying your job’
He laughs lightly. ‘I cannot complain’
We chat until we get to the mall and I step out of the car. He promises to wait and I assure him that I can take a taxi. He won’t hear it. I let it go, say my thanks and leave. I see the sign for a Mr Price Home up there so it must be inside. I bought the bedding for my single bed at PEP the last time.
I’m going to get the curtains for the living room from a Chinese shop because these prices are mad. Is it because they’re block-outs?
My phone has been vibrating in my bag and I was under the impression that I was hallucinating. Kurhula. What does he want? He can’t be calling to complain because I haven’t even made a single purchase yet. I call him back.
‘Pearl’
‘Larona works just fine, please. What do you want?’
He laughs.
‘For someone who’s desperate, you’re quite disrespectful’ he says and I remember these words because they’re mine. Is he being for real right now? ‘Where are you in this mall, Mrs Kurhula?’
What is he doing here? I won’t max out his card. I feel like our relationship won’t end well. We do not respect each other. He’s worse because he has the upper hand. I need him, not the other way round. This gives him enough leverage to keep pressing my buttons. I see him about to walk past.
I sigh, looking for the strength to speak. ‘Mr Price Home’
He walks in reverse and peeps inside.
‘That dress suits you’ he says through the phone. I cut the call because it’s now pointless. He’s already here.
‘What are you doing here, Kurhula?’
He laughs. Breathy, provocative laughter. ‘Don’t sound so defeated. Are you not happy to see me?’
He looks different. Laid back. It must be the outfit. He’s wearing a white round neck, blue denim shorts folded just under the knees and matching Palladium boots. Even his attitude matches his fit. He’s not the monster from the office and I hope I’m not speaking too soon. I continue looking around, paying no attention to him. I get to a corner and decide that these curtains are not priced right. When I turn, I bump into him. Does he have to be so close? He doesn’t move.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To look for curtains’
‘What’s wrong with these ones?’
‘The prices are mad. Move…’
He doesn’t budge.
‘Do you like them?’
‘I do but—’
‘Then take them’
‘I get to decide how much I pay back, remember?’
‘Pay what back?’ he shrugs. I fail to stop the smile before he sees it.
‘Don’t do this’
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’
I drop my shoulders. He is so exhausting! I manage to escape him and I see him smile. He follows me out.
‘Eyy man!’ he greets a guy I don’t know. They are super happy to see one another.
‘How’s uncle?’ Kurhula asks.
‘He’s getting better. He can walk now, and thank you once more for your help that day man’
‘I got you. You know this’
‘Excuse my terrible manners. My name is Benzy’ he extends his hand to me.
‘Larona. His mente—’
‘Wife’ Kurhula cuts in and I give him a deadly stare. This is no longer funny.
‘Oh the other one? Ey you and stainless steel. Since high school I’ve always known you—’
‘Ungani toloveli. Please behave’ Kurhula laughs.
‘But it’s a compliment sesi don’t take it the wrong way. Where’s the other one?’ Benzy asks.
‘She’s at home’
‘Greet her for me. I saw her at the complex the other day but she didn’t hear me calling for her’
‘That makes me happy. Don’t be screaming for my wife in public you fool’
Benzy lets out an ugly laughter. I can just tell that these two are good friends.
‘Noh but you have a type. Look at—’
‘That’s it. It was not nice seeing you. Famba Benzy’
His friend continues to laugh as Kurhula pushes him away.
‘Stop telling people I am your wife’
‘Remember the first day you came to my office? You claimed this title unprovoked. Now I’m giving it to you willingly, you no longer want it?’ There are people sitting on benches behind us and he doesn’t seem to mind them. I take one step away from him.
‘This is not going to work’
‘How do you know that?’
‘I just do. I was raised in a polygamous setting’
‘Same here’ he argues.
‘Still’
‘You are telling the captain of this ship that the ship is headed in the wrong direction? I’ve never led anything to a collapse, Larona. I was born to lead, not follow. I won’t take instructions from you’
I laugh. He’s delusional if he thinks he’s going to boss me around. This mentorship and marriage are very much disjoint.
‘When are you leaving? Ke ikhutse wena for two days nyana. O tsamaa leng, Kurhula?’
‘You shouldn’t be asking that question because I’m taking you with’
‘I’m going nowhere. Advocate Letswalo needs me’
‘Ask him to mentor you while at it then’
‘You’re not being fair’
‘How am I not being fair by asking my mentee to come with me to attend a case?’
I’m scared because he’s making it clear by the minute what his intentions are. Men don’t take kindly to being rejected. They are not nice people when the word ‘No’ is being thrown into the conversation. I’ve been there and it worked out very terribly for me.
He continues walking and we go outside the mall and stand near the water fountain.
‘You look anxious. I was just joking. Of course you have a choice. I won’t dump you as a mentee just because you won’t come with. You can choose not to’ he sounds sincere in his speech. I don’t know how to respond.
‘Larona?’ he calls.
‘I would never force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Please believe me. It was a bad joke, okay?’
I nod.
‘I hate that I make you feel this way, even in cases where I’m saying nothing at all’
‘What way?’
‘You’re scared of me. Yeah sure we can share laughs sometimes but I can always see the fear in your eyes’
‘I told you why, and I wouldn’t exactly use the word fear. Just… stop telling people I’m your wife and we’ll get along’ I say with a smile. I want out of that fear conversation. He huffs.
‘What are you?’
I am intentional about looking him square in the eye this time.
‘I am not wife material, Kurhula’
‘You are telling me what you’re not when I asked you the opposite, advocate’
I am nowhere near the woman you introduce to your parents. I am the one who gets to mingle with your demons instead’
He steps closer.
‘Why do I like the sound of that?’
There’s no winning here. And why is he coming in strong all of a sudden?
‘I repeat, I’ll never fall for you Kurhula. Let this go’
‘Trust me, you will, and I’ll be right here to catch you in time’
I don’t know why that just gave me instant butterflies. He needs to leave because he’s right. I’m already falling but I’ll make sure I never land.
‘Pearl, I don’t know about you but I’m done fighting the inevitable. I’ll give you all the time you need to realize where you belong. You can’t run from me, the same way I cannot run away from you too. The further we go in different directions, they shorter the path leading us back to each other. You’ll call me if you change your mind about PTA. I’m leaving at nine tomorrow’ he says and leaves me there to digest all the heavy things he’s just unexpectedly dumped on me. I am no longer in the mood to go in and out of shops. I want to be alone.