TW for this chapter: Fighting about religion, past religious trauma, past abuse mention, past religious torture mention, past near death experience mention, past abusive relationship mention
"Welcome back, I didn't think you were gonna come back." Dr. Simon said.
"Is it that much of a surprise to see me?" Phil asked as he sat down in the chair opposite of him.
"It's not entirely a surprise when I see you, because I look at my appointment book, but it's a nice surprise to see your name there." Dr. Simon said lightly as he put a fresh piece of paper on his clipboard.
"So the shorter answer is, yes." Phil said with his eyebrows raised and Dr. Simon chuckled lightly.
"Yeah. How are you today?" He asked as he pulled a pen from off the desk.
"Fine, I think." Phil shrugged. Dr. Simon raised his eyebrows.
"You think? And normally when you think you're fine you don't come in for private sessions." Dr. Simon pointed out.
"Okay well I'm fine, but not entirely fine. Like I'm fine just less fine then I should be." Phil tried to explain.
"So the shorter answer is, you're not fine." Dr. Simon said with a slight smile on his face.
"Oh fuck off Simon." Phil said as he playfully rolled his eyes.
"Yknow I think all three of your kids have said the exact sentence to me before." Dr. Simon laughed.
"I would not be surprised." Phil chuckled.
"So what brings you in, what's on your mind?" Dr. Simon asked as to get the session on a more serious track.
"I dunno, things with the boys haven't been great. Tommy and Techno are constantly fighting about religion, Wilbur is having a gender crisis that I'm doing my best to try and support, and Storm is about to give birth any day now. I know she's not technically one of the boys but that's just another thing I'm stressing out about." Phil explained. Dr. Simon began to take notes at once.
"Well let's work our way through this. Tommy and Techno are fighting about religion, I know both their beliefs about religion and I know that Tommy is trying to figure things out surrounding that. I also know that you don't like to talk about religion with people because you would just rather stay out of it." Dr. Simon said. Phil half shrugged.
"It's not that I don't like to talk about religion, and it's not that I want to just stay out of it. I truly believe that as long as you aren't hurting yourself or others you can believe in whatever you would like to believe in. Techno is atheist and that's fine, Tommy wants to explore religion that's fine, but they're both strong in where they stand right now and it's causing conflict. I don't want Techno to be forced to be around religion because it's uncomfortable and triggering for him. At the same time I don't want Tommy to be forced away from religion or hurt by it because it's delicate for him too, he has religious trauma too. I'm just trying to take care of both of them but it's hard." Phil ranted.
"I get your point. I think a good route you could take here is just sit Tommy down and explain to him Techno's point of view. Tommy grew up in the foster system and he was hyperaware to abuse currently happening to those around him, but not as much the past abuse that he wasn't there for. It seems like sometimes he has a hard time processing others past trauma, and it isn't his fault in the slightest. It's just how it ended up." Dr. Simon suggested.
"I've tried, but he hasn't seemed to fully get it." Phil sighed.
"He might just need more time to try and grasp it. There isn't much you can do beyond trying to explain it to him. Have you given any thought to spending some time away? I know last time you were very hesitant." Dr. Simon asked.
"I dunno. I'm scared of leaving the boys by themselves, especially now with the fighting between them. I don't want something to happen and me be super far away." Phil explained. Dr. Simon took a moment to write things down on his clipboard and Phil noticed all the stickers on the back of it. He noticed that a few were from Ranboo during his making stickers phase (Techno and Tommy's door were both covered in stickers Ranboo made)
"Well you feel better about being away from the boys when they're with their friends right?" Dr. Simon asked and Phil nodded. "What if you all plan it out so that some of them could spend the time you're away at your house. That way they spend time with friends and you can get some time away."
"I guess that could work, and I have been wanting to go visit Kristin's grave again." Phil admitted. He wished he had more time the first time they went. Several times he wondered if they had spent more time there, more time at her grave, would they have ended up in that car crash? Would they have the last injuries (in Tommy and Techno's case) if they had stayed just a bit longer?
"You could make a small weekend out of it, like you guys did last time." Dr. Simon suggested but Phil just shrugged. "What else has been going on?"
"Mostly just the religious thing." Phil said as he looked out the window for a moment.
"How are things with Wilbur? I know her identity change is something new for all of you." Dr. Simon pointed out.
"Well, not really. Wilbur has always used he/they pronouns, so adding she in hasn't been that much of a change. Honestly as long as she's happy that's all that matters to me." Phil said with a small smile.
"What are your thoughts on their relationship with Quackity?" Dr. Simon questioned.
"As long as they're happy that's all that matters." Phil repeated.
"I know that in the past you struggled with Wilbur being in relationships." Dr. Simon said as he looked through notes. Phil sighed slightly.
"It's not Wil being in relationships it's who's he's in the relationship with." Phil corrected.
"And you don't have a problem with Quackity?" Dr. Simon confirmed.
"I have no problem with Quackity. Wilbur's old partners were toxic, controlling, and most of them forced her not to be herself. If anything Quackity encourages Wil to be herself and makes Wil so happy. That's all I want." Phil explained.
"You keep going back to their happiness, what about your happiness?" Dr. Simon asked, bringing up what they had spoken about last session.
"I'm happy sometimes. I just prefer the kids to be happy." Phil said with another shrug.
"Why can't you all be happy at the same time? Why can't you be happy along side them?" Dr. Simon questioned.
"Well if they're ever not happy then I'm usually not happy, because I worry about them and their happiness. And when they're happy I'm happy too sometimes, just not all the time." Phil tried to explain best way he could.
"Do you think you're happy an equal amount? Do you think you spend more or less time being happy in comparison to them?" Dr. Simon asked and Phil truly had to think about it.
Did he spend as much time as they did being happy?
"I'm not sure." Phil answered after a moment.
"Well when was the last time you did something just for yourself? Maybe it really is time to take that trip, do something that makes you happy."
So that became the plan for the following weekend.
Phil was going to leave Friday afternoon, he was going to stop for the night about half way through the drive. He then would make it to Kristin's grave site on Saturday, spend the night in that town before leaving early Sunday morning. He would be back Sunday night, and hopefully nothing bad would happen when he was gone.
"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Phil asked as he stood by the front door. He had already packed the car, by this point all he needed to do was head out. Techno and Wilbur sat in the living room, Tommy was upstairs with Tubbo and Ranboo.
"We'll be fine Dad. The rest of the group should be here soon." Wilbur reassured him.
They were following Dr. Simon's advice on having friends over who Phil trusted. Quackity, Eret, Niki, Sapnap, and Karl were all coming over until Phil got back Sunday night (Tubbo and Ranboo obviously already arrived but they were also going to be leaving Sunday night.) That way Phil knew that if something started to happen there were plenty of people to help, and they all had Phil's number.
"I know, I'm just worried. What if something happens, what if someone gets hurt or you guys get into a big fight or Tommy runs again or something." Phil stressed.
"Dad, I love you, you have the most attachment issues out of all of us." Techno said light heartedly.
"I just want to protect you guys, and it's gonna be hard to when I'm so far away." Phil sighed and both of them nodded.
"We know, but we'll check in and you can check in with us. You can call us whenever you want, and there's plenty of us here. Something happens we will let you know, and we have Puffy on speed dial. Plus most of us are adults at this point." Wilbur reminded him and Phil took a deep breath while nodding.
"You're right, it's going to be okay. Well then I'll be going, I love you guys." Phil smiled. He had already said his goodbyes to Tommy so he just turned and headed out the door. Techno turned back to the book he was reading and Wilbur checked his phone for a moment.
Wilbur saw a few messages from Quackity saying that the three of them would be on their way in the next hour or so and Wilbur smiled softly. She then turned to look at Techno.
"Hey Tech?" Wilbur asked and Techno hummed without looking up from his book. "How are you and Tommy doing?"
"I dunno fine." Techno dismissed lightly.
"Are you guys still fighting?" Wilbur asked and Techno just shrugged, still not looking away from his book. "Dude, come on."
"What do you want me to say Wilbur? No we're doing peachy? No we're best friends? We're not still fighting." Techno snapped and Wilbur sighed.
"You say that, but you haven't spoken directly to Tommy in a week." Wilbur said and Techno shut his book a bit agressively.
"Yeah well it's not my fault." Techno scoffed.
"How is not your fault? Tommy apologized, Tommy has realized he upset you and he has tried to make it better. What else can he do? What do you want the literal child to do to make it up to you?" Wilbur asked and Techno just shrugged. "After every time that Tommy has forgiven us, after the times where we weren't the best at apologizing, after every time we didn't even say sorry and he still forgave us you're not going to forgive him?"
"Why do I have to forgive him?" Techno asked.
"Are you going to hold this against him for the rest of our lives?" Wilbur asked and Techno bit his lip.
"No." He said after a moment.
"Then how long are you going to hold this against him?" Wilbur asked but Techno stayed silent. "I just don't think you should shut him out like this."
"He returned everything I ever gave him, how did I shut him out?" Techno snapped lightly.
"Because you told him to never fucking talk about god again! I get that you hate it, and I get that you have trauma around it, but so does he. And if he is trying to figure out what God means, then it's not your place to tell him that, just like it's not his place to say what he said. Both of you are in the wrong, but you can't hold it against him forever. You said things that hurt him too." Wilbur ranted. Techno stayed quiet with his arms crossed.
"Yknow when I was about 7 years old I was nearly drowned to death, and the person who did it claimed they were doing it because god told them to. I nearly died in the name of a god I don't believe in. How am I supposed to let Tommy just talk about it when every time God is mentioned I think of that?" Techno asked.
"When I was 6 years old my hand was handcuffed to the stove while it was turned on because 'god had to burn the sin out of me before I was sent to hell'" Tommy said from the top of the stairs, Tubbo and Ranboo right behind him. Tommy rolled up his sleeve and showed a burn mark on his wrist. "You don't think that for the past 10 years I haven't thought about that moment every time God is brought up? I don't let it control me Techno."
"Are you saying because I let my trauma effect me that it's my fault I don't like god?" Techno accused.
"Nobody is saying that Techno." Tommy sighed. He walked down the stairs and turned into the kitchen without another word. Ranboo followed Tommy into the kitchen but Tubbo stood at the bottom of the stairs.
"I think what Tommy tried to say was he knows what it's like to have something like god used against you, he just is trying to move past it. I know his whole look into religion isn't meant to hurt you, but you cutting him out because of it is hurting him." Tubbo said.
"Why is this my fault? Everyone is protecting him, no one is giving a crap about what I'm saying or feeling." Techno frowned.
"Religion aside, every argument you guys had over it aside, are you mad at Tommy?" Tubbo asked.
"The religion thing is the only reason why I'm mad at him!" Techno scoffed and they could all hear the back door open and close. Tubbo paused and glanced through the kitchen doorway to the backyard, he could still see Tommy and Ranboo out there.
"Okay but again, religion aside, are you mad at Tommy? Outside of that are you mad at him?" Tubbo asked.
"No." Techno answered shortly.
"So don't let this one thing ruin everything else." Tubbo shrugged before he went to go join the other two outside.
When Tommy made it back upstairs with Tubbo and Ranboo there was a basket in front of Tommy's door, and it held everything Techno had ever given him. On top there was a piece of paper that said
'I'm sorry too, let's talk later?'
And Tommy knew this was Techno trying to make amends.
"Are you going to forgive him?" Ranboo asked as Tommy set the basket on his desk before sitting down on his bed.
"I already did." Tommy said and Ranboo half shrugged.
"Well yeah, but at the same time he just spent the last week and a half not talking to you after telling you to never talk about god again." Ranboo pointed out.
"I honestly just want things to go back to normal. I'm not upset with him and I hope he won't be with me anymore." Tommy said.
"Not that I don't love talking about our complicated relationships with our also very traumatized siblings, but I am bored and I want to do something." Tubbo declared. Tommy and Ranboo both laughed a bit.
"Okay, what do you want to do?" Tommy asked.
"Well we have a bunch of people coming over for a massive three day sleepover, I say we figure out some activities for us to do." Tubbo suggested.
"Well the only sleepovers I've had are with you guys, so I don't know what kind of activities we do could other than what we normally do." Tommy shrugged and Tubbo stared at him.
"You know I constantly forget about the fact that you didn't have the same kind of childhood that I did." Tubbo said and Tommy just shrugged again. "Okay well Ranboo and I have been to a handful of sleepovers and I know tons of things we could do. So let's make a list."
About an hour later they were going back downstairs with a list of activities to do. Eret and Niki had already arrived and they were chatting with Wilbur, while Techno had gone back into his room for a bit.
"We have a list." Tubbo announced.
"You have a list." Niki repeated back and Tubbo nodded. "What's on this list."
"This list is all the sleepover things we need to do." Ranboo explained.
"Okay, what's on the list specifically?" Wilbur asked.
"1. Friendship bracelet making 2. Baking contest 3. Star gazing 4. Spa night 5. Arts and crafts time, outside of the friendship bracelet making 6. Fort making 7. Video game tournament. There's more on the list but you get the general idea." Tubbo read aloud from the paper.
"Well it sounds like we're going to have to make a trip to the store for some of that stuff. We could probably go now before everyone else gets here." Eret said.
"Why don't Eret and I take Tubbo, Ranboo and Wil to the store. Tommy I know Techno had mentioned something about wanting to talk to you alone." Niki suggested.
"Yeah sure." Tommy said and Wilbur looked over at him.
"Are you sure you don't want someone else to be here while you guys are talking?" Wilbur asked but Tommy shook his head.
"We'll be fine Wil. It's just Techno." Tommy said and Wilbur couldn't do anything other than agree with him.
Word count: 3000
LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN I WAS GONNA POST EVERY MONTH BUT LISTEN TO THIS OKAY
I got evicted, I got a concussion, I had to leave my job, and I am still homeless, so I think those are all good reasons to not update for December
Edited by: Major: he/him
Beta read:
Ryuunic: it/he/they
Bonnie: it/its