Ryan
Jacky still smelled like Jacky, but also like coffee. Ryan buried his face in Jacky's hair and breathed it in. More than anything, that smell was home. He hadn't realized how homesick he'd felt this whole time at college until now, probably because he hadn't really had a home in the past two years. The group home had never felt like home, and Jacky's house wasn't his. But Jacky? If home could be a person, Jacky was it.
The hug went on for a long time, until Jacky's shoulders stopped shaking and he was breathing more normally. Ryan didn't want to pull away. "Do you want to come sit down?" he asked.
Jacky nodded against his chest.
The separation as they walked to the couch was almost too much. When they sat, facing each other, Jacky's eyes were red and his face flushed. "Sorry," Jacky said.
Ryan bit back the instinct to tell Jacky he had nothing to be sorry for. "What are you sorry for?" he asked.
When Jacky didn't answer right away, Ryan's stomach clenched. Maybe Jacky wasn't going to apologize for breaking up with him, and he was just sorry for crying on Ryan's shirt. But then Jacky started talking.
"Everything." Jacky rubbed his nose, sniffing. "I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you about how insecure I was feeling. I thought if I preemptively broke up with you, it would hurt less when you got a hot new boyfriend."
Ryan's throat and chest tightened. He hadn't thought about why Jacky might have broken up with him other than the reasons Jacky had given: that Ryan was suffocating. "So... you don't think I'm clingy?" he asked after a long moment.
"What?" Jacky blinked his wet eyes. "No. Never."
"But you said..."
Face crumpling, Jacky dropped his head and brought his hand to his face. "Oh, god, I'm such a fucking idiot."
Ryan sat back, trying to sort out in his head. All this time, he'd been worried that he'd been overbearing. But of course Jacky had shoved Ryan away to avoid being hurt if Ryan broke up with him later.
Ryan rubbed his own face and took a breath. Part of him wanted to cry along with Jacky, and another part wanted to laugh. But before he could do either, footsteps and voices came up the stairwell. Ryan looked over his shoulder at the digital clock on the microwave that confirmed the time as way too fucking early for visitors, and that was when he saw Sam standing there, her short hair flopping over her eye.
"Hey," Ryan managed to say before there came a knock on the door.
Jacky
At the knocking on the door, Jacky sat up and tried to erase all evidence of crying from his face. The last thing he needed was for his friends – or really, his ex and a random guy he hooked up with and a girl he barely knew – to come in here and immediately realize that they'd all driven five hours in the middle of the night for no reason, because why the hell would Ryan take him back.
Somehow Jacky had forgotten that he'd told Ryan he needed breathing room. It had sounded good at the time, but hearing Ryan say the word "clingy" brought home exactly how Ryan had taken those words.
But when Ryan got up to get the door, Jacky realized there was someone else in the room. This was definitely one of the lesbian roommates Ryan had mentioned. She looked like she lifted weights for fun.
"Hi," she said. "I'm Sam."
He cleared his throat and hoped he didn't look a mess. "Jacky."
She nodded. "I figured."
So Ryan had told her about him. He didn't have time to dwell on that, because Ryan was opening the door.
"Fuck, you are an Adonis," Billy said, pressing a hand to his forehead and collapsing against the doorframe.
"I'm sorry?" Ryan looked to Jacky for help.
"Ryan, this is Billy. Remember Billy, from middle school?" Jacky waited for Billy to stop posing before adding, "And that's Braedyn and Lilliana. They helped drive me here."
"Oh," Ryan said, still staring and clearly overwhelmed.
"Did you think he appeared here by magic?" By the half-finished coffee in his hand, Billy was over-caffeinated. He pushed past Ryan and pranced into the room. "Your wish granted by the gay gods?" He posed with a hand to his chest, indicating himself as one of those gods.
"We brought coffee," Braedyn said with much less energy, holding up a Box of Joe.
Lilliana raised an orange, pink and white box. "And donuts!"
"At least they come bearing gifts," Sam said, reminding everyone that someone else was in the room.
Billy immediately swiveled. "You look like you're in charge here. Where should we set up? This one," he twiddled his fingers at Braedyn, "is going to need a nap very soon. He's grumpy."
Braedyn grunted in response.
"Um." Sam gestured at the configuration of couches, none of which looked like they were pullout sleepers. "Be my guest."
"We have guests?" Another female voice joined the fray.
Had Ryan ever mentioned exactly how many lesbians he lived with? This one, who had messy brown hair and smudged makeup around her eyes, yawned. "Did someone say coffee?"
"And donuts!" Lilliana added perkily. Jacky wasn't quite sure how her makeup and hair still looked perfect after their road trip, but both Sam and the other girl took notice. After they shared a glance, the new girl put on a bright, if sleepy, smile.
"I'm Jordan. Let's put all this on the counter. Did you get any Boston Creams? Those are my favorite. What's your name?"
Ryan disappeared as introductions were being made. Jacky caught a glimpse of his eyes widening and then ducking down the hall. His new boyfriend is probably here, Jacky thought miserably, curling into himself.
"What's happening?" Billy hissed, all up in his personal space. "Why do you look like your dog just died?"
He couldn't even speak. Billy darted away and returned a moment later, shoving a chocolate sprinkle donut into his lap. "Eat this. You need sugar."
"We should probably g—" Jacky didn't finish his sentence before Ryan reappeared, looking relieved. Behind him looked a vampire-looking girl. Her lip curled upon seeing the full living room.
"This is Harper," Ryan said, then hurried to Jacky's side. "Do you want to talk in my room?"
So Ryan's new boyfriend wasn't sleeping over. Jacky quashed the wisp of hope that had arisen in his chest. He opened his mouth to say that he didn't need a fully detailed list of his shortcomings for closure, thank you very much, but Billy glared at him over Ryan's shoulder. Go, Billy mouthed.
Jacky followed Ryan down the hallway. The bathroom's light was on, and Jacky glanced in, then stopped. It took him a moment to recognize Pete as the guy draped over the toilet. "Is he okay?"
"I think so," Ryan said. "He had a lot to drink last night. I was sitting up with him when you got here."
"Oh." Jacky continued down the hall. He'd met Pete a few times, but they'd never hung out. It had been enough of an ordeal to arrange for Ryan's visits with the group home.
Ryan's room was an interesting series of contrasts. The desk was organized with a laptop and piles of textbooks, while half the floor was covered in discarded clothing. The top bunk bed was a pile of blankets and sheets, while the bed Jacky assumed belonged to Ryan was neatly made. Jacky had never been allowed in Ryan's room at the group home, so maybe this Odd Couple dynamic was something Ryan had gotten used to. Then again, the group home staff may have required everyone to have a clean room.
Jacky stepped over a pile of shoes and sat down on the bed next to Ryan. For a long moment, they just looked at each other. Jacky realized he was waiting for Ryan to say the dreaded words: that he wanted to stay broken up. He was watching Ryan's mouth and waiting and bracing for impact. I won't cry, he repeated to himself.
But Ryan didn't say anything, and finally Jacky glanced up. Ryan was looking at Jacky's mouth.
Sudden desire seized him. What had he driven all this way for if he wasn't going to at least try? He'd apologized. All Ryan had to do was say that he wanted Jacky back. But there was a way to find out. He leaned in, lips parted. Ryan leaned in too. It was all Jacky needed.
He closed the distance.
___
Two worlds colliding! Time for the fun to begin :D