"We're moving out soon, Luke"
Dad's voice carried a weight that seemed to echo through the room. The news hung in the air, stale and dense. I turned my attention from the window to my parents, their faces etched with a mixture of differing expressions.
A persistent ringing echoed in my ears intensified, drowning out the patter of raindrops from outside. My gaze fell to the floor, disbelief settling in like an unwelcome guest. This can't be real. In the living room, raindrops drummed on the roof, intensifying the cacophony from my eardrums.
"Moving houses again, Mom?" I uttered, fixing them with weary eyes. Searching theirs for a glimmer of understanding.
"I believe it's necessary, sweetheart." Mom's words carried an attempt at reassurance, though her smile held a hint of sorrow. "You understand the demands of your dad's job, don't you?"
It's not like it surprised me in the slightest. As far as kindergarten, we've been bouncing around from neighborhood to neighborhood. It was one reason I had little to no lasting friendships that remained through the years, it also didn't help that my parents weren't the most sociable people in the world. My mind immediately went to Cassie, the random girl who started hanging out with me. I don't know if I could consider her a friend. I'm not sure if it'll be important to tell her this upcoming change either.
I didn't fail to notice the bruise on my mom's legs as they began to outline the details of our upcoming move, the escalating predicament getting on my nerves even more.
I went up to my room, slamming the door as I hurried in. Running my hands through my already messy locks of hair. Trying to calm down, I fell on my bed; staring up at the ceiling as the rain continued to become louder and louder, confusing the jumbled thoughts that raced my mind. I didn't have the energy in me to grapple with my guitar or any sense of creative direction to ease my anxiety.
There was a knock on my door.
"Luke, I need to talk to you" Dad's voice spoke through the door. Getting up from my bed, I approach the door and with a deep breath and turn the knob.
He was standing there, with his hands in his pocket. His presence cast a shadow against the dimness of my room, and he cleared his throat in a poor attempt to break the silence that hung in the air like the storm cloud outside.
"What is it?" I bluntly replied, staring up at him but diverting my eyes from the wall just behind his head. The room was feeling claustrophobic each second we took to get to our points.
Taking a solid, but hesitant step forward into my room, he continued, "I know this isn't easy for you. Change can be tough but, it's best for the family. A new beginning"
I averted my eyes, now staring at the floor. I couldn't help but let out a quiet snicker at his comment.
"Your mom and I are doing what we think is best, Luke" he added, his tone carrying an underlying frustration in his voice. I was getting to him with my antics and he knew it. His once calm demeanor now shifted and slowly simmered with malice beneath the surface.
"I don't wanna hear it, Dad" I finally spoke, disdain present in my determined voice. "And besides, we both know Mom has nothing to do with this"
In an instant, he was right in my face. His eyes filled with fury as he gripped my neck, steadily putting pressure on my trachea. I choked out, my airways screaming at me for air. Being slightly elevated, I felt my feet swing in the air and my hands grip the hands of the monster that now
"You think you're so clever, huh?" he hissed, his venomous voice cutting through the air like a malevolent blade. Fear began to build up inside me, almost defeating the anger that I carried just moments before. "Be a good boy and never talk back to me ever again. Understand?"
I struggled against his vice-like grip around my significantly smaller frame, in defeat I struggled to shake my head 'yes' as the room started spinning before me, the weight of the man gripping my handle on reality and death pressing down on my being.
As instantly as he had snapped, a sudden surge of air filled my lungs as he released me. A cacophony of coughs unleashing from my raw throat as I try and refill my body with oxygen. He walked back toward the doorway, and stared at me with a glare, boring into my soul like a warning.
He cleared his throat, his voice soft but his eyes defeating his calm demeanor.
"Stop fooling around and start advanced reading your lessons. Summer's ending soon"
And with that he left, his threat hanging in the air long after he'd gone back downstairs. I tried to to lift myself to my bed, the adrenaline rush finally subsiding leaving me feeling weak and groggy. Not the best move I've done to spite him, not the worst either. That night, I cried under my sheets for the first time in a while. My only comfort and protection is the bed's white fabric and dense pillows that litter around me.
-
I didn't go out of the house for a couple of days after that.
I spent my afternoons mulling over my not-so-perfect paintings, with the occasional breakdowns as I drew over each attempt; something brewing within me. My windows remained shut, with the thick coverings of the curtains hiding me from the reality outside. Hiding me from her. I wasn't in the particular mood to play with Cassie anytime soon, and she hadn't called on me so I was in no hurry to finally reveal myself to the world.
The sky was dark again that day. Another onset of dark clouds populated the once-blue sky as rain was inevitable to fall.
I was starting to have second thoughts as I looped the rope around the lamp that governed my ceiling. Chills running down my body as it finally dawned on me what I was planning to do. The brown, leathery-looking rope wasn't hard to procure as the house had an array of them down in the basement. As I pull it taunt, and tug on it to check if it's secure. I braced myself for what I was about to commit.
Dragging the chair from my desk to the middle of my room, I step up, blaring thoughts as I stall. Looking around my room, and absentmindedly remembering each detail. Probably, for the last time. The calendar indicated it was July 8th. My guitar in its case, settled beside my bed. An array of random papers littered my desk, full of math equations and never-to-be-finished sketches.
I took a ragged deep breath and stepped up. I was quite tall for my age, so reaching the ceiling at the perfect height wouldn't have been difficult.
Okay, I'm gonna do it. I whispered to no one in particular as I looped the rope's noose around my neck.
In one fell swoop, I tighten the knot and kick the chair back. My body was overwhelmed as it struggled to fight for survival, I tried to surface my head for air.
Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I thought while struggling, kicking my feet and reaching for any object to hold onto.
The noose was tightening harder. I feel my head about to explode. As I continued to flail wildly, out of sheer luck, or maybe just the universe telling me I'd look dumb hung up like a butchered animal, my feet held onto the navy blue curtain by chance. With another support to hold onto, my survival instincts kick in, and I manage to unloop the noose from my ceiling lamp. I fell onto the curtain, opening the whole display up as I bumped my head on the window.
Out of breath and relatively close to dying, I peeked a sight toward Cassie's house, seeing her silhouette at her desk. She was knitting something but ultimately stopped as she saw the commotion that took place.
I saw her stand up and open up her window, "Oh my god, Luke. Are you okay!?"
Messily cutting the rope from my bruised neck, I shimmied out of it, "Yeah, I'm fine"
"I heard a loud crash. What was that!?" she asked, concern evident in her small voice. Her eyes were wildly searching at my window, analyzing the situation.
Having to think of an excuse, I gulped and answered, "Well, I was dusting off my room when I fell" I hope that was convincing enough.
That seemed to quell her curiousness just enough for her to nod and believe it. I waved goodbye to her as we both closed our windows. Phew, that was close.
Slumping down the wall, my heart began to hurt as my body relaxed. In a hurry, I scramble to open the drawers where my medication lay. Popping off the cap, I downed two capsules, water being irrelevant as I swallowed them with ease.
It took a while to calm myself down, my body feeling the effects of my not-so-successful attempt at offing myself just minutes later.
Day 25, Monday
I was supposed to write a suicide note, but obviously, this just became somewhat of a record of my failure. My body feels like hell on earth, and I should've just gone through with it.
Cassie saw me, well, technically she didn't but; that was close. When I saw her face, my second thoughts disappeared, she seemed genuinely concerned.
I ALMOST didn't die today, not in front of her, at least. Not yet.
Fin.