Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
- Coldplay
29
Charles Leclerc
I need a moment to figure out what's going on.
I open my eyes, the daylight is already filtering through the curtains of the room, I'm a little lost, wondering what woke me up.
A few seconds pass and I come to my senses a little bit. I'm in my hotel room. I had a drink last night.
I move to a more comfortable position but my back collides with something, or rather someone.
I frown before relaxing and suddenly remembering that it was Max, who joined me a few hours earlier.
I close my eyes to go back to sleep when I suddenly hear Max speaking in his sleep in Dutch.
" laat me alleen. Laat me alstublieft! Ga weg, ik smeek je... " (leave me alone! Leave me please... Go away, I'm begging you...)
I listen attentively to the Dutchman shaking beside me in his sleep.
Eventually he comes to a standstill and calm returns to the room.
Until heartbreaking sobs break the silence.
I feel my heart breaking a little inside of me and I quickly turn on my bedside lamp before facing Max.
His eyes are closed, but tears still flow. His eyebrows are frowned and his body seems tense in an expression of fear.
I can imagine very well the kind of nightmares he must be having and it hurts me so much.
I put my hand on his shoulder and draw small circles on it with my fingers.
"It's just a nightmare, Max, I promise you, you're safe here with me."
His face relaxes a bit but the tears continue to flow down his cheeks.
I put my lips on his forehead to kiss him tenderly and reassure him. I run my other hand through his hair, gently bringing him back to reality. It's almost time to get up anyway.
"My love, this is not reality, you have to wake up from your nightmares. "
Max finally opened his eyes. They are red by his tears. He sniffs and runs a hand over his face.
His body is shaking from head to toe. This brings me back to the night I found him on the street in Monaco, completely broken.
"Charlie? "
His voice resonates faintly in the room.
- It's me, Max, it's all right, it was a nightmare...
I'm trying to reassure him as much as I can.
He reacts to the sound of my voice and runs his arms around me to cling to me. I put my hands behind his back, caressing him gently to relax him. He puts his head against my chest.
- I had a... flashback... it was so realistic...
He whispers weakly and I feel my heart squeeze painfully. I can still feel him shaking under my fingers.
- You're not with him now, Max, you're safe, he can't come near you, and I'm here. It will never happen to you again.
I try to speak softly to him despite the anger that still lingers in me for the monster that dared to cause so much harm.
- I know all that, but... it's hard to forget... I really want to be able to put him behind me, stop him from impacting my relationship with you...
- You're gonna make it, you're one of the strongest people I know, I know you can move on, no matter how long it takes, I'm not in a hurry, and I'm here, always.
I barely have time to finish my sentence when I feel Max's warm lips find mine and press greedily against me.
I grasp Max's back with my hands in response to the unexpected pleasure.
I let Max lead the dance as he wishes, completely lost under his mouth and hands.
I know he has a hard time letting himself go with someone without being afraid of losing control, so I happily let him decide what he wants to do of me.
It feels good to lose control like that and feel like someone wants to touch me.
Max is pulling away from me to catch his breath. I take the opportunity to reposition myself more comfortably and lean my back against the wall behind the bed.
I see Max's eyes. Fear has completely left his blue eyes and the rest of his body. He smiles at me maliciously and I feel a sudden heat emanating from my whole body.
He comes up to me again and as I expect him to put his lips against mine again, he moves in a smooth and fast motion to end up sitting above me, thighs on either side of my body.
I am so surprised that I stare at him for a long time without reacting. A satisfied smile lines his face and my mouth opens in shock when I feel him making a very light hip move forward and I realize that I feel a little too well his ass on a part of my body that reacts far too quickly to him.
Max is about to start again and I quickly put my hands on his hips to hold him in place.
"Stop it immediately." I growl with embarrassment.
Max's smile expands and he leans over to get closer to my face.
"Why?" He's asking me to tease me.
I grunted him before using my hands on his hips to press him completely against me and let him understand why I asked him to stop.
He lets out a small gasp as he suddenly feels the hardness of my cock against his ass.
I wont do anything until Max is ready or asks me to, but the desire to hold him on the mattress and put his ideas back in place by pushing me inside him runs through my mind.
"Do I turn you on?
I know he's trying to make his voice seductive but he's so horny himself that his request is just pressing and panting.
- The answer is obvious.
- Is there anything you want me to do to help you?
He whispers softly and suddenly I feel my heart beating all over my chest.
- Only if you feel like it."
Max looks at me as he continues to wiggle a little above me despite my hands firmly on his hips, trying hard to keep him still.
He's about to answer when someone knocks on the door, paralyzing both of us in our movement.
Max closes his mouth and I feel my heart beating in the unexpected silence of the room.
I don't realize it but under the influence of fear I suddenly push Max back, letting him fall back on the mattress next to me, I get up quickly and put on a T-shirt hastily.
"Charles! Hurry up and wake up, we both have an important meeting this morning and I'm not going to be late."
Carlos' voice echoes abruptly from the other side of the door of my hotel room and I feel the anxiety rising inside me. I try to answer him as naturally as possible so that he doesn't suspect anything particular.
"I'll be there in 15 minutes, wait for me downstairs Carlos.
- I'm warning you, if you're not here in 15 minutes, I'm leaving with the car without you, and you'll manage to get a cab to get here.
- I'll be there Carlos."
The Spanish does not answer me, surely already gone, and I hasten to lock myself in the bathroom to take a shower in the greatest silence, completely ignoring the man still in my bed who looks at me with sadness.
It is under the jet of hot water that I begin to release tension and realize my behavior. I hurry to wrap a towel around me and go back to the room to pick up my clothes and apologize.
Max is now dressed and ready to go.
"I'm so sorry for my behavior... I got scared and I...
- Charles. I really wish you'd stop apologizing and stop being ashamed of what you're doing with me. Carry your balls.
- Are you serious?
- You saw Lando's reaction, didn't you? He doesn't care. Do you really think Carlos will react differently? It's 2022, Charles. The other F1 drivers are all friends with you, and they will all support you. So please, unless I'm the problem, I'm just asking you to be proud of us. Because if you don't become, I will not stand being just a secret in your life.
- You're not the problem, Max... I'm sorry... I'm the problem... I... I can't admit that I'm not heterosexual and that I would never become heterosexual.
Max comes up to me and puts a hand behind my back to comfort me.
- What are you so scared of?
I take a moment to think about his question.
- Probably realizing that the life I've always dreamed of will never happen, because that's not what will make me happy.
- And what were you dreaming about?
Max asks me as he runs his hand over my bare chest, triggering a thrill of pleasure.
- It's stupid...
- Say it.
- I would love to see my girlfriend wear my Ferrari jersey to support me on race weekends. I know it's really nothing, but the fact that you don't fit the idea that I had of love is hard to swallow.
Max smiles at me softly.
- Well... there's not much I can do for the girlfriend, but for the Ferrari jersey with your name on it, we can always fix it.
- What do you mean?
- You'll see how if you meet me in my hotel room next weekend."
My cheeks are covered in red and a picture of Max wearing only the T-shirt with my name and my team on it crossed my mind. And I have to admit, that picture pleases me more than a woman in the paddock wearing the same jersey.
"I feel a little more courageous..."
I whisper as I feel Max's burning gaze on me, literally devouring me with his eyes.
I approach the Dutchman and press my body against his again, placing my hands on his hips.
Max makes a slight moan against my neck as he feels my body only covered in a towel and already completely turn on again.
"Charles...
- What?
- If you keep going... we won't be able to stop...
- And?
I pressed myself against him again and suddenly found him much too dressed for my liking.
- And...Carlos is waiting for you downstairs and I have to get to my hotel to pack my things and catch the plane.
I put my lips close to his ear to breathe in the depths of my thoughts.
- I'd love to have you to myself and send the rest to hell...
I feel the body of the Dutchman shiver violently.
- I thought your career was your priority... He answers with his eyes closed.
- You're changing my priority right now..."