Coward
The moment you were out of sight Grimmjow had immediately bolted, stalking silently through your home, frantically looking for his escape. Rushing through your home he listened to the sound your voice, waiting for for signs of your return. Slipping into your bedroom, Grimmjow saw his saving grace. Unceremoniously he scrambled over your bed, paying no mind to the way he dishevelled your blankets before throwing the window open and climbing through to freedom. The instant his feet touched the ground, using every ounce of strength, he ran. His chest squeezing painfully under the sudden weight of responsibility. He wasn't ready. Wasn't ready for the conversation. Wasn't ready to face your decision.
He ran home, angrily cursing his cowardly retreat with every heavy footstep he used to escape. He needed to put as much distance between you as he could. Not stopping until he reached Urahara's place, Grimmjow entered the building, sighing in relief at discovering the place empty, the lingering smell of Uraharas cologne faded immensely, indicating the length of the others departure. Slamming the door closed, Grimmjow leaned against it to gather his breath. Turning his back on his responsibilities, on you, on his instincts. He wanted to forget, to feel numb to the overwhelming desires surging through his chest. That didn't go the way he had intended.
He had imagined.. he didn't know what he had imagined, but slamming you up against the wall, seconds away from ravishing you wasn't a part of it. Your mere presence had so much influence on him already, manipulating his desires so effortlessly, unknowingly. You were dangerous. More dangerous than any foe he had ever battled. For the first time, he wasn't sure he could win, Grimmjow felt like he had no control where you were concerned, his body betrayed him, his instincts betrayed him. Succumbing to his most primal of needs at the mere sight of you.
He didn't ask for this, he thought annoyed, slamming his already cracked knuckles into the metal door. Didn't want this. The painful throbbing was anchoring, needed in pulling his attention away from you. With an angry huff he forced himself away from the door, heading straight to the cabinet in the corner of the room. Urahara had a few bottles of alcohol kept hidden, which Grimmjow had every intention of drinking.
Selecting one, not bothering looking at the contents, Grimmjow pulled the cork free with his teeth, the small pop releasing the harsh smell. He spat the cork into the room, twisting bodily to fall back on the ratty old couch. He drank heavily, pushing through the burn sliding down his throat. A perfect distraction. It took a lot for Grimmjow to get drunk, but the fuzzy numbness was what he needed. He licked lazily at his bleeding knuckles, healing the split skin as he waited for the booze to drown his longing for you.
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You still couldn't wrap your head around the events that had unfolded last night, mentally going over what had happened all day, picking out any minute detail to explain what the hell had happened. Grimmjow turning up on your doorstep, with flowers no less. The sudden rage he expressed via the gaping hole in your wall that was still sat there now. How you had crashed together in unadulterated, frenzied passion. Being in close proximity with the Espada was consuming, suffocating with raw sexual desire. It felt like whiplash, the back and forth of emotions tugging at you in different directions.
How had it come to this? What was supposed to be a simple mission, gathering information and reporting back has dropped a cart load of trouble on your doorstep. You rubbed over your face tiredly, struggling to pay attention to the workload mounting higher on your desk as the day progressed. You were mad. Mad at the gaping hole left in your wall, which you were determined to have Grimmjow pay for. Hopefully before Renji could see it. Seething at being left like that, unsatisfied and confused. He had began to tell you something, something that was clearly effecting him in some way.
Sighing you rub your temples, soothing away the pinching beginnings of a headache. Why had he left like that? Why couldn't he just speak about what was bothering him instead of playing these infuriating games. You were a big girl, you could handle whatever it is he had wanted to say. Distance was probably for the best. You didn't want to involve yourself with any drama, and Grimmjow practically oozed with trouble.
You stretched out your neck, hearing the satisfying crack of release from your wound up muscles. This paperwork wasn't about to finish itself, better to push Grimmjow from your mind and get on with it. He would come to you with an explanation when he was ready, or he wouldn't. It didn't matter to you. Let the emotionally stunted idiot sulk for all you cared. You were saved from yourself overthinking by the unexpected appearance of your captain, breezing into the small office with an unmatched air of prideful superiority.
Joining the rest of your colleagues, you rose to your feet to offer a low respectful bow, greeting your captain with respectful"Good afternoon, Captain Kuchiki" it was uncommon for him to make rounds to the offices. Reports were normally brought directly to him in his own office, unless there was some emergency you weren't privy to being informed of. He startled you by coming to a stop in front of your desk, addressing you in his deep sultry voice
"YN, your presence is required in the head captains office immediately" Captain Kyoraku wanted to see you? Why hadn't he just sent a hells butterfly? Or more fitting for the work avoidant Captain, ditch his work to take a leisurely stroll to find you himself. You straightened up to look at the stoic face of your captain, clearly less than pleased at having to play errand boy for his superior.
"sir?" You asked with confused eyes. You hadn't a clue why you would be summoned to the first. You hadn't done anything worthy of the head captains company. Unless perhaps the bill had finally arrived from your stay at the lotus in, where you had splurged on the head captains account. Shit. Your day was just getting better and better.
"It would be unbecoming to make the head captain wait" great. Now your captain was displeased with you, tarnishing his reputation. You bow swiftly, excusing yourself with a muttered "captain" in parting. Avoiding the icey glare you could feel burning into you, could already begin to hear the gossiping that would happen among your peers the moment they were left alone to speculate.
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You could feel the heavy weight of dread drop in your stomach as you lifted your hand to knock on the thick wooden doors, 'one' engraved into the polished mahogany signifying whom's office lays behind. The idea of a scolding wasn't particularly enjoyable, you silently prayed that Kyoraku was in a good mood. Time seemed to stretch painfully slow as you waited to be granted access, fingers subconsciously playing with the long strands of your obi as a nervous coping mechanism.
Unsurprisingly, the door was opened again by Lieutenant Ise, offering you a processional curt smile in greeting. "Follow me, he's been expecting you" she told you, pushing up her glasses on her narrow nose. She turned to walk through the office, trusting you were following. You let out a quiet shuddering breath, gathering all your courage and determination. Lieutenant Ise knocked on the second door, allowing herself access without waiting for permission.
"Captain Kyoraku, YN has arrived". You followed the strict woman into the office, stepping slightly to her side to be able to be seen. You were met with a sight you weren't prepared for. Kyoraku was sat behind his desk, leaning back languidly in his chair, arms folded behind his head. He straightened up at his nieces voice, grinning toothily as you made an appearance. Urahara stood to his right, fan obscuring his face, though his sharp grey eyes locked on you the second you were visible.
Over by the window were captains' Hirako and Muguruma. Captain Muguruma had his muscular arms crossed over his wide chest, scowl on his face as he stared out the window, refusing to look back at the interruption. Captain Hirako was perching on the window sill, legs splayed open wide in a comfortable position, feet resting on a chair beneath him. Upon seeing you, he leaned forward, elbows supporting his weight on his thighs as he grinned.
It was a little unsettling. A shiver ran up your spine at the memory of the two captains, eyes turning a lightless black, demonic warbling hissing from captain Muguruma. It was a bizarre collection of powerful men, you couldn't for the life of you think what you could have possibly done to deserve this meeting. "Excellent!" Kyoraku spoke as he rose from his desk, making his way over to you. He patted his niece on the shoulder, dismissing her with a tilt of his head to the door. He waited until the door closed behind his niece, before addressing you with a disarming smile
"thank you for arriving so quickly YN". His arm sneaked its way around your shoulders, ushering you further into the room with his disarming familiarity
"Am I in trouble?" You ask weaker than you had wanted to sound. Kyoraku laughed, booming and unrestrained. Shaking his head as he soothed your concerns "not at all, my darling YN. We just wish to have a conversation with you" he encouraged you to the same chair you were sat in last time, positioned on an angle to have the other three men in your view. Kyoraku squeezed your shoulders comfortingly as you sat, before making his way to his own chair.
His hand was in his draw before he was even fully seated, producing a bottle of sake and two cups. The room waited silently as he prepared two drinks, leaning over to place on at your side. You eyed the cup before meeting his singular eye "oh thank you, sir, but I must refuse" Captain Kuchiki was already unhappy with you. If you went back smelling of alcohol... you shudder to think
The smile he gave you was sympathetic, but he nudged the drink forward regardless "Trust me, you're going to need it" well what the hell was that? What could possibly be going on that you would need a drink? You took the cup politely, intending to just hold it for something to do with your hands. Captain Muguruma made a noise in between a cough and a grunt, drawing your attention. He uncrossed his arms to roughly pull up the window he was standing by, leaning his hands on the sill to breath in the fresh air.
You missed the other three watching him intently, Kyoraku planting his hands on the desk to use as leverage, Urahara slipping his fan away to free his hands. The only one as relaxed as when you had walked in was Hirako, eyes flicking between you and Kensei amused
"It's not as bad right? Definitely faded" the sentence the playful captain directed to Muguruma made absolutely no sense to you in that moment, nor did the gruff reply he got.
"It's still fucking disgusting" Hirako chucked at his friends response, confusing you further. You glanced at the head captain, hoping he would explain. He relaxed into his chair, taking hold of his drink and savouring the taste. The air was thick with tension, the cool breeze filtering in did nothing to ease the suffocating pressure. There was nothing you could do but wait, for someone to explain why they had summoned you.
"Put the girl out of her misery Kyoraku. She looks about ready to piss herself " Shinji so eloquently came to your rescue, though you bristled at the remark. You weren't so feeble you would actually wet yourself.. Uraharas smirk wasn't helping the situation, if anything it seemed to encourage the captain.
Kyoraku shot Shinji a look you couldn't decipher, before turning his full attention to you "We've called you here to discuss your...extra activities you indulged with on your misssion with Grimmjow" he waved his hand in a circular motion as he spoke, seemingly trying to delicately word his explanation
What? Brows furrowed you tried to unravel what he had said, extra activities? Was it the fact you bought and drank sake while technically on duty that he was insinuating at? But then, why would that need the presence of two captain and Urahara?
"I don't understand". You settle with softly, eyes darting between the four men. You needed more explanation than that.
"You had sex with Grimmjow, yes?" Well, Urahara cleared that up with his blunt, and incredibly lax question of a very personal detail you hadn't wished to share. Fuck. Your eyes screwed up, mortified your sex life had been brought forth as the subject of conversation. You could feel heat rush your cheeks, giving away your embarrassment for all to see. That fucking Grimmjow.. if he had gone telling everyone the details of your night together, you were going to fucking kill him.
You heard a snort which sounded suspiciously like Shinji, only adding to your embarrassment . You wished the floor would just swallow you up, you didn't want to have this conversation, not now, not with these people. You didn't even know why this conversation was needed. You weren't the first shinigami to have sex with a colleague on a mission, and you wasn't going to be the last, of that you were sure.
Kyoraku was right, you would need a drink for this. Pushing the cup to your lips you greedily drank down the contents in one go, ignoring the burn in your throat. You placed the empty cup on the desk besides you, willing your flaming face to cool off. You couldn't meet any of them in the eye, not daring to look up you stare at your hands squeezing tightly together on your lap. Maybe if you stayed quiet, they would say what needed to be said and send you on your merry way. You had an Espada to hunt down.
"We're all adults here, no need to be embarrassed" Kyoraku sounded very much like he was trying not to laugh,. You had every reason to be embarrassed, it wasn't their sex lives being talked about in a room full of superiors. The glugging noise of liquid being poured made you reluctantly face him, just in time to watch Kyoraku topping up your cup before his own, sending you an encouraging wink when you met his eye" but we do need to discuss the ramifications of your tryst"
Oh god, why! Why does this have to be discussed?. Better yet, why were you the only one suffering through this mortifying ordeal, where the hell was Grimmjow, and why wasn't he subjected to this horrific nightmare? You've never wished for an invasion of soul society more than you did in that moment. And why the large gathering? You could understand a one on one conversation with the head captain, but two captains that weren't your own and the eccentric exile? So many questions, so little understanding.
"It was unprofessional, it won't happen again" you utter quickly, desperately trying to end the conversation. Please someone end this damn conversation. Kyoraku shared a look with Urahara, nodding to the blond to take over, simply relaxing in his chair to watch the events unfold. Urahara stepped around the desk, pulling the chair from under Shinji's feet without warning, making the other fall from his perch and have to catch himself so not to fall face first into the ground
"Idiot" Shinji swiped at the back of Urahara's head, narrowly missing making contact as he stepped out the way just in time, satisfied grin on his face. Kyoraku chuckled as Kensei rolled his eyes, refusing to tear his eyes away from the view outside. Urahara placed the stolen chair in front of you, sitting directly in your eye line
"How much do you know about hollows and their mating rituals?" His face was relaxed, giving off an air of calmness as you drown in your own embarrassment, waiting for your reply patiently. The question threw you through a loop though, what did that have to do with anything? You thought this was down to your unprofessionalism. You shook your head softly, you didn't really know anything about it, it was your job to cleanse hollows, not learn about their fornication
"well, when a girl hollow and boy hollow love eachother very much.." Shinji unhelpfully interjected into the conversation in a mockingly patronising lilt, earning himself four disbelieving looks at the unnecessary hand motions he used to aid his explanation, mainly that of a finger going through a hole created with another finger and thumb. Urahara shook his head at his friends nonsense, though the amusement was clear to see on his face
"Ignore him". Urahara directed your attention back to focus on him "we've conducted studies and while there are some aspects we are still unsure of, this is our understanding.." you nodded your reassurance that you were engaged and listening "twice a year hollows go through something called mating season, or rutting season as is known to the hollows. For one week, biannually, their hormones spike and their most primal instincts take over in search for a mate, with me so far?"
You nod numbly again. Grimmjow was in his rutting season, it's what lead you to having sex in the first place. You remembered how terrible he looked, pale, clammy, about ready to claw his own skin off. It didn't seem pleasant in the slightest. You felt an unwarranted pang of sympathy for the brute, having to go through that twice a year? You weren't happy in the direction the conversation was going, though your uncomfortableness did nothing to sway the scientist in his explanation "When they find a Suitable mate, they form an unbreakable bond. This is usually done by each of the parties biting into the others neck, drawing blood and solidifying their bond".
Your hand instinctively went to cover the bite mark on your neck, unlike the others, it wasn't healing, still as painfully obvious as the day it had happened. You remembered the way his hot tongue lapped over the broken skin, clearing away the spilled droplets of blood. What the hell did he do? Urahara nodded at your quick diagnosis of the problem "You catch on quick. Apparently our young Grimmjow mated with you on that mission."
"Impossible, I'm not a hollow". Surly you weren't the only one to state the obvious. You weren't capable of bonding, hell, you didn't even bite him back! You left no mark, didn't fulfil the other half of the mating ritual. Could Grimmjow even mate with a shinigami? "So we couldn't have bonded? Right?"
"Unfortunately there is always an exception to the rule. While Grimmjow has been transformed into a being more than a simple hollow, he still holds on to those animalistic qualities. It's unprecedented, but it seems the likely cause of Grimmjows recent distress. He has unknowingly formed a bond with you"
"that's.." you felt sick. Wave of dizziness tilting your vision, blurring around the edges. You stared wide eyed, looking straight through the man in your vision. What does this mean? You didn't feel any different. You didn't feel bound to Grimmjow in any way, not like that. Urahara waved his hand in front of your face, frowning when he didn't get a reaction.
"well done idiot, ya broke her" Shinji helpfully chimed in, voice sounding think and muddled as it filtered through your buzzing ears. You were aware of Shinji pushing himself from the window he was leaning on, striding over to you with an unhurried pace. His hand settled on your shoulder, snapping your eyes to his profile as his other hand reached across you to secure your forgotten drink. "Get that down ya" he told you quietly, pushing the drink into your hand.
Again, you swallowed the fiery contents in one go, mindlessly following his order. Wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, you place the sake dish back down a little harder than intended . "Atta girl" Shinji muttered, shaking your shoulder comfortingly "It ain't as bad as it sounds, ya just need to know what it means"
"You're possitive?" You find your voice to ask Urahara, hardly noticing Shinji slip his hand from you to take his space back at the window "You're sure Grimmjow bonded to me?" Urahara gave a solemn nod. "Can't he.. undo it?" If he did it unknowingly, then surly he would want to sever the bond? He wasn't exactly your biggest fan.
"Im afraid not. It's a bond for life" Urahara offered, a small quirk of his lips pulled by the similarities of your question, unknowingly to you, the same path of thinking Grimmjow had gone down, if a little less deranged. "He came to me. Grimmjow. Confused about his instincts going crazy, he sought a way to end it. I told him the same as you, it's an unbreakable bond."
"How did he take it?" You ask quietly. If you were struggling to comprehend what was happening, you had little hope for the emotionally stunted Espada. You imagine he would be less than thrilled, mating, you shudder at the word, with you. A shinigami, someone he had very little respect for. How many times had he expressed his distain for you? Your weakness and softness. No, you were certain, given the chance, Grimmjow would rather mate with absolutely anyone else
"not well" Urahara couldn't help the smirk playing on his lips. No, Grimmjow hadn't taken it very well at all, not as well as you seemed to be, given the circumstances. He hadn't lasted this long before he ran away from the situation and you didn't seem like you were about to upturn the desk in a flourish of rage " I offered him some advice, about dating and wooing the fairer sex.."
"Dating?" Well, that certainly explains the disheveled flowers fighting to stay upright in a vase on your dining table. It wasn't a gesture you believed Grimmjow would think up himself. Though, you wouldn't have believed he would take dating advice from anyone, let alone the man sat opposite you. Shinji guffawed at the notion of Urahara offering anyone dating advice, teasing him belligerently. Urahara chose to ignore the snarky remarks along with the chortle emitting from Kyoraku.
"I failed to see another alternative," he told you seriously. "As far as his hollow side is concerned, you're his. His instincts and desires are only going to grow stronger, more uncontrollable the longer they're unreciprocated. We don't yet know the effects of a one sided bonding, or how much control Grimmjow will have over himself."
"Control?" You felt slightly idiotic, repeating everything Urahara was saying, but what else could you do? You didn't want this, never wanted this. You had no hopes or desires of dating Grimmjow, let alone something as substantial as bonding. We're you in danger now? If you didn't accept Grimmjow as your lover? Was he? How much control could he loose over himself, would he suffer?
"Grimmjow can control himself and his urges most of the time. The real problem lies in his rutting seasons. The more animalistic urges are harder to resist at that time, adding into the fact he already sees you as his own, I imagine it would be near impossible for him to resist coming to you". The atmosphere in the room shifted suddenly. No more light hearted attempts of joking to diffuse the situation we're heard. Straight faces graced all four men as they waited your reactions intently. You could almost feel the held breath of each, not daring to be the first to let it free.
"So I have to... I have no choice but to.." you started to shake, suddenly feeling the chill in the air. Everything already seemed decided for you. You were Grimmjow's, best to accept it and come to terms with your new role as the crazed hollows mate. No need for free will and your own decisions here, evidently you hammered in that final nail into your own coffin the night you decided to offer yourself to the desires of Grimmjow.
"No,". Kyoraku's soothing baritone voice cleansed through your panic, offering the strength you so desperately needed in that moment. His soft grey eye, so understanding and compassionate in that moment, held onto your own worried gaze, keeping you from spiralling. "no. We're not here to force you to do anything you don't want to do. Just to make you aware of the situation for you to navigate through as you please. You have a choice, YN"
"But if Grimmjow isn't able to control himself.."
" Rutting season is a week long, twice a year. We can either send you away on missions at those times or Urahara has agreed to have Grimmjow stay with him in the world of the living, if you so choose not to be with him" Kyoraku finished softly. It lifted the weight from your shoulders ever so slightly, knowing you had the support of the captain commander. The freedom to choose your own fate, the protection for the captains if you were to need. However, the prospect of having to make the choice was almost as painful as the idea of having it taken away from you.
You turn to Urahara, eyes glistening with heart wrenching guilt, bubbling over with a singular tear falling gracefully down your cheek. voice no more than a broken whisper, you ask "If I say no, if I can't do it. will it hurt him? Will Grimmjow suffer?"
The softening face of Urahara, free of his calculated expressions set to disarm and charm, tugged painfully at your heart. Removing his hat, as much a part of his identity as his brilliant mind and quick wit, he raked slim fingers through his already disheveled blond locks. "I can't say for certain, of course. But it won't be pleasant, no"
You released a shaky break, resting your elbows on your knees you drop your face into the palm of your hands, hiding the dismay surly visible on your face. That really did leave you with little choice. As vocal as you could be, as defiant, argumentative, you wasn't cruel. You couldn't Condemn Grimmjow to a life of suffering, of longing, not when you were able to stop it. Not when only you were able to stop it. There was really only one option you could do and still be able to live with yourself