You were excited.
Today Tomura had agreed to go and feed the ducks with you and Dabi, and then spend the evening with you too with no distractions from the others.
You hadn't been out beyond the realm of your home and Dabi's workplace for the longest time, and you were itching to see the outside world again.
You're practically bouncing as you get ready to go out, putting on one of the biggest sweaters you had after Dabi told you to wrap up warm, courtesy of Uncle Giran, but even that was getting a little small now, the arms too high up your wrists and the material kind of tight on your chest and stomach.
You grab a scarf and a hat that Himiko gifted you and pull some pants on too, hurriedly trying to get dressed so you can go out even faster.
You practically thunder down the stairs, passing Atsuhiro who warns you about running down wooden stairs in socks. You don't pay him any mind, excited to get to Tomura and Dabi and leave to go and see the ducks.
You bounce up to them, looking up at Dabi excitedly. He pulls the hat further down your head carefully, petting your cheek.
"You're gonna need a mask, hon." He says, grabbing one from a box on the kitchen counter.
"Okay!" You chime, more than happy to be obedient as long as it got you to where you wanted to go.
Tomura slips his phone into Dabi's pocket, pressing a quick kiss to the staple at the corner of his mouth before grabbing some car keys from the hooks by the kitchen door and leaving wordlessly.
Dabi crouches, fussing over your clothes and zipping up your jacket, moving your hair out of your face and under your hat.
"You're too damn cute, kid." He sighs. "Hate that you're growin' up so fast."
"Uncle Giran said that I might be all growed up but I'll always be your little girl." You say factually, your voice muffled from the scarf tucked into your coat.
Dabi rolls his eyes. "He talks a lot of crap, hon... But he's right about that, I guess."
You nod, trusting Uncle Girans' words almost as much as you did Dabi's.
"You gotta keep that mask and hat on, 'kay? Four." He says, his cold blue eyes searching yours.
"I will." You agree, holding your pinky finger out for him.
He smirks, curling his around your own and giving your hands a single firm shake before rising again.
"C'mon then." He encourages. "Duck's ain't gonna feed themselves, Starshine."
"They don't have hands!" Jin chimes in from the hallway.
You giggle at the silliness of his comment as you walk through, accepting the quick hug and kiss you get from the older blonde man on your way through the hallway and the quickly hurrying off to catch up with Dabi.
"Seatbelt." Tomura says the instant you get in the car, you can feel his eyes burning on you through the mirror even with the sunglasses he has on.
"Yup!" You chirp, plugging it in and tugging on it like Dabi always made you do to check.
"Attagirl." Dabi praises, and then smirks at Tomura. "See. Told ya I trained her."
"I'm not allowed to touch the horn either." You tell Tomura from between the two front seats, as if to prove Dabi's point.
Tomura shakes his head, smirking in amusement before reversing out of the grounds of the mansion you resided in.
You watch curiously out of the window as he drives as carefully as Dabi does to the closest pond, the odd comment between Dabi and Tomura fading into background noise as you listen to the sound of other cars passing and the songs that the pedestrian crossings played.
"I hope they have seeds..." You muse aloud.
"Wha's that, Star?" Dabi asks, turning his head to look over his shoulder at you.
"I hope they have seeds for the ducks. Bread is bad for their tummies." You repeat.
"M' sure it'll be fine, Star." Dabi says with a small snort. "Ya duck connoisseur."
Tomura huffs in amusement at that too, but you don't even know what that means, so you shrug and continue watching out of the window.
It doesn't seem to take too long for you to pull up to a seemingly quiet public garden with the pond and ducks visible from the car parking lot.
Your nose is practically pressed against the glass window when suddenly the glass moves from under your hands and nose, making you yelp in surprise.
"Eheh." Dabi chuckles.
"Jerk!" You slap the back of his head gently with the palm of your hand.
"Stop it you two." Tomura says calmly, tying his fluffy white hair back.
You scowl at Dabi, not impressed with how entertaining he found rolling down the window while your face was pressed against it.
You briefly glance at Tomura before he throws his hood up over his tied up hair.
"You look pretty with your hair tied up like that, pa." You say thoughtfully.
Tomura freezes, and Dabi's expression turns from a look of entertainment to a look of horror.
"Star, ya can't just..."
"It's fine." Tomura interrupts. "She can call me that if she wants to. Let's go see these ducks I've heard so much about."
He gets out of the car before anyone else can say anything, and Dabi gives you a look that says everything you need to know even with his sunglasses on.
"It slipped out. I'm sorry." You apologise, shrinking in your seat a little.
"No apologisin'." He sighs, stroking your cheek. "Jus' be careful, otherwise you'll spook him. Like a stray dog."
"Dogs stole my food once." You argue. "They weren't spooked. They were mean."
Dabi goes quiet before shaking his head and picking at a staple on his wrist.
"Don't even worry 'bout it, Starshine. C'mon." He dismisses, getting out of the car too and motioning for you to follow behind.
You do, trying to forget about what just happened and focusing on spending a nice day with them.
Tomura appears to have been waiting, leaning against the front of the car with his hands in his pockets. You assume he was wearing his glove on his good hand, otherwise he wouldn't have a jacket anymore.
Dabi whispers something to him that makes him smirk as he stands.
You lace your pinky finger through Dabi's as you walk towards the pond, wanting to have a little more reassurance that he wasn't mad at you.
He doesn't even blink, squeezing your pinky with his own as you walk, playfully wrapping his other arm around Tomura's shoulders and dragging him closer.
"There's seeds." Tomura comments as you get closer to the water's edge.
You let go of Dabi's pinky finger to run off and see how much the bags are.
"Honesty box. That's your forte." Tomura says to Dabi with a teasing lilt.
"Ha ha." Dabi responds dryly, letting go of Tomura. "Once this quirk has run its course I'm not gonna tell the truth for months. You don't even know."
He says all this while digging in his pockets for some spare change, pulling out a couple hundred yen coins out of his pocket and putting them in the slot.
"Thank you!" You exclaim, grabbing a bag of seeds and opening it eagerly while darting to a bench.
The two older men follow behind you, looking hilariously out of place with their get-ups, but not many people around to even query it.
Dabi stands a little distance away, lighting up a cigarette while Tomura sits beside you on the bench, leaning forward with his arms crossed over his thighs.
He seems to watch the ducks as they approach you while you throw seeds out for them. You're more than content just throwing them food and watching them get loud and gobble up the food eagerly.
"Dabi taught me how to pet them." You tell him, wishing you could see if he was looking at you. "Wanna see?"
"Sure, Starlight." Tomura replies, leaning back.
You pour out a handful of seeds into your hand and pass the bag to Tomura, and lower yourself so you're crouching at nearly the same height as them, reaching your food-filled hand out and waiting for the bravest duck to approach.
These ducks must not get fed very much, because a couple actually don't even hesitate to come right up to you and eat out of your hand, allowing you to slowly and softly pet their heads.
Tomura seems impressed from what you can tell of the shift in his body language.
"You try!" You encourage once you've run out of seeds.
"Not a smart idea." He says coolly.
"You just have to be slow and soft!" You persist as Dabi rejoins you, sitting beside you on the bench and tucking your hair under your hat again.
"My quirk..." Tomura begins to say.
"You're careful! I've seen it!" You interrupt eagerly.
You could tell he wanted to do it, but he was trying to make excuses not to for some reason.
"Don't push it." Dabi warns, patting your head.
"She's right, it'll be fine." Tomura replies quickly, pulling his hand from the depths of his pocket and holding it out for you to pour seeds gently into his palm.
You're a little surprised to see he's not wearing the glove he'd been driving in, but still have enough faith in him not to hurt one of the ducks.
"You have to crouch." You tell him, pointing at the floor.
He huffs in amusement, following your instruction and crouching closer to the floor, holding his hand out for the ducks to get to the seeds.
If there even was any danger of Tomura being ungloved around the ducks, they don't seem to be aware of it, waddling up to him contentedly just like they had with you moments prior.
He flinches a little when one begins feeding out of his hand, but when you gently nudge him and motion for him to slowly pet the duck with his other hand he does just that.
You give a muted cry of excitement when Tomura's finger gently cascades over the ducks head, which after a few tentative pets turns into more firm pets, and you really wish you could see his expression behind the face mask and sunglasses.
There's the sound of a camera and Dabi chuckles to himself when Tomura's head snaps up.
"Big bad Shigaraki seen pettin' ducks." He says teasingly, his voice weirdly quiet.
"'Mura's not bad." You scowl. "He's nice."
"Sure, to you an' me, maybe." Dabi snorts as Tomura pours the rest of the seeds out of his hand onto the floor.
He brushes his palms of his hands on his pants before sitting back down next to you, offering no comment on what Dabi said. You worry that what Dabi said made him sad so you try to peer at his eyes through the side of his sunglasses.
From what you can see, his attention is fully on the ducks in front of you all.
"I can see the appeal." He says after a while of quiet between the three of you. "It's calm."
"Was the cheapest way to entertain her." Dabi shrugs, and then groans. "Sorry, kid."
"For what?" You ask, oblivious as you scatter the seeds for the ducks.
Dabi strokes your cheek as if to silently tell you not to worry about it.
You sway side to side slightly as you watch them all continue to eat, passing the bag to both Tomura and Dabi so they can throw some too.
It doesn't last as long as you'd like, the seeds disappearing before too long at all. You're a little disheartened, but decide to lean on Dabi and watch them quietly until they decide to go back home.
"What was the hardest part of being homeless?" He asks out of the blue.
Dabi stops rubbing your arm for a second as though the question takes him off-guard.
"Finding food." You reply blandly. "And somewhere to sleep."
Dabi sighs and squeezes you close again. "Findin' people you could trust. Even if it was just a little."
"You trusted Uncle Giran though." You remind him.
"Tha's a long story, Star." Dabi says, almost tiredly.
"Can you tell me about it one day?" You ask curiously, looking up at him.
"We'll see." He says in a way that definitely means 'no'.
Tomura is quiet and thoughtful as you two bicker about whether he's going to tell you or not.
Eventually he stands up, brushing his knuckles over your cheek in his usual Tomura way.
"Come on. Let's walk around the water's edge and then head back."
You nod and obey, getting up and following behind him as he walks along the path, Dabi trailing behind and smoking another cigarette.
You take the moment while being away from Dabi to tug on Tomura's sleeve. He looks down at you in response, waiting for you to speak.
"I'm sorry for calling you pretty. I didn't mean to upset you." You apologise, wanting to make amends for what had made everyone feel awkward earlier.
Tomura gives one of his amused huffs of air. "That didn't upset me."
"Oh. Dabi said-"
"That wasn't what he was referring to, Star." Tomura says, and you can hear the grin in his voice. Gently, he ruffles your hair. "Don't worry. You're not in trouble. Call me what you like."
"So I can call you pa?" You ask testingly.
He shrugs. "If that's what you want."
You beam behind your mask, wishing you could reach out and link pinkies like you do with Dabi.
Tomura's quiet for a moment before he adds:
"That's what I want for you all. For you all to have what you want."
*•*
It's not until you notice a shrine when you go past on your way home that you turn to address Tomura and Dabi as they talk quietly between themselves while Tomura drives.
"Can I go and see mom? I wanna tell her about what happened to me and Uncle Giran, and tell her about 'Mura petting a duck!"
"What'd you wanna see that bitch for?" Dabi huffs, and then immediately chokes afterwards, the noise sounding a little panicked.
Your lips fall downwards immediately and Tomura turns his head to scowl at Dabi quickly before quickly turning to make eye contact with you.
He returns his sight back to the road ahead, occasionally flickering his eyes in the mirror to look at you while you collect yourself enough to respond.
"She's not a bitch." You say defensively.
"Don't say that word." Dabi responds sharply.
"You said it first!" You reply accusingly.
"Both of you, stop." Tomura says, clearly and firmly. "Star, we can go and see your mom if you'd like. We can drop Dabi off at home with the others."
"Yes, please." You say, turning your attention back to the window and trying not to dwell too much on the word Dabi used about your mom.
You didn't like that word at all. You'd heard too many people call her that and it always sounded harsh on their tongues and led to more heated arguments, which usually led to either mom or you or the two of you getting hurt.
Tomura says something quietly to Dabi, turning the music up so you don't hear it too well, shooting him a look, and Dabi just nods, looking out of the window himself now.
When you pull up, you don't pay any attention to Dabi as he gets out of the car, but you're forced to pay attention to him when Tomura lowers the window again and Dabi crosses his arms over where the window sinks to, forcing you to look at him.
"Listen, 'cause of the quirk, I still can't lie, doll, so I ain't gonna say sorry for what I said about your ma. I said what I said, I don't like that woman one bit."
"Dabi." Tomura warns.
"But, I am sorry for upsettin' you. 'Kay? I don't wanna hurt your feelin's, or make ya feel like you can't go and see her when ya want to, 'cause you still love her, an' I love you." Dabi continues, lifting his sunglasses so you can see the remorse in his eyes. "You don't gotta forgive me if you're still mad. We can talk about it later, 'kay?"
"Okay." You agree.
"I love ya. Have a good talk with your mom." He says sadly, brushing his thumb over your cheek and kissing your forehead quickly before getting out of the way of your window.
Tomura winds it up again and you wave at Dabi when Tomura drives away again.
You sit quietly, watching out of the window again as Tomura follows the directions the lady on his phone calls out. You feel his eyes on you through the rearview mirror occasionally, but he doesn't say anything for a good while.
"Do you think mom's a bitch?" You ask quietly after a while.
Tomura's quiet for long enough that you wonder if he even heard you over the music, but he does eventually respond.
"Why would I? I didn't know her."
*•*
You practically run to your moms grave, a little disheartened to see no new flowers placed on her grave, but a lot more put on the one next to it.
Just like Himiko, Tomura leans against the pillar next to moms grave without much care for the politeness to the graves, although he is careful not to tread on any of the teddies or flowers on the grave.
You sit down in front of your moms grave, feeling a bit more comfortable talking to her after the first time.
"Hi mom!" You say, placing the flowers you'd picked at the entrance on the grave. "Guess what happened!"
Obviously there's no response, but you were good at playing pretend after spending so much time alone in your old house when mom was sleeping or away with her boyfriends.
You wait a little while as if she was responding physically before continuing.
"Uncle Giran and I got taken by some mean men! It was really scary." You tell her, as if the pillar you're speaking to was actually her, trying to remember what she was like the rare times she was fully awake and in a good mood. "They took his fingers off, took my quirk away and made me sick."
You pretend she's telling you how awful that sounds before continuing again.
"It was really scary, so I don't like thinking about it too much, but Dabi and the others came to get me! And then Tomura told off the men that took us and fired them."
Tomura seems to be watching over you both carefully as you speak, not paying any mind to what you're actually saying, but you drop your voice when you say the next thing anyway.
"Tomura is Dabi's boyfriend. He's my pa, mommy." You say quietly. "Did you know boys could kiss other boys? I didn't."
You pause, peering over at him, but he seems to still be watching another person visiting another gravestone a little ways from you.
"Tomura has a super cool quirk, he can rot things he touches." You explain. "We went to see the ducks today and he touched one even though he was scared... He's super brave!"
You pause, wishing you could get some kind of response.
"'Mura said he'd spend all day with me today because he's going away soon, so he's come too today, not Himiko like last time." You look over at Tomura. "Did you wanna talk to mom?"
Tomura looks down at you, looks at the grave and then shakes his head slightly.
"He's shy." You whisper to your mom, crossing your legs and thinking of more things to tell her. "Oh, 'Mura and Dabi said I can go to art school if I'm good at my other lessons too!"
Not that your mom ever bothered looking at your drawings, but you'd like to think she'd get excited about that too.
"Do you miss me?" You ask quietly.
No response, of course.
"Uncle Giran read me a bedtime story about an ugly duckling the other day. That was nice. And Uncle Jin and Himiko have been drawing with me..." You trail off, beginning to run out of topics for this one sided conversation. "Uncle Jin draws farts on everything though, so I have to tell him off sometimes."
You pull your mouth to the side as you continue to look at her name engraved in the pillar.
"Uncle Jin is really nice though, I think you would have liked him." You pluck at some of the grass idly. "You would have liked everyone. Atsuhiro's nice too, he talks like one of the rich people on television."
"Hmm... I think that's it. Me, Dabi and Tomura are gonna have a sleepover and play shrines. Maybe watch Spirited Away too." You say, getting up and brushing yourself off. "Miss you. I hope you like the flowers, I remembered to bring them this time."
Tomura's attention returns to you when you stand, his arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the other grave.
"Bye bye mom." You say, looking at Tomura. "Are you going to say bye? Himiko did."
Tomura seems to look at the grave for a moment before shrugging slightly.
"Bye." He says simply, walking away from the grave he'd been leaning against, placing his hand on top of your head and using it to turn you away from the grave, stroking your hair carefully.
"She's in better hands now." He says.
"Like, heaven?" You ask, not realising that he'd been glaring at your moms grave when he said it.
He huffs. "Sure, Starlight. Heaven compared to that."