— CHAPTER 24
❝HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN LOVE?❞
— ⋆ 𝗞𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗮 ⋆ —
❝LOOK AT YOU, you're freezing" jobe pulls me into his embrace as soon as he opens the front door. i'm too excited and run over to his house in my pajamas which only consist of short silk pajamas.
since it's winter my choice of clothing immediately feels like i'm wearing nothing, my skin all covered in goosebumps, my teeth chattering against each other, and my cold arms hugging my figure for some warmth.
"no, i'm not," i shiver, walking into his house. "that's the worst lie anyone has ever told me." he wraps a blanket around me then sits me down on one of the stools in the kitchen.
"jobe, let's go ice skating," i tell him as he navigates through the kitchen, grabbing things from the cupboard. "you came all the way just to ask me that?" he turns to face me with a raised eyebrow.
"yeah," i shrug, trying to see what he's making. "so what do you think?" i wiggle my eyebrows up and down. "you're so annoying, but i can't stay mad at you," he chuckles, placing a kiss on my forehead.
"oh my god, it's the married couple," jude trudges in the room with a bunch of christmas foods and snacks which i assume denise made him go buy.
we were obviously having christmas together but in the bellinghams' house this year. "bro, what're you making?" jude peeks over his younger brother's shoulder then hums in amusement.
"make one for me," he pats jobe then comes to sit next to me. he raises an eyebrow at me, nonverbally asking why i'm freezing and have a huge blanket around me.
"i want to go ice skating," i frown at jobe who just rolls his eyes. "i would offer to take you, but i have a date today," jude replies proudly trying to play it off as nonchalance, but i could see right through him.
"ooo, good luck," i poke him playfully. "kiana, marshmallows and whipped cream?" jobe asks, holding both for me to choose. "only whipped cream, i hate marshmallows," i smile at him.
"hey, are you not going to ask me?" jude frowns as jobe hands us our drinks and sits down with his own. "you can't have any either way," he shrugs turning to face me.
"is the offer still standing?" he takes a sip out of his hot chocolate. "hmm... nah, i'll just go with my mum," i think it through since i'm pretty sure jobe hates anything to do with falling unless it's skiing which we do every march.
"where are we going?" speak of the devil and he will appear. "i wanna go ice skating," i tell her while she takes a sip out of my drink. "ooo, count us in," denise walks in with dad and mark who were probably chatting about football.
"i'll book it for 7 pm, it always feels better at night," mum says before walking off to the kitchen. i finish up my hot chocolate then thank jobe who just chuckles at me.
"you've got a little..." he manages to say between laughs, pointing at my face. i try so hard to lick it off, but i'm pretty sure i was unsuccessful because he only starts laughing harder even jude, who was glued to his phone the whole time, starts laughing.
"let me help," he leans forward, his gaze stuck on my lips as i feel my breath hitch. before his finger connects to my skin, he looks up into my eyes for consent. i nod slowly, trying not to get lost in his deep brown eyes.
he brushes his thumb over my top lip and nose agonizingly slowly, but i'm not complaining. it feels almost... sexy. "i can feel the sexual tension from here," jude interrupts, throwing a tissue our way.
we immediately break contact and start blushing. well, i was blushing; i don't know about jobe, though. "you guys are adorable," he smiles at us. he sounds sarcastic, but his face says the opposite.
"i'm gonna go change," i announce after a while. i neatly fold the blanket then rush into jobe's bedroom so i can change quickly before the cold starts seeping through again.
since i took over half his closet, it's easy to find what to wear. i simply pick out a royal blue set consisting of sweatpants and a hoodie. i slip on a pair of uggs since we're still in the house and because my uggs are literally my life.
when i come back downstairs, i find jude and jobe fighting over the white icing to put on their gingerbreads.
"hey! you guys started without me?" i frown. we started this tradition where we would decorate the gingerbread cookies then as a competition we would decorate the body-shaped ones, and our parents would each decide which looked the best.
i won most of the time because jude and jobe have absolutely no creativity or any artistic skills.
"i told jude to wait, but he didn't want to," jobe lets go of the bag then glares at jude. i roll my sleeves up, wash my hands, and then make my way over to the boys.
"what's the theme?" i ask, looking over at their cookies but still not understanding what we're going for. "us. jude is doing himself, i'm doing you, and you can do me, i guess," jobe stops what he's doing and turns to look at me.
"jude, your ego is too big," i roll my eyes and begin working on my gingerbread man. "so?" he glares at me before glaring at jobe who simply just wants the white icing.
"someone's in a bad mood," i mumble, grabbing some fondant for the shirt since jude was hogging all the icing. "here, jobe, let's use this," i put the multiple colors of fondant between the both of us.
he mumbles a quiet thanks then focuses on his creation. we decide to have a 20-minute time limit even though me and jude finished long before the twenty minutes.
jobe is taking his time, trying to perfect it, something he's never done in the previous years. if i'm being honest, i think there's a clear winner, which is jobe.
it looks so much like me. from the hair to the smile to the cozy clothes. he also made two cute little tulips, placed in each hand.
"bro, you're so whipped," jude laughs as soon as he finishes. "whatever, mr. self-centered," he mocks, making his way to the sink to wash his hands.
jude goes upstairs because he has to start getting ready for his date, so i take some pictures of the cookies, waiting for jobe to dry his hands.
❝KIANA DON'T GO that fast, you're going to-" jobe calls out, trying to stop me but he's a little too late. "fall," he concludes, skating over to me.
he's concerned at first when I don't get up immediately, but his smile grows when he notices I'm laughing.
i honestly feel like my childhood self. i feel young and free.
"need a hand?" he chuckles slightly at the sight of me, holding his hand out for me. still giggling, i reach for his hand, but before he can help me up, i tug on his hand, sending him tumbling down on top of me.
we both look at each other, then burst into a fit of giggles. after a while, i feel a shift. i open my eyes to see jobe isn't laughing anymore. his gaze is intense and filled with nothing but admiration.
i swear i fold for him right then and there.
without any warning whatsoever, he leans in, and his lips meet mine in a soft, delicate kiss that sends playful shivers down my spine. it feels as if time stands still.
his lips are warm, in contrast to the cold weather, his hand gentle on my cheek, and the taste of winter hangs in the air.
emotions that i never ever felt before surge through me as our lips linger. this isn't just a normal kiss; hell, it's far from it, and i'm pretty sure jobe can feel this too after all, he initiated the kiss.
it's like my emotions are secretly growing, and in this moment, i realize i'm head over heels for this boy. it's either that or i'm going absolutely crazy, which doesn't happen often, especially not in situations like this.
feeling flustered and confused, i pull away, my cheeks turning their usual shade of a rosy pink. no words are shared, none are needed. jobe gets up, dusting his coat before holding his hand out to help me up.
i give him a small smile then brush the little bits of ice off my pants. i look up to see both our moms squealing with their phone cameras pointing at us like the fangirls they are.
"maybe we should go home," jobe awkwardly speaks up as soon as i finish brushing everything off. "good idea," i nod, still not making eye contact with him.
forgetting that i'm on ice, i start to walk normally and almost fall, but jobe holds my hand quickly and helps me steadily reach the exit.
is it only me, or are his hands always so... tender, a touch that carries the gentleness of a thousand comforting words.
"hey lovebirds," our moms walk in with the biggest smiles on their faces. "mum, stop," i groan, switching back into my uggs, while jobe changes back into his brand new white jordan 4's.
"you guys are honestly so adorable. young love has always been the best type of love," denise sighs in pleasure.
"jobe, just so you know, you have my permission to be her boyfriend," mom winks at jobe, whose expression hardens slightly, but you wouldn't tell unless you actually looked.
"let's just go," i stand up and rush to the car, already tired of their teenage love talk. it's just embarrassing and unneeded, but obviously, they don't care.
MUM IS SPEAKING to me but her voice is muffled. a million thoughts are spiraling through my brain. do i really have feelings for jobe or is it a once-in-a-while thing?
"mum?" i stop her, now looking into her eyes. i feel kinda bad for not listening to her because she seems really happy talking about whatever she's talking about.
"hm?" she hums, mirroring my confused expression. "how does it feel to be in love?" i ask, my voice barely coming out as a whisper.
"like how do you know if you love someone?" i rephrase the sentence, instantly cringing that i'm talking to my mum about it even though she's the only one i can talk to about these types of things.
"oh baby... you love him, don't you?" she laughs proudly. "no! i mean maybe... i don't know!" i groan, pushing my head into my pillow.
"love is confusing yet simple, just like your love for jobe," she starts, hoping i'm actually listening.
"you both find comfort in each other, you both spend hours talking about each other, you're always thinking about him, you blush at anything he does." she rambles on, but to be completely honest, she does have a point.
"sometimes, the heart sees what the mind refuses to acknowledge." she loves speaking in riddles, but this time i actually understand what she means.
"so i do love him, i just never opened my eyes until now?" i question, still baffled how i got myself in this situation. "only you know the answer to that, love," she shrugs.
okay, so i do love him apparently but now what do i do? do i push my feelings aside or do i confess to him because this is all too confusing.
i don't want to lose him as my best friend, and if i confess, it will just complicate things and make it awkward between us, especially since i'm 99% sure he doesn't feel the same.
"so what do i do now?" i huff in frustration. "all i can say is enjoy it while it lasts," she places a soft kiss on my forehead then walks out the door, leaving me with no proper answer.
i really like jobe, i do, i just can't be with him if it means risking our bond we built along the way. after all, i'm still healing from my previous relationship.
it was traumatic, is all i can say at the moment; no one deserves to go through what i went through.
— ⋆ 𝗝𝗼𝗯𝗲 ⋆ —
❝JUDE I'M FUCKING in love with kiana," i blurt out all at once as soon as i barge into his room. "finally you realise," he rolls his eyes, pausing whatever movie he's watching to give me his full attention.
"it's not a good thing though, i can't be with her," i aggressively run my fingers through my hair. i am overwhelmed, to say the least.
"what? why? you're perfect for each other," he gasps, sitting up straighter, revealing light hickeys imprinted along his neck. i make a mental note to ask him how it went as soon as this conversation is over.
"i can't- i don't do relationships," i pace up and down the room, my eyes fixed on the carpeted floor below me. "are not even going to try.. for her?" i can hear the disappointment in his voice.
of course i could try, but i don't want to hurt her. i really don't. i don't want to be the reason she's crying, the reason she stops believing in love.
i'd rather her be happy without me in her life than depressed with me in it.
"no, i can't," i shake my head vigorously. jude knows i have problems when it comes to relationships, but i don't think he thought they were that bad.
i just can't put myself to commit, then i end up feeling bad afterward. i really can't put kiana through all that, especially since she's already gone through so much at a young age.
"so what are you going to do?" jude sighs; i can tell he is disappointed, but i still can't shake off taking the risk to break kiana's heart.
"i'll just keep being her friend, if that doesn't work out, then i guess i'll break it off," i cover my face with my hands. this is all so much in such a short period of time.
"WHAT?!" jude chokes on literal air, flabbergasted by my answer. "jobe, bro, you can't do that. are you insane!?" he presses his hand over my temple to see if i have a fever or something.
"it's the only thing i can do," i sigh, swatting his hand away from me. "jobe, you can't be serious. you'll hurt her even more if you do that," he shakes me aggressively as if that is going to change anything.
"no it won't, i know what i'm doing," i shrug his hands off me and nod at him reassuringly. nothing is going to change my mind, not now, not ever.
"you're an asshole, you know that?" he quickly slaps the back of my neck, the stinging sensation lingering for a while. "i know," i rub my neck awkwardly.
✰✰✰
Love has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, and you find yourself wondering how you ever lived without it.
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