"One of the very first steps is admitting you have a problem. You've done that, so be gentle with yourself, alright?" The admissions counselor of the rehabilitation facility spoke softly to Autumn who sat on a sofa across from her.
"What are you thinking about right now? It could be anything. Just something to get us started." Rebecca held her mug in the palm of her hands to warm them up.
"I'm going to miss Christmas with my son again. This is his third one and I-I-I haven't been there for any of t-them." Autumn stammered.
"If you talk slow, do you think that will help you speak more clearly? We aren't in a rush honey." Familiar with the way her voice shuddered, Rebecca offered a suggestion.
"Okay." She wiped her face to get herself together.
"Now, your son. How old is he?"
"Three. His birthday is January 8th, h-he'll be four." She mumbled.
"January. This program is thirty days, so you'll be out by then. Do you think you will go to his party if he has one?"
"I don't think his dad would let me." Remembering how dark Dayvon's eyes were when he told her that she wouldn't be able to see August again made her sigh.
"What was your relationship like with his father?"
Everything was always so perfect with him. Each time she held his hand or rubbed his face, it was like every single one of her problems vanished. She'd always felt so safe around him.
The two of them grew up together in the south side of Chicago-a place they'd always vowed to leave once they got their shit together because of how tied up Dayvon got in the streets at such a young age.
It seemed like being apart of the streets was inevitable if you lived in Chicago-which was also known as Chiraq because of the similarities with Iraq's murder rate and extremely high levels of gun violence.
By the time Dayvon was thirteen he was already in too deep and was actually doing better than most of the grown men who were in the same position. Selling drugs, getting into shootouts, hanging with the wrong crowd-Dayvon did it all.
Still, Autumn stayed by his side and did whatever she could to help him out. He wasn't fed with a silver spoon like she was, but whatever she had, she made sure he had it as well. He even ended up moving in with her family when he was fifteen after being kicked out by his parents for his behavior.
The duo started dating around that time after being best friends for their whole lives-they'd literally known each other since birth due to their mothers being close friends in high school.
Each year that passed, Autumn became more surprised over the fact that they had yet to grow tired of one another, especially since they spent every single day together-and every waking moment if they could.
But he never got tired of her. In fact, it seemed like their love grew with each day that passed.
Of course there were times where one of them would become irritated or mad at the other, but it rarely lasted long and it for damn sure never changed the bond they shared. Nothing did.
Even when Autumn found drugs as the way to cope with her depression, their love remained the same.
That was up until four years ago.
On Autumn's best friend's birthday, Autumn got crossfaded beyond return. She took Percocet pills, Xanax, and even smoked a blunt that she purposely laced with a bit of fentanyl to accompany the Crown Royal she sipped on with her friends.
Dayvon got so mad at her that night, she could still remember almost every word that he yelled out of anger. Yet still, he took care of her and made sure she got in bed safely after forcing her to throw up most of the pills in her system.
That same night, he found comfort in Autumn's best friend, Jasmine.
Autumn still didn't know if that was their first encounter together, but she did know that it broke her heart. That was practically her last straw before drugs took over her life all the way. That pushed her over the edge.
Dayvon never regretted anything more in his life.
He'd always said how he could never cheat on Autumn because she was everything he ever wanted, even after the drugs came around. He still blamed that night on him being drunk and angry. The sober him would've never did that, not in a million years.
Autumn still took him back though, it just wasn't the same Autumn he fell in love with. It was like she became a completely different person. He didn't know if it was the drugs, her retaliation for him cheating on her, or the heartbreak of it being with the girl she considered a sister.
By that time, Autumn had already fell pregnant with her first and only child, August. The drugs didn't stop, though.
She became extremely distant from Dayvon and was almost never at home. Then, she gave birth and completely disappeared.
That pulled on Dayvon's heartstrings like never before. She didn't even tell him goodbye, nor did she tell her family anything. It wasn't like they liked her anyway. They were too busy blaming her for the death of her little sister and their father.
From then on, Autumn came around every few months, only to see how big her baby boy had gotten. She knew that she wouldn't be able to be the mom that he needed, so she tried to stay out of his life altogether.
It was hard though. August was a piece of her. She needed to see him every so often just to give herself a peace of mind. That was her baby, even if she didn't act like it.
She knew that she'd failed August. She failed Dayvon too, but honestly she was still holding him cheating over his head so she didn't allow herself to care about how he felt too much.
But seeing him three weeks ago really opened her eyes. Realizing how her son felt about her-all this time, she thought he would grow up to hate her, only to find out he loved her probably more than she loved herself.
He was the reason she was sitting across from the rehabilitation counselor at this very moment. She wanted another chance with him, and she hoped like hell she could do it right.
It took her three weeks to gain the courage to finally check herself into rehab because she was so afraid of failing her son and herself for the umpteenth time. She'd been to rehab three times before, but she felt like this time was different. This time she actually wanted to get better.
She needed to, for her son.
"That was quite the session, Autumn. I hope to see you again." Rebecca gave her a hug near the door almost an hour later.
"Thank you for listening to me." She spoke quietly, watching Rebecca send her a warm smile in response.
Autumn gathered her personal belongings as well as the care bag provided by the facility before making her way to the room they'd prepared for her. It was nothing too fancy; just a room with an XL twin sized bed, a nightstand, a desk area and a small TV.
She put her stuff away and then crawled to the top of the bed to sit against the headboard. She pulled her knees to her chest and blew out a slow breath to calm herself down. It had only been a few hours of being sober and she was already going through withdrawals.
Drugs had become her closest friend over the years. She hated admitting that, but it was true. She felt like nothing without them. Just a pill a day could satisfy her, but she would usually overdo it with six or seven on average. It was shocking how she hadn't overdosed yet.
Within the next few minutes Autumn quickly became overwhelmed from the silence, the way her teeth were grinding in her mouth, and her hands that shook no matter how hard she tried to get them to stop.
She didn't own a phone or anything that could put her mind at ease, so she got up to search the room because she knew there had to be a Bible somewhere. They kept them all over the building.
After finding one in the nightstand, Autumn flipped it open to the first page of verses in the book of Genesis and sat a printed photograph of August next to it to remind herself why she was here, and why she had to stick to this.
Every time she read the Bible it made her think of her dad. He'd always been adamant on having a relationship with God and truly understanding His word, and he made sure that Autumn and her siblings knew that they wouldn't have any of the luxuries that they had if it wasn't for God.
Since the unfortunate day of his passing, Autumn's faith wavered and she became one of those people that only thought about God when she needed Him. For such a long time, she just couldn't understand how He needed her father and her little sister more than she did.
Autumn was the middle child of three kids. Aspen was the oldest and the only boy, and Eve was the youngest before she passed away at the age of nine. Her death, as well as their father's, still haunted the entire family.
The incident happened on the day that Justin, their dad, offered to let Autumn drive home from the mall to show off what she'd been learning in driving school. They only lived fifteen minutes away and it was a Sunday so the highway shouldn't have been busy.
Neither of them knew that a man who drove an eighteen-wheeler carrying a large load would decide to drive drunk that day. Not only that, but he also decided to drive his truck in the wrong direction going over a hundred and twenty miles per hour to avoid the cops that were chasing him.
That truck smashed right into the passenger side of the Osama's car, splitting the vehicle in half. Eve sat directly behind their father, so the two of them unfortunately died on impact. Autumn was able to walk away from the crash with just a few scratches and a concussion, but she swore a part of her died that day as well.
Their family hadn't been the same ever since. Aspen followed his dreams to be a basketball player and moved to Houston, and Autumn was sure that their mother was doing just how she was when Autumn up and 'disappeared'.
Justin left behind a pretty healthy inheritance for the three of them to split equally, but Autumn didn't have access to her share yet. She and Aspen were supposed to get it when they turned 21, but Autumn left before her 21st birthday came around.
Although they hadn't spoken in years, Autumn planned to go to her mother's house when she got out of rehab to see if she could still have her share of the inheritance.
She was ready to get her life together. If not for herself, for her son.
Tbh y'all I was gonna do a story about Kentrell next but I kinda wanna do Dave East AGAIN 👎 my obsession with the big 3 (Von, Kentrell, Dave) is so insane