Thank you for being with me when writing Silas and Eris story. I appreciated it so much, my dearest readers. I hope you learn something from their story cause me I learned a lot while writing it. I'm so emotional as I wrote this, were finally ending this story.
Epilogue
"You're so handsome talaga my little brother!" Ate pinched my cheeks that made me growled.
"I'm not a kid, ate." Nakasimangot kong sabi sa kanya habang hinimas ang pisngi.
Her lips rose up trying to stop from smiling. I don't know with her she's still treating me like a child. Even I'm already 20 years old.
"Naglalambing lang naman si ate kasi aalis na ako next week..." She said and played with my hair.
Napaahon ako sa sofa at gulat na napatingin sa kanya.
"What? Hindi ba next month ka pa aalis?"
She heaved a deep sigh and looked away before she answered me.
"It's better if I leave early because I still need to process my documents and find a condo." She mumbled and sip on the glasses.
She will go to a med school in UST that's why she need to leave. Ewan ko sa kan'ya at hindi siya napapagod mag-aral. I prefer to go to party than to study. Studying is so exhausted. Kaya nagtataka talaga ako na pumasok pa siya sa med school eh graduate naman siya ng nursing.
"Sama ka pre? Sa JB mamaya?"Ani ni Harold habang naglalakad kami sa pasilyo ng paaralan.
I glanced at him.
"Anong oras ba? Try ko lang kung pwede ako."
I was busy talking with Harold that I didn't notice a girl coming from our way. Agad naman akong napatigil nang mabunggo ang ulo nito sa aking dibdib.
"Aray!" The girl shriked in pain while holding her forehead.
"Hala, sorry miss hindi ka kasi tumitingin sa daanan mo ayan tuloy." Sabi ko sa walang ganang tono.
Mataman kong tiningnan ang nabunggo ko na babae. Her head furrowed. I bit my lower lip when I notice she was nervous in front of me. Her lips were in thin line. Ngumisi ako habang pinagmamasdan siya.
"Oyy! Ang gag* mo pre ikaw na nga nakabunggo!"
Nawala ang ngisi ko nang biglaan na lamang akong sinapak ni Harold sa braso. Tangina, Harold! Kung kami lang dalawa ang nandito ay kanina ko pa siya sinuntok.
I look at the girl again. She is wearing a glasses but still pretty. Nagpalipat-lipat sa aming dalawa ni Harold ang kumikinang na kulay brown niyang mga mata. Damn! She's not my type but she's so attractive! Tumikhim ako.
"Okay lang po. You're right I'm not looking on the way I should be the one who's apologizing. Sorry po." She apoligized and left us.
A small smile plastered on my face after watching her leaving. Gago? Anong nangyari sa akin? Bakit ako ngumingiti? Agad kong pinalis sa labi ang ngiti pero huli na dahil nakita na rin iyon ni Harold.
"Oyy! Oyy! Don't tell me you like that girl, Silas?" Medyo natatawa niya pang tanong na tila hindi makapaniwala.
Hindi ko siya sinagot and iniwan siya roon. Sumunod ang gago sa akin at hindi ako tinantan sa kakatukso kahit nasa room namin ay sinundan pa rin ako. Walang hiya talaga! Pumasok pa siya sa room na akala mo ay kaklase rin siya namin.
Hindi maalis ang ngiti ko sa labi habang pinagmamasdan ang drawing ko sa binder. It was the girl with glasses that I met earlier.
"Mr Abella! Go out from my class! If you are not listening to my discussion!" The prof voice thundered inside the classroom.
I sighed. Tumingala ako, nakasalubong ko ang galit na mukha ng professor namin. Pinagtitinginan ako ng mga kaklase na parang ngayon lang 'yon nangyari. Hindi ko na nga mabilang kung ilang beses na ba ako pinalabas.
"Yes, sir." I said calmly while fixing my things on the table and left the room.
Dala-dala ko rin ang mga gamit habang naglalakad. My lips pursued when I saw a small notebook. It has a name on it. Eris Lavine Trinidad.
"Nice name..." Hindi ko mapigilan na hindi ngumiti.
Hindi ko na lang namalayan na tinatahak ko na pala ang daan patungo sa bagong building sa harap ng laboratory. Doon ko nakita na papunta si Eris kanina. Sinilip ko muna ang room 1 para tingnan kung naroon ba siya. My lips pursued when I found her fixing her things.
I enter the room without breaking my eyes from her direction. She stop walking in front of the door when she notice me. Mahina siyang napatingala para tingnan ako.
My heart beat hysterically when our eyes meet each other. Nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko nang makita ang maamo niyang mukha at malamyos niyang mga mata. At sa unang pagkakataon ay nakaramdam ako ng kaba. Tangina! Kulang pa yata ako sa bugbog?!
"Excuse me." She said in a low tone.
Fuck! Even her voice makes my heart run wild. Her eyes furrowed maybe confuse why I am inside their room when I'm not their classmate.
That's the first time I got interested with women seriously. Dati naman ay hindi ko sinerseryuso ang mga fling ko. And I never been made efforts for them instead, they are the one whose willing to do it. But her, she makes my heart fluttered even with just simple gestures. I don't know why but I am willing to do anything for her just to make her happy and feel loved.
Kahit na magmukha na akong aso kakahabol sa kanya ay wala akong pakialam basta makasama lang siya. Tila diring-diri siya sa akin na para bang may nakakahawa akong sakit. But the heck! Even she's treating me like a shitty I'm still happy because at least I got her attention. I'm literal crazy. Sino ang matutuwa roon? Kundi baliw lang.
I grinned while looking at her inside my car. Those crazy things I did for her are all worth it. Finally, she appreciate those and also answered my long time prayer. She finally became my girlfriend officially. Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang paro-paro ang lumilipad sa aking tiyan nang sagutin niya ako sa araw na 'yon.
I never believe in love that's the reason I never have a serious relationship. Parang laro lang iyon sa akin. Love is stupid. How can I believe in love when my mom cheated to my dad? Even she said she love him. That's absurd.
Not until I met her. She made me realize that true love still exist. She made me believe in it. Kahit ilang beses ko ng itinaboy ang katagang iyon noon. True love still exist if you finally found what's really meant to you.
"I love you..." I whispered while watching her sleeping in my bed.
I tuck the hair behind her ear. A huge smile plastered on my lips seeing her sleeping soundly while hugging me tightly. Parang hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na katabi ko siya ngayon matulog. Everything feels so surreal...
Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na ako natulog kagabi kaya medyo late na ako nagising kinaumagahan. Eris is already awake when I woke up. She's already fixing herself in the mirror while me— still on the bed.
"Why are you in a hurry?" I ask on a sleepy voice.
"There is an event in school. I need to be there early."
This is the second time she sleep on my condo. Kinusot-kusot ko ang aking mga mata at tinaggal ang makapal na comforter sa aking katawan. Humakbang ako palapit sa kan'yang inuupuan. I put my hand on the back of the chair and lowered my head to give her passionate kiss.
She held my nape that made me smirk. Event, huh? You won't go anywhere today, babe. I snake my hands on her waist while deepening our kisses. I held her jaw so I could kiss her properly. I could taste her lipstick from her lips. It was sweet
Agad pumulupot ang kan'yang binti sa aking baywang nang marahan ko siyang binuhat mula sa upuan. She parted her lips, giving me an access so I could enter her mouth. We are both catching our breath when we stopped.
Ilang segundo lang iyon at muli ko na naman siyang inatake ng mupusok at malalim na halik. I can't stop myself from smirking when I heard her moaning while kissing her deeply and sensually. I gently put her on the bed without breaking the kiss.
Bumaba sa aking likuran ang kan'yang kamay. I held her jaw, pushing my tongue inside her mouth making her groaned in lust. Just like what I want, she didn't leave my condo that day. We both fell asleep after what happened.
Just like other relationship we also had misunderstanding, dully pace, and fights but at the end of the day we choose to fix those than to end it... because we both want it. Not until that day... When she said... She doesn't love me anymore... That she already love someone else.
"May iba akong mahal. At hindi ikaw iyon. Si Allen... Siya ang mahal ko. Kaya itigil na natin ito."
Ang daya naman kung ganoon. She's the one who make my heart whole again yet, she's also the one who break it for the second time. But this time it was more cruel because she pierces my heart into million pieces and she's the only one who can complete it again. How ironic?
"He confessed. He also love me. Kaya ako makikipag break ngayon sayo kasi sa wakas nagustuhan n'ya na rin ako. You're just a rebound. Pampalipas oras lang kung baga."
I remembered what she said earlier. The glass I was holding almost crack because of how tightened I held it. I was inside the JB drinking hard liquors. This is the first time I will taste alcohol after 2 months that we had our relationship. I really tried to not drink because she hates the smell of alcohol. But not tonight we already broken up.
"Hey hottie, want to dance?" A girl approached me but I don't bother to glanced at her.
"'Wag ngayon miss masama ang timpla ng isang n'yan." Dinig ko ang boses ni Harold.
Pagkatapos ay naramdaman ko siyang umupo sa tabi ko. Magulo at maingay sa bar pero dinig na dinig ko pa rin sa aking isipan ang sinabi ni Eris kanina parang iyong paulit-ulit na nag replay.
"Ok lang 'yan pre madami pa namang babae. Mag shat na lang tayo. Gusto mo retohan na lang kita ng isa sa mga pinsan ko? Magaganda rin naman 'yon at meron din naman na may salamin at matalino." He said while tapping my back.
If it's not her then It's better if I'm just single my whole life. I don't want anyone but her. Only her. Not any girl.
"Just shut up, Harold! You just making it worst!" I hissed.
"Okay, okay. Relax mah-highblood ka n'yan sige ka." He said.
Muli akong sumimsim sa baso na may laman na alak. Ano bang nagustuhan niya sa Allen na iyon? Eh ang pangit pangit naman no'n. His face? His hairstyle? His outfits? What? It's all lousy. I'm busy with my thoughts that I didn't notice some people come near us.
"Hey Silas? Long time no see! Are you alone? Where's your girlfriend? What's her name again? Aris?" It was girl voice that familiar to my ear.
I glance at her. Tria was with her playful smirk and cheeky smile when I look at her. She immediately pushed Harold away so she could seat beside me.
"Tangina naman, Tria!" Dinig kong reklamo ni Harold habang dumadaing.
"So, where is she? You said you would introduce me to her." She said excitedly.
I didn't speak. Instead, I drink the primera that left on my glass. I could taste the bitter taste of the drink when it reach to my throat. I was about to fill my glass when Tria stop me hand. She slap my hand and picked the drinks from me. Inilayo niya iyon sa aking mga kamay.
"Answer me first, before you drink."
My lips twitched and lower my gaze. How can I introduce her to Eris? When we already broke up.
"Oh my gosh! Don't tell me you two broke up already?" Her hands were in her mouth and shock registered on her face.
"Tumpak! Nadali mo nga!" Harold exclaimed.
"Oh, really? That fast?"
I throw a dagger stares at him that made him shut up. I stand up from the sofa and fix my clothes.
"Let's just talk some other time, Tria. I'm going home."
"What? It's still early Silas. It's only 10 pm. Let's talk some more." She hissed but I already stepped out far away from them.
I wonder why she came back here in the Philippines? She kept it a secret when they go out from country. Akala ko nga ay doon na sila mag-s-stay sa Japan.
Dumiretso ako sa counter para mag-order pa roon ng tequila. Mahigit tatlong baso pa ang nainom ko bago ako umalis sa loob ng bar.
My head is spinning while walking inside our house. Ngayon lang yata tumama ang alak sa aking sistema. I'm still fine when I got out from the bar. Hindi pa pasuray-suray ang mga hakbang.
"I thought you already stop that habit of yours? I guess you can't get rid off that fully." I heard Kuya's voice.
"Shut the fuck up! Fuck!" I held my head because I am dizzy.
"You're a mess. Tsk!" Kita ko pa ang pag ilimg-iling nito bago umalis.
"Edi tsk din! Tangina!"
Sumalampak ako sa kama. I grunted when my head hit on the corner of the sofa. Nakatulog din ako kalaunan. I woke up with my head throbbing like a fucking hell. This is what I hate when drinking! Fucking hangover! I move from the other side but I curse when I fell on the cold ground. Tangina nasa sofa pala ako!
"Shit!" I stood from the floor.
I look around, my forehead furrowed after seeing my parents in front of seating on the sofa. I seated on the other sofa while caressing my head.
"Hangover again? Wala ka na talagang ginawang tama, Silas." Sambit ni mommy sa akin.
Napaismid ako. Tsk! Puro mali ko lang naman ang nakikita mo eh.
"You will marry Celeste, next month. You want it or not." She said in conviction.
"Fine..." I said and left them.
Kinuha ko ang isang pakete ng sigarilyo sa pantalon ko at kumuha ng isa roon para sindihan iyon. I'm at the back of our room so they can't see me here. Agad kong nilagay sa labi ang may sindi ng sigarilyo.
It's been a week since Eris stop going to school. When I ask one of her classmate she didn't transfer to another school either. I wonder what stopping her. Is it because of me? No, malabo masyado niyang pinapahalagahan ang pag-aaral kaya hindi siya a-absent dahil lang sa akin.
I held the cigarette on my lips, I parted my lips to release the smoke from my mouth. Bumuntonghiniga ako, I shouldn't care anymore we broken up. My eyes narrowed when I saw a silhouette coming to where I am. Shit! I suddenly throw the cigarette on the ground. Inapakan ko iyon ng paa ko para mamatay ang usok.
"Anong ginagawa mo rito iho?" An old man janitor ask.
"Nagpapahangin lang po." Mahinahon kong sagot sa kanya.
"Bumalik ka rin agad sa room niyo iho, ha?"
"Opo." Tumango ako sa kanya kaya umalis din ito kalaunan.
Sinipa ko ang upos ng sigarilyo at nilisan ang lugar. Everything feels so boring when I lose her. Parang bumalik ako sa dati kong routine. Gabi-gabi sa inuman o bar para magsaya at mag-enjoy. But why I don't feel happy and enjoying it? Para'ng walang kabuhay-buhay.
Tulala at wala sa sarili ako nang magbigay ng instructions ang wedding designer at wedding organizer. This is my wedding day. I should be happy right? But I can't even release a small smile.
I was staring Celeste with no emotion on my face while she's walking in the aisle. Do I really get married to a person I don't love? Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib dahil sa pananakit no'n. Celeste were already crying when she reach me. I looked away, I don't feel anything for her.
I shook my head, no I can't do this. I really can't. Ayaw kong magpakasal at matali sa isang tao na hindi ko naman mahal. If Eris won't marry me, then I won't marry anyone.
"I'm sorry Celeste but I can't marry you..." I said and took a step away from her.
"N-No S-Silas... D-Don't do this please..." She cried.
"Silas! Silas! Come back here!" Dinig kong sunod-sunod na tawag ni mom pero mabilis ang mga hakbang ko palabas ng simbahan.
Maybe I'm a jerk but I won't marry Celeste for fuck sakes! She will just suffer from me if she insist. Hindi ko siya mahal at wala akong balak na mahalin siya. My heart already belongs to someone.
My lips parted when I saw a familiar figure in front of the cpc building walking. Shit it's her! Is she transferring to cpc? My forehead furrowed when I saw her shoulder shaking. Nasa baba ang tingin at tila nanghihina ang mga binti. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita na bigla na lamang itong natumba sa sahig.
"Eris!" I exclaimed eating our distance.
Halos maupo ako sa semento nang buhatin ko ito mula sa baba. My jaw clenched when I saw her clothes full of blood. Her nose is bleeding! Tangina! What's happening?
"Call an ambulance! Faster! Fuck! Why she's bleeding?" I don't know what I will do while caressing her bloody face.
My hands were trembling while embracing her body. Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa kan'ya. And I am panicking like a fucking hell! Mabuti na lang at dumating din kaagad ang ambulance. My heart pounded harshly, were already inside the ambulance.
The nurses immediately took Eris from the ambulance when we arrive at the hospital. Pabalik-balik ako ng lakad habang hinihintay ang doctor sa labas ng room. My hands were shaking in fear. Mariin akong napapikit at sinandal ang ulo sa pader.
"Please save her..." I whispered.
"Where's my daughter?! What did you do to her?" My eyes suddenly open when I heard Eris father's voice.
He held me on my necktie. Nakakakuyom ang mga kamao nito at handa na akong suntukin pero napapikit lang ako naghihintay ng suntok niya.
"Dad stop that. He didn't do anything. Eris escaped from the hospital and he doesn't know anything." A girl said.
Maybe it was her sister. Eris escaped from hospital? So, it's means she's sick. Nangilid ang luha ko. All this time she's sick the reason why she couldn't go to school. And I don't know a thing! The fuck! Tapos muntik pa akong magpakasal! Kaya ba hiniwalayan niya ako dahil may sakit siya?
Parang sasabog ang ulo ko sa daming iniisip. Ang gago gago ko! Wala man lang akong kaalam-alam! Ni hindi ko man lang napansin! Kaya pala tila pumapayat siya. Akala ko normal lang iyon...
"But he's the reason why she escaped. She check his wedding!" He hissed while greeting his teeth.
"And you think she'd be happy if you hurt him? No, she will mad at you! Dahil sinaktan mo ang mahal niya! Enough with this Dad pleasee! For Eris sake! Please!" Biglaan akong binitiwan ni Tito kaya dumaosdos ang katawan ko sa sahig dahil sa panghihina.
She was inside the church? Kaya ba nanginginig siya kanina? She'd think I will marry someone else? Another batch of tears filled my eyes. Napayuko ako, hindi halos makagalaw dahil sa panginginig at panghihina ng katawan. I promise to her that I would be a good boyfriend... That I will cherished her... and love her... But in the end I hurt her...
"You just prayed that nothing will happen to my daughter!" He hissed but I couldn't process anymore what he said because I'm also occupied with my emotions.
Nabuhayan lang nang marinig ang kalanseng ng pintuan hudyat na may lumabas. My eyes immediately shifted to the door where the doctor came out. I suddenly stood up waiting for the doctor to speak.
"We did our best but the patient is still in coma. We didn't know how long she'd be in coma. An the next thing is... the patient is pregnant. However her pregnancy is really risky for her state. We just prayed that the two of them will survived." The doctor uttered.
Her dad gasped and glanced at me with death glares. I looked away.
Umaangat ang sulok ng labi ko sa sinabi ng doctor. She's pregnant?! Am I already father? The excitement faded when I realized her condition. Fear creep me up when I heard that she's in coma. What if she didn't wake up anymore? I shook my head. No, she will woke up. She's strong. She can do it. Tumango-tango ako sa kawalan na tila kinukumbinsi ang sarili.
"Tangina! And you even impregnate her! How dare you?!" Napayuko ako nang hawakan ako ng ama niya sa kwelyo.
Na tila sukong-suko na. If I could change our position I would gladly will. I am more than willing to lay down on that bed instead of her. Kaysa naman na pinapatay ako habang nakikita siyang nakahiga sa kama. It feels like fucking hell. It was painful more than a torture.
"This is all your fault! Tangina mo!" His voice roared.
I bit my lip, I taste my own blood when her father punch me. I remain standing and wait for another punch. I almost fell on the floor when he hit me again on my face. Hindi ako lumaban... I felt that somehow I deserve those punches... I am guilty... I hurt his daughter... Kung tutuusin ang kulang pa iyon sa nagawa ko. I'm willing to de if that's what he wants but no... Eris is still not awake. Huwag muna...
"Umalis ka na rito! Nandidilim ang paningin ko sayo! Guard! Paalisin niyo ang lalaking ito sa harapan ko!"
Agad akong naalerto sa sinabi niya. No, I won't leave here until I saw Eris woke up...
"Dad... Tama na. You are making a scene here."
"Sir umalis muna kayo sir..." The security guard approach me.
"N-No, I will stay here..."
Mabilis kong pinalis ang kamay niya na aakmang hahawak sakin. Umiling ako, nanginginig ang mga daliri. I bent my trembling knees in front of him. I lowered my gaze to stop myself from sniffing.
"P-Please let me stay here... L-Let me see her even it just a glimpse... when she woke up..." My voice cracked.
I bit my lip to suppress my sobs.
"E-Even it was just 5 m-minutes... 4...3 or even 1 minute... I p-promise I won't see her again if she woke up... I w-won't go n-n-near h-her... L-L-Lalayo na ako sa k-kanya ng t-t-tuluyan... E-Even it b-break my h-heart..." My sobs filled the hallway of the hospital.
I could hear the murmurs of people I didn't bother to stood up from the floor. Kahit na kahiya-hiya ang ginawa ko ay wala akong pakialam. Napahagulhol ako sa sakit ng naramdaman.
"Pleaseee..." I uttered weakly as I lowered my head on the ground while holding his black slacks.
"Oh my gosh?! What are you doing Silas? Stand up!" I heard mom's shock voice from the back but I didn't bother to turned to her.
I groaned when mom held my arms trying to make me stood up from the floor. I remove her hands on me.
"G-Go away mom! Hayaan mo ako rito!" I hissed still sobbing.
"What? Hahayaan kitang maging kaawa-awa na nakaluhod sa lalaking 'yan?! You are ruining our family's dignity Silas! Look at those people who judge you for doing this!" She exclaimed still held my hands.
"I don't care! Just let me! Fuck that dignity of yours! The hell I care of those people! If you don't want to see me kneeling then leave me alone! Leave! Fuck it! Just leave mom! Just leave me the fuck alone!" My voice thundered, catching my breath.
"Watch your mouth, Silas! You are talking to our mom, idiot!" I snorted when kuya Silos punch me on the cheeks that made me sit on the floor.
"Shut up, kuya!" I shouted.
The hospital were chaos because of us. Hindi alam ng security guard kung kanino siya lalapit. Sa akin ba, kay mom or kay kuya Silos. We just all stoped when we heard the machine beeping on the operating room where Eris is. The nurses and the doctor rushing to the room.
My lips parted, my heart is pounding harshly that brought me chills and fear. Those fast beats of my heart creep me out. I loosened my necktie and breath heavily.
Marahan akong napahakbang sa harap ng operating room. Sumilip ako roon sa glass na pintuan ng room. I bit my lower lip as I saw the flat line. I froze. My body became numb as I saw her lifeless body lying on the hospital bed. Her pale face, lips and skin.
Para akong nakalutang sa ulap at hindi makagalaw sa kinatatayuan. I lost her and our unborn child in her womb. Tears clouded my eyes while seeing her in that state.
"Eris Lavine Trinidad, time of death: 1:39 pm." The doctor announced.
A loud sobs filled my ears. Akala ko wala ng mas isasakit pa sa pakipag-break niya sa akin pero meron pa pala. Mas doble-doble ang sakit at kirot sa aking dibdib nang marinig ang sinabi ng doctor. Tulala akong napaupo sa sahig habang nakatitig sa malamig niyang katawan na wala ng buhay.
The day that I lost her and our unborn child is the day that I also lost myself. I lost the one that heal my broken heart. And I know after losing her, my broken heart can never heal and be whole again. It will always be broken til my last breath.