─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
chapter 13: awakening
my body instinctively sucked in a breath; a shock running through my body at the hum of pain. my vision was blurred, and i relied solely on my other senses. they only confused me more. everything sounded different; smelled different. my body didn't feel like my own. like i hijacked this one.
trying to take in more breaths, my throat was sore. compressed. like a hand was gripped around it, cutting off air flow. "y/n," it was so muffled and distant, i wasn't sure if i really heard it. am i dead? confusion was all i seemed to remember. all of my memories were scrambled together, but the voice seemed to connect something in my brain.
my mind lagged behind the memories, trying to catch up with a life that didn't feel like mine. eren. the voice was eren. my vision was clearing up, revealing the boy from my memories before me. i blocked out everything else, focusing on his features that were furrowed. they seemed to ease up with my consciousness, "hey," he whispered, exhaling in relief.
his voice was so familiar, i filed through more memories. everything seemed to flash before my eyes, allowing more sense to be made about my reality. i glanced around; we were in his apartment. when did we leave the cabin? confusion made my head spin again, "what happened," my head throbbed trying to figure it out, increasing the pressure on my throat.
eren stayed silent, grasping my cheeks in his hands, lifting my eyelids lightly and peering into my eyes. "you have to wake up," his grip loosened, but i could still feel the outline of his hands. wake up? trying to move my body, everything was more sensitive. i hissed at the pain below my skin. it felt like my veins were on fire, constantly burning the inside of my body.
the pain was localized at my throat; searing more intensely there. lifting my hand, i gripped around my throat, trying to figure out what was on it. the side of my neck was cold; ice cold. i brought my hand down to level with my eyes; my palm was red. was that my blood?
my state of confusion felt like it would never end; i looked over to eren, meeting his gaze for reassurance. his face was soft, hints of sadness beneath his eyes. the light had left them, leaving an endless void behind the green. "eren," i had to suck in a breath, the pressure complicated speaking. "what happened?" i asked again; desperate for any semblance of information. all my mind could seem to remember at the moment was eren. just us.
his eyes became even darker, and he neglected to answer for a few moments. he lifted my body off his lap; i finally realized i had been tucked into him the entire time. i felt the strength of his hands, but his touch was more intense than ever. like i could feel each molecule of his skin pressing against mine. he easily lifted my body, positing me on the couch cushion. he kneeled below me, his body between my legs. his hands gripped my own, "zeke bit you," his tone was so cautious; like he thought i might shatter if he breathed the wrong way.
bit? my mind reeled again, trying to remember my life. every memory felt old, like i lived it years ago. that's right, eren's black eyes flashed before me, vampires are real. a shock ran through my body; i had come to the realization for the first time again. "zeke bit me," i repeated to myself, but those memories were still cloudy. i clutched his hands in frustration, why can't i remember zeke?
eren seemed to know what i was thinking, "you won't remember everything right now," he sucked in a breath, the first i had seen him take, "it'll come back, i promise." he was so comforting and soft; i felt like all i needed was him in this moment. who cares about the rest of my life?
"so," my voice was quiet, and unfamiliar to me. "i'm a vampire," i said uneasily. my words came out slowly, trying to understand them as i spoke. it was unexpected, and i didn't know how to feel. i barely felt any emotions; too wrapped up in my physical discomfort. in the little time i had thought about turning, i didn't imagine it to feel like this. painful. i had associated the process of vampirism above feeling. i was wrong.
"yes," eren was stern, and his voice faltered, trying to keep the softness to it. "how do you feel?" now he was apprehensive, like he wasn't sure exactly what to say. his fingers fumbled in mine.
i giggled at his composure, regretting it when the pain shot through my neck, "kinda shitty." with another deep breath, i tried to assess myself. a new feeling sprung in my stomach, "and hungry," i mumbled. it was an odd feeling; i was craving to fill it, but my once favorite foods sounded revolting in my mind. i needed blood; the thought came naturally, like my body already knew what it was craving.
eren moved to sit next to me on the couch, leaning my torso to lay on his lap. i followed his movements, tucking myself as close as i could, "i'll text jean." i felt my nerves spark in my body, memories of jean flashing before my eyes. what would he think? reality slowly began to seep into my mind. "is that even safe?"
eren had gone missing for a year; what if that was how long i needed to adjust to my new body? i would have to uproot my ent- "it is," eren snapped me out of my thoughts, definitive in his answer, "bloodlust doesn't work like the movies," i peered at his face. suddenly, his features were genuinely soft, almost amused. "it's not strong enough for you to randomly jump on people and suck their veins," i laughed lightly through my nose, trying to avoid further irritation on my neck. where the bite must be.
he continued, "it's a subtle hunger that will always be there, but it won't control you if you feed often," his words already resonated with me. i was hungry; but it was deep within my body. it resided as a solid pit in my body; i wasn't sure it would ever feel satisfied.
"blood will help with the pain," he moved from between my legs, coming up to sit next to me. he was careful about touching my body. he quickly took out his phone, before guiding my body into his arms.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
eren's room was different to me now. i was hunched over the bed; my face stuffed in the sheets. vanilla tinged at my nose; and something else i couldn't quite place. maybe cedarwood. his room had never smelled like anything, just the faint scent of me. but now it seemed less cold to me, more lived in.
the door to his room was closed, but i could hear the front door open. eren thought it would be best to tell jean without me present. i didn't really have any energy to argue. it was muffled, but i wouldn't have been able to hear anything before. i really underestimated everything about vampires. i was starting to understand the appeal. maybe.
jean's voice felt distant, but it was still clear in my mind, "what happened to her?" he seemed frantic; pants of heavy breathing could be heard. "zeke bit her," his breaths picked up even harder. i couldn't see his face, but i knew jean well enough to know how his features would be scrunched. his expression would show fear and uncertainty.
"is she?" his voice trailed as the last word got choked up in his throat. he didn't continue, but eren seemed to understand where he was going, "no," he heaved a sigh, "but she turned." silence filled my ears. white noise started to take over: the sound of the faucet dripping, the ac blowing warm air into the apartment. time stood still for what felt like years.
a slam filled my ears, followed by a grunt. like one of them had pushed the other into a wall. i started to tune it out unwillingly. the throbbing throughout my body seemed to get worse. the pain was almost nauseating. but jean's voice was loud, and it rang in my ears, "you fucking let this happ-"
his shout was quickly cut off by eren, who sounded too calm, "she can hear you,"
"where?" his response was curt. their voices stopped, followed by soft shuffling.
in the quiet, i zoned out again. the door opened, light falling onto my face. "y/n," jean's voice trailed again; devastation in his eyes. he looked over my appearance, slightly shaking his head before coming over to me. he ran the back of his hand over my forehead; like he was checking for a fever. "didn't i tell you to be cautious," he joked but his face lacked any humor.
his arms were wrapping around my torso; i felt him twitch in uncertainty. "sorry," i wasn't sure what i was apologizing for. but seeing jean so distraught made me feel like i should feel that way too. why wasn't i as disappointed as he was? his back shook with a dry laugh, my arms were holding him back in a weak embrace.
"be careful," eren snapped at jean. i could see now that his hair was falling down on his face more than before. now i know who got shoved. "she needs blood to heal the damage from the venom," jean took it as his que to let go of me; careful not to move my body.
so this is all because of the venom. the nausea returned at the thought; and exhaustion wiped over me. it felt like a chore to continue my breathing. i didn't realize the boys had left the room, and i could barely register a cup of blood being waved in my face moments later.
eren's hand slipped around my neck, avoiding the gash that the bite left. his fingers cupped the sides of my neck, pulling my head up straight. the rim of the cup was brushed against my lips next; the scent of blood awakened my senses. in that moment, it felt like i had never smelt anything so appetizing. my vision went blurry, as i felt the hunger begin to satisfy. i wondered if my eyes were black like eren's.
the substance was smooth going down my throat. it was still warm, and it seemed to light up my insides with life. my hand was quick to grab the cup from eren, tilting it up to drink every last drop. the room around me felt completely black. i was in a world of my own.
i could feel the blood working its way down my stomach, slowly dripping down. it satiated the hunger, but i found myself wanting more when the cup was empty. a frown tugged on my face as my vision started to clear. eren's thumb came up to my lip, wiping the extra blood off before licking it off his own finger. i almost forgot he was in this room.
"you feel better?" i nodded my head, "yeah," since i had woken up, i hadn't felt alive. my insides felt similar to how my skin seemed to stitch itself together with eren's tongue. like the blood was repairing my body from the inside out. the side of my neck started to tingle; a sign that was already starting to heal. i knew the process to be quick; but it seemed to be even faster now. "much better."
grabbing eren's jawline, i truly scanned his features for the first time. his eyes seemed to sparkle more than they ever had before. i couldn't help the laugh that bubbled in my chest when the scent of vanilla filled my nose, "you smell good," i blabbed out, tucking my head into his shoulder and tugging him closer with my arms. his body didn't feel so cold; my own cold body must have counteracted with it. his body heaved with a laugh, "really?" he teased; already seeming aware.
"y/n?" i was sucked out of my daydream; detaching myself from eren, i saw jean in the frame of the door. "i'm gonna go," his face showed shock, but i couldn't decipher any other emotion. i realized i hadn't told anyone about eren and i, if i could even call it that yet, not even sasha. i had a lot of explaining to do, but it was low on my list of priorities.
walking away from eren, i heard him grunt in disapproval. "thanks, blood-bag," i teased, now able to give jean a hefty hug. my body still ached, but most of the pain had subsided. everything felt like having a bad cold, now. he laughed, this time sounding genuinely amused, "anytime,"
he pulled away, scanning over my face with a slight frown, "come see everyone soon, okay?" he tugged on my heartstrings. i knew he was right; i couldn't stay alone with eren forever. "okay."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"i really am so sorry," eren mumbled for what felt like the thousandth time. he seemed to spiral after i got blood in my system, and started adjusting to all the changes. his head was in my lap as i stroked my hands through his hair. both of us were on the couch, looking out at the night sky.
it felt weird. not needing sleep. i wasn't anywhere near tired. eren told me i would when the blood wore off; but sleep wouldn't ease the exhaustion. i was naive in my thinking, but being a vampire really wasn't so bad. "am i going to die?" looking down at his face, his features furrowed in both confusion and worry. his head tiled, in a half shake, "no."
"then stop apologizing," i wasn't sure if i could stand watching him continue to blame himself for everything that's happened in my life. "but-" he lifted himself off my lap, keeping the same eye level to meet my gaze. i cut him off, "you seriously have to reason to apologize." he frowned at my reaction, but made no move to continue the conversation.
moments of silence passed. i had to break it, "eren?" his attention was drawn back to me. "what was the cabin?" being around him constantly, without knowing what was going on between us made the pit in my stomach even larger. even emptier.
his eyes widened slightly; surprised i had asked. "it's like i said. i just like being around you," he sucked in a breath. trying to gather himself before continuing. "and i want to be around you.. always." i felt butterflies form in my stomach, quickly replacing the dull ache of constant hunger. the feeling was different from what i normally felt. my face didn't heat; my heartbeat didn't increase. my flustered state felt completely controllable.
"i want that, too," i mumbled it. vampirism could hide physical signs i was nervous; but it couldn't help my voice from wavering. "i want more, actually." a cocky grin appeared on eren's face, and his entire demeanor changed, "you saying you want to be my girlfriend?" i clasped my hands over my eyes, shielding my face. "don't phrase it like that, asshole."
eren pulled my hands from my face, bringing his lips closer to mine. the kiss was soft; our lips barely touching. even still, the fireworks had never been brighter. it finally felt like eren and i were on the same plane of existence; two sides of the same coin.
it didn't last nearly as long as i wanted it to, and my body followed eren's as he pulled away. "actually, there's something we need to work out before.." his voice trailed, still unsure of what to call us. "what?" another pit began to form in my stomach; this one was comprised of anxiety.
he breathed deeply. looking out towards the night sky; his features disassociated any emotion; hardening, "my dad's expecting a visit. with you."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───