It was pitch black in the stables, but not as dark as the man's mind.
He leaned heavily against the wooden stall, his gaze staring mindlessly into the shadows. As his vision slowly adjusted, he could make out the shapes of the trough and stacks of hay. By his side, the tall bay stallion lowered his head to nuzzle his owner gently. Blade moved his hand to stroke the soft velvety nose.
"What am I doing, Deryn?" he asked, startling himself with the loudness of his own voice.
The horse rumbled in reply, now butting Blade in the chest with the hope he had some treats concealed somewhere. Blade as usual did not disappoint him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sliced apple he had stolen from the kitchen. Deryn took a piece gently from his open palm. For a while, the only sound was the horse enjoying the crisp treat. Blade's gaze went back to the shadows. He started in fright, the remaining slices of apple, dropping into the straw at his feet. For a brief moment, Blade had thought he had seen a pale face staring back at him. But there was nothing there. He let out a deep shuddering breath.
"Did I go too far, Deryn? Have I become the monster instead?"
His mind began to turn back to the events from earlier that day.
* * * * *
Blade looked up from the map, as the door swung open to reveal a frightened looking soldier. The soldier's expression faltered, becoming almost disappointed at seeing Blade alone.
"Captain, do you know where Lord Rane is?" the soldier asked, hesitantly.
Blade frowned thoughtfully. "He often leaves the palace grounds at this hour. He should return shortly though." He paused then added. "Is something wrong?"
The soldier glanced around the room, before inching closer.
"It's about the king, sir. I think he has run away."
Blade immediately straightened at those words. "What do you mean?"
The soldier hesitated again, seemingly studying Blade closely. "Well, he went to see his brother. I think he knows the truth and has run away."
"Brother? Runaway? What do you speak of, man?"
The soldier looked flustered and stepped back. "Forget what I said, sir," he mumbled. "I just thought.." his voice trailed away with confusion.
Blade strode around the table and grabbed him roughly by the neck. "What is going on? You thought what?"
"I...I thought that since you are Lord Rane's right hand man, you knew it all. Please, please don't hurt me. I had no part in it."
The soldier than began to spill out every detail he knew. He told of the prisoner in the tower and how he had really been the young prince Cole, whom many had thought to be long dead. He told of how Lord Rane had used the boy to bait Andrea into capturing the wolf.
This part Blade knew too well. It had been him who had taken the crazed boy into the woods and told him to kill a wolf in exchange for better lodgings. Weary of the cold cramped room, the desperate boy had eagerly agreed to do anything. Blade knew well it would be his death, but as Lord Rane had told him, sacrifices had to be made in war. And it was better to sacrifice a sick and mad criminal then to sacrifice a good soldier who had a family to care for. He had questioned however, the importance of capturing this small white wolf who appeared in every way to be a harmless lost creature. But Lord Rane had quickly eased those concerns. King Dade was haunted by his dream and was losing hold of his sanity. If they could capture this wolf, King Dade could be at rest and they could continue to use the king to control the soldiers. Besides, Lord Rane had told him, you could never trust a loner. For loners were much stronger than one often realised. Loners had no pack to rely on. Because of that, loners often resorted to other means of food.
And so, with all that in mind, Blade had had no guilt in his mind as he lured the young boy with the empty eyes into the woods. He had felt sorry for him, he would admit. But his death would bring great achievements. Blade believed he would have done so much worse to please his savior and master.
But now hearing all the soldier had spilled, Blade walked dazedly up the stairs to the east tower. He felt the cold air seep into his lungs, freezing him from the inside. Could someone really have kept their sanity living in this chill and away from human contact for so many years? He stopped outside the wooden door, before carefully pushing it open. It was dark and gloomy inside, the floor littered with paper.
As Blade knelt among them, he saw they were drawings, sketched from pieces of coal from out of the fireplace. Most of them bore pictures of two boys, but there were others too. Pictures of the grass, the rain, the trees. All the things, the boy could see from his window, but could never touch.
Blade's vision blurred with tears, but in the darkness, he saw the boy's face again. As he stared into those soft large eyes, the face morphed into another's. The wolf boy. Collapsing back in horror, Blade realised what a fool he had been. That small pointed face framed with long tattered brown hair, had never been the face of a monster. Werewolf or not, it had been the face of a child. A frightened child, that had been beaten and subdued.
Blade choked for air, as his chest seemed to tighten and a hard lump rose in his throat.
* * * * *
Back in the present, Blade pulled at his hair, his head pounding. Memories flashed brutally through his mind, strangling him. He gasped and choked for air that would not come. He could feel the bruises upon his body, hear his own cries, all phantoms of a life he had long since left behind. A life he had almost forgotten.
Then suddenly a pair of arms were about him, pulling him close. A hand clasped his head, and everything went black.
* * * * *
When Blade awoke, he realised he was no longer in the stable. Nor was he in his own room. Staring about, he recognised the tall shelves littered with books and vials of all sizes. He did not even have to see the tall figure approach him to know where he had been taken.
Lord Rane sat beside him, leaning forward to touch his forehead gently.
"The fever has passed," the older man commented to himself. He smiled softly. "You must be overworking yourself, Blade."
Blade said nothing, as he slowly pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. For a long moment, the two sat in silence. A sense of tension hung in the air, both knowing the other had something to say and yet both to hesitant to speak. In the end, it was Lord Rane who spoke first.
"I want you to go home, Blade. I was too hasty and foolish with some of my actions, and Dade has finally broken free. I fear this war will no longer be as simple as I had planned. Although I had hopes men would bring down the mages and kill them once and for all, I fear it will not be that way. Dade will convince many to join him against me, and men and mages may unite, thinking I am the greater enemy. I will need to make a plan to counter this. A plan that will drastically change the outcome. You never had any reason to be part of this war. You at least should survive. Go home now, Blade. Go back to where you will be safe."
Blade didn't look at him. He stared down at his hands, tears forming slowly within his eyes. "After all I did, you wish to send me away, lord?"
Lord Rane sighed softly. "Don't make it sound that way, Blade. I know I promised you many great things, but those can no longer exist. I did not know the mages would unite so easily with all the bad blood between them."
"22 years, my lord. 22 years I have served you. I trained until I bled, wanting to be the best swordsman by your side. I followed every order. I listened to your every word. I watched as you climbed into power. I watched you guide that pathetic child they all called king, and saw you rule the kingdom through him. Even if it was all to avenge your family and those who cast you out, I did not care. Because you were everything I wished I could be. Seeing you stand strong and take down the ones who had hurt you, was something I could only dream of being. I wanted to help you in every way I had not helped myself. And you knew that." Blade's voice heightened, as he rose to his feet and turned to face the royal advisor. "You knew what I had been through. And you knew what I longed for. All those words, about how I was the family you lost, the son you thought you would never have again. You knew they would make me follow you to the end of the world. Didn't you?"
Lord Rane shook his head. "It wasn't like that, Blade. It truly wasn't. When I found you that day, I saw myself in you. I saw it in your empty eyes. I saw it in the scars that littered your body. So, I swore I would protect you. I didn't want to make you fall as low as I had, so I kept you in the dark all these years. I knew it would make you feel guilty, so I sheltered you. I did not want you to know what a monster I really was. But we have to be monsters to survive, Blade. It is not our fault they made us become that way. We must become monsters to overthrow the bigger monsters, don't you see?"
Blade half remembered then, all the dark thoughts his younger self had had. He remembered standing over that monster's bed, knife in hand, thinking about how easily it could all be over. But he had never had the strength. He bit his lip to keep it from trembling.
"But you lied to me?" he whispered. "You made me take so many innocent lives. Why?"
Lord Rane gave a bitter laugh. "Innocent? No one here is innocent. All mages are monsters, Blade. They are selfish and cruel. You know that."
Blade shook his head. "No. I only believed you because where I came from werewolves, shapeshifters, and sorcerers where only spoken of as evil things. You used that belief to convince me they were senseless creatures who only knew how to take lives. How was I to know, that in truth, they were just as capable of emotions and feelings like us? How could you fool me into killing them, as I did?"
Lord Rane reached out, and rested his hands on the distraught man's shoulders. Blade met his gaze, searching to find an answer in his mentor's dark eyes.
"Blade, I took you into my home. I fed you, tended to you as you lay almost at death's door, I taught you many skills. It was I who recommended you to the place of Captain. I treated you as though you were my brother who had died in his infancy. You were to come lord after me and take all my lands as your own. So do not accuse me of such vile things. The mages wronged me in ways I can hardly bear to speak of. They did nothing when my tribe was massacred by Runens. My mother, my father, my baby brother, they all died that day. And my dearest sister was dragged away in chains. I too was enslaved before I later escaped. I went straight to the other Shaith tribes and begged them for help, but to no avail. Only one took me in and cared for me. When they too would not help me, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I looked into ways of growing stronger, and even learned how to draw out my own life. But they called me mad, and they too drove me out. No mage would help me. Werewolves, fire mages, even the Hadi. They were all so cruel to me. So, I came to a decision. Take the Erlenian throne and overthrow the mages. After that, I would release the beasts from under the earth to take revenge on the Runens. Only that way, could the souls of my family be at peace. Isn't that all you too ever desired, Blade? If you too had the chance to avenge your lost childhood and kill the monster who hurt you, wouldn't you do the same?"
Blade was taken aback. He stepped away, shaking the lord's hand from his shoulders. "In doing that, lord. We are the ones who become the monsters. Don't you know how much blood already lies upon our hands?"
Lord Rane looked disappointed at his words. "One day you will understand, Blade. You are just distraught right now. Rest, and we will speak again later." He rose to his feet and quietly slipped out of the room.
Blade slowly sank onto the bed. Covering his face with his hands, the captain wept.