Though the weight of Anne's eyes tugged at my chest, the word itself meant nothing to me. 'Obscurial' sounded like an odd ingredient one might find in the pages of a Potions text or the name of a funny looking creature from Beasts class. Surely it couldn't be as terrible as the frown on Ominis' lips, the anger in Sebastian's eyes or the pity in Anne's.
The pity was the worst of it.
"I don't- What's an Obscurial?"
"Oh sweetheart..." Her hands squeezed mine harder and an unnecessary heap of anger tugged at my chest.
I don't need sympathy, I need answers.
Pulling my hands from hers, I looked to the only person I knew would give me what I needed straightforward.
"Ominis?"
I tried to ignore the way Anne's head dropped and Sebastian's deep sigh as he stepped a bit closer, fingers clenching and unclenching at his sides hesitating over my shoulder.
The blind boy swallowed a moment, raising his chin and squaring his shoulders.
"Sebastian could very well be wrong. We don't know anything about your situation for sure my dear-" He paused, allowing me a breath, a momentary ease. "-but under similar circumstances where young witches and wizards suppressed their magical abilities, a parasitical dark force known as an Obscurus grew within them. It is particularly destructive, latching on to its host's emotions and feeding on its pain and creating dangerous, unrestrained and often fatal chaos until- until death. A particularly young death."
My mind curled around itself, pounding at my skull in attempts to collect and process every word.
Dangerous, unrestrained, fatal...
Isn't that what I've been my whole life?
"They were far more commonly found in children in the 1700s during an age of suppression where it was far more dangerous for our kind. Many young witches and wizards suppressed their magic in fear of the Muggle world and the "trials" they held for such beings out of their own fear."
Ominis clenched his jaw but pressed onwards, brows pulled together.
"To my knowledge, Obscurials were thought to have been extinct since such dark times."
"Apparently not." Sebastian was somehow even closer now, eyes avoiding mine but keeping near. "How could they do that to her?"
Ominis snipped. "I think we ought to think positively Sebastian. Atley-" He turned his nose to me."-you are far older than any Obscurial I have ever heard of. Perhaps you were lucky."
When has luck ever been on my side?
I tried to squash the negativity, tried to tie it up and lock it within but the memory of my parents angry faces derailed all focus. Chaos, anger, confusion, resentment, disbelief, sadness... it all threaded through my ribs and tugged them in separate directions, the pain cramping and gashing through to my lungs beneath.
"Atley. Atley hey?" Sebastian's face was now inches from mine, hands firmly on my shoulders. The anger in his eyes distant and something far deeper now at the forefront. The glint of candle light twinkled like stars atop his brown irises. "Ominis is right. We don't know- we will find out and- and we will figure this out. Just like the curse."
The edges of the room seemed darker and some part of me wondered if the candles had snuffed out again.
"I'm going to get to the bottom of this." He pulled a sweaty strand of hair from my face and pressed a kiss to my forehead. The heat of his breath twisted down my cheeks and over my ears. His eyes caught mine once more and the familiar pity from Anne's now peeked behind his.
I tugged back, feeling the heat and prickle of magic below my skin.
Dangerous.
I've always been dangerous but now-
I could be-
No. My parent's wouldn't have-
I couldn't be-
I- I need to get out of here. Away from pitying eyes.
I wanted to explain but the words jumbled and jammed in my throat and instead I barely managed to squeak out "I need... alone..." before tripping over my own feet and beelining for the exit, feeling the weight of Sebastian's emotions hot on my own skin.
----
The pads of my feet protested as I climbed step after step, thankful for the first time of their seemingly endless supply here. The strain on my muscles a welcome distraction to the questions wreaking havoc in my skull.
Up
up
up
My mind muddled and my legs quickly turned to mush, yet still it wasn't enough to force my gloomy thoughts down. I found myself wishing for a moment away from even myself.
A stray cat brushed past my legs, chasing after a flittering paper crane. It moved so quickly that I nearly stumbled into the statue of a large wizard, hand held outwards and a globe levitating just above its fingertips. It seemed familiar but I paid it little mind, pressing my heel to the floor once more and forcing my aching bones forward.
My parents couldn't have...
I didn't have magic... I couldn't...
Obscurial.
Dangerous,
unrestrained,
fatal,
the Devil.
Am I truly destined for destruction?
For death?
Up and up again, I kept my eyes glued to a fraction of floor ahead making sure not to trip on any of the steps, clenching my jaw as if the tension would tie a noose around my thoughts.
I wasn't sure where I was going, only that I needed to go somewhere alone. Somewhere I could breathe in fresh air and perhaps make sense of it all away from prying, pitying eyes.
The walls around soon closed in and the staircase became smaller and smaller below my feet until I was working my way up and around in steep circles. Surely I had to be close to the top, surely there had to be an alcove or a window soon.
The flicker of something above pulled my thoughts away for a moment, the stars of the night glistening overhead.
I'd finally made it out- only I wasn't outside.
Stars, galaxies and constellations traced the arched ceiling of the dark room, prying at the edges and threatening to expand past the walls. An enchantment I had only seen one place before.
The astronomy tower.
Finally placing the whereabouts of my wanderings, I felt the smallest prickle of eagerness licking at my heels. The astronomy outlook was so close and I followed that thought ahead, all but jogging up the last few steps and through the archway to a winding stone hallway. Its walls draped with the predictable frames and landscape paintings of the castle along with a large tapestry to my right.
Movement between it's threads snagged my attention and I paused a moment, watching through the flickering shadows and lights of the overhanging lanterns as a little man waved his hands about feverishly. Four large green trolls watched with hooded eyes and slacked jaws, their waists tied with bright pink ballet tutus and their toes wrapped in matching slippers.
Again and again the little figure forced his hands in the air, conducting unsuccessfully until one of the trolls nearest whacked him over the head with a bone and the little man would have to start all over again.
Why even try anymore?
Its hopeless.
The relatable truth to my thoughts struck a little too close to my heart and I pinched my eyes closed, swallowing the thought down to my stomach. I began pacing, willing the weary pace of my feet to clear my head.
Stop.
I begged.
I don't want to think about it.
A salted tear stung the corner of my eye. I turned again, shoulder brushing the tapestry.
I want to be alone, I don't want to think, I want- I want to- I-
Another turn past the tapestry.
Something rumbled behind me and I whirled around, hand instinctively flexing around my wand.
The stone wall now ahead folded in on itself, cinder bricks dragging and scraping across themselves and something pulsed in the center, gently growing larger and larger. I took a step back, tucked against the tapestry and heartbeat pounding as I watched. Slowly, stone vines wound around in circles, overlapping themselves in slick scraping lines and branching out into thicker, heavier curves. The brick behind them pressed inwards until finally everything settled into a hauntingly ornate doorway, the door itself cracking inwards - a seemingly intentional invitation in.
I stood there an extra moment or twelve, eyes wide and a hint of excitement spreading within my blood.
My mind finally stilling.