I was shocked when you told me that I am
a filth,
The tears flowed without my consciousness,
It hurts a lot, though one console stops my tantrum like a tilth,
But you ignore me, you really have a heart callousness.
I denied all the possibilities, then told myself that it ain't painful,
That some day you might actually apologize to me, then come back,
I denied that I wasn't hurt, even my friends were towards me bashful,
I denied that the silence was not rejection, but a confusion that slacks.
I almost killed myself because of the anger that I felt inside of me,
The emotions within me shuffled, then exploded like an atomic,
I tore all the papers, I broke a glass, then shouted like a banshee,
I am angry, mad, and also grieving, which makes people sympathetic.
If only I could be a perfect being you want,
If only I was a beautiful creature that was loved by many,
If only I was mature enough to handle your savant,
Lastly that broke me the most is the "what if" that states that, "If only I am a woman, would you love me?" But I wasn't even manly.
I started to embrace the darkness, then shut the lights that surround me,
Crying out loud, so that no one can hear,
Loneliness was suffocating me, as no one was willing to help me, I can't flee,
I shouted, but my voice was drained by the anger of myself, then became a musketeer.
I tried to heal myself by myself alone,
I watched lots of tragic movies, I sing lots of saddest songs,
Afterwards, I watched the process of loving myself, then striving hard to heal in lone,
Building up my confidence is the hardest part, but it'll be fine by the new throngs.
I accepted my defeat day by day, telling myself there's a rainbow after the rain,
I accepted the fact that I might die alone, so no one will be hurt,
I accepted the fact that I am hard to love because of my flaws, also my arcane,
Overall, I accepted myself for being what he wanted to be, this is my new comfort.
...
Challenges:
- Anxiety attacks.
- Relapses.
- Comforting yourself all alone for the first time.
- Realizing that all you have is yourself whenever you are in the tough times of your life.
- Act as tougher than before, even if you wanted to be protected.