Newt and I sat there for an hour and I told him everything. He is a good listener and he makes me feel comfortable with talking about my feelings.
At the part where he wants to know about the bite marks, I tell him how it feels.
"But I haven't bitten myself since you found me in the woods yesterday. I even felt happy a few times." I say.
"Cause you were too distracted, Rue. You did something non stop and you weren't alone." Newt seems to think about something "I have to talk to Tommy. That boy's like bloody medicine." and he gets up. "Tomorrow at the same time?" he asks me with a warm smile.
"Yeah, Blondie. Tomorrow at the same time." I say, now testing out nicknames for him too.
-
I make my way to my hammock and get my notebook and my pencil, before walking towards the maze doors. I sit down in front of it and start to draw everything I see without going inside.
It scares me, but not as much as my feelings when I'm not distracted. They have been slowly coming back during the day. Right now I have them under control, but I have no idea what I will do the next time they come back.
I take my time drawing the maze and when I'm finished, I'm very happy with my results.
The runners must be back in an hour or so and I decide to go back to Jeff.
"Hey Jeff. What are you doing?" I walk into the med hut and make myself comfortable in a chair while I watch Jeff sitting in a corner and writing something on a paper.
"I'm writing a story." he doesn't look up.
"Cool." is all I can think of.
"Why don't you try it, Ruby?" Jeff encourages me.
"Nah I'm not a writer. I like drawing better."
"When are you going to show me one of your drawings?"
"You can see them now if you want to." I walk over to him and put my drawings into his lap. He scrolls through them and smiles "They are great, Ruby."
"Why thank you Jeffy." he raises his brows "Or Jeff." I correct myself and he grins.
We sit there in silence for a few minutes. I feel kinda tired even though I slept for like ten hours. The happiness I felt minutes ago is drifting away. What's left is numbness and it's annoying me.
I get up and without another word I walk out of the hut towards the kitchen. I greet Fry with a short hello and take a knife from the table. I don't think he notices because I do it fast. I walk into the woods again and stop at a random tree.
With the knife in my hand, I carve words into the tree. :Why can't I fucking feel anything.
That's it. My legacy. I carve my name under it.
Then I kick against the tree with my feet. "Sorry." I shortly say. Oh god. Now I'm talking to trees.
Thomas has to come back. I'm bored. I want something to happen. Like an explosion. I don't think that's possible in here. But whatever.
I now take my wrist and bite into it. It hurts and I feel better immediately. Well not exactly better, but like I did something that was long overdue.
I put the knife into my pocket and make my way back.
Soon Thomas and Minho arrive in the glade and we eat together before I go to sleep.
-
The following week I live my life as normal as it's possible inside of a giant maze. I eat everyday, even though it's not as much as I should eat, and I spend time with Thomas, Minho, Newt and Jeff.
Newt and I always take our little walks after lunch and talk about how life's going. The boy always makes me feel comfortable and I like talking to him. Yesterday he told me about his sexuality and I told him that you had to be blind to not notice it.
Minho and I have so many inside jokes by now, that the others never know what the hell we are talking about. And that's what makes it even funnier. Sometimes he really makes my blood boil but with him it never gets boring.
Jeff and I always play little games in our free time, which is almost the whole day. I enjoy reading his stories and he always tells me smart stuff I never heard of before.
And Thomas...he is the one that makes me laugh the most. All I am able to do when he's around is blushing and grinning. Minho always makes jokes about us. Thomas is my favourite person. He is My person. But I know he doesn't feel the same way, so I don't tell him.
I don't feel great, but I am fine most of the time. Sometimes in the evenings I cry or bite myself. The numbness is also still there. Recently it's been getting a bit worse.
Now I'm sitting at the group table in the dining hall with the others and listen to them.
"-so I went through the blade but Thomas was still on the other side of it and I swear I thought that was it, but then he sped up and in the last moment ran through the last blade and bumped right into me. That shank really has a death wish believe me." Minho just continues his story about their day in the maze.
Thomas doesn't seem so interested and I watch as he calmly eats his dinner and then turns to me. He looks at my full plate.
"Ruby, how often did we talk about that you have to eat." he sounds just how I imagine a mother telling her child to clean their messy room.
"Thomas, believe me I know that it's important to eat and I will when I'm hungry. Got it?" I tell him in the exact same tone, ignoring Minhos snickers from the other side of the table.
Thomas looks down for a moment then takes an apple from my plate and puts it into my hands. "Just so that you can eat something later if you get hungry." that boy's so damn stubborn. I roll my eyes "Thank you very much." All he does is smile at me in response.
After dinner I help Fry in the kitchen. Thomas joins us eventually and we share the work. He always does this. I do something and he joins me without saying anything. I'm not complaining though.
When I drag a few plates towards the kitchen table and Thomas takes one of them, his hand brushes against mine.
I feel my face heating up. That happens every single time he touches me.
-
When I'm alone again, I wander around the glade. I don't hate it to be here anymore. It's still not my favourite place on earth.
I skipped lunch and I also haven't eaten dinner. My stomach feels weird. Empty but I have the feeling if I eat something I'm gonna throw up.
"Ruby!" my favourite brunette boy joggs over to me. "Hi." I'm working on my social skills. "Have you heard the news?" he seems excited to tell me about them. "No, what is it?"
"So, you remember when I told you that me and Minho once survived a night in the maze?"
"Yes."
"And I had the idea that we could spend another night inside the maze and maybe find something like an entrance that only opens during the night." I stiff. I know it's selfish but I don't want Thomas to spend a night in the maze. I don't know what I would do if he doesn't come back.
"But-"
"Tomorrow I'm gonna ask Alby about it. Maybe all the time we've been here, we were always searching at the wrong time. Maybe that's the key." What he said is actually very smart, but I don't like it.
"No Thomas don't do that please." I look at him. Into his eyes. His beautiful eyes. I have to convince him.
"What if this time you don't survive it? What if you die?" I look at him pleading.
He takes a step closer to me and takes my hand in both of his. He watches me with a small smile on his lips.
"Don't worry Ruby. I'm gonna get us out of here and bring you home. I promise." everything about the way he says this makes me believe him. I don't try to change his mind.
We walk past the dining hall when I suddenly feel sick. Like very sick. I get so dizzy, I have to get onto my knees. I hear Thomas saying something and feel his hands on my shoulders from behind me. Then I throw up.
Thomas takes my hair behind my head and helps me as good as he can. Soon It's all out of me and I slowly get up. "Hey, are you okay? You wanna go see Jeff?" Thomas voice is caring and I nodd at him as a yes.
"Didn't take long for you to get pregnant." voices a few meters away from us are making fun of me. "Is it yours, Thomas?" They are laughing.
I feel the anger radiating from Thomas. "Watch it, man." he growls at the boy.
"Why? It's her own fault if the slut does it with everyone." the boy grins at Thomas.
The fuck is he talking about?
"What did you just call her?" Oh man. I wouldn't want to be the boy right now. If looks could kill, he would be lying six feet under the ground.
Thomas is now right in front of the boy. The stupid grin vanishes from his face when he realizes that Thomas doesn't find it funny the slightest.
"Look it was just a joke, alright." he tries to reason with Thomas. But Thomas just steps closer to him and grabs ahold of the collar of the boys t-shirt. "If I ever here you talk to her or even see you look at her the wrong way, you're gonna wish you've never been born. Do you understand?" he says dangerously quiet.
The boy boy looks to the ground and nods. Thomas lets go of him and walks back to me, before taking my arm and dragging me away.
I don't think I ever saw him this angry. It's quite attractive, but that's probably weird to think in a situation like this.
-
After Thomas brought me to Jeff and waited till he told us there was nothing wrong with me, he went off to talk with Alby and Minho about his idea of going into the maze over night.
I still don't like the idea of him staying in the maze over night, but I trust him.
I hear loud voices coming from the homestead. The door gets pushed open and an angry Thomas walks out of it. He angrily looks to the ground and then disappears in the deadheads.
Instead of following him, I watch Newt, Alby and Minho walking out of the homestead too. I join them.
"Hey guys, what's got Thomas upset?" I ask them. Alby answers me, more mumbling to himself "He just doesn't get it. He never did. It's too dangerous out there."
Oh, I guess Thomas idea wasn't accepted. Newt looks at me and adds "We can't let Thomas stay in the maze overnight. He's mad at us for not letting him try."
Minho scoffs "I don't think mad is the right word. He won't even talk to us."
He then looks at me, as if he just now noticed I am standing next to him "You go talk to him."
I frown "Why do you think he would listen to me?"
He rolls his eyes at me "You really don't get it, do you Princess? That guy is practically in love with you! He looks at you like you are his whole world or something."
My frown deepens "What are you even talking about?"
"I give up. God, is every girl this stupid?" Minho dramatically holds his arms up. I kick his leg in response. "Ow, shit don't do that!" he holds his leg and makes a grimace.
I turn to Newt "Do you think I should talk to Thomas?" He nodds at me heavily and I make my way to the deadheads.
It is already dark around me and I get a little bit scared. A good thing there are only teenage boys in the glade. Or not a good thing? I don't know.
I am starting to get uneasy the longer I walk through the dark silence. The shadows between the trees look like they are reaching for me. I feel like I'm being watched.
It doesn't take long for me to completely forget where I am. Every tree looks the same and the darkness is not helping the slightest.
"Thomas!" I call him. I hope he's not far away. Maybe he hears me and gets me out of here. "Thomas, where are you?"
I don't get an answer. Maybe he's mad at me. Or he left a long time ago and I'm all alone in the woods. I shiver. My breath is accelerating and there is a weird feeling in my stomach.
Nobody will come and help me. They don't care.
I stumble forwards and my hands fall onto a tree. I let myself fall against it and begin sobbing. The tears in my hands reflect the moonlight from above me.
"No." I whisper to myself "No, no, no..." my arms hug my legs, just like I did in the box when I came up. That was the day it all started. I got sent to this horrible place and there is no getting out of here.
I want my old life back, even if I don't remember anything. It had to be better than this. I lay my head on my knees, my back is leaning against the tree and I'm shaking. I keep whispering no to myself as if that would do something.
Something touches my arm and I jump. I look up to meet two worried looking eyes. It's Thomas. Thank god it's him.
"Ruby, what the hell are you doing here?" he asks me, not sounding mad at me.
"I- I was looking for you." I say, still shivering. His eyes are softly watching me. He takes one hand around my waist to steady me and pulls me up.
"We'll go back to the glade." Thomas announces while walking trough the trees with me. His arm is around my shoulders as we walk. "Are you okay, darling?" I would have blushed if it weren't for the stupid anxiety to stop me. This is definitely my new least favourite feeling.
"I hate this shitty forest." I mumble in response. And he chuckles.
A/n
I don't know how to feel about this...
Btw this chapter is shorter but that means there are gonna be more but shorter ones from now on.
Hope you enjoyed x