The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain
Mom wanted to sleep with me in the room since dad didnt come back for the night, but I assured her I was going to be okay. Sanele was also attached to me as much as she was. He didnt want to leave my room, mom had to force him out after I fell asleep. He was the first one here this morning to bring me breakfast. this made me realize that I dont spend that much time with him. Before mom and dad left for Eastern Cape, we were in boarding school and when they came back, Khauhelo was already in university. I only got that one year while rewriting my matric. If I wasnt on bedrest, I would definitely take him out, just a brother-to-brother bonding session.
Son, good morning. You have a visitor. Mom said opening the door to my bedroom. I was keeping myself company with a book. Mom took away all my gadgets, she said she wants to avoid me going on social media and doing any work.
Who? I closed the book and got comfortable on the bed. She moved out of the doorway and the love of my life appeared.
Thank you, mommy. I beamed, that seemed to make her happy.
Dont do anything I wouldnt. Mthonga laughed.
Thank you, Mrs. Mfusi. Mom walked out and closed the door.
Mfo ka Mfusi. He said and sat by the foot of the bed.
Mfo ka Manqele. He took my hand into his.
Move closer. He shifted up as I instructed and when his face was inches away from mine, I closed my eyes.
His rough hands rested on my cheeks and he caressed them softly before his soft plump lips met with mine. I quivered.
I missed you so much. He breathed against my lips before parting his and locking them with mine into a slow sensual kiss. I missed him too.
How are you feeling? he asked putting a hand on my chest. My heart was beating loudly.
Im feeling better. Im definitely enjoying the spoils from mom. He smiled.
You know I arrived a while ago. Ive been sitting with her in the kitchen. She even made me breakfast. Thats why she hasnt been here to see me.
What were you talking about? he chuckled.
She apologized for your brothers behaviour and I guess she was just trying to sus me out. She asked about my family and all the other things. I sighed.
I hope she didnt make you uncomfortable.
Oh no, she was very sweet. Her and I we got along, shes a lovely lady. You are much like her. Im hearing that for the first time, that I am like my mother.
People say I am like my fathers brother Msizi because Im mean.
You remember when we met for the first time-
I fell in love with you even before you knew I existed. He laughed.
I still think that is weird, but no. Im talking about that night at the office, when you took me to a bar for drinks and you told me that you werent mean, that your surroundings forced you to grow a thick skin. I believed you one hundred percent. I smiled.
Then you said you would uncover the real me. I said holding his hand.
Didnt I succeed? I looked into his eyes, and I drowned.
You did. I love Mthonga. He owns my whole heart. My life has been upside down ever since you came into it, but I wouldnt have had it with anyone other than you. From that day you walked into that boardroom, you had my eye. I never thought I would be here today so in love with you. This time he was the one who couldnt hold eye contact with me.
Come join me. I patted the space next to me for him and he was more than happy to take off his shoes and join me. He laid his head on my shoulder and I kissed his head. My handsome baby.
I think now that things are left in the open, its time to clear our path, just so we have a peaceful relationship, with no secrets and lies. I said brushing his hair.
Jordi? he whispered softly. It feels good to hear her name and not want to break down and cry. Miss Moore has been such a rollercoaster of emotions in my life.
I think I told you that I had never been with any one before, ever, not even a girl. That night was certainly unplanned and us having sex was not part of the plan. I was disappointed that you didnt come, and I know that you didnt owe me anything, trust me, I knew that all to well in that moment, thats why you were constantly on my mind. She was right there. She was a woman and she looked beautiful, delicate, the total opposite of what I like; the total opposite of what I am used to. I think I used her that night to spite you, or maybe to show you that I didnt care whether you came or not, I wanted you to know that life doesnt revolve around you. I was fooling myself. I felt so guilty.
You said you didnt regret it.
I did. I still dont regret it. I say this because it helped me see just how much I loved you Mthonga. But I felt guilty, for stringing her along, and giving myself to someone I had no plans to just because I wanted to spite you. Im sure you didnt even care. He chuckled.
Oh I did care. It stung like hell. The first thought that came to mind was what if you change your mind and tell me you want us both. I know you know me by now, I dont like sharing, Im not a sharing person and so having to think about sharing you, especially with a woman, someone I cant compete with and compare myself to, it angered me. It scared me. I wasnt in control of my emotions, thats why my ancestors called me back to the water.
That thought never even crossed my mind, funny enough. Even when she came back to my office the next day, throwing herself at me, I had given myself time to think about it. I knew I wanted nothing but a man, nothing but you. No matter how good her head game was or how warm and slippery her coochie was. He sighed.
So if you told her off, why was still following you around like you owed her something?
In the three months, she was in France for work.
Yes, I remember that she only got the OGs to go with her. He sounded jealous.
Yes, that. When she came back, she came straight to my office to hand in her resignation letter, stating that she was moving out of town. I didnt believe it, I knew that I had hurt her, and I did apologize, I begged her with everything in me for her to stay. She did not want to hear it. Instead, she hit me with a bomb, giving me a positive pregnancy stick and ultrasound scans. He lifted his head to look at me.
Shes pregnant? You impregnated a girl? he was shocked, but I didnt see any signs of anger on his face, so I calmed down a bit.
She was pregnant- he interrupted me.
Did she lose it? Is that why she hates you so much? his eyes were filled with pity. Only if he knew.
She aborted it, to spite me. She was afraid of raising a child as a single parent because she thought I wouldnt accept the child. He laid his head back on my shoulder.
Sthandwa sami. He said softly.
Ive been trying to heal from it, but its not easy. I love kids, and although this wasnt the ideal way of having a child, but I am a gay man, getting a girl pregnant never happens and this wouldve have been my one and only child, and she took that away from me. Weve had several conversations after that, she made me understand why she did what she did, and I was able to put myself in her shoes. I understand and I forgive her. He lifted his head once again.
But what about you Ntsakisi. Why do you have to understand when she took away from you just because she was scared. Why didnt she come to you? he looked disappointed for most of it.
She regrets it. She thought that maybe she would use it as leverage against me, maybe to win me back, or to get me to be with her. She knew she fucked up when I told her Im gay. She couldnt even look at me back at Chrissys house, she was ashamed. Yesterday before I left the hospital, she came to see me. She looked shaken, broken, and tired. I couldnt stand to see her like that Mthonga, and I know someone else would say it serves her right, but I truly have a soft spot for her. She is someones daughter, someones sister, she doesnt deserve to be hollow. She told me she loves me and asked for forgiveness. She asked me for help because shes not coping, and she cant sleep at night.
The spirit is haunting her. The child needs a ceremony. He said lowly.
How? I asked feeling confused.
White people dont believe in it, but you are a Zulu man, and for all we know, that child couldve have been a gift from any of your ancestors, maybe from Ntsakisi Snr. She eliminated that child, but it doesnt mean the soul has departed, it may not be at peace, that is why she cant sleep. You need to cleanse her, do a naming ceremony for that child, and formally introduce the child to your ancestors, both of you will have peace after that. And here I was thinking therapy will help.
So I need to talk to dad about this. I asked.
Yes, you do. You need a goat for this cleansing. I sighed heavily before leaning my head back on the headboard.
Thats a lot. I closed my eyes.
I dont want it to haunt you way in the future when you have the chance to fix it now. I dont think I can be as strong as you. How did you manage to look at her even after hearing all of this?
At the end of the day, it is her body, her choice, I had no say in what she decides to do with her body. Im just sad that I may never have a child ever again. He held my hand tightly.
Well have a baby, I promise you. Once we get married, well find a surrogate to bake our baby and we will be sorted. I shot my eyes open and looked at him.
You want to get married? To me? he giggled and kissed my lips.
Yes, I do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. My heart leaped. I had a crazy idea.
Lets go to court and do it then. His face beamed.
Really? When? he looked just as determined as I did.
I dont know, anytime. I said running my hand on his arm.
Lets go on Friday. What a crazy idea this is, but I love it.
Are you sure about this? I asked him after giving him a kiss.
Ive never been sure about anything my whole life. he tittered when I pushed him back on the bed and got on top of him.
Please dont hurt yourself. He said holding my waist.
I love you Mthonga. I said leaning in, balancing with my right hand.
I love you too Ntsakisi. I captured his lips in mine and I felt at home.
Shit Zobuhle is going to be so happy. He said looking at me with eyes filled with love. I suddenly remembered that little visit his mother paid me. I climbed off his lap.
Whats wrong now? he asked sitting up.
I met your mother the other day. He rubbed his temples in frustration.
Did she come to you at the hospital? he asked.
Yes, she threatened me to stay away from Zo and to stop throwing money at her. He exhaled.
She is like that. Shes controlling and she never likes any of the people I date.
I dont appreciate the way she spoke to me. It was like she thought of me as a predator, a man who wants to lure in her daughter using money. Yes I understand she fears for Zobuhle, but she doesnt know me like that. And why didnt you tell me she was miss Ndaba, not Manqele. She almost bit my head off. He laughed at the last part.
Thats why I distance myself from her. I love her, I am forever grateful to her for bringing me into the world and raising me, but I think she is better off far away from me. And shes good at that, as long as I give her the money she wants, she keeps her distance. Peace reigns like that. Its unfortunate that his relationship with his mother is bad, but its what he chooses, he chooses peace.
Youll probably never see her again. The only reason she came here was because Zobuhle called her and told her I was in an accident. She never comes this side. This means she wont know about our upcoming nuptials.
Lets go take a walk in the garden. I need fresh air. I said steadily getting up from the bed.
Mthonga had to go home because his mother was complaining that he shouldnt be out late, especially because he just got out of the hospital. I couldnt help but laugh at him; hes too old to be controlled by his mother like this
Ntsakisi come join me in the kitchen. Mom peeped in at the door.
Am I not on bedrest anymore? I asked sarcastically.
You are, but I want company, hawu, come on. I laughed and stood up from the bed and followed her out to the kitchen.
Dad hasnt come back yet? she held my hand and helped me sit on the bar stool.
No, he came back but he left again. I think hes standing in for you at the company. I nodded. She gave me a glass of water.
Awusasho ukuthi ujola noMakhosi. I didnt expect her to say that so I burst out laughing. Its a good thing I hadnt started drinking the water.
What is his name, Ive never heard it before. She asked, curiosity etched on her face.
Mthonga Manqele. Its a clan name.
That is a beautiful name. do you know what I wanted to name you? she asked.
No, you never told me.
When I found out that you were going to be a boy, I was dead set on naming you Fezile because my dreams had been fulfilled. I was to have my perfect family and you would complete it. Your father wanted to name you Christian. I like them both.
I dont think I look like a Fezile though. Why didnt one of those make it as a second name. it sucks not having a second name. she chuckled.
We loved the name Ntsakisi, and I didnt protest to it when they gave it to us, we knew you would bring us nothing but happiness. All the other names just fell away and you were just NJ. No one calls me that anymore, its just Ntsakisi.
Mthonga and I want to go to court on Friday. She frowned.
For what? I swallowed before turning the chair to look at her.
To get married. Her face fell.
Oh, whats the rush? How long have you been together?
Just over three months now. We love each other and we have nothing to lose. She looked unsure.
Dont you think its too soon. This is your first relationship son, those dont always work out. I dont want to jump to conclusions and say she doesnt like him.
Ma, I love him, and I just want to be with him and only him. Yes, a few months ago, I wouldnt sit here and defend him like this because although I loved him, I didnt know anything about him. Now we are at a place where we are open with each other, he knows everything about me, and I know everything about him. She sighed.
Son, you do know that once you two get married he has fifty percent ownership to all your assets, he will become a full member of this family and will have full access to every business and share you own. This is a very big decision you have to make. I trust Mthonga.
I trust him, I know hes not with me for the money, he has his own.
Then if you feel strongly about it son, I support you. I dont know about your father though, and theres also this whole thing with Mvelo. If you want me there to support you, I will because I love you son.
Thank you, mom. I love you too.
Now tell me the story about that girl that was visiting you the other day at the hospital. What Mthonga flashed into my mind.
Jordi. Oh dear, she and I had a one-night stand. She gasped.
Hhayi Ntsakisi, what are you saying to me now. She looked shocked.
It wasnt supposed to happen mom, I just got curious of the unknown and she caught feelings. She clapped her hands in disbelief.
How many times did it happen?
Once. I didnt regret it, but I felt guilty for betraying Mthonga and going against my beliefs. She gave me a small smile.
Im glad you are honest with yourself. Why was she there to see you? Does she know about Mthonga?
Yes, she knows, and she understands, but Ma we have a problem.
You and who? she raised an eyebrow and I immediately got scared.
She came back after three months to tell me she was pregnant, and she aborted.
Oh my goodness. She held her mouth from shock. Why, did you tell her to do it?
No, she did it because she was afraid, I wouldnt want the baby. Her face fell and she immediately came to hold me.
My baby, that must have been so hard for you to hear. She is a heartless woman. Sounds like she hates Jordi already.
She isnt mom, its what she saw best- she interrupted me.
Without talking to you and finding out how you feel about it? No, that is a heartless woman. I know how much you love kids.
All of that doesnt matter anymore mom because the baby isnt going to come back. She regrets it and she is suffering, dearly. I spoke to Mthonga and he said we need to have a naming ceremony for the baby.
Hes right. A child is a gift from God and the ancestors. Now that they are not living, they are a spirit, and because they were not introduced to our ancestors yet, they are just lost. She is suffering because the babys soul is lost and the only way she will be okay is to cleanse her and name the baby. Thats exactly what Mthonga said.
Ill talk to your fathers and push for the ceremony to be done before Saturday. Which means you and Mthonga have to wait before you get married.
Yes mom.
I cant believe you have such things going on in your life and you dont tell me about it. I dont know if she is hurt, or disappointed, but it all really stems from the fact that I was hiding my sexuality.
I was afraid to come clean. Im sorry mom. She sighed.
Now that everything is in the open, there should be no secrets between us. And stop putting everyones problems first, that will kill you one day. I nodded and held her tighter. I dont know how Id go through this life without my mother.