Sometimes, a man hurts every woman who enters his life because his true soulmate is a man
Im living up to what my name means, or at least part of it. Im a source of happiness for my family and my man. He is finally my man, mine, and mine only. It feels amazing to say that. I finally met his little sister, which means we are making progress in terms of him opening up to me. Zobuhle is just the cutest human being, and she loves me. She reminds me of Lindelwa and my nieces.
Lindelwa is at home, finally talking to dad and hopefully back on the right track with her life. She has taken the decision to re-write her matric next year instead of going to university, and I believe that is a step towards the right direction. Its been hectic. Khauhelo? I have no idea. I do know that she has been calling me more often and our relationship is slowly going back to what it used to be when we were kids. I say I dont know though because she doesnt ever mention her relationship with Sipho to me or any of our siblings. She is keeping that part of her life a complete mystery.
Melisizwe was trending a few weeks ago for a sex tape. I dont know what that was about, I never even subjected myself to seeing it. My not so virgin gay eyes cant take. What I do know though is that it brought a lot of attention to the family, especially the Mfusi men. The last time we made headlines like that was when grandpa died, and I was still very young when that happened. His baby mama, the fourth one, didnt make it any easier for us as a family. Oh she was pressed, we saw her almost give birth at only six months. Thank God for his charms, otherwise she wouldve killed us all.
Im having dinner with Mthonga tonight because its Friday. Friday is our dinner night and sometimes Zobuhle joins us. Since Im the boss, Ive decided to take the rest of the day off, just because I want to.
Sir. I raise my eyes and Kelly is standing there with a person I really wasnt expecting to see.
Please excuse us, Kelly. She nodded and walked out closing the door behind her.
When did you come back? I asked continuing to pack up my desk.
Yesterday. She sighed.
Please, sit. I havent seen her in so long, my heart is beating abnormally.
Im not here to stay, Im here to submit my resignation letter. She reached inside her bag and drew a white envelope. She handed it to me.
Why are you resigning. Im baffled just to say the least. She just came back from France for this job.
Anything work related is stated in the letter. She couldnt even look me in the eyes.
Sit down Jordi. I hardened my voice a little and she co-operated.
You cant leave. This company needs you Ms. Moore and if it has anything to do with what happened between the two of us, Im willing to do anything to keep you here. I cant afford to lose you. You are one of the best. She rubbed her forehead in frustration.
It has nothing to do with it. She is lying, I can see it in her eyes.
Then what is it? Did you get a better job offer? I can always top that. Tears formed in her eyes.
Mr Mfusi everything you need to know is in the letter, all the other thinks are not important. She got on her feet. It seemed as if she remembered something before she walked out and she pulled it out of her purse.
It was a little bag and she placed it on my desk. Confusion etched on my face. I pulled it closer to me and opened it. Inside was my Michael Kors watch, the one I didnt even realize that I left. I kept it aside and pulled out the next item. She stood there with tears rolling down her face and when I looked at the stick in my hand, it almost sent me reeling.
What is this? I know exactly what this is. Im old enough to know, but Im hoping she will say it is something else. She kept quiet and continued sniffing.
Jordi? my heart rate increased rapidly.
Its a pregnancy test. She said lowly. I stood up from my chair slowly, not knowing to do with myself.
Pregnant? There is nothing I love more than children, it the one thing Ive always wished I could have, just not like this.
You are pregnant? I cant even find the words to describe what Im feeling.
She sobbed instead of answering me and I walked closer. I didnt know whether to hug her or not, but seeing her cry was not fun to witness. As soon as I placed my hand on her arm, she moved back.
I was stupid enough to think that you were different from other men, but just like them all, you slept with me and just left me just like that. Her whole face was red.
Its not all like that Jordi-she interrupted me.
You kicked me out like a dog from your office, like I was the one who threw myself at you. Her voice was hoarse.
I know you didnt, I know you arent that type of girl, but Im also not the man that you think I am. I only regretted that after I said it. She looked at me with a look I cant fathom.
It doesnt matter what man you are Junior, I aborted it. She wiped her tears and turned her back and walked out the office.
She left me standing there and I could feel my heart breaking into pieces slowly. Gradually, I felt tears running down my face and a stabbing pain in my heart. My breathing patterns started changing and it felt like my chest was closing in on me. I was having a panic attack; I know those all too well. I grabbed the nearest seat and worked on my breathing patterns. When the stabbing pain subsided, I got up to go to the bar fridge to get a bottle of water, tears blinding my vision.
I rubbed my eyes to try clear up my vision and I went back to my table, sat down, and looked at the pregnancy test on the table. I grabbed the bag and there was something else inside. It was an ultrasound scan. In that moment, it all just came crashing down and I stifled a sob. It may be an unconventional way of having my first child, but I know I wouldve loved them as they are, their mother too. I wouldve given up everything for my blood and Im disappointed in Jordi for not believing in me. She took that away from me. She didnt even give me a choice. I grabbed my phone off the table and dialed her number. It rang unanswered. When I tried for the second time, it went straight to voicemail. Great! She blocked me.
Ntsakisi wake up. He was shaking me, and I shot my eyes open.
I dont know how I got home earlier. I do know that I was a zombie throughout dinner and Mthonga was not really pleased with me. Why is he waking me up?
Are you okay? Who killed who? I wiped the corner of my lips and sat up looking at him, did I just expose myself by talking in my sleep?
What was I saying? Im still very much sleepy.
You were screaming for your baby. well damn.
Dont lie to me, tell me the truth. He kept a straight face, and I knew there was no escaping this one. Mthonga can read a liar like a book. Is this really the moment that could break our relationship?
Ntsakisi? I cleared my throat and got comfortable.
A few months ago, before uhm, before we officially got together, I did something. He raised an eyebrow. Hes not being very welcoming.
Why are we doing this now, its in the middle of the night. I asked clearing my throat.
What happened a few months ago Ntsakisi. I know once he calls me by my full name that I should start running. He burped, giving me a fright. I still havent got used to his ancestral outbursts.
I had sex with a woman. He turned his head to my direction and the look he gave me made me wish I had a whole to crawl into and die. He burped again.
Continue. Does he not know that he is scaring me? The look on his face is terrifying.
She didnt force me to do it, in a way, I also wanted it- he interjected
Did you enjoy it? I chocked. Answer me. His tone changed. It felt like I was being scolded by my father.
I did and I dont regret it because it made me realize that I dont like women, I dont have any desire to be with them. I love men, I love you Mthonga. He grunted and burped. I wanted to run away, but I know better than to do that.
He stood up and stumbled towards the wardrobe and leaned against it.
Mthonga? his breathing was heavy and as soon as it started steadying, he opened the wardrobe and took out his bag. I stood up.
Mthonga where are you going? he ignored me and took his phone from the pedestal.
He sat on the bed and started dialing a number while putting on his shoes.
Zobuhle pack your bags, we are going home. His voice was completely different, but Im used to that, Im used to the voice change, but what does he mean home?
Mthonga please say something. I crouched in front of him, and his eyes softened.
I need to go home for a few days. He replied.
Is it about what I just told you? I was just being honest. Im so confused.
My ancestors need me back at home. I sighed.
What about work? what about me?
You can sort that out, Ill be back in a few days. I cant help but feel like hes being selfish.
Why now? Why now when I tell you this? When I need you the most? He stood up. He cant possibly think that he can leave now, its almost three am.
Ntsakisi dont irritate me, I might not be able to control myself, Im not in the right state of mind and I wont be responsible for what happens next. I followed him out of the bedroom.
Are you really going? he turned around and placed his hands on my hands on my shoulders.
Dont worry about me, dont call me, Ill be fine. My heart was beating out of my chest.
Why now? I asked again, hoping to get a clearer answer.
Ill tell you when is come back. He kissed my forehead and then my lips.
I love you. He said lowly before turning and walking out the door. I stood at the window in the lounge staring at his car reversing out the driveway and driving off.
What the fuck just happened here?
Nothing makes sense to me, especially after Mthonga left. Its been a full two days and getting out of bed on its own has been terrible for me. Im just glad that it was the weekend, and I didnt have to go to work. Ive been sitting at home feeling sorry about myself and Im so close to a mental breakdown. Im still having nightmares, even during the day. All I need is closure, and I dont even know where to start. A part of me believes that Mthonga left for this exact reason.
Im still feeling like shit, but my only hope in feeling better and getting Mthonga back is to find Jordi and find out the truth, and the real reason behind everything that she told me. I cant sit back and watch my life fall apart based on words that couldve have only been used to hurt me. I want to find out why she did what she did. For the first time in two days, I got out of the house, into my car and drove to Shelly beach to try and find Jordi. She had briefly mentioned that she was in a building that was being renovated, but that was three months ago, I have no idea which one it could be.
I looked for a block of buildings that looked the freshest and went to try my luck. I was ready to go into each and every single building and look for her until I find her. The goal was to find closure. There was an office right at the lobby and on the door, it was written Landlord. Just as I was about to knock, the door opened.
How can I help you? he looked at me up and down. It feels like hes judging me for wearing shorts.
Im looking for a lady, I think she lives here. He frowned.
Who are you and who are you looking for?
Ntsakisi Mfusi of Mthiyane Construction, looking for Jordi Moore, a colleague. His face softened up.
Mr Mfusi? Yes, Miss Moore does live here, but she is in the process of moving out. Just my luck.
Is she in now? I asked.
I think so sir, but I can take you to her place. Now Im being addressed as sir? The Mfusi surname is powerful
He offered to escort me to her place, but I said no so he gave me the apartment number and I used the stairs to go there. Number 115B, there were pot plants hanging outside her door and the welcome mat had little glittery paw prints. What a cute little mat, it suits her personality perfectly. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door and it wasnt long before it opened up. I was met with a pale face and puffy eyes with dark circles under them. She almost slammed the door in my face, but I blocked it using my foot and pushed it open. There were boxes stacked in almost every corner of the little space and it looked empty, only the small couch occupied the room.
What you are doing is an invasion of privacy and I have every right to call the police on you. I totally ignored her and locked the door behind me.
I accept your resignation letter; I cant stop you from that. But Im not here for that, Im here to hear what you said to me that day. Her eyes started glistening with tears.
I was pregnant and I aborted it- she chocked on her own words. She was trying to be strong, but it is not working. I can see right through her.
Jordi you cant say that to me. Now it feels like Ill fall back into that state I have been in for the past two days.
Its my body, my choice. I wasnt going to keep a child that was going to grow up without a father. She was being spiteful; you could hear it in the tone of her voice.
You didnt give me a chance Jordi. You were very selfish to do that. I felt defeated and just plopped my body on the couch. Lord knows how much I wouldve loved to have a baby of my own, now that may never happen ever again.
After a while she sat down, and the tears started.
I didnt want to do it, but I had to. I had to do it Junior because I was afraid to raise a human being on my own. I feared the man that you are.
You know nothing about me Jordi! I shouted feeling a lot more aggravated than I was when I got here. Thats the dumbest shit Ive ever heard.
I know that you bought me with your money, slept with me and kicked me out of your office the next day like a dog. You never considered my feelings and you treated me like trash. I realized that you are no different from all the men I have met. I was stupid enough to think that you were different. I didnt plan to fall pregnant, but in the real world, thats what happens when a man and a woman have unprotected sex. I sighed.
Im gay Jordi, She turned and looked at me like she was seeing a ghost. Its not because you arent pretty or that I am a dog who sleeps with women and throw money at them only to leave them the next day, Im gay. I like men and what happened that night assured me even more that I dont like women. Tears streamed down her face. I used my thumb to wipe them gently.
You are an amazing woman and Im sorry I had to lead you on like that, but that man you met that night, he doesnt exist. Im hurt that things had to turn out like this and an innocent life had to die for my lies and deceit, Im sorry I had to put you through all of that. She sobbed even louder, and I pulled her closer to my chest and she cried like a little baby.
I cant even begin to imagine how painful it must have been for her to experience that. She did what was best for both her and that innocent soul. I forgive her; it hurts but I forgive her. I forgive myself too.