WARNING: Epilepsy + seizures.
Stray Kids had been working around the clock on their highly-anticipated comeback. 3racha were working through the small hours, crafting their new sound and assigning each member specific roles. Seungmin's delicate and airy vocals drew mesmerising melodies, captivating his bandmates with its beauty. Meanwhile, Felix injected the tunes with a deep and intense energy that seemed to ripple through the industry.
Chan and Changbin were feeling the effects of not getting enough sleep - they were exhausted, caffeine being the only thing keeping them going nowadays. Felix was having trouble remembering his Korean lines, no matter how much help the boys gave him he couldn't seem to get it right. Things weren't any better for Seungmin, Jeongin, and Hyunjin either, constantly playing pranks that ended with them in trouble with their hyungs. Minho was at a breaking point too since he had to make sure Chan wasn't overworking himself as well as manage his own responsibilities while also caring for his younger members. The boys were really stressed out and deserved a break.
JYP acknowledged the boys' hard work, and as a reward, decided to take them on a mini-vacation in the mountains. The condition was that they would have to film their SKZ CODE series for a few days while they were there. They all happily agreed; not only were they going to get a much-needed break, but they could also provide their fans with new content. This trip would give them an opportunity to unwind and have some fun before diving back into training for their upcoming comeback.
...
It was early, The morning sun had barely kissed the horizon when Felix woke up with a groggy head, aware that it was going to be a long, tough day. He felt as if he were enveloped in an aura of exhaustion and confusion, unable to tell whether he was simply tired or something else entirely.
He stifled a yawn as he dragged himself into the kitchen, where Minho and Chan already had steaming cups of coffee in their hands. They looked at the younger boy and smiled warmly.
Chan couldn't help but notice the slightly pale complexion Felix held. In his defence, it was extremely early but Felix seemed to be a little too tired for chans liking. Besides, being idols meant sacrificing sleep so it wasn't like they were not used to the early starts.
"Aw, hey kitten, you look exhausted," Minho said, watching Felix yawn again for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.
"Did you get enough sleep, are you feeling alright?" Chan asked. As the leader of the group, he felt it his responsibility to ensure that his members were both healthy and content. Felix's pale complexion was a little concerning in chan eyes.
Felix and lack of sleep rarely went hand in hand; the exhaustion often triggered seizures, which caused a great deal of worry for his bandmates, particularly for Felix's small physique. Those who watched him go through his spasms were usually overwhelmed with fear. They
knew that the most severe situations could be avoided if they kept him safe. Nevertheless, it was still discomfiting to witness how his small figure could convulse so aggressively.
"i slept fine, i'm not sure why i feel so tired but my brain feels a bit fuzzy" he replied adding to chans concern.
"Hm, feeling a bit fuzzy?" Chan echoed as he pulled the younger into his lap gently. Minho went to the top cupboard in the kitchen and retrieved Felix's anticonvulsant medication. "Take your meds and we'll keep an eye on you today." he continued as Minho calculated the correct dosage before handing it to the younger to take.
Chan was proud of Felix. He didn't normally tell anyone when he felt strange or like he was having an aura; it took a lot of courage for him to talk about the changes in his body, which were markers for an oncoming seizure so this morning was a significant victory. Felix would normally wait until the last minute to notify any of the boys that he was about to have a seizure. Even if his members didn't mind, he hated pulling them away from their tasks.
Chan and Minho were grateful that it was taking place during their break period instead of during promotions. Had it been the other way around, they both would have come to his aid without hesitation, but they couldn't deny that the timing worked well for them.
Felix tilted his head to look up at Chan and asked, "how long is the journey going to be?" He was concerned that their journey was going to be long since he could feel a seizure slowly coming on and it wasn't unlike him to get a little car sick. His aura felt like it was overtaking him, consuming his thoughts but he knew he still had a lot of time before a seizure will hit.
Chan responded by bouncing the knee Felix was sitting on, saying "the others will need to be up soon so we can leave. The journey will take about five hours depending on traffic so it's quite a long one. We'll stop for a break so don't worry if something happens. I need you to let me know if you feel strange or something indicating a seizure is coming, so I can help you, okay?"
"Ok, i promise"
"Good job, I'm proud of you," Chan said as he kissed the top of Felix's head. It was no surprise that Chan felt protective over him; out of all the members, Felix was seen as the baby and was often the most fussed over.
Felix wasn't thrilled about the extended trip, but a break made it more manageable. His worries were eased by the fact his members will be with him; if anything happened, Felix was sure his members would assist and ensure he was safe.
...
"Have you all got everything for your journey? I'd rather not be halfway there and have to come back because one of you muppets left something behind," Chan yelled through the house as he examined each bedroom for anything the kids might have forgotten. He grabbed Jisung's toothbrush and jeongin's backpack before heading into the kitchen, where Minho was waiting.
"Jisung and jeongin forgot these" chan sighed showing minho the items
"I mean a toothbrush I can kind of understand but a whole backpack, that's impressive!" Minho replied, making Chan chuckle and shake his head.
"Have you got everything?" chan asked
"Yep I'm ready to go, Lixie needs this though. Don't let him forget" Minho replied, showing chan felix's seizure kit that had been previously hanging on the kitchen wall.
It was a small, red zipper bag with an embroidered yellow chick on. The kit contained Felix's seizure meds and emergency medications. His doctor had given it to him when he was diagnosed with epilepsy as a child back in Australia. There was a little bracelet containing instructions on what to do if he ever had a seizure, but like most people who had to wear a medical bracelet as children, Felix found them uncomfortable and only wore it when he wasn't around someone who could help him should something happen.
Felix's members knew that he wasn't comfortable talking about his condition with other idols or anyone apart from them, but for those who weren't used to the idea that he could have seizures, they were extra cautious about keeping the red bag in easy sight. Having epilepsy since a young age, the boys were confident that Felix would come to them should he feel any symptoms or auras but of course there were times when felix didn't speak up, not wanting to be a nuisance.
"Pass it to me I'll put it in my bag, we really don't want to forget that" he said, taking the small red zip up bag from Minho's grasp and turning towards the three boys sitting on the sofa.
Changbin, Hyunjin and Seungmin were slumped there, the straps of their backpacks slung over their shoulders like a heavy burden. Their eyes were closed in exhaustion while their hair stuck out in wild disarray - as if they had been caught up in a storm racing its way through Seoul. It was clear they were not morning people.
"Ready?" He chuckled
"Yes dad" seungmin groaned jokingly as he got to his feet sluggishly and made his way towards the front door with changbin, Minho and Hyunjin following close behind.
"Jisung, Jeongin and Felix were leaving now" Chan called, also making his way to the door, holding it open for the last three members. Chan made sure to do a final head count in order to make sure no one was missing before walking to the mini bus.
It was a small and cosy mini bus, with sofa seats situated at the back. Comfortable and plush pillows were strategically placed on the seats, along with several thick blankets draped across them to ensure maximum comfort during the journey. Chan hoped that these little amenities would help his members catch up on some of the much-needed sleep they had been missing out on. The softness of the pillows would hopefully be enough to keep everyone from getting too carsick over their journey.
"Alright, the littlest members at the back. Felix, Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin," Chan said as he aided the younger members onto the mini bus before the others got settled in their
seats. Before they started the journey, Chan did one final check to make sure all members, especially the little ones, were buckled up safely and were happy.
...
The mini bus was filled with sleepy murmurs as the boys started to wake up, even though the clock read 6 am. They had to leave early in order to make it to the mountains on time - a five hour journey. Even though they didn't get much sleep last night, it wasn't unusual for them. To be successful K-pop idols meant sacrificing many things, including sleep. This lifestyle was unhealthy as lack of rest led to lack of appetite and decreasing energy levels. This was particularly dangerous for Felix who suffered from epilepsy, as one of its triggers is lack of sleep.
Chan reached into his bag and pulled out a book, which he had requested from stays on his last Channie's Room Live. He had to admit that this was a really good book. Hyunjin and Changbin were scrolling furiously on their secret instagram accounts, admiring the encouraging comments posted by their stays after their latest performance. Minho was scribbling in his notebook, jotting down some new moves for him and the boys to attempt on their upcoming comeback stage. Felix and Jisung were doing their best to fulfil Chan's original plan of catching up on some much needed rest. Unfortunately, Seungmin and Jeongin weren't making it easy for them. They kept trying to distract them, flashing memes on their phones every few minutes in an effort to get a reaction out of the two exhausted boys. Even though Felix and Jisung tried hard to ignore them, they couldn't help but crack a few smiles at the funny images being shown to them. It was hard to resist the youngest two but jisung was starting to get a little frustrated.
"Ha ha ha very funny, let me sleep seungmin" Jisung laughed sarcastically before shutting his eyes and leaning his head back against the headrest, huffing out a sigh in annoyance.
"You're no fun hyung!" Seungmin groaned as he slapped Jisungs thigh a little harder than he had anticipated, making Jisung hiss in pain before trying to get revenge, limbs flying in all directions clearly annoying jeongin who was trying to dodge the arms to prevent being smacked.
"Stop fighting boys, you need to be nice to each other" Changbin said as He swivelled his head, his gaze falling on the younger boys. His eyes lingered on Felix for a moment longer than necessary. The blond was staring into the back of Chan's chair in a trance-like state, his eyes fluttering and blinking before suddenly sharpening again in awareness. This happened a few times within those few seconds, causing Changbin to feel slightly concerned.
"Felix hyung are you ok?" Asked Jeongin, who had also noticed the blinking and staring from the blond and was also concerned about what was happening.
Changbin watched Felix slowly come to, confusion clouding his features as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. While the younger boy was still disoriented, Changbin spoke up in a reassuring tone. "He's okay, Jeongin. It's just a few absence seizures, so don't worry." He had witnessed it happen at least five times now and knew that the boy would recover soon enough.
Changbin and Jeonigin's remarks didn't go undetected by their leader, who spun around in his chair and laid his hand lightly on Felix's cheek, helping to ground the younger Aussie.
"Are you alright, Lixie?" Chan inquired in English as he delicately stroked the younger's cheek. Felix nodded with a smile and cuddled into the leader's touch before his eyelids drooped and he rested his head against the window. "Try to get some rest," Chan commented before rotating back towards his seat and grabbing his book once more, but not without sparing a glance at Changbin with a stern yet gentle expression that said 'keep an eye on him'
...
They had been travelling for a few hours when Felix started to feel an uncomfortable dull ache in the area just behind his eyes. Gingerly pressing the tips of his tiny fingers against his temples, he unsuccessfully tried to alleviate the pain. He had been exhausted on their trip so far, experiencing a few absence seizures, but this pain combined with an inability to sleep was something different altogether. His head throbbed and he found himself becoming sensitive even to the subtle light coming through the tinted windows of their mini bus.
Chan was informed by the driver that the mini bus would have to refuel soon, and they planned to make a stop at the closest gas station, located about 20 minutes away.
Felix placed his headphones over his ears, not playing any music but using them as a way to block out the noise that was aggravating his headache. With his eyes shut tight, he attempted to alleviate the throbbing pain in any way possible. He was aware that sleep was out of the question, but he went through all kinds of measures just to make the discomfort more tolerable.
Ten long minutes had dragged on as they sped down the road, every jolt and bump causing Felix's stomach to churn with nausea and dread. His headache seemed to be getting worse too, the throbbing waves growing more unbearable by the second until it felt like a drumbeat going off in his head. He couldn't tell if this was simply an effect of his dreaded aura or if it was car sickness. But one thing he knew for sure – he needed to get out of this car soon.
Jisung observed how Felix's face had paled, as well as the younger's frequent anxious gulps. He anxiously grabbed his phone and sent Chan a message.
Jisung: Felix looks like he's about to throw up
Jisung watched as Chan flicked his gaze downward at his device, pupils widening then unfastening his seatbelt and adjusting himself to face Felix.
"Wait a minute!" Chan called out, frantically searching the bus for paper bags. The boys all wore confused looks on their faces. "Has anyone seen any paper bags?" Chan shouted in sheer desperation as he saw Felix gag, placing his hand over his mouth trying to prevent the liquid that was now all over his clothing.
Minho quickly reached into his bag, rummaging for the plastic bag he had packed in case anyone became car-sick. Chan quickly grabbed it, holding it under felix's chin as more vomit escaped from his mouth. Felix hadn't eaten anything since they woke up so early that morning, and at this point he was just throwing up pure bile. His face contorted in pain as the acidic liquid made its way up his throat. Jisung ran his hands gently along the blond's back, his voice reduced to a whisper of support as he witnessed the young Aussie empty out his stomach's contents.
Once Felix had finished vomiting, Chan grabbed the bag and carefully secured it shut before pulling out a packet of soft tissues, doing his best to clean Felix up while the bus was moving.
"Shh, baby it's alright. Calm down little one" Chan said, wiping the tissue on the younger cheek gently.
He could see the tears that were streaming down Felix's cheeks as he wiped away the remnants of vomit from the boy's mouth and chin, trying his best to get it off the boy's t-shirt. Felix's head was feeling increasingly hazy now and he knew there wasn't enough time for him to voice the feeling to his members.
"How long until we get to the gas station?" Hyunjin asked the driver.
"We're just pulling in now," he replied.
Felix's body was rigid and tense as Chan carefully wiped away the wetness on his cheeks with a clean tissue, his hands were clenched tightly into fists by his sides and his gaze was fixed blankly at the back of Chan's seat. His breathing had become shallow and uneven, as if he was fighting to keep himself from being consumed by the storm of emotion within him. Chan understood that this was out of Felix's control, instead it was a tonic seizure taking control of Felix's body.
Had Felix been aware of what was happening in that current moment, he was sure he would feel an unexpected warmth towards Chan for being so tender and caring. He felt a deep sense of gratitude that there was someone who saw him not just as 'the one with epilepsy' but as a normal lovable human who was just like all the other members.
Chan called out Felix's name, shaking him gently to see if he would stir. But it was no use; his body remained rigid and still, like a statue. It was clear that he had suffered a tonic seizure. His eyes were open and blank, his breath coming in short and fast gasps mixed with a slight wheezing sound that could barely be heard above the whisper of the wind outside the bus. This wasn't an ordinary type of seizure for Felix, but he seemed to be coping alright.
The seizure had subsided after two minutes, and as Felix's body went limp, the minibus was pulling into a spot at the gas station.
"It's alright lixie, we're going to get you cleaned up properly alright kitten" Minho reassured as he also unplugged his seatbelt and reached over to the younger to give Chan a hand.
As the bus came to a gentle halt, everyone started to make their way outside, leaving Minho, chan and felix inside. Chan reached over his seat to carefully unplug Felix's seatbelt for him. Minho, sensing Felix's stillness, quickly moved next to him and held his hand in support as he slowly began stirring from his drowsy state. Felix was coming around a lot quicker then he normally did, he was able to lift his head and speak after about five minutes so Chan and Minho both helped Felix up before guiding him out of the bus. changbin took over from Minho and carefully guided a shaky Felix to sit down on the bus step.
"Would any of you mind running in and grabbing some snacks for the rest of the journey, and also grabbing baby wipes?" Chan inquired.
They nodded and made their way inside, Hyunjin disposed of the bag Felix had thrown up in, into the rubbish bin on his way.
"You're alright, buddy" Chan said in English as he gently wiped the tears and moisture from Felix's cheeks. "Let's get you into something fresh, okay?" He began delicately unbuttoning the dirty top that Felix was wearing, searching his bag for a spare one. After a moment he found it, pulling it onto Felix's small frame with gentle care and making sure it was snug and comfortable before handing him a cold bottle of water.
Reemerging from the store, Hyunjin and Seungmin each held a packet of baby wipes. Seungmin gave a chuckle, "Cleansing time is upon us!" he said in an effort to lighten the atmosphere.
Chan couldn't help but chuckle, reaching out a gentle hand to ruffle Felix's hair. Changbin meanwhile sat down on the step next to the boy, watching his friends in action. Hyunjin and Seungmin were diligently cleaning up the mini-bus; their task was made easier by Felix, who had managed to contain most of his vomit before it could reach any of the seats. Most of it had ended up on his clothes instead, which Chan then disposed of afterwards into a nearby bin
Changbin gently took Felix's small, soft hands in his lap and carefully wiped them down with a gentle baby wipe. Once he had made sure all the dirt and grime was gone, he squirted some sanitizer on them to keep the small hands clean. He took extra care not to hurt Felix's delicate skin, as his fingers gracefully worked over each palm and finger until they were spotless. With one final squeeze he released Felix's hands from his grasp.
"Was it the aura or were you car sick and the seizure came coincidentally?" Chan asked the younger
"I'm not sure. The light is making my eyes hurt Channie" felix replied with a mumble while squinting slightly in discomfort at the headache that hadn't seemed to have gone away.
Felix was confused; his auras normally subsided after a seizure, yet that didn't seem to be the case this time. Frustration bubbled up in him; why couldn't he just have one day of feeling normal? It was exhausting to constantly feel isolated and different, having a headache act as a constant reminder that he wasn't the same as everyone else.
Felix experienced an entirely different culture growing up in Australia. It was a harsh, abrasive environment, where people didn't care if they hurt others in order to make themselves feel better. He was constantly the subject of ridicule and bullying for his epilepsy at school, and these memories still haunt him even today.
Felix remembers back in school, crying in the corner of the breakroom after suffering a minor seizure hoping nobody had seen so they didn't have something else to pick on him for.
These memories still make him feel self-conscious and it's often because of these that he gets frustrated with himself when experiencing his auras.
"Would you like my sunglasses sunshine?" Changbin questioned the younger as he dug around for the object in his bag. Felix nodded and took the glasses that Changbin had passed him.
It wasn't unusual for Felix's eyes to be overly sensitive to the light when he was experiencing an aura or after a seizure. Whenever this happened, the members of their group always made sure to take extra care in looking out for Felix and making sure he was comfortable and safe. They could only imagine how terrifying it must have been for him, awakening from a seizure with no idea of what had just happened or where he was. So they did their best - always - to surround him with kindness and security.
"Lixie, I want you to stick close by me today in case you don't feel well." Chan said, gently rubbing the boy's arms while still crouched in front of the Aussie. He was well aware of how his muscles could become sore after a seizure especially with them being so tense.
...
After they finished tidying the car, they continued on their journey. Felix and Hyunjin switched seats, so Felix was now sitting next to the older members and Chan. The others had brought a variety of snacks and drinks, everyone indulging in conversation while they ate. Strangely enough, Felix found himself with very little appetite. He sat quietly in his seat, watching as laughter and contentment filled the car around him.
Felix couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the dark thoughts clouding his mind. His body was exhausted, and he felt like nothing of worth. He had always been sensitive amongst the members, and even though they all pretended it didn't matter, he knew they thought otherwise too. He felt alien and isolated from those around him - no one could possibly understand what he was going through.
Felix isn't a fool, he notices that the members of the group treat him differently. They treat him as if he is breakable, like a glass figurine that could shatter into pieces in an instant. Whilst Felix appreciates their sensitivity and kindness, it would be nice to feel as though he is on equal footing with them occasionally. He wants to feel like an equal part of the team and not someone who is treated differently because of his circumstances. He knows there are times when certain situations require him to have special care and attention and yes, in those moments he does need that extra atension. However, having it every second of every day can be exhausting.
"Not hungry?" Minho asked, peering down at Felix to try and hold eye contact.
"No, I'm not feeling too good," Felix said, resting his head on Chan's shoulder as the older comed his fingers through his hair.
"Do you think you're going to be sick again? Changbin asked
"No, I just feel really weak. I think I'm going to have a bigger seizure later or tomorrow morning" Felix explained, that was his only logical explanation as to why his aura still hasn't lifted.
"It's alright, we'll help you when it comes. Just tell us when you think you're going to have one and we'll keep you safe" Felix nodded at Minho, shutting his eyes to try and ease his headache.
"Lixie, could you take some more medicine for me? I think it might have been thrown up when you were unwell." Chan inquired softly, his fingertips brushing against the younger's cheek. Felix obliged and opened his mouth so Chan could offer him the pill with a sip of water.
...
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of a drive, they pulled into the lodge nestled amongst the mountain peaks. as they stepped out of the mini bus, they looked up at the imposing structure before them. The lodge loomed large in front of them, its exterior made from rich brown wood that had weathered over time. An invitingly warm light spilled out from within it.
Seungmin hurried to get a glimpse of where they were going to stay for the upcoming days. The cold breeze that brushed against his skin was a stark contrast to the hot summer air, sending shivers down his spine. He approached the house, taking in its quaint beauty and rustic charm as he got closer. The wooden walls that stood before him gave off an aura of nostalgia, as if whispering old secrets and stories from many years before.
The patio and BBQ just outside of the lodge was the first thing that caught the attention of the boys. To their right, brightly coloured orange brick steps wound around in a zig-zag formation leading up to a large football pitch, green grass dancing in the evening breeze. Towards their left was a rectangular shaped swimming pool, its inviting turquoise waters beckoning them to jump right in.
"I want to go swimming, please can we go swimming first. The pool looks so cool," Jeongin begged, hands clenched together in front of his chin and dimples on display as he displayed his cutest face to chan.
"Wow, they have awesome floaties and water games," Hyunjin exclaimed, dashing towards the pool as if he were about to jump in, giving Chan a momentary shock.
"Hyunjin don't you even think about it. Let's get our stuff put away and then we can go swimming," Chan retorted, looking back over his shoulder at Hyunjin while striding towards the lodge conversing with Jisung.
The other members happily trailed after their leader into the lodge, Felix and Seungmin trailing in last, chuckling to themselves over how hyunjin had almost taken a plunge into the pool.
Felix managed to get a small but significant amount of sleep with the help of Chan who at some point during the journey had wrapped him up in a fluffy blanket and cushioned his head with his shoulder. The sleep definitely helped perk up his energy levels. the aura was still there but for now it seemed to be a little more bearable for him.
The boys excitedly decided to camp out in the living room, so that the staff could take the bedrooms. They went to work gathering blankets and pillows from around the house, creating a makeshift campground on the floor of their designated space. After they had set up their beds, they all began changing into their swimwear as they made their way down towards the pool. Once there, they wasted no time diving into its refreshing waters and indulging in an afternoon of fun and laughter.
Minho perched himself on one of the padded sun loungers, not wanting to get in the pool since he couldn't swim. Felix, seated beside him, was also avoiding it for his own health concerns; Chan didn't want to risk Felix having a seizure in the water where it could end terribly. In order for Felix not to feel excluded though, Chan gave him permission to dip into the shallow end so long as Minho watched him carefully.
Felix knew Chan was right, his thoughts of feeling alienated and secluded only intensifying with the agreement. This feeling of singled out treatment made him upset, he didn't want to be any different than the others. Somewhere deep inside himself though, Felix realised Chan was correct - which only fueled his anger more so towards himself than Chan. He couldn't deny it even if he wanted to; this truth that Chans had pointed out to him burned away whatever facade of ok-ness he had been.
"Lix, come on now. I can practically see the wheels in your head turning. Care to share your thoughts?" Minho inquired after spotting the boy's contemplative expression.
"I just hate being unable to do things. I don't like being different" he mumbles in response.
"baby, you can go in the pool. you just need to stay in the shallow end just as a precaution. we don't want you getting hurt huh?'' Minho replied.
Meanwhile, the others were joyfully tossing a huge inflatable ball back and forth through the water. Jeongin decided it would be fun to use this opportunity to exact some revenge, so he targeted Hyunjin. Moving swiftly through the water, he managed to grab Hyunjin and drag him under the surface. Hyunjin thrashed around wildly, trying to break free from Jeongin's grip but soon found himself submerged underwater. He tried desperately to reach up for air as Jeongin clung to him. eventually chan had to get involved, pulling hyunjin up and making sure he didn't actually drown.
"Jeongin, that wasn't kind. Apologise please. You cannot behave that way; Hyunjin could have been injured. I understand that it was an accident but that was dangerous. if you can't play nicely, you'll have to leave the pool.'' Chan scolded gently, checking over hyunjin to make sure he was properly ok.
"im sorry hyunjin" jeongin sulked
"thank you baby, you're not in trouble. don't get upset" chan said, noticing the tears in the maknaes eyes.
Jeongin, upset and teary eyed, clambered out of the pool and ran straight for Minho's welcoming arms. It was always amusing to see how Minho acted as the mother figure of their group while Chan took on more of a fatherly role. Minho did his best to comfort Jeongin with a tight embrace, shooting Felix an apologetic glance for interrupting their conversation. His warm hug soothed the younger boy's emotions.
"Shh, Jeongin, it's alright; no one is angry. It was a mistake and now it's in the past." Minho comforted him. Felix got up from the sun lounger and took his leave, allowing Minho to tend to the youngest member of their group. He proceeded towards the stairs of the pool slowly but steadily.
"Channie, can I go in? i feel fine" felix asked as he sat on the step feeling the warm water against his small feet.
"of course baby but please promise me you will let me know if you feel poorly"
"i promise"
Felix gingerly stepped into the pool, the warm water brushing around his legs as he moved further in. He saw Changbin and Seungmin in the shallow end of the pool while Chan, Jisung and Hyunjin were stationed at the other end. The inflatable ball weighed almost nothing and glided effortlessly through his fingers as he threw it towards their opponents. The boys were so competitive, ready to dive after it when it flew too far ahead.
After a few moments of calming down, Jeongin decided to rejoin the other members in the pool. Minho followed suit and waded over to the side of the pool, perching himself on its edge. The boys were happy to see them both again, splashing and screaming like little kids.
Jeongin, despite being warned beforehand, immediately resumed chasing after poor Hyunjin with the intention of dunking him in the water - a clear sign that his mischievous role as maknae had kicked in once again. Chan refrained from saying anything in favour of letting them have their fun, observing how Jeongin seemed to be treating Hyunjin more carefully this time around and that the latter looked like he was actually enjoying himself.
Jisung was desperately clinging to the cool tiled wall of the pool, his eyes focused intently on Minho who had taken to perching on the side with his feet dipping in the warm water. The two were chatting amiably, Jisung's gaze occasionally bouncing between Minho and the shimmering reflection that rippled across the surface.
Seungmin and Felix were playing catch in the shallow end of the pool, their laughter echoing through the air as they ran and dove into the water. They roughhoused around for a good hour before finally drying off. The staff members had come to capture some footage for SKZ CODE, filming snippets of them playing together with smiles on their faces. By the time afternoon came around, everyone was exhausted but content from a day well spent.
...
It was getting dark, the sun began to set and the boys were all in need of a meal.They decided that nothing would hit the spot like a barbeque, something quick and easy that they don't have often. The crew had gone to the store about fifteen minutes away from their lodge to pick up some supplies.
Once they returned, it was time to prepare for dinner. Grills were assembled and chairs were arranged around them in a circle, so that everyone could eat together comfortably. Assigned tasks were divided out; Chan and Jisung at the ready to tend the barbeque, Minho prepping the meat to be cooked.
Changbin sat next to Felix, who had been experiencing absence seizures since getting out of the pool. Despite his condition, Felix insisted that he was doing fine and reassured Changbin that there wouldn't be any large seizures until later. Despite his reassurances, Changbin wasn't too confident with having Felix help out and instead encouraged him to take a break and relax with him for a while. He knew how taxing a seizure could be on the body and wanted to make sure Felix was taking care of himself properly and not overworking his body for the sake of 'helping the others'. Chan seemed to agree with the decision, grabbing a pillow for Felix to sit on in order to keep him comfy.
"Yongbokie" Minho sang jokingly, waving the raw chicken in Felix's direction which caused Seungmin to burst into loud laughter at his joke. He was becoming more and more like a Mini-Minho - every joke that left the older man's mouth had him doubled over with laughter.
"Hey!" Felix said with a chuckle, turning to bury his head in changbins shoulder trying desperately to hide his chuckle.
"It's bbokari!" Seungmin shouted while laughing hysterically at his own joke, making the other members laugh.
Chan seemed to find the teasing absolutely hilarious and began squeaking while flipping a piece of pork belly on the Barbeque. Felix just chuckled into changbins shoulder not having the energy to laugh completely.
"Dinners ready!" Jisung called as chan flipped over the last strip of pork belly and placed it on the plate.
Seungmin and Jeongin had been preparing the vegetables and had just finished, sliced, chopped and diced to perfection before placing them on the large outdoor table. The boys gathered round picking up their plates and stuffing their faces with the delicious food and tender pork belly.
The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky with a mix of pink, black and orange. Little stars dotted around filling the sky like little flashlights, the boys felt at ease for once. They felt that they could relax and not have a worry in the world, this was a much needed break that's for sure.
"Not hungry?" Chan asked Felix in English as they all sat around. Felix had a hard time stomaching any food, though it was not because he wasn't hungry. He knew that his epilepsy and occasional auras were to blame for his lack of appetite, something he had grown accustomed to dealing with. He longed to have the same enthusiasm for food as his peers did, but the feeling was so distant.
"I'm just really not feeling hungry hyung, probably because my epilepsy is acting up" Felix replied. Hyunjin got up and grabbed his plate off the table, putting a little bit of food on there for felix.
"Lixie can you eat this for me, it's important to eat and you haven't eaten all day. I know you're not hungry right now but please?" Hyunjin asked, passing the plate to felix.
"Ok, I'll try" Felix said as he began nibbling at the food. Chan slowly slid his arm around Felix's petite waist, his hand coming to rest just above his hip. With a gentle squeeze, he pulled Felix close and offered a reassuring smile. As they ate their dinner together, he kept his arm wrapped protectively around him.
"Todays been so fun! It's nice to have a break and just relax," Seungmin said from opposite the table.
It was uncommon for Seungmin to speak in such a serious manner, but when he did the others always found themselves in agreement. He had a unique way of looking at life, one that resonated deeply with those around him and left them feeling inspired each time he opened his mouth. Even when cracking jokes or storytelling, Seungmin's words were powerful and full of meaning.
"I agree, having no worries or things we have to do is nice. We should prioritise these little get aways, it's good for our health. Mentally and physically" Changbin replied
"And we get a lie in!" Jeongin exclaimed excitedly, causing the others to cheer, Minho ruffling his hair.
...
They cleared their plates, Felix barely touching his food, and decided to stay out in the cool evening air a little longer. They gazed up at the stars as they reminisced on their time together, recalling all the happy memories they had made and cherished achievements they had accomplished. After a while, they drew up a plan for the next few days and chatted excitedly about all the activities they could do and episodes they could film for their stays.
With all the commotion, Felix was doing his best to suppress his symptoms. But he knew that a seizure was imminent and he didn't want to spoil the moment. His head began to throb and his vision became slightly hazy as he blinked, dizziness washing over him in waves as his hands began to tremble ever so slightly. He realised he couldn't contain himself any longer, so with a heavy heart, he tapped Chan's shoulder and uttered a few weak words of apology.
"I..I'm sorry, going to have a seizure" Felix said shakily In English. There's no way he could possibly speak Korean in the state he was in. "a big one"
"Now?" Chan asked and Felix nodded jerkily as he blinked.
"im sorry" he whispered
Anxiety began to overtake him, the familiar feeling of dread washing over him. It had been months since his last major seizure and fear began to set in. He had been trying everything he could to prevent another one, but he was almost certain it wouldn't be enough. He knew he could not avoid it any longer and the thought of it was unbearable.
"It's alright, don't be sorry. I'm going to take care of you. Let's go inside" Chan said as he led a shaky Felix inside the lodge.
"Lay down on the sofa, I got you, you're ok" chan said softly as he helped Felix lay down, gently turning him onto his side and holding him there carefully with a firm yet gentle grip. chan knelt beside the sofa and spoke softly making sure he didn't overwhelm the scared boy.
It pained Chan to see one of his members in such discomfort, especially felix. The young Aussie was the smallest of all the boys and so naturally, they felt a little more protective over him. He may not be the youngest but in their eyes he was. Even the Maknae had a soft spot for the boy and tended to treat Felix like a younger brother.
Tears welled up in Felix's eyes as he felt a wave of disorientation wash over him. His arms and legs felt numb and tingly, while black spots began to flood his vision. Panic rose within him as his sight slowly faded away until all was dark and a piercing ringing sound filled his ears. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down, but each breath came out fast and shallow as the discomfort only seemed to get worse with time. It felt like an eternity before the seizure finally started.
Chan held Felix, eyes glued to the younger as he slowly lost consciousness, eyes rolling back. Minho rushed into the room with Felix's seizure kit clutched tightly in one hand and his phone in the other. He quickly tapped the screen, starting the timer at the exact time when Felix went into the seizure. Chan's heart raced as he watched on helplessly, desperately praying for minimal damage done to Felix's delicate mind and body.
Felix's body began to convulse and jerk, almost as if he were trying to break free from Chan's loose grip. He wanted to keep his friend on his side in case he vomited, but he also didn't want to restrain him as that usually made the seizure worse. He remembered the number one rule when it came to seizures: never hold them down. His heart thudded anxiously against his chest as he calmly spoke reassurances over his convulsing friend, trying to keep him still without further agitating him.
The boy let out a small groan as his hands turned in at a weird angle, it looked quite painful for his wrists so Chan made a mental note to massage them when felix came back around.
"Your ok little one" chan reminded "your doing so so well baby"
Minho ran his hands through Felix's soft hair as he watched the time on his phone. "Just got to two and a half minutes," Minho warned Chan, heart rate rising ever so slightly.
Any longer than five minutes and they would need to call for an ambulance to make sure no serious damage was done.
"Good job!" Chan encouraged as Felix convulsed, his body trembling and shaking uncontrollably. His muscles tensed and untensed, every movement emphasised as if it was a harsh reminder of the trauma of the seizure. Afterwards, Felix always ached badly from his seizure, but Chan's encouraging words helped him to focus on something else other than the pain.
"Three minutes," Minho informed quietly.
"Ok I'm going to give him his emergency medicine when it hits 4 minutes" Chan said as he gently stroked Felix's shaking arm up and down trying to calm the boy.
They stayed in the same position for what seemed like an eternity before Minho quietly mentioned that they had hit the four minute mark. Chan nodded and leaned forward, reaching out to grab Felix's small red seizure kit from its place on the floor beside him. Carefully he uncapped it, quickly locating his emergency medication.
Chan gently wiped his alcohol pad over a small area of Felix's arm before flicking open the top of his medication pen. With a soft click, he drove the tip of the pen firmly into Felix's skin and allowed it to rest there for 10 seconds, counting down in his head as Felix drew in a sharp breath at the unexpected discomfort. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he pulled out the pen and deposited it back into its case before dabbing away any excess liquid and blood with some cotton wool.
"I know, I'm so sorry my little sunshine" chan cooed as he stroked over the younger's rosy cheek.
After a few seconds, Felix's body started to calm a little. Slowly his arms began to stop shaking and his wrists uncurled, hands resting on the sofa. Felix let out a small sigh as his body stilled. His eyes remained closed as he focused on coming around.
"There you go lixie, you did so well baby" chan said stroking felix back while continuing to hold the boy on his side.
Minho gently ran his fingers over the boy's soft, pale cheek in an effort to help revive him. Chan doing the same with the boys back. The seizure had been particularly severe, and it was taking a bit longer than expected for the boy to regain consciousness. Nevertheless, Minho kept up with his patient caresses on the boy's face. chan whispering words of encouragement as he waited for him to stir back into awareness.
Felix's ears were ringing and he knew he was emerging from unconsciousness. It took a moment for his eyelids to flutter open, weighing too heavily for him to lift quickly. As soon as his vision started to focus, the first thing he was aware of were the sounds of Chan's soothing voice in the background, followed by Minho's warm hand gently pressing against his cheek. He smiled at the familiar touches and finally felt himself coming back into awareness.
He felt so disoriented and drained, as if his limbs were full of wet cement. He lifted a shaking hand to try and wipe the drool from mouth only to end up hitting himself in the chin, still clumsy with exhaustion. His heart raced, pounding against his ribcage like a drumbeat, while his breath came in short and uneven gasps. Every movement felt like an immense effort, like he was fighting against an invisible force determined to keep him pinned down on the spot.
"Oops, careful there" chan chuckled as he caught Felix's hand and wiped the youngest's mouth with the back of his sleeve, Felix whimpered a little.
"You're alright" Minho said softly but he didn't know whether Felix could understand him. Korean posed a challenge for him on a normal every day basis so after a seizure, when his brain was foggy and slow, Minho doubted he could understand.
"Hyung" Felix mumbled quietly, voice rough from his seizure
"Yeah lixie, Hyungs here. Me and Minho are here. Can you open your eyes?" Chan tried his best not to overwhelm the boy.
Felix mumbled something inaudible in reply, his speech thick and laboured as he struggled to form words. His breathing became more laboured as he leaned forward, his body trembling slightly. He let out a small gasp and began to gag, a thin stream of saliva dripping down from his lips.
"Ok, don't worry I got you" Chan reassured softly as he brought a bowl Minho had got up to Felix's mouth with care and tenderness, just in time for a small stream of vomit to come out.
Knowing that nothing more would come out, Chan gently placed the bowl onto the floor and grasped Felix's hand. He looked so fragile and vulnerable - Chan felt an overpowering need to keep him safe no matter what. His heart ached in sympathy for his small form, reminding him he needed to do all he could to protect him. He squeezed Felix's hand reassuringly, letting his presence be a source of comfort in these vulnerable moments.
Blinking slowly, Felix managed to pry his eyes open slightly but instantly closed them because of the big yellow light that illuminated the room. Upon seeing Felix's discomfort, Minho got up and turned off the light. Felix opened his eyes for a second time, they felt heavy but became a little more bearable. He always underestimated how shit he felt after a seizure, it's always bad but Everytime it always seemed worse then he remembers. His whole body aches and he feels exhausted.
The door clicked open and someone walked in, "How is he?" Seungmin asked as he walked inside with Hyunjin in tow.
"He's ok, he's getting there," Chan replied, stroking Felix's cheek and offering the boy a warm smile. Felix smiled back, now fully aware of his surroundings.
He was fully aware of the other stray kids members in the room, he was fully aware of Chan's warm fingers on his soft rosy cheek, he was fully aware of Minho sitting next to his feet and he was also fully aware of the exhaustion and aching of his body.
"I...I hurt" Felix groaned as a tear ran from his eyes, down his cheek and onto the couch.
"Seizure hurt? Or hospital hurt? my love" Chan asked, making it easier for the boy as he rubbed the tear away with his thumb.
"Seizure... my wrists" he said slowly reaching his hands towards chan.
Chan slowly took a hold of the youngest wrists, bigger hands easily encasing them, massaging them softly in his palms. He's not surprised they ache after seeing the angle they were seized in. Hyunjin took the bowl from beside them and took it to the kitchen to be washed while Minho made some smoothies for the boys before bed. Jeongin looked for some movies they could put on quietly and Seungmin placed a soft blanket over Felix's small body.
"Tired" Felix mumbled as his eyes began to close.
"I bet you are! Get some rest little lixie" jisung said in his best English before slumping onto the other sofa in his sleeping bag.
Chan carefully climbed onto the sofa, moving slowly so he wouldn't jostle Felix. He settled in behind him, pushing himself into a comfortable spooning position. Felix was the little spoon and Chan enveloped him in his arms protectively, gently stroking his hair as he whispered soft assurances to calm him down. Soon enough Felix had dozed off, snuggled up safe and warm in Chan's embrace. Soon all the boys were in bed, watching a movie while slowly drifting off into a deep sleep. Knowing they could wake up whenever they wanted tomorrow morning.
END