They don't know how special you are
They don't know what you've done to my heart
They can say anything they want
'Cause they don't know about us
- One Direction (who doesn't miss them to be fair)
25
Max Verstappen
Waking up, embraced in Charles' arms is a feeling comparable to positioning yourself at pole in qualification.
I put my nose on his forearm clenched against me to breathe in his perfume. I reposition myself comfortably against him, his arms tighten around me and I fall asleep again, smiling.
I woke up two hours later with hot lips pressed against my neck and left cheek.
We spend the morning in bed exchanging kisses, sweet caresses, legs intertwined and our bodies pressed against each other.
Charles runs a hand through my hair and I meet his soft, shiny gaze.
"What are we, the two of us?
I did not expect that question and honestly I have been asking myself for some time now every time I meet the eyes of the Monegasque. I do not have the answer but I do not want to remain uncertain about the issue and I do not wish to torture my mind.
- I don't know, I answer sincerely, what do you want us to be?"
I watch the Ferrari driver think and put his tongue on his lips. He's taking a long time to answer and it's starting to worry me.
I put my hand on his cheek to get his attention back on me.
"Sorry it's just that...
- Just tell me what you want, Charles.
- I want to... I want to be with you... I want to be yours. "
I feel the butterflies sprouting in my stomach like a fireworks explosion at the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. My lips come to gently caress his before kissing him tenderly.
He backs away from me and his green eyes reflect sadness.
"But they'll never let me be with you.
- What are you talking about?
- Ferrari, they'll stop that.
I feel my stomach pinching painfully.
- They don't have to know about us.
- It's not like it's something we can really hide.
- Maybe we could... give it a try?
Charles sighs, he is clearly tortured by the subject. He knows Ferrari better than I do and he's already come out so I know he's not exaggerating when he says Ferrari will prevent that, unfortunately.
- I want to try, too... but if I have to choose between you and my career, I'd rather be honest and tell you right away that I would choose my career. "
It hurts. Very bad. It's stuck in my throat and I suddenly feel bad. But I just nod my head. I can't blame Charles. He's worked his whole life to get into F1 and there's no guarantee that it will work between us.
But mostly it hurts because I think I'd be willing to give up F1 if Charles asked me to.
I could do anything if he stayed with me.
***
Race week-end
I don't think I've ever felt so bad about a racing weekend.
Despite the FIA statement, I can feel the eyes linger on me a little longer and hear the whispers exchanged across the paddock.
Fortunately, I do not attend the press conference on Thursday, which allows me to avoid questions about what happened. But it was replaced by a meeting with Christian Horner in private.
He looks at me with a smile on his face but I can feel the anxiety on his face.
"Max, how are you?
- All right. What about you, Christian?
- You gave us a lot of cold sweats with everything that happened last weekend...
- I'm sorry, it won't happen again.
- Can I ask you to explain?
Words get stuck in my throat. I don't want to tell anyone about it at all. It's far too painful and shameful. I'm far from proud of this.
- It's my personal life.
I sense Christian's disappointment. I trust him and we're close but not close enough for him to know that part of my life.
- All right. In that case, I'm going to ask you not to let your privacy interfere with your status as an F1 driver with redbull. If you jeopardize the integrity of our team with inappropriate behavior, I'll be forced to break your contract whether I like it or not, and I certainly don't want that to happen,you either, I suppose?
- No, I don't. I promise you something like this will never happen again. Can I go now?
I am getting up when Christian talks again.
- One more thing, Max.
I sit down and frown at his annoyed look.
- What's the matter?
- I understand there's a petition circulating in the paddock asking for your suspension from this weekend's race.
- What? They don't want me to drive? Who started this? Why is that?
- The demands are that they do not want such behaviour not to be sanctioned by the FIA, and the initiative comes from the drivers, they do not want to drive with you after what happened. I do not know more.
- But... It's up to the courts, not the FIA, to judge me for my actions!
- We agree, the problem is that pictures taken at the hospital of the victim you... beat up... leaked and people are furious that you could do that. Moreover, given your ranking in the championship, that is to say in first place, I suspect that some drivers will seize this opportunity to sabotage you.
- But who would do that?
- Are you really asking me that? Leclerc is only 13 points behind you, I remind you, and from what I understand he has very good reasons to resent you for other personal matters."
My blood is freezing. Charles?
I trust him.
But Christian's not wrong. Charles has every reason to be angry with me, and he confided to me that his career was his priority only a few days ago.
He keeps telling me how they're going to stop this petition, but I don't really listen to him anymore.
***
In the evening, I hesitated for a moment before finally choosing to join Charles at his hotel. I arrive late enough to avoid running into Ferrari members and take as many precautions as possible to avoid being noticed.
When I knock on the pilot's door, I'm greeted with a kiss and his hands on my hips. He quickly closes the door and leaves me the bathroom so I can finally take a shower and forget this hellish day.
I put on black shorts and decide to stay bare-chested just because I'm with Charles and I can.
I don't care if he sees my insulin pump or the marks on my body starting to fade.
I go back to the room, he's lying in bed, over his arms, just in boxer shorts, scrolling on his cell phone, the other hand behind his head.
His eyes leave his phone and glide over me.
His gaze lingers just long enough for me to feel my body warm and a mocking smile to appear on his face.
I take my insulin shot and quickly join him on the bed next to him.
"I didn't think you'd come here. No one saw you?
- I've been careful. What do you think? I don't want people to think I'm arguing with Ferrari about a contract.
- But you don't mind having Ferrari on its knees for you?
He asks me with his hand over my chest.
- Stop talking about Ferrari like that.
- You're defending them now?
- I'm just trying to give them some dignity, they make me feel more sorry for them than anything else. "
Charles makes a grimace, not pleased with my remark but not against the argument. Instead, he lets his hand wander quietly and slowly over my bare skin, triggering many chills.
"Tomorrow you'll come to my hotel, it's easier if we alternate, I think.
- Yeah, you're probably right."
Charles comes out of his thoughts and his green gaze suddenly becomes very serious.
"How was your day anyway?
- That was shit.
- Do you know about...
- The petition? Christian told me. He thinks you started it.
Charles frowns and his hand stops on my body.
- Why would he think that? You don't believe that, do you?
- You have every reason in the world to do this. You know, I know your career is your priority...
- Are you serious? So you really think it's me?
- Then who is it? You must know who it is since everyone's plotting behind my back now!
My tone is tougher than I'd like it to be.
- Max! I had absolutely nothing to do with it!
- Then tell me who it is.
- I won't.
- Why?
- Because it's going to hurt you and it doesn't matter.
- It matter to me. At least tell me who signed the petition."
Charles becomes completely silent. He looks away and takes his hand out of my belly. I feel terribly afraid.
"who signed this petition?
- I didn't sign it, neither did Pierre and Daniel, I promise.
- What about the others?
Again, no response from him.
- Max...
- Everyone signed except Pierre, Daniel and you. The other 16 Formula One drivers don't want me to drive, correct?
- I'm afraid the FIA will penalize you or act accordingly because some drivers are threatening not to drive if you're allowed to do so this weekend.
- What?
- You... you might want to talk to them, explain to them what happened, without going into details, but...
- You can't ask me to do this. And it's absolutely useless. They wouldn't listen to me anyway. They haven't done it since they think I outed you.
- I can speak for you if you want.
- I don't know what to do, it's hell, it's never going to stop..."
I hide my face in my hands, I can't take it anymore. But I feel Charles' fingers close on my wrists and taking them away from my anxious face.
"Max, you're driving this weekend. Tomorrow I'll talk to them, okay? Try to focus on tomorrow's free practice instead of this story. Years from now, when people think of you, it won't be like the guy who got into trouble with an asshole, but as a world champion who broke records. All right?
- I don't care how people in the future see me... how will you see me?
- I hope I'll still be by your side years from now.
- I hope so too."
His hands loosen my wrists and come to land in the hollow of my neck and on the skin of my belly above my shorts.
"We sound like an old married couple.
Charles grins before letting out a laugh that makes me smile.
- It's always better than insulting each other."
***
Charles: Hi everyone, you already know that but there's a petition going around about Max, I think we should talk about it today, all together. I have things to say and I think this petition has no place here. We can meet around 1:00 in the circuit meeting room, it'll be empty.
I'm afraid because I'm not sure I want to tell them. Charles told me he was going to explain to them what happened without saying too much. But that may not be enough. I may have to talk, too. I don't know if I could do that.
I sit at the back of the room and watch the pilots arrive as they go. Charles, arms crossed and hard gaze, stares at all those who enter the room and greets them with a nod of his head.
Daniel sits next to me. I feel like he's the only one who noticed me. At least he's the only one who shows it.
"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to come see you sooner... I hope this matter will be settled soon and you're holding up...
His eyes are covered with dark circles. I know he feels like a shitty friend.
- Dan, I know you're already in trouble with McLaren, and I don't blame you, and I'm sorry I wasn't there enough for you either.
He smiles softly but his eyes don't sparkle.
- Thank you, I'll be fine. Don't worry, it's just a matter of adjustment time. "
I dare not tell him that I noticed that his clothes were too big for him for some time.
The last pilot, Seb, enters the room before closing the door.
"Thank you all for coming, I hope it will be quick and we can all go back and get ready for FP2. As for the petition, I did not sign it and I prefer to tell you right away... If Max doesn't race this weekend then I won't either.
I feel my heart beat faster as I meet Charles' eyes, while the others whisper to each other.
Lando takes the floor.
- I honestly don't understand why you don't sign it. You're the first person who can't stand Max, and after his totally inappropriate behavior towards you, and that... that's intolerable.
- There are a lot of drivers who would like to join F1, adds Lewis, those who don't know how to respect others have nothing to do with such a sport and have to leave their seat.
- First, it is not up to us to decide this but to the justice, Daniel intervenes, what happens does not concern us and I doubt that we know the full story.
- Daniel's right. I know what happened and that's why I decided not to sign.
- You know what happened? What happened then? The photos were pretty explicit. I don't know how you can justify that... Lance retort triggering nods from most of the other drivers.
- It was self-defense. Unveil Charles by scrutinizing the reactions of others.
Esteban laughs.
- Self-defense? Defense of what? He was insulted and couldn't stand it, is that what you call self-defense?
I can feel the anger rising inside me. I knew that not saying everything would not be enough. But what should I say?
- He didn't insult me, I had a reason to defend myself.
Faces are turning to me for the first time. I stare at them one by one with a clenched jaw.
- This guy may have provoked you, threatened you, or been violent with you, but nothing justifies the way you reacted to him. Did you see the state of his face?
I feel the rage mixed with the urge to cry rising inside me. I just want to get out of this nightmare.
- I'm sure you'd prefer if he kept raping me and I didn't react. I'm sorry that for the first time, I managed to find the strength to push him away. I never wanted him to end up like that, but he didn't have any pity for me, not once in three years."
-
AN: This chapter is a gift to celebrate the end of the 2023 Formula 1 season. I hope you liked it ;)