By the time Khushi seemed okay, she was taken by Jiju upstairs.
"Are you okay, kiddo?" He asked her. Khushi only nodded in response. She was handed a glass of water, she took a sip and she laid her head on jiju's shoulder.
"I didn't expect that. I did. I wanted it to happen but I didn't expect that it would feel this way."
"Oh honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel that way."
"Jiju...he deserves to move on. I know. My brain knows but my heart is not ready yet."
"I wish you would put yourself first, sometimes at the least. The world need not revolve around him, you know?"
"But he's the sun."
"I wish you knew that you're important too. And you're wishes are important too. They're not selfish."
"I understand, jiju."
He sighed standing up. And patted her shoulder lovingly, "I'll leave you to collect yourself, come out when you're ready, hmm?"
***
"I should get going with Riyan." Neetu told him.
Dhruv should've stopped her. But he didn't, "Yeah. You should." He watched her face crumple in disappointment and felt no remorse, when he should've. They were dating for God's sake.
But then, he didn't know if he could even call it dating. They only co-parented Riyan. They didn't go on dates. Not had they even held hands.
As soon as he sent Neeta away, he felt a grappling sense of failure as a human being. Which brought him to Viren to ask for a smoke which he thankfully had.
***
"I thought that I shouldn't ask but what the hell are you doing?"
Druv looked at Viren quizzically. "Smoking?"
"I didn't mean that, you bastard. I meant what are you doing dating that woman?"
"Let's not go there."
"Why not? You look miserable. I don't think you're supposed to look like this if you're dating someone you like."
"We'll, what would you have me do, Viren? I tried. I waited for a year. I deserve to move on too." He snapped. Viren only looked at him as if he had grown another head.
"But why her? It just seems like you're sabotaging yourself by getting into a relationship like that... I get it, you have attachment towards Riyan."
Dhruv only smoked and tried to calm himself down.
"It just happened. You know it is,women like me and I, more than often had to let them down,this time I said yes. What's the big deal?"
"Not a thing. If you think you can make it work. Then go ahead. But if it doesn't work, then I'll be there to tell you I told you so." Viren left after saying that.
After two puffs he said out loud,
"You know you can come out, right? I won't eat you."
"How did you -"
"How can I not?"
"Put out that cigarette."
Rolling his eyes, he said, "Don't nag me, Khushi."
"I'm serious. Put it out or I'm walking away."
"Fine. Geez." He stubbed out the end and raised his hands.
True to her words, he felt her come and stand beside him. They did not say anything at all for moments. Dhruv pushed his hands into his pockets. Before he could say anything, she spoke out,
"Don't. Dhruv. Let's not ruin the moment."
"Why are you here then?"
He knew she was contemplating telling him the truth or some lie. He read her so easily. It was why he hadn't walked away the first he had heard her walk in.
"So, Neeta... that's nice."
She had settled on changing the topic.
"Yep. What's up with that guy?" He tipped his chin towards the guy she came with.
"He's my colleague."
"Seems too young to be a colleague."
"He's an intern."
"And HR just lets it slide?"
She said nothing to him but he knew that she was annoyed.
"I don't have to explain myself to you especially when you're being such a jerk."
"Yeah because you obviously explain everything." Dhruv couldn't control his sarcastic reply. She tsked in annoyance and tried to leave he blocked her way. She went towards the other way, he stepped in her way again.
"What do you want? It's obvious you don't want to have a civilised conversation."
"You told me that you're heartless so imagine my surprise when I find you with Mr. Babyface."
She scoffed, "This is ridiculous. You have moved on too. Moreover, you have replaced me with Riyan and his mother too this time."
"I waited. I tried. You're the one who wanted a divorce! You're the one who gave up!"
"Yes, I'm fine with you moving on, Dhruv. I'm glad that you did it with Neetu." She said and walked away.
He felt fire in his heart and he rushed after her. She had entered her room and he opened the door too and slammed it behind him.
"Get out -"
"You're glad?!"
"Dhruv, get out of my room!"
"You're f*cking glad?!"
"Dhruv! I said get out!" She said shoving him. But he didn't move.
"Oh the Dhruv that followed your orders to the mark has died. You killed him so save your energy!" He snapped at her.
"What did you think? Did you want me to be upset?!"
"Yes I did! How could you say that?! I asked you if you wanted me, if you wanted this and you said yes. Why did you do that?"
"I didn't know things would get this bad. I didn't or else I would've said no..."
His chest hurt all over, "Did you ever love me, at all? Love me enough to choose me?"
He saw her close her eyes and take a deep breath.
"You're a liar and you use people. You accused me of using people to fill an emotion void while it's you who used people. You used me to get ahead." He pointed his finger at her,
"The truth is; you needed the money and you used me and now that it's all done, you're throwing me away! You ungrateful b-" He couldn't finish the sentence because he was slapped.
****
"Are you serious?! Are you serious, right now?! You think I used you?!" Khushi knew she was yelling but she didn't care anymore.
He covered his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
"I KNEW IT! I knew you'd throw your favours on my face one day! I knew you would do this!"
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."
"Don't you fucking act like you didn't know what you were saying! I am grateful. I am eternally grateful. I'm so grateful that I divorced you, so how dare you?! You were the one who replaced me! Replaced us! Me and the baby!"
"Don't you fucking say that!"
"Did I touch a nerve? Rian is a replacement for the baby and Neeta is a replacement for me!"
"No. He's not."
"You don't even care about how you affect others with your saviourism. You do stuff you don't want to. You do things because you have to and then you wonder why you resent yourself."
"I don't resent myself. This is a joke! I'm sorry for what I said."
"Really Dhruv? You kept asking have I ever loved you? But have you ever loved someone? Unselfishly? You have no rights to call me selfish when it is you who tries to buy affections of others. I'm not even mad at you that you said all that! I'm just mad that it took you so long to have a normal reaction."
He held her shoulders and looked into her eyes, "Khushi, what do you want from me? I'm not a good person. I don't know why this is happening. I'm trying so hard to survive and I'm trying..."
"Can't you understand that no one is purely good? And no one is purely bad? Humans are good and bad. That's what makes us human. And as for what I want from youz I want you to be happy. I want you to stop trying to fill your life with this person and that person."
"Is that why you left me?"
Her heart almost broke at his torn voice.
"I left because I didn't want to be indebted to you anymore. It's suffocating to live like that. And I think you deserve much more than someone who loves you, just because you're good to them."
"Do you want me to beg? I am human. I'm broken. Can we not try again?"
She shook her head sideways, "What about Neeta and Riyan then? It's not fair to them."
"You're the one not being fair."
Khushi held his hands. "I'm sorry. I know this is not fair. I wish we had met in some other circumstances, in a wedding or something boringly normal like other couples. I wish we had but we didn't."
***
Until Dhruv drive back to his flat, he realised it was past midnight. Punching the passcode in, he walked inside the flat. He was surprised to see Neeta still awake.
"You're still up?"
"Yeah. I was waiting for you."
"You didn't have to. Anyway, go to sleep." He said walking to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water.
"Were you with her?"
"What?"
"Were you with your ex-wife until now?"
He gulped a few sips in, "We just talked."
Neeta scoffed, "Sure. That's what Parag used to say too."
"I'm not your ex-husband so don't compare me with him."
"I have been through this once and I am not going to through this again so get your act together, Dhruv."
She stormed out of the kitchen and Dhruv leaned on the counter and let out a harsh breath trying to control his anger.
***
A/N: again wanted to write more but was exhausted. And life is just.....I am tired of waiting things to happen.
Some people just strike gold wherever they touch and I am so jealous of them, of their beauty and their luck and how others like them. But me, I'm tired of how hard everything is. Like I'm playing on hard mode.
I'm tired of working hard and harder only to be disappointed again. I've lost all hope but my desires aren't dead. I want a good marriage. I want a good job. I want so much and I feel disappointed everytime.
Anyways follow my Instagram @sweet_shakkar