Introduction:
Whispers of the Unknown was written by AnushkaARMY13. It is an anthology series that has many elements of horror and paranormal in it. As it is an anthology, every chapter has its own characters, plots, and themes, but all of them deal with an abstract concept, and characters reacting to said concepts.
~~~
Detailed Feedback
What Worked:
By far the strongest part of this series is the concept. I don't know if you've ever seen the Netflix show Love, Death, and Robots, but this anthology feels like the horror/paranormal version of it. I specifically reference Love, Death, and Robots because unlike other anthologies I've seen, both your work and LDR have whacky concepts that you really wouldn't think about. All of the story ideas are out there and weird, but in a good way. The concepts stand out and always feel like they're worth viewing since they make you think.
For example, the chapter where you have all these deceased famous poets and writers, like Lovecraft. The game Starfield has a somewhat similar concept where the player can stumble upon clones of historic figures like Amelia Earhart. Not writers, but other historical figures. That was probably my favorite part of the game, and similarly, the chapter in your story with the Library is my favorite in the whole anthology. I haven't seen this concept done too many times before, and Starfield is super recent which is why I brought it up, so it's nice to see some uniqueness in storytelling.
Although I may be biased since EAP is in it, and as I sit here writing this, my framed Raven poem is right across from me lol.
Joking aside, I think the concepts are the strongest part of the story since all of them are different and use clever ideas to hook the reader in. You make it apparent from the opening paragraph of each chapter what's going on and you clue the audience in to what's about to happen.
Even though I have critiques of some of the formatting in the anthology, I appreciate that you tried something new almost every chapter and changed up the writing style. The chapters feel individual not just in the sense that it's an anthology so they're all different, but also in the sense that there are plenty of new ways to consume the content via your writing. I can always appreciate an author trying to experiment with their style.
The themes are another thing I think are up there with concepts in terms of the biggest strengths in this anthology. Every chapter is theme-driven, and almost always, the last line wraps up what the chapter was trying to say.
The themes and concepts work hand-in-hand to present us the story, which leads to the plot feeling coherent and the narratives feeling like they have a unique message to give us every time. Having a unique voice is imperative, especially when writing an anthology series.
In many anthologies, even LDR, I've always felt there were several entries that were weak or felt like they were thrown in there for the sake of having more episodes in their season; however, I didn't get this vibe from this anthology. Every chapter has a whacky concept that has its own ideas we [the readers] can appreciate.
This may be a strange thing to praise, but there's a certain amount of historical value in this piece. It has this vibe to it that it's drawing from parts of history. I'm curious, other than the Library chapter, if there were any pieces of history you drew inspiration from?
I used to research old haunted houses for an SEO job I used to have, so I was just curious if you took any inspiration from those types of stories or if there were historical figures/events that inspired you!
The worldbuilding is pretty solid in this piece. Every chapter, we're given a new world to consume, and I like each one we're given. I don't want to keep bringing up the same chapter, but I like it too much not to talk about it: The Library. I loved the concept of the Library and what's going on in there. The first chapter also had a distinct feel to it. All of the chapters did, but those two stood out to me the most when it came to the rich feel of the world.
I mentioned distinct feel, and I think I can apply that phrase more generally here. I think the anthology has a distinct world that is different for each chapter, yet still feel familiar, if that makes sense. They're all these different worlds, yet they feel like we know them, almost. In a creepy, paranormal type of way, which is a good thing. I think it adds to the atmosphere of the story.
~~~
What Didn't Work:
There is some repetitive word choice and cliche phrasing. You have strong enough word choice that these repetitions and cliches aren't necessary, in my opinion.
For example, "graveyard" is repeated a lot in the first chapter, and there are cliche descriptions such as "shivers down their spine" or "chills down their spine." Similarly, "shivers/shivered" is used quite a few times. Another example is the word "shrouded." There are only nine chapters, and four out of the nine use "shrouded" in the opening paragraph. Two of the four use it in the same way: "mist-shrouded."
I like the word "shrouded," but since it's considered a "bigger" (for lack of a better term) word, it stands out. When you use these complex terms often, they stand out more because of how unique they are, especially in an anthology comprised of short stories that are, at most, five minutes long.
The dialogue is inconsistent and sometimes repetitive. For example, in chapter one, it's formatted in the same way throughout most of the chapter. Character name, character action, then dialogue.
So, for example: Emma (character name) smiled (action), a tear of hope glistening on her cheek. "We believe in the power of empathy (dialogue)."
As much as I prefer writers who don't use many dialogue tags, it does get repetitive when almost every line of dialogue is written like that, especially in chap 1, which is dialogue-heavy and doesn't have many breaks for description and action. The second half of chap 1 is almost all dialogue, and all of it is written like I described.
I understand this is an anthology, so I'm not expecting a long plot or intense character development, but some emotional moments don't hit as hard because I don't know much, if anything, about the characters.
The first chapter, for example. I was struggling to remember their names, and we had their roles told to us instead of shown. I would recommend downsizing. Instead of having a whole group, maybe have a duo and spend time getting to know them and see their bond. The entire plot relies on the friend group's bond, so when we don't get to see it, it isn't as emotional as it could be.
They don't talk much outside of explaining the plot and setting, such as talking about the weather and explaining what the Eternal Watcher is.
This happens in the rest of the stories too, but not necessarily with characters. The stories are very short, which isn't inherently a bad thing, but right before I can get fully invested, they end. I would strongly suggest spending more time fleshing out plots, characters, and worlds so the readers can fully comprehend what's going on.
Like I said earlier, you have good concepts. I would suggest lingering on them and letting the audience see what you're thinking.
Back to dialogue. I'm confused about why the dialogue flip flops between script and book format. I don't see the purpose of using script format for dialogue and it adds to what I said before about ideas not being fleshed out.
Script format is telling over showing, which is why most writers recommend not using it for books. It takes away from the emotions and, in most cases, makes it harder to connect to the characters. Actors are what give scripts life, but if there's no actor and we're just reading it, it's odd.
There are times you put things that are descriptions in ( ) when that isn't correct even if you're using script format. For example, in the fourth chapter, the line that starts with "She blinked" is put in ( ). For scripts, descriptions are still put in standard text, not ( ). ( ) are used to show how dialogue is spoken or if actions are happening at the same time as dialogue.
So, for example:
RAVEN:
(walking toward Jimin)
Where did you go yesterday?
Some of the things you're putting in ( ) aren't needed. Like, "(The clock struck midnight, and a ghostly apparition appeared before her.)" If I were writing that as a script, that would be an action/scene setter, not a ( ), hence why the ( ) aren't needed.
I can understand if you want to experiment with different styles and I commend you for doing so, but if you want to write in script format, I would recommend writing fully in script format. The hybrid between half-book half-script format is hard to read and confusing considering the anthology flips between book and script format. Some chapters are in standard book format, and others are in script, which is why I was confused about the switch. In my opinion, the script format for dialogue didn't add anything to my reading experience.
~~~
Summary:
- Interesting concepts
- Cool themes
- Intriguing spin on historical figures and events
- Distinct world
- Some repetitive word choice
- Some repetitive/jarring dialogue formatting
- Characters could use some more attention, especially in stories where their relationships are integral to the plot
~~~
Overall:
Whispers of the Unknown is a short anthology that is driven by its concepts and themes. Every chapter presents a new world you can get invested in, and every chapter is short. If you are someone who enjoys theme-driven stories, then Whispers of the Unknown is the perfect book for you.
~~~
Thank you for submitting your story. I've certainly watched many anthologies, but I don't think I've read nearly as many, so it was nice to see a written version.
Please let me know if you have any questions or if you would like an additional review.