Intro:
The Summer of My Youth was written by a_purple_girl. Taking place in Japan, The Summer of My Youth follows Natsuki, a woman who has taken an interest in Kim Taehyung. It is a BTS fanfic that is meant to be cute and easy to read.
~~~
Detailed Feedback
What Worked:
As I mentioned in the intro, this fic is meant to be cute and easy to read, and it accomplishes that goal. The chapters aren't very long but also not too short, so there is a nice balance in terms of length. The vocabulary is unique without feeling over the top. There aren't too many grammar errors, so the sentences are easy to understand as well. Everything is easy to understand without feeling basic or simple or anything like that. It's a good balance that makes the story feel cute, fun, and even comedic at times.
This is a small thing, but I think it was a good idea to give Natsuki a dog. I know that seems like a small observation, but it gives Taehyung and Natsuki something in common right off the bat, and also an interesting conversation topic considering the health issues Yeontan has. It opens up the door for intriguing exchanges between them, and it also makes some of their meetings feel more believable because of, for example, Kei getting out and going to the neighbor's house. It feels like a more natural meeting that isn't forced. A lot of fics make the first meetings feel too coincidental and forced, but I'm glad this story does not have that issue.
I haven't read a BTS story that has taken place in Japan in a bit. In general, I haven't read many stories that take place in Japan. It's nice to see the representation, and it's also nice to see an author not afraid to make a BTS story take place somewhere other than South Korea. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a fanfic taking place in South Korea. All I'm saying is since it's the norm for BTS fanfic, it's nice to see an author expand their horizons and experiment with the location of the story.
While on the topic, I'm glad the location actually meant something and it wasn't chosen for the sake of being different. The location brings Taehyung and Natsuki closer together since Natsuki teaches him about their culture. I'm glad the location matters to the characters and their relationship. It makes the story feel more realistic as a result.
Taehyung is described well. Many BTS ff writers avoid describing the members as to not "waste time" since we [the readers] already know what they look like. But I don't think that's a great strategy since there are so many different eras that makes it so we may not know what they look like, and beyond that, it makes me more invested in the story when I get the characters described to me.
There's a lot of attention to detail put into the scenes where he's being described. Most notably, when they're in the nurse's office and Taehyung is taking care of Natsuki's injuries. It's a quiet scene where Taehyung is described well, and the readers get a chance to process what's going on since a new character showed up and fainted, so we had a lot going on. The chapter was packed, so that quiet scene was a great way to keep the pacing steady.
I think the friend group is a nice size. It was a good choice to keep the group more limited so we readers can focus on a few people instead of a whole bunch of them. I also liked how they were introduced gradually instead of all at once in, say, chapter one. You give us a chance to be introduced to Natsuki and Taehyung before bringing in new characters.
That all ties into the pacing being pretty good throughout the story. Since the chapters aren't too long, they don't feel like they drag, and at the same time, they aren't too short that they feel unsatisfying. Enough happens in the chapters that there is development in the story.
Like I mentioned above, choosing to gradually introduce the friend group helps the pacing since the readers get a chance to recognize who the two leads are before we move into the other characters. I also talked about the nurse's office scene between Tae and Natsuki. There are a lot of big, fun events in this story, but you don't overwhelm us with those moments because you take the time to slow down and give us quiet character moments.
Another example is chapter 16 where Natsuki doesn't want to get her clothes dirty, so Taehyung has to convince her to come with him. It's a small, quiet moment that characterizes Natsuki, and it also gives us a chance to see how they compromise, which is important to stories driven by relationships. Communication is a vital factor in how the two leads interact, so showing us how they handle problems together was interesting and also gave us down time in between the bigger, flashier events that happen throughout the story.
~~~
What Didn't Work:
Sometimes semicolons are used incorrectly. Contrary to popular belief, semicolons and commas cannot be used interchangeably.
From chapter 1: "Her name; Natsuki, literally means 'summer child' but to the irony of life, she wasn't really fond of the heat summer has."
With the corrected punctuation: "Her name, Natsuki, literally means 'summer child,' but to the irony of life, she wasn't really fond of the heat summer has."
It doesn't happen too often, but it is something I thought I'd bring to your attention regardless. And some of the semicolon usage is correct. I'm not saying all of the uses were incorrect, so I would recommend plugging sentences into a grammar checker if you are ever unsure.
While on the topic of punctuation, there are many times you forget to put a comma before "but" even though it is being used to connect two independent clauses. The sentence I used above is an example, but there are other examples throughout the text. Make sure when you're using a conjunction like and/but/or to connect two independent clauses, you are using a comma.
Dialogue tags are done incorrectly. If you are using a tag, the dialogue cannot end with a period, and the tag needs to be lowercase unless it is a proper noun.
For example, from chapter 3: "Don't forget to take kei with you." Her mom says.
It should be: "Don't forget to take kei with you," her mom says.
You can use any end punctuation except a period when using a tag. No matter what punctuation you use, the tag needs to be lowercase unless it is a proper noun.
In the first chapter and also later in the story, the tags are lowercase but the dialogue still ends with periods. So sometimes you do lowercase the tags. I would recommend being consistent with it and making sure the dialogue doesn't end with a period.
Examples of dialogue tags:
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Where are you!" she shouted.
"Did I miss something?" Taehyung asked.
Taehyung is the only one capitalized because it is the only proper noun.
At the same time, sometimes you take things that are not dialogue tags and lowercase them. Remember that actions are not dialogue tags. For example, "Your eggs?" she hears a laugh...
The "she hears a laugh" isn't a dialogue tag, so the "she" doesn't need to be lowercase.
While on the topic, I would suggest using less dialogue tags. There are times there are tags for almost every line, even if the conversation is only between two people. I'd recommend the 50% advice. It's not a rule, so you don't have to follow it, but it is good advice: Only 50% or less of your dialogue should have tags.
Dialogue tags are telling over showing, and when you overuse them, it becomes noticeable. I would suggest trying to show who is speaking by using description, actions, and speech style.
There is some solid word choice throughout the story; however, be careful with unnecessary repetition. This is more of a nitpick, but saying something like "She blinks her eyes" is redundant because of the "her eyes" part. Just by saying "she blinks," we know she is blinking her eyes, so there's no need for the second part.
There are a few times throughout where unnecessary information is added when the word choice beforehand already implied what we needed to know. Another example of unnecessary word choice is "quickly." That adverb is used frequently throughout the story. But again, that's more of a nitpick, so it's not a big deal.
This is another nitpick but it did confuse me a bit. There are many times where the names are not capitalized, such as Kei and Natsuki. The capitalization is very inconsistent throughout. Since they are capitalized at times, I do not believe it is a lowercase intended story, so I'm just a bit confused as to why the names are sometimes not capitalized.
The main creative suggestion I have is to read dialogue out loud to ensure it sounds natural. Some of the dialogue feels a bit unnatural. For example, from chapter 17, there's this dialogue exchange:
*Note I won't be putting anything other than the dialogue
"Is it only me, or the weather has changed pretty drastically? Why does it feel kind of cool?"
"Yeah, it was sunny the whole day. Is it going to rain?"
"But the weather report didn't say anything about it though?"
The reason this doesn't sound natural is because of word order. The "Is it only me" would sound more natural as "Is it just me," and the "or the weather has changed pretty drastically" would sound more natural as "or has the weather changed?" "Pretty drastically" is optional, in my opinion.
It's also a bit awkward because there was no transition to this conversation. They were cleaning up and talking about something else when suddenly Natsuki brings up the weather. I would suggest having a smoother transition to it.
She shivers after she says her line. Maybe have a sentence or two before the dialogue that shows her noticing the weather due to the water on her hands feeling warmer than the temperature, or a breeze brushes by and makes her feel cold, or a cloud suddenly blocks the sun, etc. Anything to make the line feel more set up.
So, that's my suggestion: Consider changing the word order in dialogue to make it sound more natural, and make sure when you're starting a new conversation, the text smoothly transitions to it. I hope that makes sense!
~~~
Summary:
- Easy read
- Good choice to let Natsuki have a dog; it establishes a connection between her and Tae early on
- Nice attention to detail
- Good choice of location + good way to make it matter to the story/characters
- The pacing is good
- The quieter scenes work very well for the characters
- Some grammar errors (dialogue tags, semicolons, commas, etc.)
- Watch repetition in word choice
- Consider altering some pieces of dialogue to make them sound more natural
~~~
Overall:
The Summer of My Youth is a cute, fun story that gives the reader a journey they can get invested in pretty easily. If you're a fan of romance and are looking for a satisfying narrative with an energetic storyline, then this is the book for you.
~~~
Thank you for submitting your book. I enjoyed reading it, and I found it to be a feel good story, just as advertised. I hope you continue writing this since you have very eager readers in your comments who are loving your work. Rightfully so, in my humble opinion. Great job so far, and remember to keep writing!
Please let me know if you have any questions or would like any additional reviews.
This is just a side note, but you are seriously such a sweet person and I have nothing but respect and appreciation for you. You've always been so sweet to me, the readers in your comment section, and everyone around you, and I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate you and your kindness. It doesn't go unnoticed, I promise you that. I hope no one gets you down cause you're doing great, and you're a great writer, so I hope I get to see more of you in the future.
Remember: You nice, keep going.