─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
chapter 8: proceed with caution
the air around me was freezing. no matter how much i pulled the covers over me; the cold continued to bite at my skin. when it was obvious i wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep, i pushed them off entirely. it was then i realized i was completely naked; my socks were the only article of clothing eren hadn't ripped off. covering myself with the sheets again, i looked around the room, but no one was in here.
the night before slowly started pooling back into recollection. jesus, what the fuck came over me? my feet hung over the edge of the bed, i rubbed my palm on my forehead in disturbance of my own actions. this is why you actually think things over, i ridiculed myself. and now eren was nowhere to be found. fuck. me.
i wasn't mad over what happened between us, though. i couldn't explain it but eren's hands felt like they were made to be on my body. but i knew his mood had a tendency to change in the blink of an eye, and i dreaded what might be on the other side of that door. heaving a sigh, i wrapped the sheet around me, seeing no other clothes.
when i entered his living room, there was no scent of bacon in the air like the last time i had slept through the night. instead the air was bland, cold even. eren stood in the living room, leaning on the back of the couch. something was playing on the tv, but i couldn't figure out what it was. he didn't so much as spare me a glance.
i stood awkwardly in the hallway, unsure of what to do. greeting him just didn't feel right; especially knowing he could sense my presence, but chose not to acknowledge it. his head lightly tiled my way, but his eyes stayed on the tv, "you should go," his tone was cold, but not harsh. like he really couldn't care less. my eyes stung; but i pushed the urge to cry deep down. "yeah.. where are my clothes," i asked, "you know the ones you ripped and stretched just to get off me," trying to match the coldness in his voice to mask the hurt in my chest.
he snipped a sigh through his nose before walking over to the dining room table to grab the folded stack of my clothes. handing them to me, he finally met my gaze. there was nothing in his eyes besides the color, but the bags were completely gone. they must be a sign he fed, then?
as soon as i took them, he turned his attention to the tv. i saw no issue with dropping the sheet and getting changed in the same spot, so that's what i did. i frowned when he didn't even twitch his eye in my direction, but i quickly made my leave after.
i wish i could say i was surprised, but i knew before coming here that it probably wasn't a good idea. he could've rejected me at the door, but now at least my suspicions were confirmed. everything else was just a cherry on top. i didn't come for it. at least, that's what i tried to convince myself.
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the first shower i took turned the water red. the cut was fully healed now; but my skin was stained with blood. it was just another reminder i didn't need. at least there won't be a scar. soon after, i got ready for british literature; i couldn't say i was siked about seeing eren twice today. the looming midterm ensured i didn't skip out.
our apartment wasn't far from campus; it was easy enough to walk. and that's what i did, in hopes of clearing my mind with the fresh air. it was cloudy, per usual, but there was no rain today. still, the moisture hung in the air making it sticky and dark. checking the time on my phone, i would be late if i didn't hurry. tilting my head back in front of me; i ran into the person in front of me.
"sorry! i was distracted," i awkwardly chuckled, making an attempt to continue on my path. "actually," he called after me, trying to get me to stop. ugh! turning to face him again, he was tall and the air around him was intimidating. "do you know where ragako hall is?" the man asked with my attention turned to him.
i took his face in: his glasses were strange and outdated; he had a beard that he probably never kept tidy. mentally, i cringed at the thought. he seemed to continue to take steps closer to me; i kept backing up to create space. "it's just on the northside, right to your left," i roughly pointed in the direction before turning away again. there was something in my gut that didn't want to be in his presence any longer.
"thanks!" he spoke in my direction, but i didn't turn back this time. right outside of my literature class, i saw jean's mullet. jumping up, i smacked the top of his head, "hey jean-boy," i taunted, smiling at the sight of his distraught face as i messed up his hair.
he attempted to smooth the hairs back into place, "you suck. seriously," he rolled his eyes. jean reached his hands out, ruffling mine as well. "i'm surprised, you actually look presentable today," he snickered; i scrunched my face as a response. "you suck!" i put emphasis on 'you,' "i didn't know you had a class today," i continued, walking backward to the remaining distance to my class.
"eh, not really. just going to the studio," it explained the stained clothes he was wearing. "ah, have fun dork!" i didn't wait for a response before entering class. i scoped the room quickly, but neither eren or ackerman were even here yet. sitting down, i pulled the oversized book out to cram a study session for the test. i was totally fucked.
the chair was pulled out next to me; i didn't look over, trying to focus on the material i neglected to study for the past few days. even if i didn't need to study, i wouldn't look over. i don't think i could handle seeing him after this morning. as much as i told myself i didn't care, my head still throbbed over it. his presence leaned in closer to me; but i pushed him out, continuing to re-read the book. "who've you been around today," he suddenly demanded, his tone almost frantic.
i kept my head still, only moving my eyes to glare at him, "i'm studying," i huffed. why'd he care anyway? eren slid the book to his side of the table, closing it. "who," his voice was low, as to not to draw attention in the quiet room. but his tone was icy cold; it unsettled my stomach.
he must be jealous of jean, maybe he saw us in the hallway. "wouldn't you like to know," it was impossible to keep the smirk off my face. turning to face him, his features were controlled but he couldn't hide the burning behind his eyes. he didn't have to ask again, "god, just jean," i gave into his odd question.
ackerman strolled through the door and immediately began an overview of the test. i pulled my focus to him; but i knew eren's eyes didn't leave me. the intensity of his stare made it hard to focus on class.
i stayed an extra half hour; trying to finish the test i knew i would fail anyway. eren finished a while ago; his pencil stopped moving just forty minutes into class time. but his test remained on his desk, pretending to scribble every once in a while. "you need to finish up," ackerman directed to us, "i have another class coming in," he scoffed out.
"sorry professor, i just have one more question," i started moving my pencil even faster, desperate to finish. eren got up, finally handing his test in. he made a quick exit, why stay in the first place? i was done a few minutes later; but i knew the answer wasn't even close to being right.
i huffed a giant sigh as i opened the door, rubbing my forehead in an attempt to ease the headache the test gave me. eren was outside of the door, leaning on the wall. i continued walking by him; my pace didn't even stutter. still feeling his presence, i turned my head, noticing he was following just a few paces behind me. i stopped then, and he did too.
"what? now you're following me around," he stayed silent, not even bothering to look in my eyes. "do i need to remind you that you kicked me out this morning?" his features stayed the same, but i could've sworn i saw guilt flash in his eyes. i was getting sick of his hot and cold bullshit. "so annoying," i muttered, continuing the walk back to my apartment.
i was now regretting my decision to walk. if i had taken my car; he wouldn't be able to follow me all the way. probably. he kept at a close distance; almost like a bodyguard. he didn't interact with me, or come within a range our shoulders would touch.
i tried to ignore his presence, focusing on the area around me. it was then that i saw a familiar towering boy, "bert!" i yelled, pivoting directions to walk to him. he looked me in the eyes, before diverting them and walking in the opposite direction. at the sight of me; he looked shocked, almost scared. "hey! reiner's been looking for you," i called after him, but to no avail. he was marching away quickly with his long legs. what the fuck?
sure, bertholdt was shy, but i've never seen him act like that. i frowned before laughing behind me caused me to turn. eren was concealing his face with his mouth; but i could tell he was smiling. "what the fuck is so funny?" i asked him. he pulled the skin on his cheeks down, trying to wipe the smile away. his chucking was lower now, "don't worry about it." he was nonchalant, and his response lacked the humor he had shown just a second ago.
he continued in the direction of my apartment, knowing i would follow. "what did you do?" my voice wasn't confident. it was just a coincidence they were both missing last week, right? his pace didn't slow, "eren," i called again, my voice more of a warning.
he turned his head in my direction slightly, "very presumptuous." i scoffed, grabbing his shoulder to turn him towards me, "what is your problem with him?" my voice wavered in frustration. how is it that i never know what's going on? i was getting so sick of the constant string of unanswered questions at my disposal.
"what's your problem with him?" he was blunt in turning my questions back onto me. shaking my hand off, he returned to his pace. i once again followed in his footsteps, "i don't have one!" i almost yelled out.
the laughing returned, but this time it was eerie. like laughing was just an instinct for him; it had nothing to do with humor. "then why did he follow you around everywhere?" his question taunted me. i stopped in my tracks; confusion written all over my face. eren's revelation wasn't what i was expecting, and it just spun my head around faster.
he stopped walking, but continued talking, "why did he break into your dorm?," he posed another question in my silence, throwing me over the edge. how could eren know that? "what are you talking about?" it was a hard pill to swallow. innately, i trusted eren, but this was bertholdt we were talking about. what reason would he have for stalking me? for breaking into my dorm and stealing a stuffed bear?
eren shrugged; refusing to put any real traction behind his words, "you should ask him. but i doubt he'll even look you in the eye now." the coincidence of their disappearances probably wasn't just that. i tried to push everything out of my brain; i couldn't face it right now. my mind was crowded enough with unanswered questions.
i sped my pace up when we approached the hallway to my apartment; but trying to leave eren in my dust was futile. jamming the key into the lock, the door opened. i slid my way through the small opening i made, pushing on it harshly after; trying to block eren out. his hand had a solid grip on the door, and i could never come close to his strength, and he pushed his way through like i had in his own apartment.
i couldn't explain why he was so intent on following me here; but being around him wasn't comforting in this moment. it just reminded me of last night; and how quickly the image was ruined by the boundary he set this morning. "you're fucking kidding," i sighed out, but my voice raised quickly, "you actually can't be serious, eren! what the f-" i was quickly cut off.
"hey, guys.." sasha awkwardly made her presence known. turning my head, i stared at her with wide eyes. eren chucked, like he already knew she was there. "fucking ass," i muttered, rolling my eyes. i walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a monster from the fridge, "hey sash," the click of the can opening cut through the tension in the air.
"so eren, what are you doing in my apartment!" sasha sounded excited, but she shot me a glance with furrowed brows.
"your last apartment got broken into, figured you're in need of a body guard," he threw the invasion in our faces, like it was somehow our fault. i rolled my eyes for what felt like the thousandth time. sasha slapped her own cheeks with her hands, "aw!" she walked to eren, grabbing his wrist, "so sweet of you ere-bear, you can sit tight in the security headquarters."
my laugh came bubbling out as she practically threw eren into her room; the door opening revealed connie playing fortnite. nothing new there. sasha closed the door behind him; leaving him to connie. "what an ass!" she exclaimed, pulling on her hair.
she made a move to grab her keys on the hook by the front door. "taco bell and beach," she proclaimed without a question, an ear-to-ear smile appeared on her face.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
grabbing the blankets in the back seats of sasha's car, i spread them out into the truck bed. we were lucky the beach was only a twenty minute drive from campus. this became a ritual for sasha and me freshman year. i hadn't even hauled myself into the back yet and sasha was already biting into her cinnamon delights, "holy fuck i love these," she giggled, kicking her feet. her and connie really are twins.
"i know you do," i chastised her, stealing one from her. she glared at me; which was crazy considering we got a pack of 50. sipping my baja blast, she interrupted me, "you gonna tell me why eren basically broke into our apartment now?" she tried to wiggle information out of me.
groaning dramatically, i tilted my head to the sky. "don't remind me, sash," i took a long gulp from my drink. she gave me a look, "really, i don't know."
"he practically kicked me out of his apartment this morning, and then in class he was all up on me like, 'who were you with.' it was fucking ominous," i laughed, trying to make light of the situation to make myself feel better about it.
"that's so weird.. wait why were you at his apartment? is that why you didn't come home last night!?" i shook my head; damn. sasha was never gonna let this go, "did you guys fuck?" she wiggled her brows, poking me repeatedly with her finger. "no!" i exclaimed too quickly.
i gave her another sigh to let her know she was pissing me off, " he just.. gave me really good head. 7/10," i was careful to leave out any parts about how we got to that point. sasha's mouth dropped in surprise before she broke out in giggles, "come on! just a seven, i know you're lying," i definitely was. "i'm always right i knew something was going on,"
"actually, you didn't. you just hoped. and nothing's going on. i think the only reason he's following me around now is because he's jealous," i thought back to why; i knew that couldn't really be the case. he's never even been jealous of jean before. eren was concerned about who i had been around. his senses were better than mine. if he was concerned, maybe i should be too.
reflecting on my morning, the only irregularity was the blonde man; but he was just a student. eren must've just sensed something that hit me with a gust of wind right before class. maybe it was bertholdt; he was on campus.. "that is weird," sasha remarked, seeming deep in thought, "eren's always kinda been like that. before he left, at least." she stared out at the ocean now; watching the waves collide with each other.
"just kind of protective of all of us. putting your sexual escapades aside, he probably considers you to be in the group now," she suggested, but it wasn't a comfort. "yeah, i guess you're right," it was another thing i could think about when i couldn't sleep.
"also," sasha's voice dragged, "mikasa and i macked at the lake," she said, covering her face with her hands in embarrassment. "holy shit!" i laughed at her, poking her with my finger now. i gave a belly laugh, "you kissed mika?!" my tone asked for confirmation.
sasha slit two of her fingers, peering through them, "it was just a little one, and we haven't talked since so don't get excited." i pulled her hands away from her face, "don't trip over it, you guys don't even have any classes together," i reassured her.
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returning to the apartment, eren laid on our couch, seemingly asleep. "no way," i muttered in shock, looking at sasha who was fighting back a laugh, "you have fun with that," she walked over to her own room. with the sound of the door closing echoing to the living room, eren got up. he stood awkwardly, neither of us sure of what to do.
sasha and i had stayed on the edge of the beach for hours; it was well past sunset now. sleep was the only thing i wanted, and eren's presence was in the way of that. "you should leave," i pulled his line, "unless you wanna tell me why you're the new stalker." i walked back to the front door, holding it open as a sign i was serious.
he shook his head, scoffing, "y/n," his voice warned me, but he made no move to leave. i was careful to keep my voice low; aware that sasha wasn't far. "there's enough i don't ask you because you act like a toddler," he furrowed his brows, visibly getting angrier, "if you really believe 'someones out to get me,' then tell me. otherwise you can leave because it can't be that important."
he shifted the balance on his feet; debating. "you're aggravating," he spat at me, but i smirked, knowing he would throw me a bone. "i smelled my brother on you. it was faint, but still. you can't just leave with sasha for hours; it's dangerous"
"your brother? he's dangerous?" i knew he wouldn't answer any more questions, but i was surprised. his brother? i didn't want to think about bertholdt, but part of me hoped he caught wind of him on me.. but now i had yet another person to worry about? there was still so much i didn't understand; i wondered if i ever would.
eren didn't respond to me; and he didn't make a move toward the door. "i can go wherever i want with whoever; if your shit is bleeding into my life, that's your mess to clean up." i was too harsh in my answer, i knew that. the stress was eating away at me; why was eren worried about his own brother? was he like eren too? the thought caused my heart to skip a beat.
he groaned slightly, "blonde guy with stupid glasses. stay away from him." oh shit. eren must've seen the surprise on my face. "that was your brother? you look no-"
he quickly cut me off, "you saw him? did he do anything to you?" eren was in front of me in an instant, turning my head and examining my arms. i pulled away from his cold grip. "no," putting more distance between us, i walked backward to the kitchen. his hands roaming over me reminded me of last night. it was too much to deal with at the moment.
"he just asked where ragako hall was." his jaw tightened in anger, but it wasn't towards me. "i'm staying here tonight," he stated; to him it was fact, informing me was just a courtesy. "no you're not! fucking dick, get out!"
"its non-negotiable. either i stay here, or you sleep at my place." there was no emotion in his voice; like he was just going through the motions. sure, he had followed me around all day but he was detached; like it was entirely precautionary. "like i did last night?" venom laced my voice. i strode over to my own room, slamming the door behind me. me and my bad attachment habits.
i was reminded of sasha's words as i buried my face in the pillows laying on my bed. she was right; eren was just protective of me because i was in their group. he must've been doing all this to prevent feeling guilty if something happened to me because of his family- or whoever the fuck his 'brother' was. my chest felt empty at the thought.
in my mind, it confirmed that eren didn't reciprocate the feelings i couldn't push down anymore. i'm sure somewhere along the lines, bloodlust and actual lust just get tied together. it's been the reasoning behind both times we got wrapped up in each other. i knew the best i could do was get over him; but i couldn't do that with him constantly trailing me.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
a/n: i am a proud mikasasha shipper 😋 i don't really fw this chapter but next is going to be more hefty !!