Isabel stood by the door, gripping the knob tightly. Last night, she had broken another of the devil's chains, leaving only the one around her chest and head. So she decided to try something else. He was coming over that day, and she would leave the apartment with him. She was going to see the outside world, completely and truly. She'd seen glimpses of it when she went out on the balcony and talked to the neighbor girl, but this would be something else entirely.
She took a deep breath and turned the knob. She could do this. Isabel would do this. It was time. Before she could lose her nerve, she ran down the stairs and into the small lobby. There she waited for him, twisting her hands in nervousness. She knew she wanted to do this, but she was still nervous. What would people say when they saw her scars? Would they say anything, or would they simply look at her with pity? She wasn't sure which one would be worse.
"Isabel?" he asked. In her anxious thoughts, she hadn't even noticed her confidant coming into the building. She hugged him swiftly, and he was already whispering affirmations in her ear. Telling her that she was safe, that he would be there the whole time. That they could come back at any time. That she didn't have to go if she didn't want to. She waved the last one off but took the rest to heart.
And so she took his hand, and together, they left the building, and Isabel got her first real look at the outside world.
*********************
November 3rd, 2012. It was a day that Reid knew would live on in his memory forever. Because it was on that day, on that brisk Saturday morning, that Ciara finally got to leave the hospital.
Dr. Rivera had chosen to discharge her on a Saturday so that, if luck was on their side, Ciara would have the entire weekend to spend with Akilah and get settled back into her home. She'd have two days to do nothing but reacquaint herself with her surroundings before Akilah had to go back to work. And if she would have him, Reid would be there as much as he could.
Ciara didn't know it, but most of the BAU was at the apartment, planning a surprise "welcome home" party. Reid hadn't been too sure about that- wouldn't it be overwhelming for her? But they had assured him that if it was too overwhelming, they would leave with no hard feelings and no questions asked. That helped soothe some of Reid's anxiety, and he was dispatched as part of the delegation that would bring Ciara home.
And so Reid, Akilah, Teresa, and Ria were all at the nurses' station, learning everything they would need for the transition. They went over Ciara's at-home plan and learned the dos and don'ts of her at-home recovery. Elizabeth had gone over some documents that Ciara would have to sign with Teresa, seeing as she was the next of kin. And during all of that, Akilah and Reid had taken turns distracting Ria.
"We seriously recommend she goes to see a therapist. What she went through was a major trauma, and that doesn't go away just because she leaves the hospital. She's come a long way, true, but she has a long way to go yet. We tried to convince her to spend some time in the in-patient psych unit, but she absolutely refused," Elizabeth told them, and Akilah and Reid laughed a little.
"Yeah, that sounds about right," Akilah mentioned.
"May I ask, what does she have against mental health services? She refused the inpatient psych unit and the whole time she was here, she refused to talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist," Elizabeth wondered, and the three adults all looked at each other. There wasn't much left to hide from the nurse, so why shouldn't they tell her? Reid cleared his throat before he spoke.
"Have you heard of North Omaha Psychiatric Hospital?" he asked, and Elizabeth nodded.
"Oh, yeah. That was a huge scandal. Well, a scandal within the medical community anyway. It got shut down... what, five years ago?" Elizabeth asked, and the three adults all opened their mouths to correct her. But then they realized that she was right. The hospital had shut down in 2007, and that was, indeed, only five years ago. Ciara had checked herself out only three years before, which meant she had been at that hospital not even a full decade before.
"Ya Allah. I keep forgetting about how much has happened to her in such a short amount of time. She really has lived a longer life than any of us," Akilah said, and Reid raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean? Outside of Teresa, she's the youngest of us adults," Reid mentioned. Teresa shook her head slightly and Akilah started to laugh.
"I know that, genius. But she's gone through enough shit to last many, many lifetimes," she explained, and Reid began to understand. A point had been made. Ciara may be young, but she'd gone through more than any of them. And Reid started to wonder, outside of the first four years of her life, had Ciara ever had a time where she could rest? A time that wasn't filled with fear and pain? First, her birth parents were murdered, and then her adoptive parents turned abusive. Then the hospital, and her first meeting with James Bunder. And once she'd left the hospital, she spent the next six years looking over her shoulder.
And then Halsey.
So, no, she'd never had a time to rest. Never in her life had she been able to relax and not fear the next strike. But they were going to change that. It would be a hard transition, learning to live without fear when her whole life thus far had been defined by it. But they'd teach her to live without fearing what was around the corner. They'd teach her what it was like to relax, rest, and truly settle into life.
"Anyway. Ciara spent six years at North Omaha Psychiatric Hospital," Teresa said, and Elizabeth shook her head sadly.
"I can't imagine what that poor girl went through there. I understand now. I do still think she'd benefit from a therapist, but that's her decision to make. If she refuses, we can't force her. All of you will just have to keep a close eye on her. Now, what's non-negotiable is her physical therapy. She's made strides, but not enough. Her first appointment is on her discharge papers, as is her next appointment with the prosthetist. It'll be her first measurement," Elizabeth explained, circling the two appointments on the discharge papers.
"Thank you, Elizabeth. For everything you've done for us and her," Teresa said, gesturing for Ria to duck around the corner of the station. Ria knew the plan and went to grab the gift they had stashed where Elizabeth couldn't see it.
"Oh, don't say that like you're getting rid of me. None of you are that lucky. Ciara has promised to keep in contact. If you think I'm going to spend five weeks with her and just let her go with no contact, you are sorely mistaken," Elizabeth responded with a smile. Reid laughed softly at that. Even if she'd never admit it, he didn't think Ciara wanted to cut all ties with Elizabeth, either. Ria hid behind Akilah, tapping the redhead's back with her own head, seeing as her arms were currently busy, straining to hold the large gift.
"Still, we'd like to give you something for taking such good care of her," Reid started. He and Teresa took the gift from Ria and presented it together. It was a large glass vase filled with glass white roses, a poem inscribed onto the vase. With a sharp intake of breath, Elizabeth covered her hand with her mouth, her wide eyes misting over. "It's our take on the Nightingale Tribute."
"We were going to use the poem that typically goes with it, but that poem mentions the nurse dying, so we didn't want to do that. We found a better one, anyway," Teresa started, holding out the vase. "Nights so long they wear you down, from room to room without a sound."
"Who stands between a life and death, returns that life with just a breath," Akilah continued.
"Who makes the doctors look so grand, but is hardly seen from where they stand," Reid added.
"When no one seems to give or care, you can count on nurses, they're always there," Teresa finished, and by that point, Elizabeth looked close to tears.
"You guys... I don't know what to say," she said, and Ria, ready to put in her two cents, tapped the vase.
"The flowers are glass!" she exclaimed proudly, and Elizabeth laughed a little. "That way they won't die like real flowers do."
"They're beautiful. I can't thank any of you enough."
"You don't need to thank us. We're the ones that should be thanking you, for all the care you gave to Ciara," Teresa said, and Elizabeth looked in the direction of room 312.
"Well. It's long past time we got her home, isn't it?" the nurse said, gently running one finger along the glass petals. She told them that she had one last document to print out, and gave them permission to go ahead and start getting Ciara ready. Akilah and Teresa waited a moment, wanting to look over that last document, but told Reid and Ria to go ahead. Ria skipped the whole way to Ciara's room, and it was when they got close to the room that Reid heard her.
"Times will be bad, times will be good, things I wish I hadn't done and some I wish I would, cutting through the American noise. You've got a voice and a song to sing, and a song to sing. Drink deep in the morning, drink deep in the morning, see what the day will bring." Reid opened the door quietly and was immediately frozen in place. Even Ria stood still, wanting to watch. Ciara was sitting on the bench, the blinds drawn up. She was staring out the window, the morning sun making her pale skin almost glow.
"She sings pretty, like Mama," Ria commented, and Reid could only nod. The last time he'd heard her sing had been six years prior when they had met for the first time. At that time, he had told her to never sing again because her singing voice was, well, not the best. But now? Her voice was bright and delicate, and Reid had to wonder if this was the voice that had sung Teresa to sleep.
"La da da da, lift up your voice, let love cut through the American noise. La da da da, lift up your voice, let love cut through the American noise." Ciara took a breath to continue, but before she could, Ria started clapping. She whipped around to see them, her cheeks growing red with embarrassment. Ria didn't notice and ran over to her aunt, already asking her questions about her singing. Reid sighed and followed in, giving Ciara a sympathetic smile.
"Did you write that song?" Ria asked, and Ciara shook her head.
"No. It was written by a band called Skillet. They're one of my favorites. I've been using 'American Noise'- that's the name of the song- as my... well, morning affirmations I guess," Ciara explained, looking back over at Reid. "Ye seem surprised."
"Well, it's just, the last time I heard you sing..."
"Oh, that. Well, basically, after my time in the mental hospital and, uh, everything that happened there," Ciara started, rubbing her neck. Reid knew what she meant. She was talking about Cynthia Marks and how she liked to choke a teenage Ciara. "My vocal cords were damaged. Even my talking voice was really raspy. It was only when I got out of there and started talking more that they began to heal. Even now my voice is different than it was when I was a kid."
"So, the same thing happened with your singing?" Reid asked, and Ciara nodded.
"During Halsey, sometimes I would sing. To pass the time, to express my emotions, whatever. And the more I sang, the easier it got. The better it got. I'll never be as good as I was before the hospital, but at least now it's not nails-on-a-chalkboard bad anymore," she explained. Reid was about to ask another question when Ria cut in with one of her own.
"Did you know you get to go home now?" she asked, and Ciara's eyes widened.
"I... I knew it would be today, but... I didn't know it was going to be this early," she said, wringing her hands nervously. "I'm... both excited and terrified. Outside of that time on the roof, I haven't been outside since... since Before. I'm not sure how to face it. I'm not sure what to do. What am I supposed to do when I get home?"
"Well, I suppose that's the good part. You can do whatever you want. You have the freedom to do whatever you want. But one thing I do know is that you don't need to make that decision now. You don't even need to make it tomorrow. You can take as much time as you need to make that decision," Reid said, and Ciara nodded. She uncurled herself and walked over to the bed, looking around at all of the things she had collected during her time there.
"Oh, don't worry about those," Akilah said, walking into the room with Teresa and Elizabeth. Ria immediately ran over to her mother, hugging her legs and chattering up a storm. Akilah was holding a suitcase in her hand, one that Reid hadn't seen before. Maybe it had been in her car, but he supposed it didn't matter where she'd been keeping it. She threw the suitcase onto the bed and opened it, taking account of everything that needed to be taken.
"And while she's doing that, Ciara, I have a few things for you to sign," Elizabeth said, holding up the discharge papers. Ciara sat in a chair and pulled the bedside tray up, grabbing the pen that Elizabeth handed her. "Now, you're going to go to your appointments, you hear?"
"Wouldn't miss them for the world. I don't feel like being all skin and bones forever. And I really don't feel like going around with this," Ciara said, waving her disfigured hand. "Even if the prosthesis won't look like real ringers, it'll at least look less weird than having no fingers there at all."
"True enough," Elizabeth responded, pointing at where Ciara needed to sign. Akilah packed all of her books, her music, the star projector, and the little figurines. She neatly folded all the clothes brought but hesitated at the small bag at the bottom of the closet. The bag that held the lingerie and the collar. No one had ever wanted to deal with them, but now a decision had to be made.
"Well, we can either leave those here and let someone else get rid of them, or we can bring them with us. My vote is still on burning them," Akilah said, and Ciara thought for a moment.
"I want to burn them too. But, if you can, don't pack them in the suitcase. They don't deserve to be there," Ciara answered, and Akilah nodded, stuffing the small bag into her purse. Ciara signed the last document, and Elizabeth went back to the nurse's station to file them. They were almost ready. They just had one last thing to discuss.
"So none of us drove here together. So, the question is now, who do you want to ride with? We're all going to the same place, so it doesn't really matter. And none of us are going to have hurt feelings if you don't choose us," Teresa told her, and Ciara looked between all of them, her brows furrowed in thought. She sighed and looked at Akilah, a small smile on her face. Everyone knew what her choice was, and Akilah laughed a little.
"You miss the rock station, don't you?" she asked, and Ciara nodded. "Then the rock station you shall have. Are you ready to go?"
"Almost. I don't know if it's because I'm getting proper nutrition and exercise, but I have such a baby bitch bladder now. I swear, it's constant. Anyway, I'll be right back," she responded, heading for the bathroom. Teresa, Ria, and Reid all left the room, leaving Akilah to direct Ciara. Teresa decided to head out early, wanting to warn everyone that Ciara would be there soon. But Reid couldn't leave, not yet. He wanted to be with Ciara every step of the way.
It had been a long road, and it wasn't really over yet. But they'd come a long way, and now Ciara was going home. What she did next was up in the air, but like he told her, she was free to do whatever she wanted. She could become a full-time author. She could do something completely new. Reid was excited to see what she would do with this new life of hers, and he'd be with her every step of the way.
In a way, she was truly free. There was nothing left to tie her to James Bunder, and there never would be again. It seemed strange to him that two years of imprisonment and torture could be undone in six weeks. Well, maybe that wasn't quite the case. She was still a long way from regaining the weight and mobility she had lost. And the scars she had acquired would never go away. But the scars only told of the past. They had no say in the future.
And as Reid watched Ciara give Elizabeth a tearful goodbye, he knew that she had a bright future ahead of her. It was all hers for the taking.
******************
The universe was shining down on Ciara that day.
The radio had played banger after banger on their way home, lifting her spirits considerably. It had been strange, to see the outside world again, but it was amazing at the same time. So many things she had forgotten the beauty of. The softness of grass and the sturdiness of trees. The crispness of the air and the warmth of the coat wrapped tightly around her. The bright blue color of the sky and the harmony of bird chirps. The awe-inspiring height of skyscrapers and the absolute throng of people.
She thought all of the people would make her nervous, but it turned out to be the opposite. After seeing so few people in Halsey and thus far in After, it was exhilarating to see so many out there living their lives. And as they got closer to home, she was shocked to find that she recognized her surroundings. She could feel her heart cry out in her chest for the end of the journey.
The universe continued to look after her as the song currently playing came to an end just as Akilah pulled into the parking lot. Ciara looked at their building with fresh eyes, her soul finally at peace now that she was home. Akilah gave her all the time she needed to take in her surroundings, only unloading her suitcase once she was good and ready. Akilah led her into the building, and Ciara smiled softly as they approached their door.
Reid, Teresa, and Ria were already there, waiting for her. Reid smiled at her as he grabbed the spare key and handed it to her. She took it with shaking hands, looking at Akilah. But the Red Fury simply shook her head and gestured to the door. This was for Ciara to do. Unlocking the door and walking into her home was her moment, and none of them would intrude on that. Hesitantly, she stuck the key in the lock and turned it. One hand on the doorknob, she took a deep breath, and finally opened it, taking a step into the apartment.
"SURPRISE!" Ciara had to take a step back as- well, everyone- seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Garcia was enthusiastically pointing to a banner on the wall that proudly welcomed her home. Ria was bouncing beside her, claiming the little doodles on the banner as hers. She looked around at everyone who had gathered to celebrate her return home, and tears welled into her eyes. Even Nonna was there, holding something that smelled suspiciously like focaccia.
"My God... ye guys... did ye really do all of this for me?" she asked, and Morgan walked over to her. He asked to touch her, and when she gave permission, he threw his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in for a side hug.
"Did you really think we weren't going to throw a party to welcome our little raven home?" he wondered, and she laughed softly. Akilah parked the suitcase by the door, telling her that it was there when she was ready to unpack. She would actually unpack later, but for now, she did want to put it in her room. Akilah had said that she hadn't moved anything, but she needed to make sure. She took the suitcase and rolled it to her room, Ria skipping along behind her, wanting to see her room. When her door was open, there was a gasp, but it wasn't her own. Strangely enough, it was Teresa's.
"Oh, Ciara, it's just like you designed it," she whispered, and Ciara smiled as she looked around the room. It was just as it had been in Before, and a sense of comfort washed over her. She wondered what it would feel like to sleep on her own bed for the first time in years. With her weighted blanket, memory foam pillow, and new star projector, how could any nightmares get to her? She looked back at Teresa, smiling softly at her sister who had tears in her eyes.
"Yes, it is. When I had the choice, I had to make that dream a reality." The dream, of course, that had come about when she was a child. She remembered sitting in her room for hours, dreaming of the day when she could have a room completely her own. She had dreamed big and drew all of her ideas, projecting the design onto her bare walls. It had comforted her, dreaming of a better room when all she had was a small pile of folded clothes in the corner and a dirty, holey mattress.
"I'm so proud of you. You know that, right?" Teresa asked, and Ciara nodded. She did know that, and when she really thought about it, she was proud of herself, too. She'd come a long way, even if she still had a long way to go. Once the inspection of her room was complete, the three of them went back out to join the party. Ciara's eyes widened when she saw Akilah holding a present.
"The physical therapist said you might still need some sort of mobility aid in the coming days. She said that while you're up and walking, you're still going to tire out quickly and may need something to lean on. So I got you this," she said, handing over the present. Ciara took it with a raised eyebrow. Her other brow raised when she opened it and saw exactly what was inside.
"This is... uh..."
"It's great, isn't it?" Akilah asked.
"Akilah... this is a pimp cane," Ciara answered, and she heard more than a few people laughing around her. She understood the idea behind it, but did she really have to get her this particular cane? She was probably already going to get looks if she used a cane out in public. But she was going to get even more strange looks using a cane that was purple and black with gold trim.
"Well, I figured you wouldn't want an old-person cane, so I got you this instead," Akilah reasoned.
"And what exactly does an 'old-person cane' look like?" Nonna asked from the corner, and Akilah's eyes immediately widened.
"Oh... um..."
"Ah, don't worry, child. I'm just giving you crap." Everyone laughed at Nonna's words, and Morgan and Garcia came over to inspect the cane.
"Well, if you do have to use a cane, at least you have one that's absolutely balling," Morgan said, and Ciara shrugged. She didn't want to use the cane, but it was good to have. Just in case. As the party continued, Ciara felt warm inside. For so long, she had been completely alone with no one to turn to. But that was no longer the case. The apartment was close to bursting with all of her friends who had come to celebrate her discharge. Even Blake, who she still didn't know very well, was there, having a lively conversation in Italian with Rossi and Nonna.
Hotch eventually made his way over to her, a dark-haired woman following close by. He introduced the woman as Beth, his new girlfriend, who he said had been very excited to meet her. He also let her know that Jack was more than ready to see her again, and Ciara smiled at that. She hadn't thought of Jack in a while and found herself wanting to see him again, too. There was so much to do. So many things to decide, and so many loose threads to tie up. But Ciara gave herself the grace to put those things aside, focusing her thoughts on the party around her.
Things were looking up, and from where she stood, she couldn't think of a single thing that could bring her down.
Ciara's home! And while the story isn't over yet, we are getting into the last leg. I'm hoping that this book won't go beyond 85 chapters, but we're going to see what happens. Anyway, now that Ciara's out of the hospital, what does River have waiting for her? That is the question, isn't it? Well, I'm excited for the next few chapters. There's a surprise lurking in the shadows yet. Anyway, that's all I have for this chapter, so... BYE!
"Returning home again is clean water to my parched mouth, it is air, rich in oxygen, to my lungs as I gasp for breath." -Unknown