— CHAPTER 3
❝FUCK HIM!❞
— ⋆ 𝗞𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗮 ⋆ —
THE LAST FEW weeks were just filled with tears and pure junk food. I stayed up in my room, watching TV and blasting Olivia Rodrigo through my speakers. Luckily, my room was soundproof, so it wouldn't bother my parents.
My mum and my relationship grew stronger, though, and I was very grateful for that.
I didn't tell her what I was sulking for, but she always listened to my rants, made sure I ate, and held me in her arms while I cried.
I filmed one last video, doing an extreme Pinterest-inspired room makeover.
It didn't only benefit my fans, but also me because I got to get rid of everything that reminded me of Jude.
Of course, I made sure to blur out the pictures on my wall that had Jude in them, but I'm pretty sure if he watched the video himself, he would know those were our pictures.
At the end of my transformation, my room went from a playful soft pink vibe to a plain white minimalistic vibe.
Despite my mood, I managed to crack a few jokes to lighten the mood of the video.
In the end, I gave them a quick room tour then explained that I was going on a break for a little bit.
Obviously, I didn't tell them why, but I reassured them that everything was fine; I just needed time for myself.
I knew they would understand; my fanbase is the sweetest I've ever seen. They're patient and compassionate, honestly the most supportive people ever.
WAKE UP, CRY, eat, cry, watch TV, cry, eat, cry, eat, cry, sleep.
That is my daily routine right now, and today isn't much different.
One thing I've learned is that when you're crying, you don't realize how fast time passes. I could wake up crying, and the second I stop, it's already night.
That's how today goes by.
I'm taking this whole 'time to myself' thing seriously because I really need to heal. I delete his number and block him EVERYWHERE because just because I'm soft doesn't mean I'm forgiving. He knows this as well.
I haven't used my phone since, and it isn't as bad as I thought it would be.
I watch a bit of Titanic then prepare to cry myself to sleep.
"Hey baby, I'm back from work," I hear my mum walk over to me. "You're back early," I sniffle, turning to face her, while she caresses my cheek.
"Your tears aren't worth a stupid boy," she carefully wipes my tears away. How does she know? "You know?" I sit up straight and look up at her for the first time today.
"No, but I can tell you're crying over a boy because you wouldn't spend this much time sulking," she kisses my forehead protectively while chuckling.
I crack a small smile at her very accurate observation. "There's that smile," she pinches my cheeks playfully, causing my smile to grow larger. "Stop," I chuckle, hiding my face in my hands.
"You have to move on," she speaks up after a while. I agree with her, I do, I just don't know how to. "I don't know how to," I sigh, playing with my fingers.
"Is he moved on?" she asks. "Mhm," I hum in response. "Then what are you doing in bed?" she exclaims with a slight eye roll. I shoot her a questioning look.
"You need to live your life! Show him what he's missing," she nudges me gently. "Listen to me, Kiki," she tilts my head so we're making eye contact.
"You are a bad bitch, you don't need some man dragging you down and lowering your self-esteem," she hypes me up. "You're just wasting your time and energy on someone who doesn't even care about you," she adds.
"So what are you gonna do, sit here in this bed spending all your life crying over a hoe?" she points around my dimly lit room.
"Or are you going to forget him and live your best life while you're still young?" she continues with an eyebrow raised for my answer.
"Fuck him," I mumble, "come on louder," she encourages me. "Fuck him!" a smile playing on my face. "That's right, fuck him," she high-fives me.
"Whoa, whoa, who are we fucking here?" my dad enters the room, making us both laugh. "It's just girl stuff you wouldn't understand," my mum gets up from where she was kneeling and goes to greet my dad with a kiss.
I expect it to be a quick one, but it quickly turns into a make-out session, and I am not having it. "Ew, guys, get a room," I throw a pillow at them, making them laugh.
"I'm going to go shower," my dad pulls away, giving my mum a knowing look, making me gag.
"I'm getting me some tonight," she cheers while walking out the door with my dad as I shake my head in disapproval.
"Remember, forget him, fuck him!" she yells from the hallway before closing my door.
Sometimes I forget she's my mother and not my best friend. I guess that's one of the perks of having chill parents.
I sit in my bed and think about her words. She's right; I need to move on. I can't just cry about him forever while he's out there living his best life as if nothing happened.
He isn't worth my time and energy at all.
Nah, I was wilding. I am a strong, independent woman; you can't tell me otherwise. Fuck Jude; I've already forgotten about that hoe.
I get up and walk to my mirror. My skin is blotched, my eyes are red and puffy, my lips are dry, and my hair is literally identical to a bird's nest—I just look weak. This is not who I am.
I examine myself for a while until I come to the conclusion that I need to take a long, therapeutic bath, and that is what I do.
Feeling fancy, I throw in some dry rose petals and help myself to a bottle of rosé. I take so long relaxing and cleaning myself that I manage to watch a whole two movies.
Once I start pruning, I take it as a sign to get out. I change into some pink, silk pyjamas and do my skincare routine, something I haven't done in a while.
Once I finish, I feel so light and fresh.
The tension that once grips my muscles unravels, leaving me with a profound sense of relaxation.
The subtle fragrance of bath products and rose petals lingers in the air, creating an atmosphere of serenity that extends beyond the bathroom.
Once I finish drying my hair, I carefully secure it under my trusty bonnet. Natural hair is so difficult to handle, but it's the best type of hair in my opinion.
Feeling the soft fabric against my skin, I indulge in a moment of comfort. With a gentle flop onto my bed, I reach for my phone, previously plugged in for a recharge.
The device, now in hand, illuminates with notifications from the BVB group chat. As I tap on the messages, a sense of anticipation fills the air.
germany's finest + jude😼
twin🤞🏾
yo twin you good?
you lot watched her video right?
gigiii🇺🇸
yeah bro
she's going on a break
juli
wait, what happened?
kiana you can talk to us yk
moucoconut 🥥
woah she seemed pretty upset🫡
did jude break up with her
or something?
unknown
we were never together smh
emre
if you don't want her i do
marcel
i'm first in line
twin🤞🏾
what's wrong with you lot?
she's struggling and all you
care about is dating her?
gigiii🇺🇸
real immature...
you
hey guysssss
you
ew you guys are literally 11
years older than me
@/marcel @/emre
twin🤞🏾
YOURE BACKKKK
gigiii🇺🇸
YAYYYY
YOU GOOD?
you
YESS, YOU?
juli
WE ARE NOW THAT
YOURE OKAY
reus 👴
WHAT IS GOING ON AND
WHY IS EVERYONE TYPING
LIKE THIS
moucoconut
she's finally back after 2 and a
half whole weekssss
haller 🐝
we're glad you okay, it's good
to have you back
*liked by you*
juli
karim and gio thought you died 💀
they were about to fly to Birmingham
just to check up on you
you
glad to know i have
some real friends ☺️
gigiii 🇺🇸
always🫡
twin🤞🏾
you need to come visittt
i'm pretty sure gio's girl
is your number one fan
you
yeahhh i'll see if i can come
watch your game against frankfurt
juli
but come onnn that's in like 2 years
you
it's better late than never 🤷♀️
haller🐝
true
*liked by 12 people*
*unknown has left this group*
✰✰✰
She's a badass with a good heart, soft but strong. Unapologetic and honest. She's the type of woman you go to war beside, not against
☆★☆
— 𝖧𝖾𝗒𝗒 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗌 𝗑. 𝖧𝗈𝗐 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗎? 𝖧𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖽𝖺𝗒?
𝖩𝗎𝖽𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈?