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flashback 2: the disappearance of eren jaeger
content warnings: descriptions of death (please read carefully)
jean's pov:
from the beginning it was always eren, mikasa, and armin. but in the middle it was me, marco, and eren. somewhere along the lines, eren found family with us, too.
"i can't believe it! you guys we're going to start college!" marco said excitedly; walking ahead to turn to face eren and i. "isn't that so crazy? it feels like just yesterday we forced eren to hang out with us," he giggled at eren. he got too excited whenever he smoked. "come on, marco, get your shit together," he was being such a nuisance.
"jean don't piss your pants," eren laughed at me. "we're living together now; at least try to sound excited," eren got the same way. how is it that i'm the only one that acts normally? eren skipped ahead, grabbing marco's hand before they started skipping together.
i had to run to catch up, "come on guys! you look like dumbasses!" i criticized them, but i couldn't keep the smile off my face. the street was dark and empty, anyway. it was weird to think we were finally here; in sina. we've only been talking about it since freshman year. it was eren's idea, and marco would follow him anywhere. and i would follow marco anywhere. all three of us... it just felt right.
eren and marcos hands unclasped in a second. in another, eren was thrown against the wall beside him. his body hit it with so much force, the shop window shattered at the contact. "eren!" with all of my attention turned onto the brunette, i didn't see marco get snatched. eren got up quickly, coughing lighty, "zeke.." his voice trailed. i turned to look at the direction of his gaze.
a blonde man held marco in a chokehold. he was struggling against the grip; legs trying to stay on the ground while his hands clawed at the hand around him. "what are you doing?" eren asked, his voice was quiet with shock. in the presence of this man, eren turned inward on himself. the smiles on all of our faces just a minute ago were wiped clean off.
"looks like you're already loving college life, eren," he spoke. i was frozen; we both were. marco looked to me, our eyes locking. it snapped me our of my state of fear, "hey what the fuck are you doing?!" i exclaimed, taking a few steps toward the strange man. he knows eren? what's he trying to do with marco? my brain was still trying to catch up with all the information thrown at me. "you don't want to get any closer," he spoke again. the growl in his voice made me stop immediately. my body sensed the danger before i saw it.
looking up at his face; his eyes were completely black. it's just a play on lighting, my brain tried to rationalize. if my eyes could get any bigger, they did when he smiled ear to ear. revealing long and sharp fangs. i couldn't move. not even if i wanted to. "zeke. don't. just leave!" my head wouldn't move to face eren, but he didn't sound surprised by the sight in front of him; just scared. his voice wavered.
marco continued to struggle, movements becoming weaker with the lack of airflow. move! do something! "let him go! i don't need another lesson!" eren yelled out; like a scared little kid. he appeared in my peripheral vision; reaching out. but i still couldn't move. my feet were cemented in their place. i felt so fucking useless, why can't i just MOVE.
in the next second, 'zeke' was across the empty street from us, letting marco go. he clenched at his throat, no longer having any pressure on it. he started coughing up blood on the pavement. he looked over to me before the man grabbed him again. his fangs sunk into marcos neck in another instant. and then marco was screaming in agony. his screams snapped me out of my state; eren started running to the other side, and i joined right behind him.
the man let him go again, but marco was on his knees in agony; his raw screaming cut through the air, "go!" he was able to yell out. his eyes glinted with terror. he weakly motioned with his hand, telling us to leave.
"marco!" eren called to him, but the man grabbed him again, and then he was even further in front of us. everything felt futile. like no matter how fast or far we ran, we would never reach marco. "so whaddya think eren, should i let him turn?" zeke had to yell to get his voice across the street, "zeke!" eren screamed; not giving him an answer to the question i couldn't understand.
he picked him up from the floor; hands on his neck, gripping marco's jawline with his fingers. the crack of bones registered in my ears before my eyes saw anything. and then marcos head twisted in an inhumane way; almost 180. his screams stopped- he slumped to the floor. he wasn't moving. marco wasn't moving. and neither were i or eren.
we just started in horror. marco's body laid in the street as zeke approached us. he was in front of eren now. no. no not him too. i began to run to him, but zeke's voice rang out, "just one more year," his voice was almost soothing; his teeth were stained with the red of my friend's blood.
as soon as he appeared, he was gone. eren and i didn't move to marco for a few seconds, still trying to process what was in front of us. and then my feet moved on their own. my hands moved on their own; pumping on his chest. deep down, i knew it wouldn't bring him back; his neck was bloody and his head turned in a way that couldn't be reversed.
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most people spend the first year anniversary of a death celebrating their life, or stowing themselves away all day. maybe that's true for death's that aren't gruesome acts. marco's death was vile, and the responsibility and guilt i felt for it was constantly eating away at my brain. on this day, i'd be 'celebrating' by throwing liquor down my throat and distracting myself with sex.
and that's why i let historia lead me to some random dirty bedroom at a party house. our hands were wrapped around each other; our lips connected. i was in the middle of taking her shirt off when the door opened. "hey, jean," it was eren's voice that called after me. i didn't even realize he was at this party; when'd he show up?
we made eye contact with each other; both pausing. "oh," he muttered before closing the door. historia started giggling beneath me, "what's so funny," my words were hard to get out through the alcohol. she covered her mouth with her hand, "i've been fucking him," her giggling continued, "oops." oh. shit. eren never told me. i pushed myself off, going after him.
but he wasn't in the house anymore; must've just gone home. i just hoped things weren't serious between them; i didn't want anything to come between us. i couldn't take losing him too. i sobered at the thought; but i figured walking to the apartment was the best option.
"eren," i spoke. putting the keys to our apartment onto the keyring in the kitchen. "hey, i'm sorry man, i didn't know you were screwing her too," i laughed into the quiet room. it was then that i heard the shuffling. it was erratic.
confused, i made my way to eren's room. passing by marco's room on the way. i shivered, thinking about its untouched state. eren wanted to clean it up; i couldn't bear to think of moving anything knowing that's how he left it last. i turned the cold knob on eren's door; it squeaked as i pried it open. on his bed lay a suitcase, clothes filled it, but most of the space was taken by pictures and mementoes.
"eren.." this time, my voice dragged out laces with confusion and sadness. "where are you going?" it was a question, but my voice was a plea. it was as if he didn't hear me, eren was still pacing around his room frantically gathering things from his drawers and walls. "EREN!" this time i shouted it. my voice finally broke through his barrier, and he turned to me. his eyes were broken; they looked the same as the night marco died. "i'm going back home for a bit," his voice was shallow, like it took all his energy to answer me.
my hurt was soon replaced with anger. "because i hooked up with historia? i didn't know! and what suddenly you care so much?" i raged.
"IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF HER!" eren was quick to shout back. "it's not my choice. dad said to come home, so that's what i have to do." he quickly covered up his previous emotions, and he attempted to turn his face to stone. still, his features twitched. he couldn't do this. he couldn't just leave?
"after marco? i need you," my voice cracked halfway through the sentence. tears stung at my eyes, i took a breath to keep them from slipping out. his face lit up again, he sucked in a breath too. "i'm sorry jean. it doesn't just hurt you. but i can't stay." he stopped filling the bags in front of him, and met my eyes for the first time tonight. i still didn't understand; he could see it on my face. "it's zeke. i'm doing it for marco," his voice broke.
even after all this time, we never addressed what really happened that night. the official report says marco died from a neck injury; the mysterious bite wound around his carotid was gone. healed is a better word. i know what i saw. but eren dodged any questions i tried to bring up. so i left it at that; not wanting to take the risk of him leaving, too. i guess that's pointless now.
sometimes it feels like i chose eren over answers for marco; but i can't let myself think that. i'm already guilt ridden over his death; allowing myself to feel a burden for that too would throw me over the edge. "i don't know when i'll be back. just don't tell the others," eren continued at my lack of response.
i couldn't believe it, "don't tell the others? so you're just gonna disappear on everyone?" i knew zeke was his brother, but in this moment it felt like eren was choosing him over everyone he had here. it didn't make sense. what does he have over him? "yes," he was resolute in his answer. i didn't want anyone else to have marco's end; so i obliged.
"eren," my voice was hallow, "you'll come back soon right? i can't be here without you. it's-" i couldn't finish my sentence. trying to live life without marco was hard enough. actually, it was debilitating. his absence was everywhere; i couldn't do that with eren, too. at the thought; i felt empty, my vision seemed to go hazy.
he sighed, "i don't know, jean. i really don't." i knew there was nothing i could do to make him stay. zeke's distorted face was burned into my mind; and i knew this was bigger than me. bigger than eren, too. i didn't want to face the possibility that this could be a goodbye.
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i walked into my dorm. the one i shared with connie. paying a three person rent by myself wasn't possible. marco's room is gone; all that's left of him is a puny box. it's all his fault. but this night; a presence was in the dorm. turning on the light, i saw eren sitting on my furniture.
it had been about a year since i last saw him. i stopped counting the days he was missing at month three. i understood he had to go home; but i wasn't expecting him to cut contact with everyone for so long. i had no idea what to tell my friends; getting into a fight over historia was the first thing that came to mind. so, i rolled with it until it snowballed into an even bigger mess.
i might've cursed him out, but i realized the man that stood before me wasn't eren. he was different. physically, yes, but there was also something about his energy that was completely shifted. "new place, huh." he said. his voice was cold; it cut through the air like a thin blade. i had known him for years; and i never knew he could sound like that. it irked fear inside my body i hadn't felt since i saw zekes true face.
all i could force out was a scoff. fuck him, i internally seethed. in the beginning of his disappearance, i had imagined the day he would come back, and everything would be normal again. but i've known for months now that i would never forgive him. "you're back now?" i bit into him.
"yes." he sat unnervingly still. nothing about his demeanor or facial expression showed any sort of emotion. "for how much longer? you planning to just up and leave again," i couldn't help raise my voice. worst of all, i couldn't figure out if i would be happier to never see him again. the indecision is what kept my emotions faltering.
he didn't respond to me. getting up from his place on the couch, he strode over to the kitchen before grabbing a knife from the counter. fucking connie, leaving them out like toys. i tried to push out the twinge of fear i felt. eren wouldn't do anything to me; but i wasn't sure this was eren.
"sorry for the bad mood," he met my gaze for the first time in a year, "i'm just hungry." he chucked, letting his head fall. he just stood there laughing at the floor. when he brought his eyes back up, they were black. just like zekes. "no," i muttered.
i took steps back toward the nearest wall, but eren didn't follow. just stood there. i gathered my breathing; attempting to calm myself down. that's when he reached into his pocket, pulling out a paper. i knew what it was. the picture of marco. i had enough pictures from my childhood with marco; i split the picture of the three of us and gave that half to him. surprise didn't cover the emotion learning that he still had it.
he took a few steps closer to me, handing the knife over. he looked around, but eventually spotted a cup sitting on a table that seemed sufficient for him. "you already know," he said. he wasn't referring to what he wanted me to do. it was the reasoning behind it. he confirmed the suspicions i theorized in the year following marco's death.
"can't believe you're one too," i said with disgust, cutting the palm of my hand open before letting my blood fall into the cup before me. i didn't know why i did it; maybe part of me knew he would just find someone else. and maybe they wouldn't be willing.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
a/n: sorry for this LOL happy chapters are planned :)