"And that's all for today. I'll see you all on Thursday." My professor smiled as we all started packing our things, eager to get out of the classroom. After 60 agonizing minutes, my microeconomics class was finally over. I've had all three of my classes today and I was ready to be done with everything. I don't know how I managed to go to multiple classes every single day in high school. I can barely go to two in college, let alone three.
It's been a week since first day of class started and things have been going alright. I got to meet my floormates at our floor meeting, and everyone seemed nice. I have yet to make friends though. I'm a very introverted person and it takes me a while to go out of my way to talk to people. I fear rejection so the thought of someone being annoyed with me or just straight up ignoring me scares me. It's only been a week so I don't really know how hard my classes are yet. There are definitely a lot less assignments going in the gradebook compared to high school which scares me, but I'm hoping I'll get through it. I took AP classes in high school and I didn't know what I was doing half the time but I always somehow ended with an A. Maybe I'll actually thrive here too.
One thing that I was very wrong about was my eating habits. I thought it would be easy to restrict, since no one was there to force me to eat. However, because there was no one around, and because I had already fallen into a binge cycle, it was a lot harder for me to not eat. I find myself constantly giving into my binge urges, telling myself that I'd do better tomorrow. It was official: I was just a wannarexic. I hated myself, not only for how I looked now, but also for how little control I have over myself. If only I didn't let my feelings win, I'd be down at least five pounds by now.
I was self loathing once again before realizing that I had already made it to the door that was currently separating me from the outside world. I could see from the windows that there were at least three paparazzis out there. I took a deep breath and put my head down before opening the door and getting ready to power walk back to my dorm.
"Hi Skylar! How are you?"
"How's college going?"
"You look so healthy now."
"What class are you coming from?"
"How are Taylor and Travis doing?"
"Smile for us!"
"Over here Skylar!"
And there they were again, screaming and sending bright flashes of the cameras my way. It's been going on every single day that I've been here, every time I go outside. It's annoying. I have to leave extra early to make it to class on time.
Seeing these men crowd me and take pictures of me, other people wandering around started to make their way over to me as well. Soon enough, there was a crowd yet again.
After seeing this happen the first time, Taylor insisted on getting one of her security guards to be with me whenever I go outside but I begged her not to make me do that. All the crowding already makes me stand out. I didn't need another reason to be the one that sticks out from the others. I just wanted a normal college experience which, unfortunately, will never happen.
Once I finally made it back to my dorm, I slammed the door in the paparazzis' faces and flipped them off internally. I try to be polite to people no matter how pissed I am, but paparazzis are a different story. They do not deserve any of my respect. They're just nosy people who can't respect boundaries or privacy. I hate them and I'm not afraid to tell everyone that I hate them.
I dragged myself up the two flights of stairs to my floor, just wanting to be in my bed at that point. I was tired and ready for sleep. I would take the elevator but a) I need to burn off some calories and b) they take forever to come to the first floor. I'd rather just walk at that point.
As I turned the corner to my hallway, I saw a few people. There was a guy that was just standing in front of a room, and a few girls standing outside, whispering to each other. Feeling confused but assuming that some tea was being spilled, I just smiled at them as I walked by them and continued to walk to my room. I looked down at my phone so as to avoid any conversation with people. I really was not feeling social right now; I don't know anyone here that well and trying to keep a conversation going with people you're not close with really requires a lot of energy.
"It's not safe to text and walk you know," I heard a familiar voice as I approached my room.
It can't be. He's in LA right now.
I furrowed my eyebrows and had a split second to think about who this person could be. I quickly looked up to see my boyfriend standing there, smiling at me with a bouquet of roses in his hand.
"Oh my god!" I ran the remaining distance between us and jumped into his arms. "What are you doing here? I thought you were filming in LA right now!" I excitedly said before smelling the roses. "These are so nice, thank you." I smiled before kissing him.
"We're filming some scenes in New York so I thought I'd come see you," He shrugged.
"I can't believe you never told me. I literally just asked you your plans for the day this morning." I playfully pushed him.
"I like being mysterious," Miles smirked.
"You bitch," I laughed before unlocking my door and letting the both of us in. "Welcome to my room." I gave him a quick tour around my room, not that there was anything significant to see.
"You actually brought these here?" Miles pointed to my Taylor corner and shook his head while smiling.
"I had to," I said.
I've always told people that I'm a swiftie and I'm not lying when I say that. I have all of her CDs and vinyls, as well as her posters and calendars and whatever else she puts out on her store. A perk of being her sister is I get all of these things for free. Another perk is, I can get all of them signed just by going to her room and holding out the item and a sharpie to her.
All of the CDs and vinyls I have are signed by her. It makes them one of a kind items and it makes me feel special that I have it. Every time I got a new CD, I made her write personalized messages on mine. She usually tells me no but after constant begging, she gives in. None of the messages have been sweet though:
Debut: "I should've said no to signing this but you were too annoying. -Taylor"
Fearless: "I hate you, forever and always🖤 -Taylor"
Speak Now: "I wrote Mean about you! -Taylor"
Red: "I knew you were trouble when I walked into the hospital room. -Taylor"
1989: "I wish you would stop making me sign your things. -Taylor"
reputation: "THIS is why we can't have nice things. -Taylor"
Lover: "I forgot that you existed until you stuck this CD in my face. -Taylor"
folklore: "I gave so many signs (that I didn't want to sign this... sigh...) -Taylor"
evermore: "What a shame you're fucked in the head! -Taylor"
Fearless TV: "I was Miss Perfectly Fine before you made me do this. -Taylor"
Red TV: "Oh my god. You're insane. -Taylor"
Midnights: "You're on your own, Sky (Ha!) -Taylor"
Speak Now TV: "Foolish One is about you *kisses* -Taylor"
1989 TV: "I think about jumping off of very tall somethings every time I have to do this. -Taylor"
I think she secretly likes doing it. Why else would she take the time to come up with these messages, each specific to the song on that album? She even chooses vault tracks to reference when I make her do it for her re-recordings.
"So I was originally thinking that we could go out to eat and walk around Washington Square Park but given that paparazzi follows you around everywhere and you get crowded by your sister's fans and you look pretty tired, what do you think about watching some movies and just catching up here in your room?" Miles asked after some time of looking through my Taylor collection.
"That would be great," I let out a sigh of relief. If I had to have my privacy and my personal space violated by them once again today, I definitely would have lost it. Tree would not have been happy with me.
The next few hours were spent debriefing each other on our lives. The tea that took the most amount of time was the whole thing with Maddie, Jazmyn, and Makenna. I told him about everything, not just what happened over the summer.
"Wait, so did they just turn on you one day or were they always like this?" He asked when I finished explaining what happened that day at the mall and what happened that night.
"Well, I don't think Maddie ever really liked me. I've never had any issues with her but now that I think about it, she's never looked happy or interested talking to me. She was always there because we were in the same friend group but she never went out of her way to talk to me. Makenna and I used to be so close and I trusted her with everything. But a couple of years ago, she became super close with Maddie. They started hanging out over the weekends outside of school without us and I think that's when she started to not like me as much. Makenna used to be the nicest person I know. She never talked shit about anyone. But ever since her and Maddie became besties, all they ever do is complain and talk shit about people. Jazmyn? Well, she's hard to read. I don't know how she feels about me. One day she's on my side and the next she isn't. Sometimes, she loves me for who I am but other times, she makes it known that she's annoyed by me." I explained.
"Damn," Miles said after processing the brief history of my friendship with them.
"They love you by the way," I laughed, finding it funny that every celebrity they like are people that I know incredibly well. "They always talked about how you were their celebrity crush and they always asked me to tell you about them."
"It shocks me that they treat you like shit, knowing that you have all these connections with all of their favorite celebrities," Miles shook his head.
"Yeah, well, they think I'm easy to use so," I shrugged.
"Did they seriously say that?" Miles' eyes widened.
"Not to me. But my friend overheard them telling someone else in our grade that I'd do anything anyone tells me to do because 'I can't say no and I'm easy to use.' It was that night at the VMAs. Remember? I told you I needed to scream This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things in the bathroom." Miles nodded while I watched his expression go from shocked to an 'oh that!' expression. That day was absolutely awful.
It was the night of the VMAs, so I couldn't make it to an event that we were putting on. I used to be in student government so we were required to show up unless there were actual reasons we couldn't. I knew about the VMAs so I told everyone in advance that I wasn't going to be present, and they all told me that it was okay.
However, when the day came, my friends and one of the teachers were suddenly annoyed at me because I wasn't going there to support our event. That night, my friends told the other people that showed up that I'm easy to use and that I don't know how to say no. They also apparently started saying that I cared more about fame and popularity than actually supporting the school.
My friend Zoe, who was also in student government, texted me that night and told me about this. I had made the mistake of checking my phone during the awards. I discreetly looked down and read the notification and immediately felt my smile drop. However, these award shows are live and you don't know when the cameras will show you. I had to quickly plaster on a smile and act as if my best friends didn't just stab me in the back.
Taylor was holding my hand during that time, and had felt me stiffen. She squeezed my hand tighter and started to rub her thumb over the back of my hand. Once it was time for a commercial break, she turned to look at me and gave me her full attention. She asked me if I was okay to which I, as usual, answered with a simple 'yes.' But Taylor knows better than to believe that. She pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear that we'll talk about this later.
Unfortunately, we had to go to the after party. Don't get me wrong, they're fun. But I really wasn't in the mood to be with people at that point. Not only had I felt hurt by what my friends said about me, I was also stressed and tired from school. It hadn't even been that long since school started but I was already drowning in schoolwork. On top of that, I had college applications to worry about.
Miles found me at the after party, just sitting alone in one of the booths with my head down. I made it known that I didn't want to talk to anyone. At that point, I was so drained from everything that I didn't care to fake being happy and excited. I just needed a break.
He sat down next to me and started talking to me. I found it annoying at first, since all I wanted was to be left alone, but it eventually became a little ranting session. He always knew how to make me talk, even when I was feeling antisocial. I showed him the text that I got from Zoe a few hours earlier and explained the whole situation to him. One thing I like about ranting to him is that he doesn't make it awkward. Yes, he takes it seriously but not to the point where he's giving me pep talks. I've always hated getting pep talks from people my age. It just feels weird. Instead, when Miles and I rant to each other, we end up joking about it in the end and laughing about it. Of course it's just a temporary solve but in the moment, that's all we both need.
Later that night, we got back to our hotel room and Taylor didn't wait one second to ask me about what had happened. That's the thing about Taylor. No matter how drunk or tired she is, she never forgets. I tried to brush it off, so as to not worry her about my school life, but she didn't let me take a shower until I told her. I finally gave in, just wanting to take a shower and go to sleep.
She never liked them from that point on but over the last year, I've been intentionally telling her good stories about them so she'd stop hating them. They're usually nice people. They don't deserve to have one of their favorite singers hating them. Eventually, Taylor stopped rolling her eyes at every mention of them and I think she even started to like them.
That was until July. That changed everything. I don't think there's anything that can make Taylor change her mind anymore. They are on her 'People I hate' list forever.
Fortunately, there were some fun teas to tell Miles (not just bad ones), like the documentary. He knew about that happening but I never really went too deep into that story, just because I myself didn't know what was going on.
"I think they're supposed to stop filming at the end of March," I said, still unsure of the schedule.
"I need to be here when the camera people are around. I wanna be in it." Miles said.
"They're with me everyday." I laughed. "Usually from 10 or 11am until around 6pm. They give me a lot of privacy though so they probably went somewhere else after seeing you here." I really appreciated how considerate the whole crew was of my privacy and space. They made sure that they didn't interfere with school or any plans I had. They always asked me if it was okay to film whenever there was any reason I wouldn't be okay with it, and they never forced me to do anything. It was really nice to have control over what goes on camera and what doesn't for once.
"I'm gonna sneak up on them so they don't run away from me next time," Miles smirked.
"You're so weird," I laughed.
"I'm gonna make your documentary a comedy documentary," Miles said.
"What the hell is a comedy documentary?" I gave him a weird look.
"A funny documentary, duh," He rolled his eyes at me. "I'm gonna crack so many jokes."
"Miles, we talked about this," I stared at him with a straight face. He tells the last funniest jokes in the history of jokes. It's so bad that you can't even fake laugh.
"You're the only one who thinks I'm not funny," Miles argued.
"That's such a lie! I bet even your fans think they're bad too." I said.
"My fans would never think that," Miles pretended to look offended. "Run a poll on your story. We need to see now." He gestured to my phone.
"Can't. Taylor banned me from social media." I pouted.
"Probably for the best," Miles shrugged and pulled out his own phone.
"You're supposed to be on my side!" I playfully punched him in the arm.
"I cannot tell a lie," He shrugged and handed me his phone to post on his story. I snapped a selfie of the two of us before adding a poll sticker.
are miles' jokes funny? (be brutally honest)
After checking with him and getting his approval, I hit post and handed him back his phone. I fought back the urge to go and find posts about me to see what people were saying. I knew I'd feel guilty the second I did it; I'd be betraying Taylor.
We decided to give it 10 minutes before checking the results. We've always done this, ever since we made social media accounts; we'd disagree on something and go on social media to see what the people say. It's a lighthearted thing that's always fun for us, and people seem to love it when they get pictures of Miles and I together. The questions were always stupid. Does pineapple belong on pizza? Is winter or summer better? Which Pitch Perfect movie is the best one? They were never deep, which made it more fun. It was a silly little game we played to see who's "right" that became a tradition.
Once the ten minutes were up, Miles opened his story. 50% had said yes and 50% had said no.
"No," I groaned.
"The people have spoken," Miles smiled.
"It's literally 50/50," I pointed out.
"But that means people do think I'm funny," Miles said it as if what he just said makes sense.
"What the fuck are you saying?" I laughed.
"I don't know but I know that I won," Miles smirked.
"Whatever you say," I rolled my eyes.
"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked and grabbed my laptop from my backpack.
"Yeah, I've been dying to rewatch School of Rock," I excitedly told him. I logged into my laptop and opened Netflix. After looking at him to make sure he was okay with my movie selection, I clicked on the movie and set my laptop down in front of me.
Once the movie started, Miles and I both leaned against the wall behind my bed. I cuddled into him, finding comfort in the warmth that radiated from his body, and the feeling of having someone hold me. I missed this simple act of affection. It was starting to get a little lonely here at college.
We ended up getting through 3 movies before my eyes were fighting to stay open.
"I'm gonna let you sleep now," Miles laughed and gently laid me down in my bed before standing up.
"No, don't go," I whined.
"You need to rest," He pulled the sheets over me and kissed my forehead.
"Just stay over," I mumbled, my eyes already closed.
"As much as I'd love to, I'm pretty sure people are still waiting for me to come out," Miles sighed. I forgot about them. I wanted to scream out the window and tell them to fuck off but I knew better than to do that.
"Fine," I finally gave in, still unhappy that I was going to be alone again.
"I'll text you tomorrow, good night Sky," Miles kissed me again before turning the lights off and walking towards the door.
"Good night Miles," I said before letting my mind wander off into whatever world it desired to go to tonight.
so sorry for how bad this chapter is. if i'm being honest, i only wrote it so there was a chapter where miles and sky are spending time together. i promise i'll make the next one better. but for now, thanks for reading and i hope everyone's having an amazing day/night!!