Chapter 17
Dream has been caught up in the whirlwind of wedding planning. As the wedding drew even closer, Dream shouldered a lot of the stress so Sapnap and Karl wouldn't have to, offering to call and confirm appointments, and pick up last minute things for the ceremony and reception.
It means he's had less time to see George. Which maybe he would be slightly relieved about, seeing as George wanted to discuss things. But it honestly just made him a little sad, and he was missing the boy who has definitely kept a piece of Dream's shattered heart all these years.
That's the new thing Dream has been pondering frequently. His feelings.
As much as he would love to ignore or deny them, the truth is that they are there. He likes George. More than he thinks he should. And it feels so scary and wrong despite making so much sense. He once loved George, and it tore him apart when he lost him. There's more to lose this time, because Dream does truly care for Lana as well. He wouldn't survive losing them both if something happened and he screwed things up.
Lana. That's the other issue. Not necessarily an issue, of sorts. But more of something to consider. They're a package deal, George and Lana. It's a bit frightening to realise that.
And then there's the scary realisation that Dream has no idea what George is thinking or feeling. He realises that's sort of the point of their discussion, to air out any miscommunication, but who's to say George has even thought about those kinds of feelings. Dream has obviously realised he still has feelings for his ex, but George may not have any of the sort. This is likely entirely one-sided, and Dream is fine with that so long as George never realises.
But here Dream was, quickly making his way into the ring shop to pick up the wedding rings for the ceremony as Sapnap instructed him to do. He didn't have to think about George, or feelings, or discussions or-
"Dream?" George's voice was like honey, and Dream instantly turned with a smile, and when his eyes settled on the brunet, he let out almost a sigh of relief. A strange reaction, he realised.
"Dream!" Was Lana's more excitable shout, taking Dream by surprise once again with her hug.
"Hi Alana." He hugged her back, while still looking at George. "I feel like I haven't seen you ages." He said, as Lana tugged him closer to George. He went willingly, of course, feeling more relaxed the longer he kept his eyes on the boy. George laughed and nodded.
"Does seem like that. Been busy running wedding errands." George sighed.
"Me too. Wait, what are you doing here, then?" Dream asked, eyebrows furrowing. He felt Lana start fiddling with the rings on his own hand, and let her.
"Karl asked me to pick up the rings." George explained, and Dream let out a huff, pulling out his phone and rapidly texting with one hand.
"Sapnap told me the same thing. They really need to work on their communication then, if they want this marriage to work." Dream shook his head, but was smiling.
"Oh. Well, the woman is bringing them out now. I can hold on to them if you like." George offered.
"I've got to go pick up Karl's suit so I can just take them. Not to mention I'm the ring bearer for the ceremony, so I'll have to hold onto them anyway. Not sure why Karl sent you to get them, you'd have to make the unnecessary trip to our house to drop them off." Dream was slightly puzzled.
"I like going to your place, it's a nice house. Plus Lana gets excited to see everyone." George said, reaching out to pat her hair. "We've got nothing planned today. Maybe we could join you while you pick up the suit?" George asked, but he seemed slightly nervous about the question, fingers anxiously twisting Lana's hair.
"I'd love that." Dream smiled warmly.
"Here we are." The woman returned, a small box in hand. "Already paid for, so you're right to take them. Are you the ring bearer?" She asked George.
"No, but he is." George gestured to Dream, and the woman glanced over with a nod, and then held out a small card.
"Instructions. On how to not lose the rings." She said, peering over her glasses to look at Dream, who chuckled nervously as he took the card.
"I wouldn't lose them, I'm the best man. And I'm not an idiot."
"You're not the first best man to say that." She gave him a stare. "You can't say you won't lose them unless you've carried rings on your person in the past and managed to not lose them."
"I'll have you know I bought an engagement ring and never lost it." Dream stood up straighter, feeling attacked by this random lady.
"Mm-hm." Her eyes went to his hand, where no wedding band sat. Dream self-consciously tightened his hand into a fist. "When was that proposal?"
"Few years ago." Dream said softly.
"Mm. Didn't lose the ring, but managed to lose the girl." She tutted.
"Alright, we have to go. Wedding planning, you know how it is." George said nervously, taking the ring box and then Lana's hand, gently tugging her towards the entrance. In turn, she pulled on Dream, who saw the lady give him one more judgemental stare before they left.
"What a rude woman." George said with a scoff, and then glanced over at Dream, who was still silent. "She must have a lot of people lose the rings. To have those instructions ready."
"I wouldn't lose them." Dream said, softly. And then looked at George, who was still holding the box in his hand. George held it out, and Dream tentatively took it, carefully opening it to see the two golden bands of slightly different sizing. He snapped it shut and held it in a tight grip.
"Which shop is Karl's suit at?" George asked,
cleaning his throat. Lana was still between them, holding a hand each and skipping along.
"It's actually on this street." Dream said, still refusing to put the box even in his pocket. What if he actually did lose them? He'd ruin the wedding.
"Would you like to put the rings in your car for now? So you know where they are and you don't have to hold them?" George offered. Dream nodded, and led the way to his car that was parked on the street.
He let go of Lana to open the car and put the box in the front compartment. He felt slightly uneasy now he had the rings. He was not worried at all before. That lady has gotten in his head.
He heard George talking quietly to Lana as Dream made sure the rings were secure, and locked his car twice when he stepped back.
"Dream, can I have a piggy back!" Lana said, tugging on his hand. "Please." She added sweetly.
"Sure." Dream smiled, glancing at George who nodded once with a similar smile, and Dream ducked down slightly so she could jump on his back and wrap her arms around his neck.
"It's so high up here!" She giggled when Dream stood up, making him laugh and look at George who rolled his eyes.
"I'm pretty tall too, Lana." George said.
"Dream's tallest than Daddy." She said, and Dream smirked at George.
"Whatever. Come on, you two." George huffed, waving them away from the car.
Dream led the way to the store, Lana giggling the entire time on his back. George was laughing too, meeting Dream's eyes every now and again with a small smile and warm eyes which Dream returned.
All of Dream's anxieties and worries about George seem to disappear when he just looks at him. Which is weird, you'd think they'd get worse when he looks at the exact person making him feel things. But no, because George is home. He's realised that now.
They entered the shop with Dream ducking slightly to make sure Lana wouldn't hit her head, which she wasn't even close to, but he did anyways. They were immediately greeted by a cheerful man who smiled at all three of them.
"Aren't you just a gorgeous little family." He put a hand on his heart. "How can I help you all today?"
"We're picking up our friend's suit for his wedding. His name is Karl Jacobs." George said, putting a hand on Dream's arm, and completely brushing over the family comment that made Dream's stomach do a weird somersault.
"Absolutely! I'll go get it now. I believe it's been paid for already." He beamed, and wondered away. Dream bent down slightly and helped Lana jump off his back so she could wonder around.
"So. Um. Have you got a suit organised?" Dream cleared his throat, glancing at George.
"Yeah, thankfully. You?"
"Mom helped me pick." Dream smiled.
"You're such a Momma's boy." George chuckled.
"And proud." Dream puffed out his chest.
They were interrupted by a small child squealing as he ran between them, hiding behind a rack of clothing. Dream blinked in confusion, expecting it to be Lana but it being a completely random kid.
"August, get back here you little shit." A woman said, lightheartedly, as she followed him to the clothes rack. Dream looked at her and blinked a few times. He recognised her from somewhere.
"Oh, Alex?" George said, and the woman looked at him, her dark braids nearly flicking a nearby person in the face.
"Oh, George! What are you doing here?" She said with a smile, but it fell when the little boy ran out from behind the clothes and she dove and picked him up, swinging him over his shoulder as he laughed.
"Picking up our friends suit for that wedding." George said, as Lana came jogging over, taking his hand.
"Hi Lana." The woman, Alex said with a smile.
"Hi Alex! Hi Auggie!" Lana said, waving at the boy who was hanging upside down. He waved back. "This is Dream!" She said, grabbing Dream's hand, making the woman look at him.
"I recognise you." She narrowed her eyes, adjusting the boy in her arms. "Oh! From the open house! You're that guy whose friends are moving out and you proposed to someone who..." Her eyes darted between George and Dream. "Oh." Her eyebrows raised.
"I can't help but feel like maybe I overshared." Dream's face was burning.
"I did too. I'm the chick who still lives with her parents because her partner is fighting a custody battle for her kid." She then lifted the boy up by his ankle. "I'm Alex, by the way." She said with a small laugh, holding out her hand for a handshake.
"Dream. Or, well, Clay." He shook her hand.
"Got a court meeting coming up and I have to go to support my partner. Was hoping this place sold suits for women, but I don't really like any of their styles so we're going somewhere else. Stuck with this little bugger today though." She let August go back on his feet and he ran away with laughter, making Lana laugh too, and run after him.
"August is in the same class as Lana. Alex often picks him up." George explained to Dream who nodded, figuring out that much.
"So. You're the one who rejected his proposal because you had Lana on the way and hadn't told him." Alex said, looking at George, who went a little red with shame.
"There's a bit more to it than that." Dream said, stepping a little closer to George, almost defensively.
"Oh, I'm sure there is." Alex said with a wave of her hand. "I'm just trying to piece it together. Damn. Well, you two seem to have found your way back to each other again, at least." She said.
Dream cleared his throat and George shuffled on his feet slightly awkwardly.
"Well." Alex's eyes twinkled slightly in amusement. "Back to each other in some form, I suppose."
"I'm hungry!" August returned, arms over his chest and staring up at Alex, who put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow.
"Try that again."
"Can we get food please, Ma." He took her hand, and she softened, giving it a squeeze.
"Sure thing, bug." She said.
"He calls you Ma?" George questioned, a smile on his face.
"Has since he was two." She shrugged. "I tried to keep him calling me Alex but kid refused."
"Why did you want him to call you Alex?" George asked. She shrugged.
"I came into his life as Alex. But he was young enough to not really get confused by changing my name. I decided to let him call me whatever he wants. Cause I'm not going anywhere." She said, picking him up and pressing a kiss on his cheek, which he squirmed away from, but was giggling nonetheless.
Lana had returned too, grabbing Dream's hand because he was closest. Alex looked at them with a smile.
"Aren't you lucky to have a Dream in your life, little Lana." Alex said. Lana beamed and nodded.
"I've known Dream forever." She said, holding onto his arm with both hands. "Daddy told me all about Dream. And then I found Dream." George winced slightly at that comment.
"Sounds like a dream come true." Alex winked at her.
The man who was finding Karl's suit had returned, and was awkwardly floating nearby, holding the garment bag.
"I'll leave you all to it, have a great wedding." Alex said with a wave that August copied.
"See you around." George said with a smile.
"It was nice to meet you again." Dream said, a slightly awkward laugh.
"And you. Hope things work out for you both." She said, before putting August on the floor and letting him tug her out of the store.
"Here we are." The man walked over like he hadn't been hovering, holding out the suit. Dream took it and opened up the garment bag to check it looked right, before signing a small book to confirm it had been picked up by him.
"Are Sapnap and Karl home?" George asked Dream as they left the store.
"No, they're out organising some other things. Won't be back for another hour or so." Dream said, holding the garment bag carefully to not crease the suit inside.
"Oh. Do you know when they are moving into the new place?" George then asked, and Dream grimaced. Sapnap and Karl did buy the house.
"When they're back from their honeymoon. Didn't want the added pressure of moving house on top of wedding planning." Dream said with a sigh. "I was thinking of moving all their stuff over while they're away so they can come back to their new home." He added softly.
"That's really sweet." George smiled.
"Not that I want them to leave but... I know they should."
"I can help move their things if you like. The two of them put together must have a lot of stuff." George offered.
"That would be great actually." Dream smiled back at him. "Might try and get their stuff out by christmas so I don't have to think about it in the new year."
"Are they away for Christmas?" George asked.
"Yeah. They're travelling across Asia, I think. Gone until January."
"That's a long time. Will you be alright living alone for that long?" George asked.
"Well." Dream frowned, looking at the ground. "I suppose I'll have to get used to it now."
George didn't say anything for a few moments, and neither did Dream as they continued the walk to Dream's car. The only sound between them was Lana, kicking rocks and giggling as they walked.
"You said you were scared." George suddenly spoke, and Dream stiffened, tightening his hold on the garment bag. "I'm not quite sure what about. But I'd like to know what you mean." He could feel George looking at him.
"Um. I... was drunk."
"Tipsy at most. But I think you meant it. Scared to... call her Lana? Be in her life, my life? Scared to acknowledge the fact that a little girl adores you?"
Dream unlocked his car which appeared in view, and cleared his throat, before briskly walking to open the back seat. He was careful and focused as he hung up the suit on the back of the seat, really not wanting to deal with an angry Karl.
"Dream. Please don't dodge it again." George said softly from behind him, and Dream sighed, resting an arm on the back of the passenger headrest, and closing his eyes.
"It's scary to talk about these things."
"I know." He felt a brush of a hand on his back, only fleeting, before it fell away. But it felt like a zap of electricity went through his muscles at the touch. "And it's scary to hear them too. But I want to know why. I want... I want to understand you."
Dream sighed again, a hand running down his face, before he stood up and slowly turned around, meeting George's eyes, who was watching him apprehensively, like expecting him to change the subject or dismiss him. Again. This wasn't George's first attempt at talking.
"Daddy." Lana tugged on George's shirt, and he moved his attention to his daughter, bending slightly to her height. Lana rubbed her eyes. "I'm sleepy."
"Nap time?" George asked, checking his watch for the time, before reaching out and picking her up, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. "It's been a lot of walking today, you must be tired." He said quietly, patting her back.
Dream smiled slightly, watching how gentle he was with her, and how Lana just melted into his hold. It was so heartwarming.
"Sorry." George winced, looking at Dream. "Could... could we still..."
"Would you like to come back to mine?" Dream asked, voice soft and slightly hesitant. "She can sleep while we talk for a bit."
"Yeah." George seemed to relax in relief, and gave him a small smile. "I'd love that."
•
"Wait. Where's... Dream." Lana yawned, disturbed slightly from her rest as George lay her down in Dream's bed that he offered up once they got home.
"I'm right here, Alana. You go to sleep." Dream slowly approached the bed as well, and George shifted slightly.
"Oh good. Both here." She mumbled, snuggling into her baby blanket that she demands George takes almost everywhere for her. "Is Lana."
"Right." Dream swallowed, as George turned to him with raised eyebrows. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart." He settled on, as Lana drifted off again. George pressed a kiss against her forehead before gesturing for Dream to leave the room and him following.
George shut the door quietly and turned to Dream, who let out a small laugh.
"She goes to sleep much easier for a nap than bedtime." Dream said.
"She often does." George shook his head with a small smile. "Can I ask, why do you not call her Lana." George looked slightly hesitant again at the question, and Dream sighed, gesturing him to follow.
"Tea?"
"Dream."
"We will talk." Dream assured him. "I just thought we could make ourselves comfortable while we do." He said. George nodded, and followed Dream to the kitchen, who made their teas in silence. Although it didn't escape George's notice that Dream made his tea the exact way he always liked it. There are some things you never forget.
"Thank you." George said softly, taking the cup like it was precious, and following Dream again to the living room, where they both sat on the same sofa.
The silence that followed was definitely awkward. The lingering conversation was like a shadow over the both of them. Now it had been addressed, and explicitly brought up, it was even more difficult to start.
"This is weird." Dream said behind his cup of tea. George snorted into his own.
"Very weird."
"I'm all... nervous. Like a job interview." Dream rolled his shoulders, and then blinked a few times, looking at George. "Wait. Did you ever hear back from that interview you went for?"
George's cheeks went slightly pink.
"Um. Yeah. I... got the job."
"That's awesome!" Dream grinned. "Congrats. When do you start?"
"I haven't accepted it yet." George looked away, holding his tea with both hands tightly.
"Oh. Are you... not sure you want it?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I want, or what the next few years will look like. I don't want to be tied down to a full-time desk job but I don't know what else to do to support Lana and I. Its a big commitment and it's..." He let out a breathy laugh and looked back at Dream. "It's a bit scary."
"I imagine it is." Dream said. "I know a thing or two about being scared of big commitments, I guess." And that pulled another laugh out of George, which made Dream smile along. "I guess the good thing about a job is you don't have to decide right now what you want to do. Or you could always try this job and change later if you don't like it."
"You're right." George nodded, and then glanced at Dream. "Jobs are a fair bit easier to change, aren't they?" His voice softened slightly. Dream leaned back in his seat and took a deep breath.
"Yeah."
"The opening was right there, Dream. Don't make me probe." George rolled his eyes, and Dream winced with a laugh. "I know this has been a lot of change for you, recently." George changed his tone to something softer. "Being back in regular contact with your ex, a child that is now part of your life, your best friends getting married and moving out. I know you've got a lot of things going on, and it's probably a lot to think about. But... I need..." George leaned back and took in deep breath. "I need to know what you're thinking. Lana is my biggest priority. It's my job to protect her and if you don't think you can be in her life, then I need to know this now."
"I am in her life, I want..." He sat up straighter. "I want to be in her life. And yours, George."
"At the moment, it seems like you've still got one foot out the door." George whispered, like it was a secret, one he's been keeping for a while. "Which is fine. I have no expectations for you to stay, you have no obligation to me or to Lana-"
"I'm not going anywhere." Dream interrupted, eyebrows furrowed. "Like I said."
"You call her Alana, like saying her nickname makes it official. You get uncomfortable when someone insinuates you're her father or part of the family. You didn't even acknowledge Lana saying she loves you, which I know is just a little girl saying that but that's a big thing and-"
Dream cut him off by gently grabbing one of his hands, and getting George to look at him. Because the boy had tears in his eyes and was getting choked up.
"I want to be here." Dream said softly, squeezing his hand. "I want to be in your life, and her life. I want to call her her nickname, I want to say I love you back, I... I want to be part of the family, your family."
"Then why..." George whispered, a Dream sighed, putting down his tea so he could take George's hand in both of his, gently tracing circles on his palm.
"I think..." Dream swallowed. "I think I'm trying to protect myself. And her."
"I don't understand." George said, but it looked like he did.
"I was so heartbroken when you left. It ruined me, and I'm not bringing that up to make you feel guilty." Dream assured him when George's face broke. "But, honestly, part of me is terrified that will happen again. I don't think I'd survive if I lost you once again, and even worse if I lose Alana in the process."
"How do I make you trust me again." George let out the softest sob Dream had ever heard and he had to fight back his own tears at that heartbreaking question.
"I will. I think I just need a little more time to learn that. Because now you have a daughter who is the light of your life and nothing could ever and should never compete with that. And I think that's part of the reason I'm scared, because-"
"Because I already picked her once." George whispered in horror and Dream shook his head, shuffling closer.
"No. Because if I lose you then I lose her too." Dream said, reaching out to wipe a tear from George's cheek. "If you go, she goes with you. I already know how it feels to lose you, I don't want to know what it would feel like to lose the both of you."
George shook his head, tears gently falling onto his cheeks, as Dream wiped them carefully.
"Part of it is me protecting Alana, too. I don't want to become a huge part of her life if one day that could be taken away so suddenly." Dream swallowed, trying to fight his own tears. "It's not the same, because I'm not her Dad, but when mine left, it... it hurt. And I blamed myself. And I don't want her to ever think that, if someone important had to leave for reasons out of her control."
"I've messed up so much." George put his tea down and pulled his hand out of Dream's grasp to cover his face with both hands. "I've ruined everything. You're never going to trust me again."
"George, I know I will-"
"It will be forever in the back of your mind. You're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, for me to move away again without saying a word, dropping all connection. And you have a right to fear that, because I've done it once. There's no reason for you to think I wouldn't do it again."
"I know for a fact you wouldn't." Dream furrowed his eyebrows, and reached out to carefully tug George's hands off his face, leaning closer to meet his eyes. "I know you won't. You've learnt from your mistakes, and I see it in the way you communicate now. You went to my family home to let me know you were planning to move away again. You told me we needed to have this exact conversation because secrets were what messed it up last time. I know you won't do that again."
"Then why do you have to protect yourself. And Lana." George looked at him, like he was begging for some answers that made sense.
"Because I don't trust myself to not give you a reason to leave." Dream breathed out, and George seemed to freeze, staring at him like he didn't quite hear it, or like he was still processing Dream's words. But he didn't make a sound. "Sometimes..." Dream spoke slowly, looking anywhere but George. "Sometimes, you have to distance yourself from people who no longer fit in your life. Sometimes it's people you care about, or loved. Sometimes it's no one's fault, sometimes it is. I'm selfish, George. Because I don't want you to wake up one day, and realise that you were right for leaving the first time."
Sometimes, Dream doesn't feel like he's changed one bit in four years. Like he's been frozen in time while everyone else grew up slightly, made their lives, settled down, matured. But he's blinked and suddenly he's alone, and he's not entirely sure what happened, or if he's even grown one bit.
"Clay." George's voice broke, and he reached up to cup Dream's cheeks, wiping away his tears just like Dream did for him. George's eyes searched his own, and Dream found himself momentarily frozen, letting George examine his soul and patched up heart through the windows in his eyes. "You are perfect."
"That doesn't mean anything. No one is perfect." Dream blinked hard, but his tear was immediately swept away.
"But you are. Everything you think is a fault just makes you more perfect to me. I will spend the rest of my life proving that, and as long as it takes for you to trust that I won't ever leave you again." George said.
Dream pulled George into a hug then, tucking the boy's head into his chest so he could bury his face into his hair and breathe him in. George melted into the hug, arms wrapping around Dream just as tight and letting out a soft sigh.
Maybe Dream should have brought up his feelings. They were being open and honest with one another, so it might have been important information to share and lay out on the table. But what was the point? He has George already, and he is beyond happy to have him just like this, whatever this is.
Dream wouldn't risk their fresh and fragile connection by admitting something like that. He liked where they were, this... connection. He couldn't quite say friends, although that does probably reign true. And he obviously couldn't say anything more, because they weren't. But even Dream could see that what they have right now is different to anything he's had before. It was new. It was fragile. It was scary.
He didn't want to risk touching it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N
Discussing everything but his feelings for George. Silly Dream. Well, progress nonetheless.
They are so weird. Clearly more than friends but not at all dating. What a complicated pair. Perhaps things will clear up soon. For starters, we barely know what's happening in George's pretty little head.
Get keen for the Karlnap wedding :)