Part of my previous fic, " No feelings attached "
bada lee x dancer! reader
word count : 5.6k
warnings: heavy angst, cheating, swearing, very suggestive towards the end.
summary: you pushed her away but she kept coming back.
notes: this was so hard to write in crying dead on the floor
—————————————————————————
Broken things can't be fixed. No matter the glue, no matter the work, no matter how much it hurts to fix it.
Yet she tried too, even if you didn't want her help.
She was there knocking on your door, every morning and every evening. In hopes you'd talk to her, and let her in. Just a single word, but it always ended up in the two of you fighting between a door.
" Y/N please open the door I just want to talk" she pleaded against your apartment door.
" Look Bada, I don't think we can talk right now without one of us getting upset. So can we do this later? Please? " You begged behind the door.
Bada ignored your begging and continued to pesk at you," Y/N, I'm not giving up on you. I'm not giving up on us " Bada said, sighing. She just wanted you to open the door and talk to her.
" I'm sorry Bada, but I already did. I'm not going to listen to you lie again to my face. It's time you let me go, " you replied. Your back was completely to the door.
" Will it kill you to just listen to me this once? " Bada shouted.
" Bada, I've tried. I've already told you. And you're still not listening to me. For fucks sake, your not even listening to me now! Bada, I said leave and I mean it " you shouted back, your voice breaking at the end.
Bada stood there in front of your door, she tried to let herself in but you blocked her out. She had no other choice but to leave.
It was like that for several weeks, she'd come begging at your door for just one conversation. But the only conversation she was met with was the harsh reality of your relationship. It was in shambles. Your months of friendship were out of the window like you two had never met. Every interaction was just a distant memory.
Every time she'd come to your house, it left you a crying mess behind the door. Listening to her pleas and words was just a punch to your heart. But you couldn't help but fall in love with her, it was something you couldn't resist. But it just hurt you instead.
But in the process of breaking your heart, she broke her own. She lost a part of herself.
Bada would find herself going to places where the both of you hung out. Visiting the cafe you'd spend your break on, the mall where you two got matching bracelets, and the studio where you'd choreograph together. Everything reminded her of you.
She'd even stand in the rain, letting the rain swallow her whole. Letting it absorb everything she felt. She'd catch herself crying even, just collapsing on the wet ground. Her clothes were soaking wet and her face was swollen from crying. She felt like it was all her fault. It was but she didn't even notice until now. Everything came crashing against her like a heavy wave. But the tide never stopped, it just kept rising. She'd stay there in the rain all by herself for hours until Howl would find her.
Howl would try to comfort her but his comfort wasn't yours.
His embrace suddenly felt cold to her, his body was stiff against hers. Uncomfortable almost. She couldn't look at him anymore. Something pushed her away from him. She was ashamed, she couldn't look at her own boyfriend. Everything was suddenly harder to bear without you.
Practices felt longer, dance wasn't as fun, and Team Bebe wasn't a team without you.
Seven was just an awkward number. With you gone, there were no eight members of Bebe, just seven. After that night, Team Bebe was different. It was harder to work together and be together as one. It didn't feel like a big family anymore, you and Bada were like their parents. But one parent had left, leaving them in shambles. Some days the girls would come in crying talking about how they missed you, others were upset at Bada for her actions. Some of them even assured her to apologize.
" Bada Unnie, talk to Y/N. It's not Team Bebe without her. " Soweon whined.
" She's like your other half, without her, we barely hold together, " Minah said.
" Bada Unnie, apologize to her. We need her, you need her " Tatter begged.
Team Bebe didn't know the effort their leader put in to get you back but she simply couldn't. You wouldn't let her back into your life.
Bada turned around your whole world and then crushed it.
She was your everything. Every little touch, every little comment or kiss, made your heart flutter. You fell hard for her. Even though you knew she'd find someone else and replace you, it still hurt. It hurt that it was someone you knew. Someone you trusted, or thought you could trust. Yet he was the one who took the heart of the girl you wanted the whole time.
Along with Bada's constant visits, Howl did try to reach out.
" Hey Y/N, I'm sorry. I didn't know you liked her like that. I never meant to come between your guy's friendship.
But, I hope we can still be friends. "
That was the only message he sent after that day. The day you knew the truth. The day, lies were screamed at your face. The day your whole world turned into a full circle. The day you lost trust in the people you trust the most.
Your best friends.
It didn't feel the same without them, you knew you should hate both of them. But you still longed and ached for their comfort. Their words of encouragement, their constant teasing, and just them being there for you.
Your heart still longed for Bada. Even if you knew you she hurt you. Every time you pushed her away and blocked her out, another other part of you was tempted to let her back in. And welcome back her touch, her lips, her words, and her heart. But you just couldn't.
You couldn't pick up the shattered piece of your own heart.
Soon, coming into Just Jerk to teach choreography became unbearable. The studio left a sour taste in your mouth, a fresh pain of memories hitting you instantly. Your time there was quick, you never stayed longer or waited up. Trying to avoid the one you truly loved.
Bada would try and just catch a glimpse of you every day at Just Jerk. But she could never find you, or at least you wouldn't let her. Your studio door was always locked, and your classes suddenly weren't available to the public. Only now offering private lessons. People rarely ever saw you at Just Jerk and people started to talk.
" Has anyone seen Y/N Unnie? She hasn't had classes in a while. "
" I heard something happened at Just Jerk, so she doesn't work as often "
" Will she come back? "
Along with the worried statements of your students, fans of Street Women Fighter 2, noticed your absence from the show.
When episode two aired, you were nowhere to be found during the announcement of Class Mission. And when Bada sorted the team, she put Lusher as sub-leader, not you. You weren't even on the list. Many fans started making comments and their concern grew.
" Where's Y/N Unnie? "
" Why is Lusher the sub-leader of Bebe, wasn't that Y/N's position? "
" Did Y/N leave Bebe? "
Nobody knew where the old sub-leader of Bebe had disappeared to, or why she was suddenly off of the show. People wondered if you'd come back.
The truth was no. The next day you walked into Just Jerk, which would hopefully be one of your last days walking in. The atmosphere of the place became so unbearable, that you need a break, a very long one.
That day you walked in with transfer papers, to move to a whole new studio. Placing them on the desk of your boss, or your soon-to-be old boss. He looked up at you.
" Are you sure you want to? You're an important part of this studio. " he stated.
" I know, Youngjae Sung but I just can't work here. It doesn't feel as fun as it used to. " you replied
" Y/N, if this is about Bada. I'm not letting you leave. You're one of my best choreographers here, and I'm not losing you over a fight." Youngjae replied sternly.
" But- "
" Nope the best I'll give you is a month off, but you can take these papers back. " he slid the papers across the table and left.
Howl watched the whole interaction from afar, listening to every word. " Quit ", you wouldn't really would you? At least you tried too, but Howl could tell you'd be gone from the studio for a longer time. He rushed into Bada's studio.
" Bada! " Howl shouted into the studio, in the middle of her class.
All of her class turned around looking at Howl like he was a crazy person. Bada didn't appreciate his sudden outbreak, either. She excused herself, now in a pissy mood. " Howl, what could you possibly want right now? I was in the middle of class". Bada's softer tone was filled with pure anger. Her tongue poked the inside of her cheek.
" Y/N tried to quit the academy "
Her once irritated face shifted into disbelief and confusion.
" What do you mean she tried to quit the academy? " Her voice was stern, but a hint of worry was arising.
" She was talking to Youngjae Sung, about transferring to another academy. But he stopped her. He knew it was about you- " Howl began.
" Wait, she wanted to quit because of me... " Bada whispered to herself.
".. but he offered to give her a month off. So we wouldn't be seeing Y/N for a long time. That's what I wanted to tell you, but hey get back to your class." Howl said before walking away. Leaving Bada to process the whole scenario.
She wanted to quit because of me, she thought. So many things ran throughout her brain. She had made it so unbearable for you that you'd rather move to a whole other studio than see her. It made her heartthrob. She wanted to collapse in tears and go home. But she couldn't. Bada stepped back into her class and put a smile on her face. She pushed herself extra hard to not focus on what Howl had told her earlier.
But maybe too hard.
When Bada finished the class, she found herself breathing harder than usual. Her chest felt heavy and her mind was blurred with thoughts. It didn't help that the streets of Korea had fallen dark and quiet. Bada locked up her studio and started walking out. She couldn't walk right though, her body was physically exhausted and her mind wasn't doing so good either. Her walking caused her to walk almost side to side. But it soon became too much as she moved to the side of the road she was walking on, and collapsed. Becoming unconscious and vulnerable.
It was almost 10 p.m., and you were rushing back to the studio. You left some important documents on Youngjae's desk. Yet to no avail, the studio was tightly locked up. Which left you on a long walk home with nothing in your hands. But on your way home, you noticed a figure against a wall. Specially collapsed against a wall, a hoodie covered their face though. You looked around, it was quite late. It would be unsafe to leave this person behind. As you stepped closer, curiosity got the best of you. Moving the hoodie off the mystery figure.
Just to be met with Bada's face.
Fuck, you thought to yourself. Bada's face was pale, her cheeks slightly swollen up, her eye bags hung dark, and she looked skinnier than usual. She looked miserable. She seems to have collapsed after a class you assumed. Even if you hated her at that moment, even if you couldn't even have a conversation with her. She was your best friend, you couldn't have left her alone there. The rain started to pour and you sighed. You had to help her now.
You scooped her up her arm and moved it around your shoulder. You wrapped your arm around her waist. Bada was still unconscious so it left you to hold up her body weight against yours. The rain sprinkled but quickly became an ongoing downpour. You held onto Bada tightly and ran towards your apartment. It was the only place you could take cover, and help Bada.
As soon as you entered, you removed Bada's soggy shoes and socks. Then gently placed Bada against the sofa's cushion. You rummaged through your closet for some of Bada's clothes. That she had left someday, or maybe you stole it. You found some clothes and headed back to the sofa and undressed her soggy clothes. Placing the fresh ones on her. Even if you were used to her body, a blush always appeared on your face as she was vulnerable around you, and she was very vulnerable right now. After you changed her, you thought about leaving for bed. But you couldn't just leave Bada on your couch. Hooking your arms around her waist you dragged her to your bedroom. Being as gentle as possible. You tucked her into the covers of your bed and sat alongside her.
Even if you hated her at the moment, you still genuinely cared for her. You'd feel bad if you just left her.
Bada slowly started to stir, her hands tugging on the covers. Her eyes tried to adjust to her surroundings. It felt unfamiliar but comforting. The once cold streets of Korea were suddenly a comfy bed. When she fully sat up, she rubbed her eyes looking around. She was in your room.
" Hey Bada, you okay? "
It's as if time halted, you were right in front of her. When she felt the most vulnerable. She could take in every single feature on your face. The smallest nose scrunch, the glimmer in your eyes, or the hair that draped over your eyes. The smooth silkiness of your skin, the small movement of your hair, the outfit that adored your body. It was as if she met you for the first time again. Your face was filled with worry and curiosity. You still cared for her. The thought brought a flood of tears to well up in her eyes.
You instinctively pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. Bada started up sobbing, her breath heavy, and her voice hiccupped at every cry. Her body shook uncontrollably, and she held onto you tightly. It pained you to see her in this state. It wasn't often Bada broke down like this, but when she did it broke your heart to watch. Your heart hurts to see her like this.
She clung on like death as if it would take you away.
But you never left.
" Bada, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. " you whispered to her. Rubbing soft circles against her back.
" I'm sorry, I'm stupid- " Bada started, her voice hoarse and stuttering. Her tears stained your shirt and her arms held on desperately. She regretted everything. She knew she messed up. She knew you wouldn't forgive her, she was messed up.
" Bada please- " you started. You knew she was gonna blame herself.
" No no no this is all my fault. I fucked up. I used you like a toy. When you were the person that meant the most to me. I took you for granted, I didn't deserve you. I made the mistake of being a bad friend. You were always there for me, but I realized how far I was from you. I was too stupidly focused on something else. Chasing after something that you already had. I'm the one that broke your heart and caused this. But please,
I'll pick up every piece of your heart and put it back together. Just give me a chance. " Bada pleaded. Her eyes never met yours, her face looked down towards your shirt. She was ready for you to throw you out, or even shout at her.
Yet you didn't.
" Bada it's not your fault. I was the one that fell in love with you. But it just happened and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was just naturally drawn to you. Your kind smile, your passion for dance, and just you. I wanted you. It was my selfish desires that changed this to something more.
Although you were a bad friend Bada, like a pretty shitty one in fact. But we all make mistakes. And seeing you break down like this over me, over this whole situation. Just hurts me more.
I want you to be happy, and if you're happy with Howl that's okay.
Even if I've been chasing after you for years, your happiness is what matters the most.
But I'll always love you, Bada Lee. " you whispered the last part in her ear. Bada looked up at you, seeing now that your own eyes were flooded with tears. Just threatening to fall.
" I must admit, though. Sometimes I wished I was a man. I wish I was Howl. Because he gets to love you in a way I knew I never could. Even if I wanted to. " you muttered.
The tears that once flooded your eyes now trickled down your face. Your guard is completely down. Your body trembles from the crushing emotions. You wanted to leave, to hide from the girl you once knew. The girl you loved. But she held on, she now held onto you.
Bada pulled her into your arms. She knew that if you left, you'd try and take back everything you said. Deny everything. So she held you close, your head on her chest.
" Even if I don't feel the same, I'm not letting you push me away. You're still my best friend. " Bada muttered.
" That's all I ever will be. " you mumbled into her chest. The tears staining Bada's shirt now, splotchy, wet marks across her chest.Those four words hit like a truck, remembering the reality. She was in love with him, not you.
Bada heard your mumbled words, it pained her. She acted like she didn't hear you. She knew that you'd always have those feelings for her. But she wondered if she'd ever feel the same. If she could love you like you loved her.
" Y/N can we still be friends, " Bada whispered softly.
You didn't reply to her, too many thoughts running through your head. Could you be friends with the girl that broke your heart? The girl you loved?
Bada could sense your hesitation and knew it would take time. But she would try. She lifted your chin to look at her, " Hey are you listening? I'll try my best for you, okay? I know it will take time but I need you to trust me."
Her sudden actions made your heart flutter like the day you met her. You looked at her face for any sort of lie or fault, but all you saw was sincerity. She truly meant it.
She was gonna try to fix something unfixable. Even if she was the one that broke it.
" So what do you say?" Bada asked. Her voice still had a hint of hesitation. She wasn't sure if you still wanted her back in your life.
" I'd say you need to go back to sleep" you replied
" What does that mean? " Bada asked.
" I mean, I'm not kicking you out am I? " you teased.
" I still don't get it. " Bada sighed.
You sighed and pulled Bada by the collar, her face mere inches from yours. " Miss Lee, I'm saying I'll give you another chance. "You cooed, a grin spread across your face. You gently let go of her collar and kissed her cheek. " You need to rest, Bada, c'mon let's go to bed. "
When you pulled Bada by her collar, she felt that fluttering feeling in her own heart. The same flutter you felt. That was the first time she felt something like that from you. Bada's mind was racing, but you pulled her down to bed. You had pulled her close to your chest and started running your fingers through her hair. She relaxed and leaned into your touch. Yet thoughts still ran through her head as she slowly grew drowsy.
Had she started to fall in love with her best friend?
The next few days, the two of you spent together reconnecting and bonding. Trying to slowly fix the relationship between the two of you. And Bada held her word. She slowly put each part of your heart back together. She tried so hard and you appreciated her efforts. Even if you couldn't have her, it was still nice to have her there. Your mind was at ease, knowing she was going to be at your side.
Although, Bada's mind was quite the opposite. She was far from being at ease. Constant thought ran through her head. Why do I get the giggly feeling around her? Do I like her? But I'm in love with Howl, right? Bada was never one to question her sexuality or her love life. Yet here she was.
Ever since that night, Bada started noticing things she never noticed before. Even the smallest things about you. Like how your voice was raspy in the mornings, how you'd flutter your eyelashes when talking to her, or even how your lips parted when you sipped a drink. Every little delicate touch you gave, made her all giggly and flustered on the inside. She didn't know how to describe it.
Howl started to notice the shift in his girlfriend's behavior. She was lost in thought more, avoided any of his touches, and was absent from his presence frequently. He knew something was going on, something that would threaten their relationship.
Just like several months earlier, Just Jerk was hosting another showcase. This time with several new choreographers and dancers. Along with new duos, trios, and groups. Including new genre performances. From classic hip-hop to contemporary pieces. Bada was performing with her Team, along with a duet with Howl. She had been working hard on both, pushing herself to do the best she could to show her talent and commitment. But she was struggling to nail one of them, the duet.
Ever since the idea was proposed she felt slightly uneasy. The idea of dancing with Howl just felt strange, but he was her boyfriend. So why was it so hard for her? She couldn't figure it out. The practices between the two of them were awkward and the intimate moves felt uncomfortable to perform. Nevertheless, she had to push herself to put on a good performance.
She begged you to come to the performance but you couldn't attend due to still being on your one-month break. She was bummed but you promised her that you'd attend her next event with her.
Her first performance was approaching. It was her team's performance. Team Bebe was recreating their " Mega Crew Mission " from Street Woman Fighter 2 and brought it to a live audience.
" Psycho " By Beakhyun started playing. The stage was covered in the darkness of a red and purple light. A spotlight shined however in the middle. Where several male dancers lined up in two lines parallel to each other. Bada laid on the floor, between the two lines. As the lyrics started playing, Bada stood up and tried to walk forward. But as she got further and further the male dancers stopped her. Eventually, the last one stops her and holds her still. All of Team Bebe appears moving to the front. The front group begins dancing to the music in sync while the back group does a separate choreography in sync. It transitions to partner work with each member of Bebe with a male dancer. The slight touches of the waist, the holding of one hand, and the swaying of their bodies. Every part is perfectly in sync and position. The partners split and two lines are formed again, but the line cascades in movement as Bebe members dance with one another. Kyma and Minah move to the center and lean against each other, before breaking away revealing a distressed Bada. Her hand over her face and her fingers bruised. Then the dancers make three triangular formations, moving in place, and in sync. Bada is in the middle pushing the male dancer away as the chorus hits. She moves away from the guy and starts dancing to the chorus as it hits. All dancers are in sync. Half of the group breaks away to move to the side while Bada stays center and moves. Until she gets in a line formation, for the next transition to the next part.
One group of dancers stands in a middle sequence, all in one line. As the lights of the stage split in half. One side shined red with a spotlight, while the other shined green with another spotlight.
Minah moved from stage right to center, while Tatter moved from stage left to center. Both crawled and moved with determination toward the center, with their small groups following them. They meet at the center of a guy. Before turning and falling towards the other side. The middle row then splits and everyone is united once again in the dance formation. All of them kneel before the back group of dancers stand up, the front doing the same. Giving a domino-like effect.
The dancers move forward to the next part of the dance. Moving together in two circles. Lusher stood center, along with Soweon and Bada.
Both circles moved in sync and the center group did their own choreography. Each dancer's movement matched the beat. Slowly moving before getting on their knees and doing small floor work, while the center stood up strong. The dancers get up from their knees in one sleek motion before breaking away from the formation. Lusher takes center as the chorus is about to hit. As the beat dropped, Cheche was propped up before falling into the male dancer's arms. Team Bebe moves back into partner work with a male dancer, slightly more intimate this time.
Then the music speeds up, and all of Team Bebe dances in the center. As the male dancers divide, from stage left and right. Along with some of the middle holding up the sheet. The sheet flowed in the wind and moved up and down as the girls danced. All of the girls make a line formation before breaking away to different sides to reveal Kyma being held upside down. The sheet moves up and suddenly she's standing up again
Kyma expresses a vicious facial expression before being pulled under the sheet by Lusher. Lusher moves forward and the sheet is thrown into the background. The ending chorus starts and all the dancers move together. Never missing a single step. As the music ends, Lusher stands in the center with all her teammates. The male dancers surround them but they slowly drop to the ground one by one. The song slowly fades, and their performance is over.
The crowd erupted in loud cheers, freaking out after their jaw-dropping performance. The last time they performed nobody knew who those girls were besides Bada. But now they were known as Team Bebe and everyone knew their names. They hurried off stage and were all giddy and happy.
Bada was proud of her girls but she had to prepare for her duet quickly. She gave her group one last hug before heading further backstage to find Howl. She searched every single room and dressing room for him but he was nowhere to be found. And it was stressing her out. Bada pulled her phone out to call him before seeing a message.
" Dear Bada,
Lately, I've been noticing some changes in our relationship. You seem uninterested in me or any of my actions. And our duet practices were just awkward and uncomfortable. It seems like we weren't meant to be. I hope you find the person who is your soulmate though. I'm sorry I'm breaking up with you this way, but I love you Bada, and goodbye.
P.S. I already canceled our duet.
Howl "
Bada looked at her phone mindlessly, Howl had actually broken up with her. And ditched her on the day of their performance.
Yet she didn't feel sad or upset.
She reread the message several times and finally understood what he meant.
She realized what she had to do.
She ran outside in a rush, needing to go somewhere important. But when she made it outside she was met with a fierce thunderstorm and plowing rain. But that didn't stop her, she ran through the rain. Desperate to make it in time before it was too late.
You sat in your cozy apartment, listening to the rainfall and the loud bangs of thunder. Your window was covered in raindrops, some conjoined with one another, others just fell down the glass window. You had a book in your hand and a candle lit. It was the perfect cozy night in. But you heard loud banging knocks on your front door. You stood up cautiously and made your way to the door. You looked through the peephole to see Bada.
When you finally unlocked the door, you saw Bada's talk figure completely soaked from the rain and she looked like she was out of breath. You assured her inside and looked around for anyone else. You quickly grabbed her a towel and threw it around her. Worried about how she got here through the rain, and why she was here.
" Bada what are you doing here" you asked, but Bada cut you off. She grabbed you and held you close to her before pulling you in for a tender kiss, her arms around your waist and your arms around her neck. You were hesitant at first but slowly warmed back into her touch. You didn't care about anything at that moment, only the girl in your arms.
Bada had realized after reading Howl's message that she had fallen in love with you. And she didn't realize it but Howl did. She was constantly lost in thought because her mind raced when she thought about you. She was cold and unaffectionate towards Howl because she wasn't interested in his comfort, she was looking for your comfort. And she was always gone because she was with you. Their practices were awkward because there was no longer chemistry between the two. The only chemistry she had was with you. Bada realized at that moment that the person she'd been looking for all along was right in front of her.
When the two of you pried away from one another, Bada spoke up:
" Y/N I'm sorry. I've loved you from the minute I met you. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up, I was stuck. "
You looked at her surprised, " But what about Howl, Bada? ".
" He broke up with me. But it's okay. He opened my eyes to see the perfect girl that was in front of me all this time. " Bada giggled.
She tried to pull you in for another kiss but you gently pushed her away. " I love you too Bada, but I'm not loving these soggy clothes " you teased. Running your hands along her sides, the sensation sends a tingling feeling down her back.
" Mind helping me out of these clothes? "
" I thought you'd never ask. "
You giggled and pulled her to your room, hand in hand. Upon entering you pulled off Bada's shirt and began pressing kisses along her neck and collarbone. Wiping off any excess water in the process. Bada groaned at your quick actions.
You pulled her in for another kiss, your lips colliding and meshing together. Tongues intertwined, cheeks flushed, and swollen lips. Kissing from her jaw to leaving hickeys on her neck. Marking her as your girl. Your kisses moved to her collarbone until you reached her bra.
" You know I think this is a bit wet, might have to take this off too. " you said, your hand tracing the outline of her bra.
" I can show you something else that's wet, " Bada whispered.
The two of you spend the night together making up for all the lost time the two of you had.
When you woke up in the morning, you were pleased to see Bada's sleeping figure next to you. The simple rise of her chest and the flutter of lashes. She looked absolutely eternal at that moment. Her chest was decorated with hickeys and small love bites from the night before. You gently traced the marks with your finger, making Bada stir in the bed lightly. When she opened her eyes, her face gleamed with a cheeky smile.
You smiled back at her and kissed her forehead, " Morning, sleepyhead ".
She hummed in response and moved closer to you. Her voice was groggy and quiet, " Morning, my love. What are we doing today? "
" I'll do anything as long as I'm with you. " you whispered, running your fingers through her hair lightly.
She leaned into the familiar touch and hummed at the sensation. " I agree, " she whispered.
" I'm cool with you "
The two of you stayed in another embrace as the sun shone through the window. Shimmering and highlighting every feature of your face. The two of you were one, the two of you were finally together.
Even the most broken things can be fixed, and sometimes they gain a new purpose. One that nobody planned or expected.