"I promise to bring her home at a reasonable time." Malou rolled her eyes at Popes hopeless demands to convince Kiaras parents, that the trip to Charleston wasn't a bad idea. Of course, it was a bad idea and her parents were just being realistic and worried. Malou knew, that Kiara wouldn't let them down, but if she was honest, Malou thought that Kiara did the wrong thing. Her parents were worried and after everything that had happened to them, they had every right to be. Malou thought, that Kiara should listen to them more often and try to get back on good terms with them. As someone who didn't have parents anymore, Malou thought it was stupid to push away the only two people on earth that would do absolutely anything for your well-being. And Kiaras parents did exactly that, even though she didn't want to see it. Resting her elbow on the car door to steady her head, Malou stared outside the window as Kiara still argued with her parents.
"This shit would be so much easier without parents.", Kiara mumbled, once she had climbed in the passenger seat and had shut the door angrily.
"Oh yeah. Poor girl is loved by two caring parents. Man, your life must suck.", Malou responded in dark sarcasm as she still stared outside the window. Instantly, the air inside the car got thicker and Kiara turned around in her seat to look at Malou with raised eyebrows while Pope drove off to the road.
"God, you're so sensitive these days. What's the matter with you?", Kiara asked and Malou felt a little sting in her heart. Turning her head back to look outside the window, she decided to not go any further into this argument.
"Nothing.", she just mumbled instead and felt JJ shift uncomfortably in his seat next to her. She felt his gaze on her, but decided to ignore it. Maybe she was the one who should have stayed home. And for the rest of the day, she wished, that she would have stayed home. Malou was caught up in her mind and she wasn't able to find a way out. The whole day, the girl stayed awfully quiet and chose to keep a distance between her and the pogues. Even when their car broke down in Charleston, Malou just stayed back and watched her friends trying to find a solution. At some point, they had officially missed the appointment with the mysterious woman, that had wanted to meet Pope. Yet, they had missed another chance of clearing John Bs name.
"Malou? We're all tired. Come back so we can get some sleep!", Kiara called for the girl, who had decided to walk around the park for a bit, after they had decided to stay there for the night. The pogues could see her dark silhouette sitting underneath a tree. She was close enough to hear Kiara call for her, but she seemed to ignore it.
"What's up with her?", Kiara asked, quieter this time, so Malou couldn't hear her.
"I don't know, she doesn't want to talk about it.", JJ said and nervously played with his rings.
"Is it because of John B? I mean, it stresses me out, too, but since we know, that he's alive, I feel much calmer. Like she should be better by now, not worse, right?"
"I think there's something else.", Pope suddenly said and shot JJ a quick but telling look. JJ caught it, but didn't seem to understand the meaning behind it.
"Did she say something to you?", Kiara wanted to know and Pope shook his head.
"No, I just... have a feeling that something else is bothering her.", Pope explained slowly and looked at JJ again. Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind and JJ felt caught. Maybe Pope had seen more, then JJ had thought he did.
"You should talk to her.", Pope said again, when he noticed, that JJ had finally caught up to his references.
"I tried to. She doesn't want to talk to me.", JJ said quietly and lowered his head to look down to the ground.
"Come on, JJ. I won't survive another day with her like that.", Kiara sighed and JJ looked up to her.
"Why don't you talk to her? I don't know, maybe she needs a girls talk or something.", JJ said and lowered his head again, missing the look that Pope and Kiara shared.
"J, she hasn't talked to us at all since John B and Sarah went missing.", Kiara suddenly mumbled and JJ frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, that she's not the same since. Not around us at least. We only see her, when you're around and she gets extremely nervous, whenever you leave. Even just for a minute.", Kiara explained and JJ frowned again.
"I think she needs you.", Pope said and gave JJ an encouraging nod. The blonde boy eventually sighed and got back on his feet, before he jumped off the loading area they had sat on. Kiara and Pope watched how he walked up to the lonely girl. When JJ sat next to her, Kiara and Pope decided to give them some privacy and sat back down, turning into the opposite direction.
"Should I ask again?", JJ eventually asked, after they had sat in silence for a few minutes. Malou sighed and pulled her knees to her chest.
"I'm sorry for being a dickhead today.", Malou apologised and rested her chin on her knees.
"It's fine. I'd just like to know, why exactly you're acting like that.", JJ said calmly and watched how Malou turned her head a little. Her right cheek was on her knees, so her head could rest there, as she looked back at him. Malou stayed quiet for a little, as she tried to sort her thoughts.
"Malou, just stop thinking."
"That's the problem, JJ! I can't!", Malou suddenly burst out and JJ raised his eyebrows a little.
"There we go.", he said quietly and Malou glanced at him angrily.
"Just let it out. It's me, alright? You don't need to think about what to say or how to say something. If you need to scream, scream at me. If you need to swear, then insult me. I don't care, man. You don't need to think, when you're with me, you know that."
"But I'm not sure about that anymore.", Malou suddenly confessed and carefully looked at JJ. JJ was in fact shocked at her sudden confession and he couldn't deny, that it hurt him. But after what he had just said, he couldn't go back anymore. No matter what Malou would tell him now, he would have to live with it and he knew, that he didn't have the right to be angry.
"What do you mean?", he asked quietly and hoped, that Malou wouldn't notice his sudden change of mood.
"I mean... I...", Malou tried to find her words and JJ sighed. He shifted his body a little and cupped her face with his hands as he looked at her with hurt eyes.
"Malou? Please. Just stop thinking for a moment.", he said calmly and Malou nodded. She closed her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.
"I want to talk about us. I mean, about what... happened. But I'm scared.", Malou whispered and opened her eyes again.
"What are you scared of?", JJ asked just as quietly and Malou avoided his gaze, as she thought about her next words again.
"Don't think. Just answer.", JJ reminded her and Malou looked back into his eyes.
"Of losing you." The sudden silence gave Malou enough time to fall back into her dark thoughts and she suddenly felt, like her lungs didn't work anymore.
"I can't lose you, too. I know, John B is alive, but I – I can't be without you. I can't lose you, JJ. I can't, I..." Her words were incomprehensible and as she spoke, she gasped for air, like she was choking.
"Ok, ok. Calm down, please." JJ started to panic at her sudden state and looked at her with concern. While she breathed heavily and muttered some words, Malou stared into nothingness. Her whole body tensed and she suddenly grabbed for JJs wrists, holding onto them way too tight.
"Malou, you need to calm down, please. I'm right here.", JJ tried to comfort her, but wasn't sure, if she could even hear him. His mind went through different scenarios and options, when he suddenly thought back to the day, when he had done her tattoo. How her body had relaxed at his touch and how peaceful she had looked in his arms. He remembered how his own body relaxed so easily, whenever she touched him and how his mind finally found peace, whenever she kissed him.
"I'm right here.", JJ whispered and leant closer to her, before he gently kissed her lips. Malou froze and held her breath a moment, before she could finally process, what was happening. She loosened the grip around JJs wrists as she kissed him back and JJ placed his left hand on her neck. When he ran his thumb over the skin of her neck and cheek gently, Malou felt a shiver run over her body and her muscles seemed to relax. Malou pulled away from JJ. She let her head fall back with closed eyes and took a deep breath.
"Better?", JJ whispered and Malou nodded. JJ nodded back at her and pulled his hands back from her to take off his sweatshirt jacket. Resting his back against the tree, he held up the jacket and looked at the girl.
"Come.", he said and motioned his head to tell her to take on the jacket. Malou crawled over and let JJ help her to take on his jacket, before he wrapped his arms her stomach and pulled the girl back against his chest. Malou let her head fall back against his chest and closed her eyes. Feeling her body relax in his arms, JJ rested his chin on her shoulder and sighed in relief.
"Malou?", JJ asked quietly and heard her hum in response.
"There is nothing you could ever do or say, that would make me leave you.", JJ said and was convinced, that it was the truth. She could break his heart, she could betray him, she could hate him and he was sure, that he would still love her.
"But we had sex, J. Don't you think that changes things?" Malou asked quietly and JJ felt how her fingers searched for his bracelets.
"I guess that depends whether you want it to change things or not. If you want to go back to how things were before, we can.", JJ answered and felt Malou nod her head a little.
"Do you want to go back?", Malou asked again and JJ felt his heart drop to his stomach.
"Don't think. Just answer." Malou said and even though JJ couldn't see her face, he heard a light smile in her voice.
"Got me.", he answered cheekily and heard Malou chuckle quietly.
"So?", she asked and JJ shook his head no.
"No. I don't want to go back.", he confessed and felt his heart racing. Malou stayed quiet and JJ was sure, that in the silence, she could hear his heart beating. Suddenly, she shifted in his arms. If JJ was honest, he wanted to tighten his grip around her, to make sure, that she couldn't leave. Instead, he loosened his arms and let her break away from him. Malou turned her body to look at him.
"You don't?"
"No. Do you?", he asked, not sure, if Malou was surprised in a positive way or shocked in a negative way.
"No.", she answered and just like that, JJs heart felt a million times lighter. Smiling, he placed a hand back on her neck and pulled her towards him to kiss her lips. Turning her body towards him, Malou sat on her knees and kissed him back.
"J?", she asked out of breath, once she had pulled away from him.
"Yeah?", he responded and put some of her hair behind her ear.
"Do you think it's possible to be in love with your best friend?", she asked with her hands on his chest and looked up to him through her lashes.
"I don't think that, I know that.", he answered with a light smile and caressed her cheek.
"What?", Malou whispered and stared at him in shock.
"I know that, because I've been in love with my best friend for my whole life."
"When I told you, that I'd wait for you, I meant that.", JJ said, after Malou had stared at him in silence for a while.
"But we were 12."
"I've never been sure about anything in my life. But I always knew, that no matter what, I would always love you." Malou was overwhelmed. Everything suddenly felt surreal and she wasn't sure, if all of this really happened or if she was just in another dream, that soon would turn into a nightmare. Her heart felt lighter and the dark clouds that had been hanging above her head, had finally cleared up. Still on her knees, Malou leant forward and wrapped her arms around JJs neck. She nuzzled her face into his neck as she hugged him tightly.
"I love you, JJ.", she whispered and felt a kind of warmth and safety she had never felt before, when JJ wrapped his arms around her body to keep her close.
"I love you, too, Mali."
"Are you guys coming, or do you want to stay there the whole night?!", Kiara eventually called from where she still waited with Pope on the truck.
"Coming!", JJ called back, after Malou had pulled away from him. Putting her hair behind her ears, Malou looked up to him.
"Are we gonna tell them?", she asked and JJ shrugged his shoulders.
"We can, if you want to.", he answered and got back onto his feet, before reaching out his hand to help Malou off the ground.
"I don't know. There's so much going on and I'm not sure, what John B will think of us. Maybe it shouldn't be the first thing he faces, when he gets back home. I mean, if that's ok with you.", Malou explained her worries, but wanted to make sure, that JJ knew, that she would respect his wishes, too.
"Yeah, I mean, I'm not looking forward that talk. I'm only ready, when you are.", JJ confessed and Malou chuckled at his expression.
"Gotcha.", Malou smiled at him and JJ returned the smile, before it turned into a smirk.
"I like sneaking around with you."
"Shut up, Maybank.", Malou chuckled and flashed a last, bright smile at him, before she turned around to walk back to the truck. Right then and there, everything seemed to align and somehow, Malou finally felt a glimpse of hope again. Hope, that everything would be fine again.